


Expect the Unexpected

by borntoklaine



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Drama, Family Drama, Future Fic, Humor, M/M, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-03
Updated: 2012-05-21
Packaged: 2017-11-01 02:00:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 183,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/350726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/borntoklaine/pseuds/borntoklaine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt and Blaine graduated from High School together and moved to NY. They've lived together for 2 years, until one day Blaine receives a call from home. He takes the first plane back, and never come back again. For years, no one hears from him again, not even Kurt. Kurt has to move one and starts a new life alone. 5 years later, as Kurt is now a rising designer, and on the night of his big Broadway debut (with Mercedes and Rachel), Blaine resurfaces. They bump into each other, on the dark streets of NYC, but Blaine is not alone. He is now married... to a woman.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, I started this story last september and I've posting it on FF. It was before we found out that Blaine was a junior and all, so it's the only non canon detail.  
> The rest is all future! . The main pairing is obviously Kurt/Blaine, but at first there is some Blaine/wife. And other OCs will become regular into the story. All the ND are featured, mainly Finchel and SamCedes.  
> It's pretty angsty, but it's all about Klaine, so everything will work out eventually. 
> 
> Warning; explicit language, sex scenes (later on), heavy topics and maybe triggers?

Kurt was beyond thrilled. Sure, he was going through his 3rd breakup of the year, but that didn't really matter much, because it wasn't really someone special. Just like all the others. He just needed someone sometimes to make him feel a bit special, someone who would comfort him when he came home after a long tiring day, but that didn't really mattered today. Because he truly felt special. He saw the grin that was spreading in his face, as though looking in a mirror. He was standing in Broadway, his dream place to be, as a huge poster of him was just being hanged on the face of the theatre. He felt like all his dreams had became true. Sure, he already started his fashion company, which was really going well, but he never truly felt complete without being able to sing and perform. Now, it was there, hanging on the side of a ten-story building and he felt like he truly made it. Sure, it wasn't going to be easy, with the fashion career and all, but he told himself it would just be for one show, only to see how it really feels to be a big Broadway star.

His life was kind of frenzy, always running here and there, but he absolutely loved it. He also loved the people he was working with. And best of all, he was able to share this dream with his two best friends: Rachel and Mercedes. It was very hard at first, to come up with the plan, the funding, the trust of producers, but somehow together they managed it, even if he really thought sometimes of ripping Rachel's head off, and, as embarrassed as he was to admit it, even Mercedes sometimes bothered him. But that was all in the past, as their faces were now, all 3 of them, in one of those famous Broadway posters. They started slowly, in small places, but they sure made their way into the top. The fact that he was a somewhat known designer, and that Rachel and Mercedes were already the star of two shows, helped a lot for sure.

"Hey babe, ready to shine?"He heard Mercedes say, standing behind him, and turned slowly to see her and Rachel, as amazed and dazzled by the poster as he was.

"Mercedes, please, I got this!"

"Hey, there is only place for one diva, and that is me, bitch!"

"Sassy. But sorry, both of you can't compete of my natural presence in stage, no matter how long you try!" Rachel Berry said, now totally in her element.

"Diva-off!" The three of them laughed at the same time, remembering the good old days of New Directions, and their annual diva off competition between them. That thought kept them busy a while and they didn't notice that their producer were going toward them.

"Hey divas! Time to stop dreaming, and start actually working. Sure, you're hanging there, but you need to show me that you earned it!"

"Hey Wes, you're such a fun killer. Didn't change much since Dalton. Pfft. Cedes, Rachel, let's get to work before Mr. Bossy Pants looses it," Kurt said, rolling his eyes.

Kurt never thought in a million years, that Wes would ever be their producer. When he left Dalton, sure they kept contact, but never really that close. And when the three of them began searching for support for their musical, it really took him by surprise when Wes called him at his office one day.

"Kurt, man, long time, no talk!"

"Wes? Is that you?" Kurt asked, confused.

"Yes! Hey, you became such a star man. That smarty-wanna-be secretary of yours wouldn't even let me talk to you because, and I quote. "Mr. Hummel is far too busy to talk to you, sir, but I'll make sure he knows,"' Wes said, sounding just like the boy Kurt knew from Dalton.

"I bet you were a bitch to her," Kurt replied, laughing.

"Kinda. Anyway I got to her. It's nice to hear your voice, Mr. Hummel."

"Likewise. What's up?"

"Well, I wanted to see if you were up for a lunch or dinner this week, because I really want to talk to you about something, and well, I think you're going to like it."

"Sure, Wes, sounds fine. Let me check my calendar and call you back."

And there, they were 5 days later, having lunch at some fancy restaurant Wes picked out. It felt nice to see him after all this years; they hadn't seen each other in 5 years, and they both knew there was no point to talk about that. But what Kurt learned shocked him. Apparently Wes grew tired of Boston were he was going to college, so he had moved to New York, and scored big time in some producing company. He had some money and he wanted to go all in for Kurt's big show. He heard about in the hallways and apparently he thought that a show with Mercedes, Rachel and Kurt would only be a big success he would be crazy not to put his money in. Kurt really felt flattered and one thing lead to another, and here they were, ready for the big opening night.

 

Later that night, when he got back to his apartment after spending all day rehearsing and some of the evening at his office, he went straight to bed with only one thought in his mind. He felt like even though all his dreams were coming true, much faster than he thought, he was still missing something. Or someone: Blaine.

And just thinking about his name, let alone what they shared, hurt. That's why he was so worried about meeting Wes, at first. He thought maybe he would want to talk about him or what happened between them. But he didn't. And he was pretty sure that he had no news about him. No one knew what happened in Blaine's life, since no one had heard from him in almost five years. Not even Kurt.

When they both graduated from high school they moved in together to New York, and both of them went to NYU. Blaine wanted to go to law school and Kurt was majoring in theatre and show choir. They were really in love and happy and no one saw what were about to hit them. On a morning like any other, just before heading to school, Blaine had a phone call from his mother. His father was really sick and she needed him. And Blaine just took off. Really, he just took off. Kurt asked him if he wanted him to come too, but Blaine just said something about Kurt's internship at Vogue magazine, and all that, and promised him he would come back as soon as his dad's condition cooled off. But it never did.

Kurt, to this day, never really understood what had happened. They were happy, truly happy, making plans for the future, and suddenly he was alone. Blaine didn't come back for a month and barely called. Something was clearly off, so he took the first plane, and showed himself at the Anderson manor one morning. Blaine was the one to open the door.

"Kurt, what are you doing here?" He spat. He didn't hug him, kiss him or anything. He just stood there, with a look on his face that Kurt couldn't begin to understand: something between fear, sadness and, even anger!

"What am I doing here? I am here to bring my boyfriend home. What are you doing here?" He didn't want to come out that way, but it was too late.

"I'm home, Kurt! My dad is here, he's dying, he needs me, why are you being so selfish and stupid?"

Kurt froze in shock. The dapper Blaine he knew and loved, who had the easiest way with words, just wasn't there. He looked right trough Blaine's eyes and he just couldn't recognize him anymore. He was really scared.

"Listen Blaine, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, but you have no reason to treat me like that either. I know you're hurt and you're having a hard time here, so just let me help. I'm here, you can lay on me. We'll figure it out, we always do, right?"

"Not this time."

"What do you mean, not this time Blaine?"

"I mean… I need time. I need space…. I don't need…"

"Me?"

"Yes, I don't need you. I don't want to see you, ok?"

Kurt thought that he was in some kind of very creepy nightmare because there was no way his boyfriend, the love of his life, would say that. Maybe he had fell off on his head or something, or his crazy ass family had brainwashed him, or maybe…. But he had no time to process that information as Blaine shut the door in his face.

He was numb, and stayed numb and unable to think until he was back home. And even then, it still didn't make any sense. It was absolutely surreal, but here he was, once again alone at home, and Blaine wasn't answering his calls. He called everyone he knew, Rachel, Mercedes, Quinn, Santana, all the guys from Glee, even Puck, David, Wes, even his dad and Carole, but no one, and nothing they said seemed to help him make sense of that mess. Blaine wouldn't answer to anyone. So he spend most of the week crying and sobbing, and as the weekend came, he felt like shit. Real shit. He hadn't changed from his clothes all week, hadn't showered, and when Mercedes, Rachel and Finn, showed up on Sunday morning for their weekly brunch, they found him in the worst situation ever. The look on their faces reminded him of his situation and he tried to hold it together just for his own mental sanity. But he couldn't keep his show face on for very long. He fell into tears every time someone called and it wasn't Blaine, every time a door opened and it wasn't Blaine, well, basically all the time. His friends did the best to help him, and Finn, who was really getting angrier and angrier at Blaine by the minute couldn't stand to see his little brother so damaged, so he took the plane, flew to Lima, and just showed up at Blaine's door, like Kurt. This time, however, Blaine's mom answered the door.

"Hi, Mrs. Anderson, I'm sorry to just show up like that, but I was visiting my Dad here and I…"

"Finn, you're not here for your dad, you're here to talk to Blaine, to get him back to your little brother…"

"Well… if I may just talk to Blaine…"

"No, you may not."

"I'm sorry?" Finn said, incredulously.

"Listen, we are having a hard time right now…"

"I understand really, I'm sorry but…"

"But no, Finn. My son is better here than with Kurt."

"What… but his life… I mean…"

"His life is with us now…"

"But…."

There was no way that this conversation would go any further because she just slammed the door to his face. Finn was totally enraged but he thought that breaking the door of someone so powerful would just not be such a good idea. He hang in there thought, for a few days, hoping that Blaine might show his face at some point but he never did. So, he just flew back to NY, feeling like the biggest looser ever. And the worst part was Kurt reaction. He didn't flinch when he told him what happened, and just shut himself off completely.

Kurt was totally crushed. Nothing made sense and it was just getting worse. One day he came back from work and found movers at his place packing up Blaine's things.

"What the hell-"

"Hi Mr. Hummel, we're sorry to let ourselves in, but Mr. Anderson said to just do it, so…"

"What, Mr. Anderson… What the hell are you doing with his stuff?"

"Packing as you might see…"

Kurt was now at the edge of a heart failure or something. He couldn't remember to breath or anything so he jus went straight to the couch and tried to calm himself. But he just couldn't. His heart felt someone just crushed it with a hammer, his breath like someone stabbed him with 100 knifes, and the movers really started to feel worried.

"Are you ok, Mr. Hummel?"

"Do I look ok?" he managed to breath on with one murderous look toward them.

"Because we kind of need to tell us what's Mr. Anderson, and what's yours. He gave us the basics you know, but… "

"Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod, that can't be true. Ohmygod."

"Mr. Hummel you really don't seem fine, should we call an ambulance or someone?"

"You should get out of here, that's what you should do! "

"I'm afraid sir, we can't do that. This is Mr. Anderson's apartment, as you know, so… technically you do have to move out eventually, sir…"

"WHAT?"

He just couldn't take it anymore. So he called Mercedes, Rachel, Finn and Puck, because he was the only badass he knew in town. And he really needed to kick something, or kill someone, or murder those movers.

They were there 30 minutes later, all of them, and saw Kurt as they had never seen him before. He was beyond mad, he was loosing it. Totally.

"Kurt, what the hell, man?"

"Noah, kill them. Please kill them. I can't, I just can't breath. But if you do, I'll go to jail for you, please Puck, please."

The 4 of them stood there, staring at Kurt in total disbelief as he begin to throw stuff around the house, vases, and plates and whatever was in his way.

The movers were really getting scared right now, and that didn't help when a big brown haired guy with scary looks approached them.

"Chill, guys, I'm not gonna kill you, but I'm sure he might. Could you just go and come back later please."

"Sir, we have a busy schedule."

"Listen, if you want to pack broken dishes and TVs and all that and go explain it to Mr. Anderson, fine, but if you value your jobs…"

"Ok, we will be back later."

With that issue handled, Kurt begun to relax slowly as Mercedes and Rachel were talking him into actually breathing.

"Kurt, what the hell, dude? What's happening?" Finn asked.

"That ass, that douche-bag, that jerk, that…."

"Ok we got it…"

"That… whatever.. I don't know… I just came back from work and you know… these guys were here, tossing stuff and moving stuff… and they said that they have to get his stuff, and that I would have to move out…."

"Wow, move?"

"Yes, Rachel, move. Like, move from my home. Homeless Kurt Hummel. Gah!"

They just stared at each other. They couldn't believe what was happening to Kurt. And what the hell was Blaine thinking. They would never know, because they would never hear from him again. The movers would eventually pack all the stuff that belonged to Blaine, with Rachel, and Mercedes' help because there was no way Kurt would be able to handle it without going totally mad, not that he already hadn't. He stayed for weeks in Rachel and Finn's apartment, going from mad, to crushed, to absolutely numb.

But eventually one day, (and they didn't know how that happened, and sincerely Kurt didn't either), he decided that no Blaine Anderson would fuck up with his life. No one would ever do that again. So he just buried himself in work and his career and all that, just so he couldn't feel anymore. And eventually one day he found himself breathing without hurting himself. But he never cared for someone as he did with Blaine. Their friends always worried that he would never open himself to anyone again but they just pushed away that thought as they saw Kurt starting to live again, taking it one step at a time.

Kurt sighed at the thought of Blaine. He didn't really talked about it with anyone, but he still missed him and cursed him everyday at the same time. But today felt different. This week was Kurt's big Broadway debut, and all he could think about was how he would have wanted to share that with him.

 

Somehow, Friday was already here and Kurt couldn't be more stressed. But that was nothing compared to Rachel's frenzies.

"Kurt, I'm going to faint, seriously."

"If you ruin the show, I'll kill you myself Miss Bossy Pants!" Mercedes said, only half joking. She was more stressed out that she would let them see, but they were not fooled. They have been all sweating pigs and shaking since 8am this morning. And this was only 3pm. They had another 4 hours before the show would start.

Wes was running and screaming all over the place like a mad man, and Kurt just couldn't take it anymore. So he excused himself to take a nap, like he could ever sleep. But that allowed him to gather his thoughts. It was for him the most important night of his life, even bigger that the day his launched his fashion company. Because this was it. It was exactly what he had wished since he was 3 and more since the day je and Rachel, when they were juniors and came to New York for the Glee Nationals, went to the Wicked stage and sang together. He had realized then that his life wouldn't be complete anymore without that. That feeling that he belonged somewhere.

Well, back then, he was with Blaine, and that meant a lot to him. He felt chosen, somehow, but this was something else. But he wouldn't think about Blaine tonight. "No, nothing was going to ruin this moment. It's not about Blaine, or anyone, but just about me," he said to himself. And I can do it. He felt better and even managed 30 minutes to sleep before Wes jumped into the room screaming god knows what.

 

It was now 6, and they had an hour to start. Everything was ready, the last details and rehearsals were finished and there was nothing to do but wait. Kurt, Mercedes, and Rachel were just lying there in a chair in the make up room when suddenly they heard shouting, and someone screaming "Kuuurt" in the other side, and the room opening, and a mass of people jumping them.

Someone was clearly hugging him but he has no idea who it was before it spoke:

" Kurt, Oh god, I'm so so so proud of you!"

And there, they all were. Tina, who was crushing him to the bones, and everyone else from his former Glee Club, as well as David, his former friend and roommate from Dalton, and Wes' best friend.

"Oh my god, you guys!" Mercedes was beginning to tear up.

In front of him, was Mr. Shue, the man who inspired him probably the most, and who was now also in Broadway for a couple of years now, Santana, the bitch of McKinley but that he loved anyway, Brittany who was holding her hand, Mike and Tina, and some kid, who was clearly their own, Quinn, absolutely fabulous and pregnant, Puck, Artie, with some woman ne never met before, David, Sam, who was dating Mercedes for 5 years now, and even Lauren, who had lost a lot of weight since high school and was, to say the least, radiant.

"It's so good to see you!"

"Well, Mr. Shue begun, I just want say on behalf of all the New Directions and, this Warbler here – David laughed a little- that we are so proud of you, and we wish you the best."

Kurt hugged everyone, but they didn't have a lot of time since they had to take their places, and they had themselves to get prepared.

"That's sucks," said Mercedes, "But hey, let's meet all tomorrow after the big show and we will do something at…"

"My place," said Kurt. "Are you still in town tomorrow?"

Everyone nodded, and they all separated with excitement. Now Kurt was more ready than ever. He could tell that Mercedes and Rachel were quite worried to see their friends would be there tonight, but strangely he didn't feel the same. He felt like he knew exactly what he was doing, all the stress fading away, and that he just had to perform. Not only for him but also for all this people who were now his family. Sure, dysfunctional but his family nonetheless, and he wouldn't have it any other way. Besides that, his other family was here tonight also. His real one: his dad, Carole and Finn. He was home somehow and nothing could happen to him. So he just took a deep breath, stopped his hands from shaking, closed his eyes a second, and stepped on to the stage.

 

 

"I'm sorry but that is a private party tonight."

"Oh, no luck sorry. Dada, Mom, Darling, I'm sorry but it looks like this is not were we are going to have dinner. I should have checked before, damn!" A voice said, exasperated.

"Darling!" a second voice exclaimed.

"Sorry, darling, this is just such a nice place to have a drink. I read about it and it seems like everyone also had." The man paused, and then turned to address the maitre d. "I'm sorry to ask you that sir, but could you tell us what is all that frenzy and party is about?"

"Oh, well this the after party of the opening night of the newest Broadway show. Those kids are going to make it! I saw it, and it has great potential!"

"Oh maybe we could check it out while we're here. What is it?"

"It's called New Directions… "

"Sorry?"

He couldn't believe it. His breath stopped as his head started spinning.

"Blaine, are you ok darling, you're a little pale…"

"Yeah, need air… Just…"

He didn't finish his sentence, rushing toward the door, leaving everyone behind and confused.

Kurt was having a blast at the party. The show went really good, better then they expected and after that, not really knowing how he got here, he was standing in the most fashionable restaurant in town, talking to producers, and journalists and well, whoever else Wes invited to this private after party. Everyone had great things to say about the show, and he was finally having his big moment. But as thrilled as he was, he couldn't be more tired. He hadn't slept much during the week to say the least, and he was just really looking forward to going home for a good night of sleep or maybe the entire day after that. He tried to sneak out several times during the night but each time someone caught him to tell him how great the show was or how they absolutely loved his new collection. But sometime after midnight he was finally successful to get away with the help of Mercedes who was dead on her feet also. Rachel was in no such better shape but she wouldn't miss an opportunity to hear from that many people about her talent. So they just said goodbye to her, not sure even if she hear them and went to find Wes.

"Listen Wes, we are really tired. Thanks for the party, it was awesome but really…"

"I know, I'm so tired too but I just can't get away with so much people. Feels like my brain is gonna pop out! But you know what, I'm just gonna excuse myself for a bit and walk you outside to smoke one!"

"Wes! man, you know what I think about that!"

"Kurt please, just not now. Ok?"

Kurt knew there was no point of arguing with Wes about that, so he just let it go. But just for now. They started moving towards the door, still looking at Finn, who was like he was gonna fall asleep on the table, and smiling at him when he noticed his gaze, when a voice, make him froze. "Sorry, darling, this is just such a nice place to have a drink. I read about it and it seems like everyone also had".

He wouldn't turn tough. No he just couldn't. Because there was no way the voice he just heard would be his. No he was just tired and was imagining things. But then he heard a women say "Blaine, are you ok darling, you're a little pale…". Kurt's head spun so fast he swore his neck cracked.

He forgot how to breathe. He forgot how to talk. How to walk. He even forgot his name at this moment, when all he could hear was "Blaine…". But then a tiny squeeze on his hand reminded him of his existence, as he turned back to look at Mercedes.

"Baby, what's going on? You're looking like you are going to faint. "

"Yeah, man, you're like… all kinds of white. "

"Shut up!"

They both jumped at the same time and looked at angrily at Kurt.

"What the hell, Kurt! "

"Mercedes, Wes, please, shut up. I'm … I'm …"

"What's with you, man, you're scary."

"And not in the good kind of way."

"Is there any good kind?" Wes chuckled.

"Let's do this!" Kurt said suddenly, having apparently regained power of speech and thinking.

"Let's do what?"

"Just go out please, will you?"

As they passed the door, Mercedes and Wes were laughing at whatever crazy things Kurt would pull out on them, but suddenly ran right into Kurt who had froze suddenly.

"Man, seriously what's wrong with you?" Kurt ignored him, his eyes seemingly locked on a group of people 10 feet away. "

Then the group split, and someone said:

"Wes, Mercedes… Kurt… That's a surprise."

And that was definitely Blaine's voice, and as Mercedes, and Wes, turned, looking the same way Kurt was, it was definitely Blaine.

 

Kurt was shocked. Not even just shocked but totally out of his mind. He couldn't believe that after all this years without any news, in the night of his opening show, he would run into him. HIM. The man who broke his heart, took all his confidence with him, left him broken into pieces that he was just beginning to patch together. And here he was, about to ruin pretty much everything again. He had no idea what to do, he was staring at him, with all the hate that his vision made him feel. All the pain. The sorrow. And Blaine was just staring back.  
Finally, after 3 seconds or 3 hours, Kurt couldn't say, Wes broke off the tension, as he landed his hand to shake Blaine's.

"Blaine, it's …. Nice… to see you. "

"Yeah, likewise," offered Mercedes, with a tone and look which absolutely said the opposite.

Everyone was waiting for Kurt to say something, anything, because the tension here was electric. But Kurt just opened his mouth and closed back again several times as he was searching for air. They all looked at each other before a little cough came from behind them and they actually noticed the people that were standing besides him.

"Oh sorry, what are my manners?" said a very dapper Blaine. "Mom, Dad, Lisa, this is Kurt, Wes and Mercedes. They were… well… friends from high school."

And Kurt, was just staring back, his mouth falling open once again. Because there was no way those were Blaine's parents. He knew them. They knew him. And besides his dad had died, that much he had gathered.

"Nice to meet you," Wes again said in a plain tentative to be polite, "but I kind of knew Blaine's parents and you don't…"

"Oh no! We are Lisa's parents. Blaine is our son-in-law. They've been married for 3 years now, so we kind of are his parents. And we kind of like him." The women chuckled.

Now, not only Kurt was hanging open mouthed but Mercedes and Wes, jumped in shock and she even laughed in a depressive laugh:

"You must be kidding me, white boy!"

Blaine's murderous glance was unmistakable by all of them but there were really too shocked to care.

"Sorry, but I don't see why…" began Lisa.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way," answered Mercedes quickly, trying to fix things up, it's just we didn't hear from Blaine for such a long time, and we can't believe he didn't tell us he got married, and not even inviting us to the wedding, you tease!"

Kurt really was impressed by Mercedes' acting and thanked god for that. And Blaine smiled just a tiny beat, saying "Sorry guys, but you know, life has been kind of crazy and…"

Kurt, couldn't take it anymore. He just couldn't. He didn't care that Lisa, or her parents thought that he was crazy or whatever, or the most impolite person ever, but he just had to get of here and think. Or no, not think. This again, didn't make any sense. It just didn't. It was the nightmare all over again.

"Sorry, got to go", he mumbled and walked out from them. But he hadn't taken 20 steps when he heard his name shouted from behind and steps getting closer. There was no way he could run, because let's face it, deep inside of him, he was never able to run away from Blaine when he called him. So he just kept walking and soon enough, Blaine was coming behind him and facing him.

He stopped right there and looked at him. God! He was still the most beautiful man he has ever seen, and his yes. God, his eyes! His hair, his face. Everything was so painfully beautiful. And still he couldn't look away, because no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise, to convince other people, he was not over him. He will never be. Ever.

Blaine, was still looking at him, and took a deep breath. "Kurt."

"Please don't."

"Kurt," he said, and it was like he going to take his hand. But then he looked away, to his wife and parents in law, who were entertained at best as they could by Mercedes and Wes, and so he dropped his gesture.

"What? What the fuck are you gonna say?" Kurt was shouting now, and all the people passing by turned around as well as Blaine's family and his friends.

"Please, not that loud, Kurt," Blaine looked desperate.

"Oh, yeah, sure, better live in a straight world of fairy tales and lies. No, oh my god, no one has to know who Blaine is… "

"Please Kurt, you have to understand."

"Listen I understand and way better than you think! No actually strike that, I have no fucking clue what the fuck is happening with you!" He was really shouting now and Lisa was coming toward them.

"God no, not her…" began Blaine.

"Ah not her… must be the most ridiculous conversation or situation I've ever had or been in my entire life! And that include sitting through Fight Club!"

"Everything ok? You are starting to freak out Mom and Dad… and you know how Dad is," Lisa said, worried.

"Listen, Lisa, you seem nice and all, and Mommy and Daddy, too, don't take that the wrong way, but for fuck's sake, screw you all!"

And he just started running, as though for his life.

 

Lisa looked at Blaine with a very confused look, "Blaine, what … he's so rude!"

But Blaine wasn't able to speak this time. He was white, and red, and purple, and turning even green, in the same time, and that didn't help that Lisa was now looking at him with an angry look that reminded him of Kurt's. But he had to face it: Kurt was beyond angry. He was disgusted with him. And Blaine earned it.

Mercedes, Wes, and Lisa's parents were now reaching them. His "Mom" and "Dad" wanted surely some kind of explanation to all this behavior, and what went down between the two boys. But what could he say? That he had just met the man of his life, the only person he had loved and thought about for the last 8 years of his life, in every second of every day, and that he had broken his heart in the most horrible way possible?

What could he say? That he wasn't sure he could see himself in the mirror again without wanting to kill himself, when he saw how hurt Kurt was. Before, it was easier. He kept lying to himself saying it was better for him, for Kurt, that maybe he had gotten over him quickly, that Kurt, maybe, just maybe didn't love him as much. Because Kurt was perfection and strong, and just didn't need anybody. It was easier then to cope with that. Now, who was he kidding ? It was never easier. He felt like crap every day, every morning after waking up next to Lisa, and every day he felt like he was the biggest looser and the biggest liar on the planet. But he kept thinking that maybe Kurt was happy now, that his was out of his way, and just maybe his own happiness didn't matter so much. He had been a real fool to believe that, because maybe Kurt was happy now, or had been happy, but there was no way it would keep going after tonight. Why, oh why the hell did he agree to come to this trip with Lisa and her parents?

Those parents who were now looking at him like he was some kind of mad person, like they never met him before. He had to say something, anything, before it would all fall apart. But he never got that chance, as he heard someone, shout something between them. Well, 2 someones, and 2 someones he was more than sure to know. And that he feared more than Kurt himself.

"Mercedes, Wes, here you are. Why did you bail on us? Not cool when there is no diva around to try to steal the spotlight from you."

"Wait, Rachel, babe, let's just go please, I'm so tired. Hey guys, what the… "

Finn, was trying to get Rachel to go home when he suddenly stopped at Blaine's sight, and felt like a cold shiver running down his spine. The atmosphere was so cold, so glacial, and everyone, even people he didn't know, now, turned in his direction, and Rachel's, whose hand he was holding more and more tightly. It was like they were expecting him to say something. Anything to break the ice. But, he just went numb again. Rachel didn't. She quickly recovered from this sight, and went, straight to Blaine, and started to punch him everywhere.

"You stupid, stupid, ass! Damn you, I'm gonna kill you!"

Everyone gasped in shock when Rachel became like a fury trying to hurt Blaine in every possible place, her small fists tightened so hard, and Blaine was so surprised, and ashamed that he didn't even move. Finn, snapped out of it, and with the help of Wes, he tried to calm his wife. But she wouldn't, she was all fury on him, and it was really difficult to restrain her. She might look small and all that, but boy, was she fierce!

Lisa and her parents were looking at here like she was kind of a loose patient from a mental hospital nearby, and they were truly afraid of her. But what was the most unbelievable was their son-in-law's reaction. Or lack of reaction, for that matter. He just stood there, not even noticing that some wild girl was trying to kill him, his eyes wide and his face white. There were about to ask him what the hell was going on here, but the tall, half giant guy who was apparently the wild girl's man begun to speak, so slowly but his face turning red by the second.

"Blaine, what are you doing here, huh. What the hell do you think you are doing? And where is my brother, what did you to him, again? Huh? Just go away before I rip your head off, because God help me, I will. You broke…"

But Finn couldn't finish his words as Mercedes, jumped right into it, and shouted:

"Finn, this is Lisa, and her parents. Lisa is Blaine's wife. Finn, Blaine's WIFE!"

Lisa and her parents didn't know what they had to do with anything, and why Mercedes had mentioned them like that. Like somehow, mentioning Lisa, or them, would solve anything. But they were now beyond choked when they realized that truly what Mercedes had just said, cooled off that giant named Finn. And then, again, out of the blue:

"Oh, I recognize you! You're the new player of the Yankees!"

Now everybody turned to face Lisa's dad, who was somehow excited to see Finn, as all that happened never existed and they just met. Even Rachel couldn't believe it, and began to relax into Finn and Wes' arms, who thought that it was safe then to release her. Well especially Finn, who was now looking at Lisa's dad, like he had seen a ghost, his mouth open, and his popping out of his head.

"Yeah.. I am… but…"

"Oh my god! Can I have an autograph please. I mean I love the Yankees and you look tall, strong and all that, so maybe that one would be worth a lot in a few years. "

Lisa, and really everybody else, including Blaine, was starting to believe that this was the most absurd thing ever, that maybe they were in comedy show or TV reality or whatever because anything, anything made absolutely sense. And that didn't help when Lisa's dad started to talk about football to a absolutely numb Finn, who didn't know what hit him.

They were at least two people down in this conversation, and that Blaine could only be glad about it. But that relief was of course immediate as Lisa stepped forward.

"Can someone use that mouth hanging here open like a gold fish and tell me what the hell is going on!"

In all his married life with Lisa, he never heard say anything inappropriate. She was so damn perfect all the time, that it made him want to scream. She was like a copy of one Bree Van de Kamp, but blond. And with no gun, which he was glad at this time. But before, he could say anything, someone rushed trough the door of the restaurant, yelling once again.

"Mr. Gilles, every one is looking, for you. Ms.. Johns, Ms. Berry, also. "

Everyone looked around to see what this dark haired guy in an obviously expensive suit was talking about.

Wes sighed and said:

"Damn, not even one cigarette." – Blain wondered when the hell his friend, or former friend, started to smoke? –" Ok, I'll be right back. Mercedes, Rachel, I think you should go home. Have some sleep. See you tomorrow for the show. "

"You sure, Wes? "

"Yes, just go."

And then he went back inside, not taking the time to say goodbye to anyone.

"So, what's happening here…"

But once again Lisa, couldn't finish her sentence, when her Mom started giggling.

"Oh my! Are you the stars of that new Broadway show?" she asked, looking to Rachel and Mercedes"

Mercedes and Rachel looked at each other with incredulity, eyes popping once again and Rachel said "Yeah, I guess I am. Well, both of us, and Kurt Hummel, who…"

"Oh my! Such a honor! Tell me about this show, maybe we could score some tickets to see it tomorrow before we leave!"

Blaine shook his head in disbelief, as well as Lisa who was starting to really think that her parents were crazy. And obviously she wasn't the only one. Her dad was still talking to Finn about some game, and Mercedes and Rachel were trying to cope with the fact that Lisa's mom had absolutely no idea what just happened and that didn't matter, because she "just really wanted to go see them perform". As if it wasn't the worst idea ever.

"What do you think Honey? Lisa?"

"Huh? Lisa wasn't able to say anything while she was facing her husband, like she just met him for the first time."

"Lisa, Mercedes and Rachel, here, oh sorry Ms. Johns and…"

"No it's ok, you can call us by our first names" Mercedes said, thinking that that wouldn't be the strangest thing to happen tonight.

"Ok, well, these sweet ladies said they have these tickets for tomorrow, if we want to go."

Lisa just shook her head in disbelief, as well as Blaine and looked at her mother:

"Mom…"

"Please darling you know, how I've always wanted to go see a Broadway show… and this one sounds like fun! "

"Well then, I think, yes…"

Lisa said, but she thought that she needed to find really quickly an excuse to not go to that "thing" tomorrow.

"Well, Mrs.…"

"Oh I'm sorry, I haven't introduced myself : I'm Claire Criss and this is my husband, Tom."

Oh my god, now, they start introducing themselves! What dream, what nightmare was that? Blaine couldn't believe it. He felt like he had disconnected from his body and was watching this entire and surreal scene from beyond.

Apparently Rachel went back inside to get some tickets from Wes, for the four of them to go. Like that would happen! And what the hell was Wes doing with them, anyway?

"So, Wes is… what exactly? "

That would have been the first words he spoke since Kurt left and everyone turned to him surprised like they forgot he had the ability to speak.

"Oh, he's our producer," Mercedes said.

Is that so? But he didn't say it out loud. Once again it looked like he lost his speech ability, and it was getting truly cold and electric. Finn and Mr. Criss had apparently finished their conversation and were turning back to face them. Anyone who would have been walking nearby, could have easily described this as the strangest scene ever. A group of 6 people, staring at each other, two (Finn and Mercedes), looking like they were in a cage fight, about to rip off Blaine's face, two (Lisa's parents), looking slightly happy and facing the rippers, Lisa, looking totally bewildered, and Blaine just looking, well, looking like he wasn't even there. Like his body was still attached against his mind's will. And he just wished he wasn't there. Luckily, they heard a call behind them and they all turned to see Rachel running to them with the tickets.

"I got them, wasn't easy, but there."

"Thank you very much, "said Claire, truly happy, "we are so excited to see you perform tomorrow.

"Well, I'm not", thought Blaine and Lisa at the same time. "Hell to the no!"

"Well, I think we have to go. Nice to meet you, but we are kind of tired, you know." Mercedes suggested.

"Oh yes, go, sorry, you should be exhausted."

"Well, see you tomorrow," said Rachel, "and feel free to come after the show to say hi backstage, we'll let security know."

"Yeah, right, bye," Finn added, still numb.

Rachel grasped them by their sleeves and made them walk, as clearly neither Mercedes or Finn, were okay about this whole Blaine situation.

 

"Really, Rachel, really?" said Mercedes, when they were seated into the cab to go to Kurt's place, in hope that he would be there.

"What?"

"Really, you had to give them tickets, and say to them to come backstage. REALLY?"

Mercedes was beyond angry, and so was Finn, but then Rachel started to cry, her head buried in her palms.

"What? Mercedes I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do. Really, it was the strangest, most ridiculous thing I had to go through in my life. I didn't know what to say, the words just popped out like that. I don't even recall saying them. It's not like he's gonna come anyway… but…"

"It's ok, Rachel, it's ok. "

Finn was now trying to comfort her, his hand brushing her hair, but his eyes still mad with fury.

"Yeah, sorry Rachel I snapped. I had no idea either what to do… I mean what the hell? That damn white mother dapper of Blaine Fucking Anderson is married! To a freaking girl. All waspy and all that! "

"Oh my god, I can't think how Kurt must be feeling right now! I should have killed him. If no one of you had stopped me, I would have killed him! "

Rachel was now back as a fury, and the driver looked at her with wary eyes in his mirror.

"What's the problem with you, huh?" snapped Rachel when she noticed his glance.

"I'm sorry dude, she meant no harm" Finn tried to apologize, but the driver still looked at him infuriated. "Too much stress, caffeine, you know…"

The driver was still not convinced but he just sighed and his eyes went back at the road.

"Look, Rachel, I could have killed him too," whispered Finn, "I swear to god, if something happens to Kurt, I will. I'm gonna find him wherever he is in the world and murder him."

Rachel looked at him with a glance he couldn't quite understand and she just kissed him. Quick, soft, but that kiss scared him somehow.

"I love you, Finn Hudson, thank you for being here."

Relieved that she finally snapped out of her madness, he replied, "I love you too, Mrs. Rachel Hudson-Berry".

That made her smile a little and he felt better for her. But as for himself, he felt like he was going to explode. And when he looked at Mercedes, he knew that she was in the same bad shape as he was. He wouldn't think about Kurt. Because Kurt would be… He was suddenly in the urge, in panic. But the cab stopped and the driver turned to say that they were at destination.

They almost run out of the car, tossing the money at the cab driver who was now thinking that they were the strangest people he had ever met, and that he wouldn't be surprised if he heard in the news that someone was murdered in that building he was facing. Great story to tell to the guys.

Mercedes, Rachel and Finn rushed into the elevator, mumbling and cursing that this thing wouldn't go fast enough, and once, at the floor, they rushed out the elevator to Kurt's door. But then they stopped. They just couldn't go in, or knock or whatever. Because they had no idea what was facing them behind that door, what mess was Kurt in, what tragedy his life just turned into.

They couldn't believe how happy they all were an hour ago, with a promising future in front of them, a life of pure joy. But Mercedes suddenly took a deep breath, grabbing the spare key of his apartment, and walked in. they followed her to look for him. But they wouldn't find him. Not here anyway.

 

Kurt was across the city, in the now empty theatre of his dreams, sitting on the edge of the stage, like he was going to fall into a cliff: tears across his face, with a bottle of Tequila in his hand. He had never drunk. Ever. Not when, back at school, Blaine, was sucking Rachel's face, not when they moved together to NY and their first party at their place. Not when Blaine left, and didn't return for a month, no even when the movers started to pack his things. He had never drunk. And now, he was opening this bottle like it was the only remaining string that could tie him to his life.


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt woke up the next morning, all sore, and felt like his head was about to explode. He felt physical pain everywhere for sleeping on the wooden floor of the stage. The bottle, now empty, had fallen off the stage and broken into pieces on the floor. He couldn't remember what happened. How did he land in here? Why did he felt like a dozen knifes were stuck in his head? Why his shirt was wet with what he would assume were tears? Why is that really annoying buzzing not stopping?

Slowly, he tried to get up but his feet wouldn't respond and he fell once again on his knees, feeling like a shitty alcoholic. His phone fell next to him on the floor and he realized it was what had woken him up. He looked at the lightened screen and there it was: 35 missed calls, 20 messages. He checked the first missed call and pressed "call", without really focusing on who he was in fact calling. After a few seconds, someone picked up.

"OH MY GOD! Kurt! Is that you? Are you ok? Where are you? Are you ok?"

"Slow down, Rachel. I'm ok. I'm in theatre. Please don't shout, I have a terrible hangover."

"HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING? KUUUUUURT?"

"Shhh. Rachel, yes, I've been drinking but-"

The line shut down. He sighed and lied down once again on his back, one arm behind his head. He couldn't move and he didn't want to. He didn't to want think. He didn't want to remember why he was feeling so bad, why he had been drinking, why he felt like his whole world was over, and why there was no more hope.

Then it him. Blaine. Lisa. Dad. Mom. Blaine again. Married. Lisa again. 3 years. Blaine. Tequila. Black out.

He closed his eyes really hard, but it felt like no matter how much he wanted to cry, no tear would fall. Maybe there were none left. Maybe tears meant you could at some point wash them off, and at some point you wouldn't look you've been crying. Tears meant that you could eventually get better, that you were hurting, sure, but still feeling something. At least when you feel something, there was hope.

Except now, he couldn't cry. There was no more hope. No more getting over it, getting better. He couldn't wash away his pain, couldn't erase every trace and proof of it. He was marked to the bone with iron. Not a scar but a hole, deep, consuming him.

 _How can one single person do this to you_ Kurt wondered. _How can a single soul rip apart yours?_

"I'm supposed to be strong," said Kurt out loud. "I'm not supposed to stop believing in all that makes me who I am because one single person disappointed me. How many times have I been disappointed? How many times did I have to talk back, look back, defend myself, get up, again and again, no matter how hard they hit me? No matter how much Karofsky shoved me into the lockers, no matter how much I got slushied by the entire Football team, no matter how people looked at me in the streets, how many jobs people refused me, I always had the courage to keep on going."

Courage. Yeah, that's courage. That's the courage Blaine taught him.

Kurt jumped suddenly into his feet, not taking the time to process how much his head was spinning or his muscles hurt and shouted with all his force in the empty theatre.

"I'm not strong because of you Blaine Anderson. I've always been strong!"

The echo of his words kept ringing in his ears, like they were confirming this truth.

"I _am_ strong," Kurt continued lower this time, "and not because of you. You helped me, sure. You gave the only advice you never took, but anyone could have given me the same. It would have been the same. My dad could have. It would have been better. I would never have met you. Oh, I curse the day our paths crossed. I curse stopping you in that hallway. I curse myself for falling over a stupid Katy Perry Song! All this time I've been carrying the courage for both of us. Well baby, I'm not gonna carry you anymore or anyone else, for that matter."

Then, he was screaming again.

"Listen, Mr. Anderson. Listen, world. Kurt Hummel is done carrying people that don't earn it. He's done being Mister Nice Guy. Kurt Hummel is a selfish and sassy diva. Just get ready for your world to be shaken hard!"

 

"That's my boy!"

Kurt gasped in surprise. He turned too fast to see his friend Mercedes coming toward him and lost the balance on his feet as his head was still spinning fast. Before he fell down once again, his friend helped him steady his balance and looked at him.

"Baby, we were so worried. Finn, Rachel and I. I mean, we went to your place and then we called like everybody we know. Seriously, like everybody."

"I'm sorry Mercedes, I didn't-"

"It's ok, baby. We are just glad that you're ok." She smiled at him and hugged him. He rested his head on her shoulder and he felt a bit better and less heavy.

"Well, yeah, we are glad you're ok and all, but man what is _that_?"

Kurt turned and saw Rachel and Wes standing under the stage where the empty bottle of Tequila was shattered into pieces. They looked clearly worried by the sight of it.

"I'm sorry, Wes. I didn't... I didn't want to… I mean I did but… Oh, please, why am I apologizing to you? You were as drunk as a skunk last night!"

"Yeah, but I'm used to drinking. You on the other hand…"

"Oh, cut me some slack! After what happened, it wasn't the worst that I could have done. If I had trashed the stage or something-"

"Oh, stop playing Smarty pants, Kurt. I get it!"

"Listen Wes, it was just a one time thing, ok? I promise to you that I'll never touch to that junk again. It's bad for my skin anyways."

Even if Kurt was back at his sarcasms, Rachel wasn't fooled one bit. She saw how hard it was for him to crack a joke and how much it took to even smirk a bit.

"Kurt, if you need help, you know we could go those AA meetings-"

"Seriously, Rachel? Seriously?" Now he was just angry.

"Rachel, shut up please. You too, Wes," Mercedes added quickly when she saw that he was about to open his mouth. "Kurt is just tired. He needs to go home, take a shower, cool off, and rest a bit. Right, baby?"

Kurt was really glad to have a friend like Mercedes by his side at the moment. He just couldn't deal with Rachel's craziness and Wes, who was in his I'm-your-friend-but-still-your-boss- mood. He took her hand and gave her a real smile that he really meant and hoped would show her how much he was grateful to her.

"Thanks, Cedes. That sounds good. Add 1 or 10 Advil into the equation and I'll be considering marrying you."

Both of them chuckled when Mercedes replied in the same tone.

"If you consider a domestic relationship, I'm sure I can have Sam agree to that. You know he's addicted at your cookies. I even considered taking him to those cookies addict meetings," she added looking straight into the eyes of Rachel, who was exasperated by them.

Kurt took Mercedes' hand and headed toward the door, asking to the security guy to find them a cab. Oh, how much he just wanted to go home!

Still in the theatre, Wes and Rachel were reviewing what just happened. They both agreed to the same thing in their head, but it was Rachel who said it out loud.

"Wes, you need to call Ian. Kurt's act is not that good. I know he's still down and I don't want to suffer from it. Uh, I mean the show! So just call Ian, and see if he can replace Kurt tonight. I'll take it upon myself to tell him when he feels better."

With that she was gone, leaving Wes alone wondering if he had just lost his friend and his star at the same time.

 

Not far from the theater, in room 1405 of the Continental Hotel New York, a man was lying on his bed, eyes wide open, not having being able to sleep a single minute of the night, trying to process every second of the previous evening. It was the evening that might have been the one that would change, once again, the course of his life.

There are moments in your life that will change you forever, no matter how long or short they last. It could be less than a second or a lifetime, last as much as a breath. Like they say, life doesn't measure by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away; a smile, a look, a kiss, a touch. A phone call can change everything, even if the timer informs you it only lasted 33 seconds. A plane ticket or a knock on your parents' door is all it takes.

Just when you think that no more unexpected things will happen to you and the door of faith is closed, learn to expect the unexpected once more. A door opens, a glance is shared, and all goes to hell.

Last night wasn't a dream, that Blaine was sure of. He was sure because he was alone in the room. He was alone because Lisa wouldn't sleep with him if he didn't explain himself and he didn't. He didn't because there was nothing yet everything to tell.

There are again those moments where everything hinges on a word, a phrase that could make everything better or everything worse, a word that defines the course of the rest of your life.

That was it last night. His words at that moment would have changed the course of his life. Yet instead of choosing, he settled for nothing. He just wouldn't choose so they chose for him. Kurt insulted him and his family, while he was unable to say anything. Lisa chose for him when she told him that, until he was ready to talk about what had happened last night and really explain himself, she would find herself another room.

They chose for him. He was relieved like a coward. He knew that this wasn't a choice between Lisa and Kurt. He gave up Kurt a long time ago and Kurt had clearly given up on him. Lisa is where he was stuck. There was no way he could explain this to her. So he just lay there in his bed, his eyes looking in the ceiling.

He would have staying there for longer if the room's phone didn't start to make the most horrible sound known to men.

"Hello?"

"Blaine, darling?"

"Hey, Mom. Good morning. Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you sweetie. Tom and I were wondering if you would join us with Lisa for breakfast outside in 30 minutes."

"Um, yeah, sure. See you then."

Well, Blaine, you made a choice. You made the choice of breakfast with Mommy and Daddy who apparently didn't seem to mind the events of last night. When everybody split up and the four of them remained by themselves in the streets, they didn't make any comment. They didn't look angry like Lisa. They were even happy to have seen the new Yankee player and the stars to a new Broadway show, like they were some kind of country uneducated people who came for the first time in New York. Blaine knew it wasn't the case. They were from Boston, from a very rich family and highly educated. Why did they act so strangely last night? They didn't seem to notice their daughter's unease.

Thinking of Lisa, he should let her know. He dialed her number on his cell phone because he had honestly no idea in what room she was in. Come to think of it, he had no idea if she was even in THIS hotel.

"Blaine, what do you want?"

"Well, your parents called, and they want us to have breakfast outside with them in half an hour."

"Fine, I'll come by your door in 25 minutes so we can go together. Blaine, are you ready to talk?"

"Lisa, I-"

"Ok, see you in 25 then." The line went dead.

This was going to be a _wonderful_ day.

 

Back at home, Kurt was finally having some recovery time. Mercedes had dropped him off an hour ago, promising that she would be back with Sam to bring him lunch. He had showered and spent the last hour on his moisturizing routine that he needed so much. Not only he was feeling like hell, but he looked like hell. Those little rituals made him strangely feel better, like he was back to being himself. He didn't forget who he was and this was just another day in Kurt's Hummel life. Of course, he couldn't hold that thought more than 2 seconds, the stretching pain in his head reminding him constantly of his night. He had taken 2 Advil but he knew that no drug could make him feel better, so he just took a place on his couch and put on the TV. A repeat of America's Next top Model was on. It was perfect. He didn't want to think for at least the next two hours or so.

Mercedes joined him shortly after. He was still resting, his head slightly on her shoulder as she was running her fingers through his hair. In normal cases, he would never allow her to do that but today was definitely not normal. He just needed someone to be here for him, to make him feel loved, even if he couldn't admit it to her or Sam. Sam was looking at her deeply across the table, his eyes locked on her, a pure look of love. God, she was so happy he was here with her right now, so happy he was in her life, that he made her feel secure and needed. She smiled at him and hoped that he could understand what she was feeling, what he made her feel. He smiled back and she knew. Yes, she knew that he understood her and that he felt exactly the same. It was their perfect moment, here and now, just looking at each other, like everything ceased to exist, like Kurt's face wasn't buried into Mercedes shoulder, like they were home together.

Except as they say, you could only appreciate how happy you are when it ceases to exist, when something comes along and ruins that perfect moment you were not even aware having. That something was the noise of Kurt's cell when he ringed briefly.

The sound awoke the three of them from the moment. Kurt sat up straight on the couch, grabbing his phone with a deep sigh. It broke the perfect united moment Mercedes and Sam were having. Sam shrugged and sighed and turned to face Kurt.

"Who is it, Kurt?"

Kurt didn't respond and that finally put her out of her moment. She looked away from Sam only to see a very concerned Kurt, eyes still locked on his phone. Something was definitely wrong here.

"Kurt?"

He didn't say anything and just gave her the phone so she could look for himself what was the cause of his troubles. There it was, a text, from Artie saying simply " **Hey man. Really looking forward to this gathering tonight. So, when are we meeting up? Kurt, where are you gonna crash?"**

Oh fuck, she had sincerely forgotten about that damn party! Everything was so messed up last night and this morning that she didn't even think about the gathering that they were supposed to have tonight. _So much for being a good friend, Mercedes._ She wanted to slap herself.

She heard Sam clearing his throat and looked at the time. The poor guy was so confused so she handed him the phone. Once he read the text, he had the same embarrassing look that she must have been wearing.

"Kurt, I'm sorry babe. I totally forgot about that stupid party. I should call everyone and let them know it's not happening."

"No, really, it's ok Mercedes. I totally forgot myself."

"But you were kind of busy. It's not your fault"

"It's not yours either, Cedes. You were all busy taking care of me. Thank you, by the way. I don't know why I haven't said it before, but really, genuinely thank you guys."

"It's ok, babe. You'll know I'll always be there for you."

"So," asked Sam, "should I call everybody?"

He was just about to take his phone to start sending messages when he heard the most unexpected answer from Kurt.

"No." Mercedes and Sam exchanged surprised looks.

"What do you mean, no?" Sam asked.

"I mean that I want to have the party. I've missed everybody like hell, and it's not because… Well, it doesn't mean that we shouldn't do it. I want things to feel normal."

"It doesn't have to be right now, Kurt-" Mercedes started to say with a very wary look on her face.

"Yes, it does." Kurt's voice was steady and strong somehow now. "I don't want this, him, to get me down, to keep me from living my life. I want to enjoy fun moments with friends that I haven't seen in a while. I want to be happy, even if it is just for one night. I need this."

"You sure, Kurt?"

"Yes, Sam. I'm positive. That's also why I don't want anybody to know about what happened with Blaine. I just don't want them to look at me with pity."

"Nobody has pity on your soul, Kurt!"

"Haha, thanks Cedes. Really, I just want a nice fun evening to just pretend."

"Pretend?"

"Yes, pretend."

"Well, pretend it is then!" affirmed Sam. He noticed that Mercedes wasn't clearly ok with the whole "pretend thing" and was about to say something, but he caught her hand just before she would be able to. She looked at him slightly confused, but he just put a finger on his mouth, and mouthed _shhh, leave it be_. She sighed but listened to him. If Kurt wanted to have his party, then hell, let it be. It killed Sam to see him suffer like that. He didn't see how a party could make him feel better. If he was Kurt, he would just have been more depressed, but he wasn't Kurt and the ways of Kurt's mind were impenetrable. He would just give him the party and make sure it rocked, if it was the only thing he could do.

"Kurt, don't worry. Clearly you have to get ready for the show, so just leave me your key. I'm going to take care of all we need, food and drinks and all."

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it. You need anything else?"

"How about that phone call, Mercedes? Maybe you could actually convince Rachel, Finn and Wes to keep their blabby mouths shut tonight."

"Sure, baby. The Kurt's Hummel House Party Trainwreck Extravaganza Party is officially a go!"

 

She felt a little better when she saw Kurt chuckle. Maybe the party was not such a bad idea after all.

This was officially the worst idea ever. Blaine had been spending the entire day playing "pretend" with Lisa and her parents through New York. They were decent to each other, pretending to smile to each other when their parents were talking to them, pretending to have stimulating conversations with each other, pretending to have fun, to enjoy their meals, their walks. Pretending was so fucking hard for Blaine. He was tired being Mr. Perfect husband all day long and Lisa didn't help either. As soon as her parents were looking the other way around, the smile on her lips faded and her look darkened. She kept shooting him with furious looks through the day and he couldn't take it anymore. He just wanted the day to be over and to go back lying in his bed looking at the ceiling, thinking about Kurt, about how much he had hurt him and how much he was hurting himself. He just wanted to be alone, to hurt alone. Was that too much to ask? Apparently his parents-in-law were taking the hurting into a much higher level.

"Sweeties, it's almost six, we should go back to Broadway…"

"For what, Mom?" Lisa asked.

"For the show, obviously!"

It was the first sincere look that Blaine and Lisa had shared the entire day, not pretending anymore. They were both horrified to say the least. Blaine wasn't only horrified but his hands begun to shake and he couldn't remember how to swallow. That was not happening. No way. There was no way that he could sit during the entire show and look at Kurt for 2 straight hours. He was ok with thinking about Kurt in his hotel room, but he just couldn't face thinking about Kurt with Kurt actually being there only a few feet away. Apparently if being near him wasn't enough, they had scored great seats in the front rows. They'd be inches from Kurt, inches from his pain, inches from his love, and inches from his lost dreams and hope. He would have to face them, to face him, as he was singing and acting on stage with his beautiful voice. His face lightened by the spotlights and the glow of his success. He couldn't do that. No, he just couldn't. He was scared to death. It felt like he was going to throw up.

Apparently the choice wasn't his to make. As he was processing his fears, it looked like an argument went down between Lisa and her parents. It seemed like her parents won the round. Oh my. First round, Blaine, KO.

"Blaine, are you ok, darling?"

Blaine pulled himself from the nightmare only to see three pairs of eyes staring at him, concerned for the most part, with the exception of Lisa's because Lisa's eyes were like an X-Ray trying to scan into his soul. God, how much he hated her right now.

"Huh?" was all he could manage to answer.

"Blaine Darling, you're shaking, and you look kind of pale."

The answer he gave Lisa's mom right there would haunt him the rest of the night.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Really, it's nothing, just cold. I'm ok".

Why, oh why didn't he pretend to be sick? He was good at pretending all day long, why couldn't he do it a while longer? He could have been in his bed by now, trying to find comfort in the different shapes of beige in his ceiling. No, he had to say that he was fine, nothing wrong with him. What the hell was wrong with him? Why did he have to keep making the same mistakes again and again? His mistake led him there to the theatre that was now filling up with people, so excited to watch "this amazing new show." He was seated next to his father-in-law who was so on edge with excitement that he didn't even notice that Blaine was focusing hard on how to breathe. Lisa wasn't even there, not that he would have wanted her to be, but something was up with her and it scared him. She excused herself to go the bathroom over twenty minutes ago. Where the hell was she?

 

Lisa had made up her mind. Blaine will be angry at her but it didn't matter to her, because she felt like her world was about to rip apart into a million pieces. She felt like she would be the one to be left alone trying to collect them. She made up her mind. If Blaine wouldn't do it, if he wouldn't talk to her, wouldn't explain her, she'd have to find her explanation by herself. That was occurring backstage, in the shadow of the show where all the secrets of the show were kept. It was where she was going to reveal Blaine's own secrets.

She knocked on the door, the door that would reveal hopefully the meaning of those last 24 hours, of this huge secret that was affecting Blaine and was affecting her and was affecting her life. She heard a voice say "Yes?" and so she entered.

"Can we talk?"

"I guess." said Kurt, with panic in his eyes and slowed breathing. "I'm sorry. I was rude to you yesterday and you didn't deserve it. You seem nice."

"Yeah that was kind of bold and rude. But why?"

"It's not that I don't like you, Lisa. I was just mad at Blaine." Kurt told her slowly.

Lisa was trying to figure out Kurt, looking him deep in the eyes. Kurt knew that there was no way he could hide his emotions from her. She had a sharp look that made him even more unsecure and he looked down.

"I understood that. But then again, why?"

"Listen Lisa, I don't know you. It's kind of Blaine and I's business."

"No, it's now my business, because you kind of ruined our evening yesterday, you and your friends. You were all really weird about me, the way you looked at me when Blaine introduced us. Even your brother, Finn, was it?"

"Don't mind him. He's stupid" Kurt tried to explain.

"He didn't seem that stupid to me."

"Listen, it's not about you."

"Clearly it is, or at least it's related to Blaine and me, and we are a family."

"I'm not trying to ruin your family or anything, Lisa."

"Cut the crap will you?"

Kurt jumped in shock and locked his eyes once again into hers. Her gaze was intense and he knew that there was no way that he could get himself out of that without some kind of repercussions. What was he supposed to say? _"Sorry Lisa, but your boyfriend is gay. I'm actually his ex-boyfriend, whom his spent 4 years of his life with just to dump me in the blink of an eye. Might I suggest you to watch your back?"_

Lisa was still waiting for him to say something, anything, that could maybe help her wrap her head around, that could give her some kind of an explanation. Nothing came, at least not from Kurt anyway.

"Listen, Kurt. Something went down between you two and that really pisses off my husband." At the word husband, Kurt sighed. "And I'm afraid that."

"Listen you don't have to be afraid of anything."

"The hell, I am!" She was clearly getting angrier by the second and was not about to cool off anytime soon. "Listen Kurt, I am afraid. Something changed in my husband's eyes last night. It's almost like he's afraid of you. He should be, considering that a crazy girl was about to kill him and that your brother threatened the life out of him!"

"Not literally."

Kurt has always been the sarcastic one, even in the worst situations. Nobody could ever have the last word but him except for Rachel, but that was just because nobody ever could manage to get her to shut up. Right now, he didn't feel like talking back, mocking, or even talking.

"So, yes, I'm afraid. I'm afraid that something is going to happen and I need to protect my family from you. We have a daughter you know, and it wouldn't look good if her father were murdered by his high school friends."

"I'm not going to murder him. Nobody will… Wait, what did you just say? A daughter?" Kurt said suddenly as the words begun to sink into his brain.

"Yes, a beautiful 4 years old daughter, Dianna, who really cares about her dad and that would be unfortunate…"

Lisa couldn't finish her sentence. Kurt had stopped breathing and was looking like he was about to faint. His hands and legs were jelly, he was shivering from top to toe, and she grabbed him a chair so he could sit. She never saw someone look like that unless you count movies. It was like someone had just told him he had 2 months to live and soon all his world would be over.

"Kurt, are you ok?"

That was of course a pointless question, but Kurt's eyes locked into hers, and she never felt sorrier for someone, almost sad. It broke her heart to see the pain in Kurt's eyes, the agony, and the distress. She was no longer angry with him. How could she be? A single tear fell down Kurt's face, but it was like he was crying the entire ocean. She just felt the urge to hug him tightly and never let go, but that would have been so inappropriate in so many levels. Kurt was there, drowning, his beautiful blue ocean eyes locked into hers, calling for help, for love, for anything. She couldn't resist them, him. He was pure pain, pure hurt, and so naïve, like a child. She took his hand and squeezed it. She couldn't think of anything more to do. She just squeezed it and then let a hand run through his soft hair. How strange it was that she barely knew the man, that he had insulted her and her parents yesterday, that she was so mad at him a couple of minutes ago. Now she just wanted to hug him and say "everything is going to be fine. Don't worry, you're not alone." As she was processing those feelings, it hit her. Kurt loved Blaine, like true love.

"Kurt…"

"Yes, Lisa?" His voice was shaky but somehow strong in the same time. He was a man of contradictions.

"Do you love Blaine?"

It was right there, the truth, in the open. Kurt's expression didn't change. He didn't get angry or sadder. He didn't shake his hand like it was the most stupid question ever. He looked at her for several minutes, silent, pondering something as he was looking deep into her eyes. She shivered because his gaze felt like she was going through an X-ray machine. His deep emotional blue eyes scanned her and then, out of nowhere, he brought his hand to his cheek, erasing the single tear that had fallen off and stood in front of her. He had made his decision.

"Lisa, I'm sorry. I wish I wasn't but I am. I wish it wasn't the case but you saw me. I can't deny it anymore. I thought I was over him…"

"But he… "

"He nothing, Lisa." She saw an emotion flickering in his eyes for a second before it faded away, something that she would never figure out. "He loves you. He loves his daughter, I assume. He's a wonderful man, but he doesn't love me. How could he?" Kurt sighed, that strange look returning once again in his eyes. "I mean I'm gay and proud and all that and obviously he is not. I'm sorry I've been stupid. It was just a high school crush at first. He was a friend to me, a mentor even when things got bad for me back then, but I made stuff in my head like teenagers do. I shouldn't anymore, I'm no longer that. I should grow up and learn to let go. He's happy. I should be also."

"But with your friends, it was like…"

"You know what it's like, Lisa. I told them my own version of the story, like Blaine had been leading me on, and flirting with me, but I was just making this up. He was acting just like a friend. So one day I tried to kiss him and he pushed me away. Oh, gently, but still. I was crushed. It wasn't his fault, but I took it all in him and that's what I said to my friends. I was fragile and naïve, so they believed me."

"But Kurt, it was like 10 years ago!"

"9 but still, we tend to hold grudges a long time in Lima. Nothing there to do but count sheep."

Lisa was trying to face Kurt's gaze, searching in his soul, wondering if he told her the truth. Something was off with Kurt. It felt like he shut down all the doors to his emotions, his face as blank as a poker player. He had played all his cards and there was nothing more to say. She believed him, because she wanted so much for it to be the truth. She convinced herself that it was the case.

"Ok, I believe you, Kurt. And I don't think you're a fool. First loves are hard to get over. I'm sure you'll find someone who will make you feel better, someone worthy of you, because even if you make mistakes, we are not flawless, and you seem like an amazing person. So I really do hope that you will, and I'm positive that I will happen soon."

Kurt smiled at her, really smiled at her. Like his face though, his smile was off. It didn't match any expression in his eyes.

"Thanks, Lisa. I promise neither me nor my friends will bother your family anymore. Take care of yourself and take care of Blaine, please."

"I will. Goodbye, Kurt."

She squeezed her hand once more and headed toward the door. Just then, Rachel entered the place followed by Mercedes. They gave her a strange look but kept walking, possibly to comfort their friend.

 

"Kurt, baby, are you ok?"

"Hey Cedes…" Mercedes felt her heart melt because it has been so long that Kurt had said her name like that. Last time he had was when they were in high school and she was comforting him after Karofsky had pushed him once again into the lockers. He gave her a tiny small while a single tear was running down his cheek.

"Babe, What's wrong? We saw Lisa go out. Did…"

"No, I didn't tell her anything. Well, I did, but…"

He told them the story of his conversation with Lisa.

"Kurt, I think… I think it's for the best. It's not like you could have it back, I mean…"

"Rachel!"

"No, Cedes, she's right. I can't have him back. He's married, probably happy. I don't know but he is married and he has a kid and all that. I think somehow I feel better because it's kind of a closure for me, you know? I can tell myself now that it's really over. He isn't coming back, no chance of the two of us anymore."

"Oh babe…"

Mercedes was now hugging him as fiercely as she could, trying to communicate to him all she couldn't say, all her love, all her pain for him, all her support, but she cringed when Kurt tried to pull back.

"It's ok, Cedes. Really, it is. I think I accept it. Maybe I will never understand it, but I accept it."

Rachel and Mercedes saw something in Kurt's that they never thought possible, resignation. He had come to accept his fate like he had nothing to do about it. Kurt was always brave. He never backed down from anything, always facing the obstacles. Now he settled for nothing and it broke both girls' hearts.

"We should get settled, girls. The show is starting in an hour."

"But, we thought… I mean, don't you want to take the night off? Ian could…"

"You listen to me, Mrs. Rachel Berry! No matter how long you try, you won't steal the show from my perfect and flawless self, so just suck it up. You won't be alone on that poster like you own it."

Kurt has his "please, bitch" face on, but that didn't comfort Mercedes or Rachel. It was too late though as he was already heading toward the make-up room.

Rachel and Mercedes exchanged a glance showing that they were not fooled for one second, but sighed as they followed his lead.

 

It was a show that no one would forget that that night. The New York post would quote the next day: "It was a show with so much passion and emotion as the countertenor, Kurt Hummel, took the stage and not only owned it, but showed us with such deep emotion and such presence how much love can hurt and leave you broken. I felt broken too, but not depressed. I couldn't take away my eyes from him wondering: How did he do it? How did he make his character feel so much emotions at once, but beyond that, how could he made us feel so much with him. It was a once in a lifetime performance that I'm sure will stay in me, somewhere, forever. God bless him."

 

Blaine didn't know how he made it through the show. He didn't think he was breathing. He thought he was dying from the inside out. He was dying as Kurt was singing all his pain, all his sorrow, all that he couldn't say by just talking. Kurt wasn't happy. Kurt was hurt, really hurt. Kurt had resigned, he could see. Kurt never settled, but Kurt was settling. Kurt was giving it all just for tonight, for him, for Blaine. He delivered his heart to Blaine and Blaine felt like a fire was eating him. He wouldn't dare to put words on his pain or Kurt's, because he felt exactly what Kurt was feeling on the stage. That was it. Tonight, he had to do it tonight.

 

After the show, Kurt went back alone to his dressing room, leaving his co-stars behind. He was exhausted, like he had given everything he had in this one performance. He was beginning to think that this show was a mistake and that he would never be able to get back on stage after tonight. It felt like it was his reverence. He had given everything he had, nothing left. He just wanted to sleep now and never wake up again, but life is not often on your side. He heard someone knocking on the door. He never wanted to see people in his life less than at that moment, but he had to. Later, he will be alone, and then…

Okay, no thinking about that. He composed a smile on his face. It was hurting him to try so hard to keep it steady but he had to.

"Yes, come in," he said, expecting some journalist or Wes telling him that some producer wanted to talk to him and trying to keep his promise to not fall into the hands of theses sharks. This memory made it easier to keep his smile, but then he lift his head and saw who was now at the door. His smile faded and his hands shook hard.

"What are you doing here?"

"Kurt..."

"You know what? I'm going to go get rid of some security guys who clearly do a piss poor job. I'll be right back."

"Kurt, stop it, please." He tried catching his hand before Kurt could get to get to the door but Kurt shook his arm with so much force and turned to look at him and Blaine thought that he might hurt him.

"Don't you dare touch me, Blaine Anderson!"

"I'm sorry, Kurt. I really need to talk to you, to explain myself"

"You know when you had to explain yourself? Maybe when you bailed on me for a month and then I went to your door and you smashed it into my face! Maybe then or maybe, maybe, I don't know, right before you sent your movers to pack your stuff and throw me out of my home. Would have been the polite thing to do, no? Or maybe, maybe the second you got home and saw your dad. I guess that would have been the best. But what do I know?"

"Kurt, I'm so sorry. I've been…" Blaine was now fully crying, sobbing, trying to breath but Kurt was just shouting, and screaming, filled 100% with anger.

"Yeah, what have you been, Blaine? You were always so good with words. Tell me because I can't even find one word to tell you how much I'm disgusted by you right now, how much I just want to grab you and punch you, which I never did, but hey, that would again be a first time. We always shared each other's first times. First kiss, first night together. That would be our First murder. "

"I'm so-so-sorry K-u-u-uuu-r-t." Blaine sobbed.

"So what, Blaine? Tell me what you are! Tell me how I'm supposed to feel when the man that I trusted with my own life took it away? What am I supposed to say when the only person that I thought would never hurt me did it on purpose? When the only person I told my biggest and most intimate secrets would give me the silent treatment? Because really Blaine, really, I've tried. I really tried to understand. Hell, I even went to a therapist but I guess I turned him crazy also and now he's seeing a shrink himself. How could you erase all the little that made sense into this world?"

Blaine couldn't say a thing, just staring at Kurt as he was screaming all the things that he never could say to anyone, that he couldn't even say to himself. Now there was no way he could stop, and each word that came out of him stabbed him a little more deep into his core.

"Huh, Blaine? Tell me, how am I supposed to cope when I have nothing to rely on? When you just disappeared into thin air? When you kick me out of my house? Hell, when some strangers came to kick me with your deep regards! When I called everyone I know and nobody could help? How I'm supposed to believe anything you say now when I hear you back then saying 'I'm proud and I'm out and all that?' How I'm supposed to feel, when you ask me to dance in front of the whole school, at prom, and ask me to move with you, and when you hold me and make love to me, and say that you'll love me forever, and one day we'll have kids? How I'm supposed to react when your wife, Blaine, your WIFE, comes to me and tells me you have a kid? How I'm supposed to look into her eyes without falling apart? How am I supposed to look at her and see all you have with her that you promised me we would share one day? How am I supposed to react when she asks me if I love you? How do you think it makes me feel to lie to her, and tell her that I'm just a crazy fag who is basically stalking you?"

"Don't say fag! Kurt, don't you dare say that!"

"Don't _you_ dare, Blaine! Then you're the fag. You're worse than Karofsky, worse that all those people who would die before seeing any gays have rights. You… I don't know what you are. But hell, I do know what I am! I'm not someone who's gonna have his life and dreams ruined because of one Blaine Darren Fucking Anderson and that starts now!"

With one quick movement, he rushed out. Blaine took his head into his hands and cried, falling on his knees, trembling, and shaking with all his soul. He couldn't move and wasn't about to. He just wanted to die, right here and right now.


	3. Chapter 3

 

Kurt's condo was already packed with people before he even showed up himself. All of his friends, wanted to surprise him once he'd got back from the show. They were all exited to see each other after such a long time. Some of them, Tina and Mike especially haven't seen their former glee clubbers for over 4 years. They never left Lima, where Tina was now as a social worker and Mike was assistant coach of the community college football team. The last time they had all gathered were at the Mc Kingley alumni party, a year after graduation.

By then, everyone had taken separate paths. Santana, at everyone surprise, was admitted to UCLA, where Brittany followed her to work in a fashion online magazine. Mercedes, Kurt, Rachel, Blaine, Sam and Finn came here to New York. Artie had been admitted to UK, Quinn, left for Boston, and Puck, started to work here and there before finally landing in New York, where he was now working in a entertainment company, and performing gigs around the city for special occasions. As for Lauren, she didn't really kept in touch with the others, and didn't even bother showing up at this party. Last night was really a surprise for everyone, but she just stayed for the show, and immediately left afterwards, saying something about being somewhere with someone. Go figure.

This party was the perfect way to catch up for everyone, remember all the good times, and of course give a proper standing ovation for some of their own, who actually made it after high school.

Which they did, first to Mercedes who showed up, a bit after 10 pm, and who had been positively frightened by the warm and loud, especially loud, welcoming that her friends gave her. Sam was laughing out loud when Mercedes nearly tripped between the shock and confusion that followed her entry. And then it was Rachel's turn. Somehow, she wasn't that surprised, or overwhelmed like Mercedes has been, but maybe it was just because she was Rachel and felt normal to expect such cheering and enthusiastic behavior due to her immense talent. But Finn, who was much more oblivious jumped in shock and hit himself hard on the back of his head with the door.

Everyone burst out laughing to the gag and Finn, started turning various shadows from pink to red, embarrassed by his forever clumsiness and his head aching from the knock.

"Glad to know that some things never really change", said Mike, grinning.

"Rachel, where is Kurt?" asked Quinn, who looked like she was about to deliver the baby anytime in the near 5 minutes.

"Don't know… didn't see him after the show. He was gone before I finished. The security guard said that he was pretty sure seeing him leave at least 20 minutes before me. Looked like he was in a hurry. I thought maybe he didn't want to be late for the party".

"That's weird, because he should have been here by now then… traffic isn't so bad tonight besides." Mercedes looked as confused as anyone else, but in fact, she was much more worried. What if something happened with Blaine again? Because she could have swore seeing him in the audience tonight. Front rows. What was he doing here, besides? Why the hell would he come, expect to torture Kurt. Maybe Kurt, had seen him in the audience. Maybe he had felt bad, and went drinking again. Maybe…

"Damn you, Rachel" Said suddenly out loud Mercedes, before she could refrain herself.

Everyone looked at her with surprise, and then at Rachel, who was clearly not feeling very at ease : "What did I do ?". Quinn sighed because even if she haven't seen her friend in a long time, she just knew that Rachel was not the type to change, especially when it came to fucking things up without really trying or thinking.

But Mercedes would never answer as they heard the door open suddenly for the third time in the past half an hour. Kurt. It had to be. In less than a second, everyone recomposed theirs smiles and happy faces, ready to give him the fright of his life. They screamed at the same time, various things, because no one would agree on anything to say, and Brittany wouldn't say "surprise!" because it reminded of a very unhappy memory she wouldn't share with them. Something involving Lord Tubbington and a hamster, apparently. So they just dropped it, a big grin on their faces, and decided to say whatever would come into their minds at the moment.

"Kurt!" grinned a very conventional Mike

"My baby dolphin", screamed again a very conventional Brittany.

"Porcelain!", shouted Santana, louder than the others, feeling maybe a little bit too nostalgic.

"Fuck." That's all he said. That's all that parade aspired him. Fuck. He wasn't pleasantly surprised, that much they could see. But which was stranger is that he didn't looked annoyed either. Nor sad. He had not real expression his face or in his eyes. He just said "fuck", like it was something as natural as "hello". Which was even stranger because half of the people in the room never heard him say it. He was always so controlled, with his actions or his words. Every word from him had a meaning. A point. And apparently the point here was simply "Fuck".

Everyone looked at him in disbelief as he realized what he just said, his cheeks turning red and embarrassment finally spreading through his face.

"I'm sorry guys, you took me by surprise. Which was the point, I guess. I'm just really tired but glad to see you. Thanks for the surprise part!" he apologized smiling a little.

Now, everyone looked even more worried at their friend. Not only his reaction was way off, but also his smile. Kurt, in a normal state, would have never said that. He would get all bitchy on them for frightening him, which he would also deny because, it was a fact, "Kurt never got scared" . He would have put them trough hell in words the rest of the evening, with a huge grin on his face, and the truth is, they wouldn't have taken it any other way.

But this Kurt was strangely cordial, a fake smile on his face as he hugged and kissed his friends. Kurt, in normal times, would never bother to fake a smile. He wouldn't' bother to fake anything in fact. He was not a faker, he was 100% real. And that's what everybody loved about him. His honesty, his pureness. But this Kurt, who was now, sitting on the couch, his hand above Quinn's belly was everything but true. He looked so absent as Quinn was telling him stories about his pregnancy, but for something's sake, he would just fake a smile, and fake listening. Quinn, wasn't fooled a second by his behavior as she studied Kurt's face, which in normal occasion, she would never have done at the fear of being caught. But Kurt was just off, tonight. Way off. It was like he had been locked into his own thoughts. And they were all pretty sure, they were not pretty thoughts.

Mercedes was seriously concerned by Kurt's attitude and behavior. She knew him better than anybody in the room and probably in the world. Even better than his own parents. Kurt was never the one to be caught doing something wrong in society, even if the society was a group of friends. . He always held himself even if he had had a horrible day, even if he had just broken up with some guy. Well, that wasn't not entirely true. She knew one exception to that rule, and that thought made her shiver. Blaine. Blaine was the only who could turn Kurt's world upside down. Blaine, who put Kurt into depression for more than 6 months. Blaine, who made Kurt drink for the first time. Was it Blaine again ?

That thought was so annoying to Mercedes that she had to get an answer to that. So she pulled Kurt from the couch, not bothered by the protests of her friends, who were clearly frustrated because like they said: "she had him all year, and them, for one night only". Kurt for a second felt like a prostitute.

He followed his friend into the kitchen without really thinking or carrying, until Mercedes asked him :

"Kurt, something is wrong with you tonight. You're clearly in a bad shape."

"It's cool Mercedes. I'm just really tired that's all. From the show and all." Kurt's voice didn't have any inflection, any emotion. It was plain for any signification.

"Look at me Kurt, you know how I am ?"

"You're Mercedes." Again, no exasperation, no anger, no anything.

"The hell I am! I'm you're best friends, for best or for worse. I tell you everything, and you tell me everything. Now, what's going on, is it him?"

"Who is him?"

Mercedes turned away and saw Puck standing in front of the Kitchen's door. She couldn't tell for how long his was standing here, but clearly he had heard enough from her, and wanted now the whole story from Kurt. Puck wasn't someone to let go from anything and she knew that he would not leave them alone before their answers satisfied him in some kind of twisted way. But she had to try.

"Nobody Puck. Nobody that you should know about, anyway. What are you doing here?"

He just shrugged, not carrying to answer. Mercedes was about to tell him to get the hell out of here, when suddenly the kitchen door opened and all the others joined them, in a now very crowded room physically and emotionally.

"What the hell, is everybody doing here?"

"Chill down, Aretha" replied Santana, "Party boy is here, and seriously you don't expect us to just stay still when you're kidnapping him away?"

"Plus" added Artie, "Puck's here, so beer must be."

"And if Beer is here, then we are here" added Mike, and everyone cheered. .

"Yeah, yeah good" shouted Mercedes over all the cries and laughs, "Just take your beer and get the hell…."

But she didn't finish her phrase because Kurt did then something very unusual. Well, ok, more unusual than the rest. Something that worried Mercedes and Rachel, but also surprised everybody.

Without even a word to anyone, he opened the fridge, tossed some beers to his friends, and then took a last one, opened it with a "splash" and started to drink, not carrying a bit at the awry glances around him.

"Kurt, my man, You drink? " asked a very confused Puck.

"Looks like I do, Noah" replied Kurt. But something had changed within him. Mercedes couldn't say when it happened, or why, but clearly he wasn't off anymore. He was annoyed. Completely annoyed.

The room was silent now, as everyone fixed Kurt drinking, with concern. Kurt finally noticed it and he snapped:

"What's with you and those looks? Never seen anyone having a beer?"

"Not you, anyway." replied Tina.

"Well, that's a first." Stated Kurt taking an other sip.

"and a last!" Said loudly Rachel, who looked like she was going to snap at Kurt at any moment.

"Shut up, Rachel" Cried Kurt.

"Whouw, easy porcelain. She's annoying sometimes, sure" replied Santana, in a vain attempt to calm Kurt," but still, no reason to go all bitchy on her, lady face."

"Who's the bitch, Satan ?" He was mean. Not teasing. Just mean. And he didn't care a bit.

"What's up with you, Kurt? What's your damn problem?" asked Puck, "It's a party, dude. Relax". He tried to take away the beer from Kurt, but he just wouldn't let go, causing the beer to splash everywhere in the counter, and on Kurt's clothes.

"Oh that's just great!" Shouted Kurt "It's Just fantastic. You know how much coasts this jacket Noah? More that you get paid in a year with your miserable little gigs!"

"Kurt, dude calm down!"

Finn, who was looking at his brother for the last 5 minutes with concern, couldn't just take it anymore. He passed in front of Tina and Mike, and squeezed Kurt's shoulder, making him look into his eyes. And what he saw wasn't pretty. It was all anger, and hate, and pain. It was a pretty terrible thing to see for a brother, and he just couldn't take it anymore. So, he took a deep breath, and said:

"It's Blaine. I know it's Blaine."

 

Kurt jumped in shock. How dare he ? How dare he talk about that in front of all his friends? Why did he say that? It was his damn problem, and he didn't want anybody to know. He shoot one murderous look at his brother, but other than that, he didn't give him any kind of clue to answer his question. But Finn knew. Oh yes, just like Mercedes, and probably Rachel, knew. Because Kurt had been a total jerk to them all. And nothing could justify it. Nothing, besides Blaine.

His friends were now looking at Finn in total disbelief.

'What the hell Blaine has to do with anything?" asked Tina

"Yeah, what's up with that not-so-dapper-boy? Is it someday some kind of anniversary of your relationship? Or the 5 year-anniversary of your break-up? Asked Santana "because, I swear I thought he dumped your sweet ass like in December or something."

"No", finally intervened Mercedes, "nothing like that. Worse. We kinda … met him yesterday."

"WHAATTTTT?" Everyone shouted at the same time causing Kurt to take back a few steps of surprise.

"how ?"

"Where"

"When?"

"What?"

"Where?"

Now, everybody was talking on the same time, shouting stuff, and whispering awful names to qualify the ex. But above all the chaos, Mercedes managed to get them to shut up, because clearly Kurt was in no position to do so, or even to explain himself. In fact, he was looking at his hands, head down, and looked like he was about to start crying. She leaned to him, and whispered in his ear softly " it's going to be ok, baby…."He didn't react, or make any movement that could let her know that he heard her. But she knew that he did. He was just devastated. But she had to do this. She had to let their friends know what was happening. They were their friends after all, almost a family, even if they haven't seen each other in a long time. They were the reason he had survived high school in one piece. they were the reason why, after all said and done, he had wonderful memories from this time. They were the reason that made him feel special. Them and Blaine. And one of them failed. One of them destroyed all that confidence and feelings. He put Kurt through hell once again. And once gain, he had been able to get better only because of his friends. They were all here, available for him when he was down under. They listened to him, and took care of him, and put him back on the right track. So it was only fair now, that they would allowed to do it again. Her baby was broke, and she couldn't do it alone, though Mercedes. He couldn't it alone. Fix it. And the beauty of it, is that he didn't have to. That idea made her feel better about was she was about to do, even though she knew Kurt would not forgive her for displaying in the open his life.

But she had to do it. So she looked away from Kurt, to the rest of her friends and said :

"Yeah, we met Blaine yesterday, after the party at the Cristal. He was just outside the restaurant, like he was trying to get in, but like I said, private party, so they jerked him off."

"Ohmygod!" Said Quinn holding a hand in front of her mouth "Ohmygod. Kurt are you ok?"She knew that was a stupid question but she was so knocked down by the news, that she couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Pitchy", answered sourly Kurt. Clearly it were tears on his face.

"What….what happened… " asked Santana

Everyone turned to look at Kurt but he just shook his head, unable to say anything . So Mercedes answered for him.

"Well… I mean there he was…. You know, just all dapper and all…. With his parents-in-law…"

"Oh my god, Kurt, I'm so sorry" cut Tina

"Dumped for an other dolphin? Sorry Kurt."

"Not so dolphin Brittany…" said slowly Kurt, to everyone's confusion.

"What? In any case, Kurt, he didn't deserve you. You fare more superior than him" said Quinn.

"Hey white boys, Let me finish my damn story! Like I said, he was there with his parents-in-law and.. his… Wife"

" ?"

Now it was total chaos in the small kitchen. But Kurt couldn't care less. He didn't care about the people who were trying to get him to talk, to look at them, shaking him to get any reaction whatsoever from him. Any answer. He wouldn't move because he wanted them to feel as confused, as lost, as he was. He wanted them to try to make sense into things that didn't make sense. Wondering alone into this deep shitty mess. Lost just like he was.

"Like I said, not so dolphin anymore…." Added Kurt. He was satisfied because for sure, they were now as baffled as he was.

"What do you mean? Kurt, are you sayin' that not so straight Blaine, tickle-me-doe-face Blaine, is straight ?" asked a bewildered Santana

"Yeah… pretty much" answered Rachel.

"Wait, you knew ? " asked Quinn

Rachel looked at her, with a mix of shame and anger in her eyes. "Yes I did. And I swear, I was about to kick the living crap out of him, if Wes and Finn didn't stop me…"

"Wait, who's Wes?" asked curiously Brittany…

"Not the time, Brit" sighed Santana

"No seriously. Is he Kurt's boyfriend? Because really, if he is, I mean, it's good, I mean…."

"No" replied Kurt with exasperation. "No he isn't. He is as straight as Blaine" he added with a small disgusted smirk, " He is Blaine ex best friend… ex… like everything else…. He's now our producer".

"Oh!"

"So Rachel, you really hit him? " asked Mike

"You bet your ass, she did! Approved Mercedes. "she was all fury on him. And Finn, I mean, he threatened the life out of him."

"yeah man!" cheered Puck trying to high Five Finn. But Finn wasn't in the mood of high fiving any body so Puck just dropped his hand when he realized how much of a fool he was.

"Kurt… what did you do?" asked Quinn slowly, her eyes locked on Kurt's tortured face.

He didn't want to say a thing. But nobody would answer for him. Because no one knew. No one knew what had happened between him and the love of his life. Not the ex love of his life. Because he knew somehow that he wouldn't be able to love anyone more than that, more than he loved him. But also suffer as much. Nothing, no one could make him suffer anymore like he had suffer. And that was his relief. Because he had seen the worst, he had survived the worst. He could handle anything else.

"I… I just ran away. I couldn't…" Kurt tried to explain without really making any sense or trying to finish his phrases. But somehow nobody cared because they understood just fine. "I just ran away, and he… he caught up with me". Kurt was now fully crying, as he was remembering all that happened that night. Mercedes took him into a fierce hug hoping that he let go. And with that, he did. He just couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't hold himself anymore. Stop pretending. Stop playing. He just had to let go.

So he cried, and cried, without carrying less of all the people watching him with concern feeling his distress, and his pain like it was their own. But it was. Because Kurt had always been one of their own. His pain, his hurt, his fears, were theirs also. And that's what made them a family. They didn't talk, didn't make a move, they just stared at him, crying all the tears of his heart, sobbing into Mercedes shoulder, who was now crying also, and probably everyone one in the room was tearing at some point.

Kurt finally recovered after some time. How much, they couldn't tell. But the sobbing had stopped and he was trying to catch a mouthful of air. Mercedes noticed and she let go of him gently, gasping her self for some air. He smiled at them sadly like he was trying to apologize for his behavior, and that, more than the crying, made their heart break into tiny pieces.

"So… he caught up with me… after all that time… and he tried to talk to me…" begun again Kurt

Quinn who was still tearing at Kurt's expression of pain, tried to recompose herself quickly and asked : "What did he say ?"

"Nothing… really… just that he was sorry…."

"Bullshit!" snapped Puck, who's face was infuriated.

"Yeah bullshit…." Sneered Kurt. "He mumbled to no end… and I wouldn't take it. And then Lisa, that's his wife, joined us, and I pretty much snapped at her. I just told her to suck it, her and her parents."

No one had any idea what to say next. They just didn't understand. It didn't make any sense. Any of it. But then Mercedes, who was far more involved than them, turned to Kurt and asked : " But babe, you were kind of … I don't know how to say that… but much less annoyed after you talked to Lisa this afternoon…"

"Oh my god, you saw them again?", shouted Tina

"Just Lisa… " rectified Rachel.

"No Rach, not just Lisa… Blaine came after the show in my loge…"

"OHMYGOD! " bawled at the same time Mercedes and Rachel.

"Oh my god" repeated Quinn, "Oh my… what happened…"

"Fuck," screeched at the same time Sam, Mike, Finn, Artie and Puck.

"Well, Lisa, came to see me before the show… "

"Wait.. how did she manage to do that.. isn't it some kind of security… " started Mike.

"Rachel." Responded in the same time Mercedes and Kurt.

Everyone turned to look at Rachel with irritation and annoyance, but other than that, they didn't say a thing. As for Rachel, she looked like she wanted to bury herself into a whole right here and right now. But the others, just sighed and turned back their attention to Kurt.

"Whatever… Anyway, she just came into my loge, demanding answers, snapping at me because Finn threatened the life out of her husband, because of all the awkward that surrounded our meeting… well for everything that happened."

"Bitch!" shouted Santana

"I just played dumb. What was I suppose to say? The woman knows nothing about her husband obviously, she lived all her life in some kind of fairy tail lie, what was I supposed to do ?"

"Out him Kurt ! That's what u should have done! After all he did to you… you were still playing chivalrous ? really Kurt ?" yelled an enraged Sam.

"I thought about it… and then… " But the next phrase was so hard for him to pronounce, because he wouldn't believe it yet. He didn't want to believe it.

"She told him that they had a daughter…" finished slowly Mercedes.

And there it was, the truth. The whole truth. There was no more running away from it. No more denying. Because everyone knew. They all were now witnesses of the truth and he would never again be able to forget it or rebuff it. It was it.

"I'm sorry Kurt.." whispered Santana. And she was. Everybody was. Because they all knew his history with Blaine. They all shared their dreams of someday becoming a family, getting married, and adopting children. They all had witnessed the love that reunited both of them. A love they thought stronger that anything they knew. That could face up to all the obstacles of life. That's why they were all so confused and truly sad when Blaine left. Because their aspirations left with him. They all hoped some day they would get this same love. This pure, strong, vivid love. But just like the fairy tales of their youth, it was all lies and deception. Their dreams were once again dissatisfied and they were once again disillusioned by life.

"So… what did you say to her then.." inquired after a moment Brittany

"That it was all my fault… that I had fabricated myself some kind of fantasy around him… That I made believe all the people around me that he was leading me one.. when he was just trying to help me… that I was some kind of fool for falling from him…. And that it broke my heart when I understood that it wasn't reciprocated."

"And she believe that? She's really stupid, and that's coming from me!" stated Brittany

Everyone let one chuckle off but the tension wasn't near breaking.

"I think she really wanted to believe me. So she did." Explained Kurt

"I'm so so so so sorry Kurt… " said Santana, because she couldn't think of anything else to say. She was just feeling sick to her stomach and really confused. She needed answers, something that could make her feel not better, but just a little less worse. Something he could wrap her head around. She felt like everybody was also, so she just asked: " But Kurt, you said you talked to Blaine also… did he explain anything…"

Kurt snorted and said : "Ah if only! He came to me after the show… looking like hell… saying that he had to talk to me … to explain… but he didn't… she just started weeping like a little girl… like I'd care! "

"But did you let explain ?"

"What do you mean Sam…"

"I mean, no offense…. Kurt…. But you tend to be a bit overactive, and don't always listen to people… "

"Oh it's my fault then!" snapped Kurt

"It's not what he said dude…"

"Don't take his side, Finn. Are you seriously all saying that's my fault ?"

"We didn't say that Kurt!"

"Yes you did Santana. I can't believe it. Even my friends won't believe me, that's just great!" Kurt shouted at them before opening the fridge once again, taking a bottle of Vodka, slamming back the door, and before anyone could stop him, he ran out of the kitchen to his bedroom where he locked himself in.

 

They were all frozen in shock.

Finally, after what seemed forever, Puck snapped out of his numbness and said :"Well, that was intense…"

"No kidding, Noah… My water almost broke back there" sniffed Quinn

"For how long, had he been drinking?" asked Santana

"It's started last night" replied Mercedes "After the whole debacle. We found him in the morning in the theatre totally hammered after drinking an entire Tequila bottle. He was a wreck."

"God…" whispered Tina.

"Fuck. We have to do something"

"Good thinking Mike…" replied sarcastically Santana

"Listen guys… I think we have done enough damage already…"

"You're the one to talk Rachel! I don't know what's keeping me to rip your head off!" Shouted Mercedes.

"Easy guys… It wont' help Kurt if his two best friends start fighting…" said calmly Brittany.

"Yes, Brit is right. But Mike is also. We can't just stand there, when he is in the next room, drowning his soul into some cheap vodka… "

"What's your genius and devious plan, Satan?" asked Mercedes.

"Listen Aretha…. You know what… Fuck that, I'm not even gonna bother…. The thing is we have to help Kurt , and in order to do that, we have to make him talk to Blaine."

"What? What kind of stupid plan is that? " snapped Finn." You want to kill my brother, don't you? Have you seen what happened after his last two encounters? Hell, are you blind or what, because I could have swore you saw exactly like us Kurt crying his heart out and lock himself with that vodka. Is not enough? You want him also to jump for the roof or what? Because, really Santana, if he sees Blaine one more time, I'm pretty sure that he won't survive it, and me neither. And neither are you!"

"Wow relax Fankenteen!" said Santana, holding her hands in the air in some kind of defensive way. "Far from me the idea to hurt Kurt any more."

"You're stupid or just playing dumb?" barked Tina

" Mercedes tell me something… do you think seriously that Kurt is over it? I mean that his last meeting with Blaine was it for him? Don't you think he would wanna know what happened back there? Understand? Find some closure…"

"He said he had closure the minute Lisa told him that they were parents…"

"You really believe that?" asked Santana

And everybody understood what Santana was getting at. Of course she was right, and of course, they couldn't believe that Kurt had found some closure with Lisa's words. If any indication, Kurt locked in his room with vodka was proof enough. They all were aware now of the fact that Kurt wouldn't not ever get over it, if he didn't understood it at the first place. Neither of them would, for that matter. Kurt had to see Blaine one last time, even if it would hurt him again. Even Finn, recognized that. He had to see him, listen to him and then he would eventually get over it. Because no one could get over something he didn't understand. Human logic was just a bitch.

"Okay… But how? " Asked Mike, now fully aware that everyone was on the same page.

"My fellow friends… I guess I'm talking for everyone here… but the Blainevention operation is officially a go!"

"Not so fast Mercedes" said suddenly Quinn

"Oh you're such a pain in the ass, Fabray, I think we all agreed that it's the best for Kurt. What's you excuse, miss Bossy Pants? " inquired Santana with a annoyed look toward her friend.

"My water just broke."


	4. Chapter 4

 

Less than a hour Later, eleven people were packed into one small room of the OBGYN wing of the Memorial Grace Hospital. Quinn had been admitted less than 10 minutes ago and she was now heavily breathing and for periods, screaming, in the bed of the hospital room, wearing a blue gown. When her water broke, her friends froze in shock for what seem like forever for Quinn, before, Mercedes, snapped out of her blow, and helped her to the car. Everyone followed, even Kurt, who luckily was still staring at the vodka bottle, pondering if he should actually open it, before Puck literary smashed the door into pieces in a attempt to get Kurt of his room. Kurt didn't had the time to scream, before he heard Quinn screaming herself that she was getting into labor. Oh my god, it was sophomore year all over again!

And here they were, all tightened in the small room, waiting for a doctor to come check on Quinn. Apparently someone had called her husband, and he was trying to find the first plane from Chicago, where he was for business.

To fill his place, Quinn didn't find better than Kurt. She was hanging into him, almost breaking his bones, and screaming like a wild lady. Kurt was scared, like really scared.

Finally the door opened to let a middle aged brunette doctor come in the room, followed by a male nurse in a pink gown. As soon as they entered the room, they gasped in shocked at the number of people present in the room.

"Miss Fabray, I see that you're well surrounded but this isn't a theatre, it's a hospital room. Please wait outside, we we'll let you know when the baby is born" sighed the doctor.

Everyone looked pretty relieved in fact to live the room. Especially Puck and Santana. They already live through one of her deliveries, and it was a situation they didn't want to face again. Kurt was about to live to when Quinn, according to the previous accord she had with the girls, who filled the boys without letting anything slip to Kurt, grabbed as fiercely as she could Kurt's arm, stopping him from getting out of the room. He was going to stay with her through the delivery they agreed, so the others could work on the Blaine intervention.

"Kurt, Mister, You. Are. Staying. With. Me" said Quinn

"What ?" Kurt was terrified now. Ad his arm really, really hurt.

"Yes. Kurt, I need YOU, please!"

"But…. Mercedes… Rachel… Tina.." mumbled with panic Kurt

"No, YOU. KURT! Are you really going to argue with me while I'm having a baby ?"

"No…" said Kurt in defeat.

"Good…"said Quinn, sending a smile to her friends that were now leaving one by one the room. Puck, mimed to world "good job".

"Is this nice gentleman, who's going to help you deliver the baby your boyfriend or your husband, miss?" asked curiously the doctor.

A snort was heard from the door and they all turned to see Puck, who was about to get out of the room, laughing like a mad man.

"You should know better, I mean you're a doctor. You can smell the queer out of him, it stinks!" and he disappeared though the door.

The doctor just shook her head in disbelief, but couldn't help the small grin that appeared on her face. Oh that's just great, that's just getting better and better, thought Kurt.

"So you're gay? "

"Do you really felt the need to ask that, doctor?" chuckled Quinn

"Yes I am." Sighed Kurt

"So, you're not the husband?"

"God, they really teach you a lot in med school …" said Kurt so low that only Quinn could hear him. She grinned. He left his head to face the doctor, and simply said "no".

"So you're not the father either…" asked this time the nurse.

"really Kurt.. I'm starting to worry about the level of education of this medical team…"

whispered Quinn as low as Kurt did. But she added louder also "Obviously not."

Kurt didn't smile. Because it wasn't always so obvious. Take Blaine.

 

"Oh my god! Did you think he believed us? Do you think he suspects anything?" asked Brittany with panic in her voice, once they all left Quinn's room. They were all seated in couches and chairs in some private waiting room that was graciously offered to them. Well actually, there were some strings pulled from Rachel, and a lot of bargaining and threats but hell, no one were going to complain.

"Well Brit… he's here, isn't he?"

"That's just because Fabray back there has some serious pain and anger issues. I'm pretty sure he'll be missing some bones, when it all ends… I should know" said Puck

"Whatever, we have to find him…" said suddenly Mercedes, with a sense of urge in her voice

"Who?"

"Your brain Puckerman… been M.I.A for well too long"

"Last time I check, It was in you ass… Lopez"

"Hey, no messin' with my girl… Mohawk!" snapped Brittany.

Everyone laughed out loud including Puck, Brittany and Santana. It was just a way for them to take the edge of a very stressful evening, and before what was looking to be headed to a very stressful night. It was past one am and no one knew what the night might bring. But the laugh eventually faded and they were once again dead serious.

"How do you long we have before… I mean… how long does a baby need…" inquired Finn with urge

"No idea…. It was a quickie last time" grinned Puck

"Just shut up Puckerman" sighed Rachel "We don't know, so we have to act quick… let's do that!" And everyone leaned closer to the center of the room.

"How the hell are we supposed to reach the guy…" wondered Artie

"Yeah… I mean we have nothing on him… no address… no phone…. Nothing. For all we know, he might be in a plane now on his way to some foreign and exotic land…"

"Finn… you watch too much TV darling…." sighed Rachel, squeezing the hand of her husband. But she eventually accorded him a small smile, because he was just too cute.

"We can call him…." Begun Tina

"Where… on what… I mean we haven't seen the guy in 5 years… minus last night… do you think he's so stupid that he would have kept the same number?"

"Or hopeful…" sensed Rachel

They all peeked at her with a very confused expression on their faces. Hell, everything was confusing for them, thought Rachel exasperated. It was almost like they never truly left high school. Like they didn't live the real life for the past 5 years. Like they never learned. But Rachel did. Or she thought she did. Because in her mind, Blaine was the type to keep the same number even after running away. She was sure of it. Blaine had always been in love with Kurt. Always. It was so clear when she met him the previous night. He was devastated not only because he had been caught on the spot with a woman, but also because he had to face the man he loved more in the world and whom he never truly got over. The man whom he thought about every second of every minute of every day. Rachel was sure of it.

"Listen to me, you bunch of dumb and dumber." Rachel, begun again looking at them one by one with a intense gaze." Blaine loves Kurt. There 's no denying it." But nobody tried to deny it anyway. "He always has and always will" she said looking deeply into Finn's eyes who felt somehow uncomfortable, "and even if he screwed up big time, even if he ran away on purpose, he would never really cut anything that would attach him to his previous life. To his true love. And this only string is his phone. Don't try to see any logic in there," she said quickly when she noticed that some of the guys were trying to interrupt her. " Love isn't logical. He sure knows that Kurt would never call him back, that he, himself would never be able to call back on his previous life, but still, it's hope. Foolish hope because love messes with our brain. So his number is the only thing that allows him to remember what was his life before. And I'm sure that he wouldn't never, ever erase that. Or erase Kurt's number for that matter. Maybe he had erase us, but only because it would have been to suspicious if he didn't… But Kurt he would never, no matter how much it would coast him to look at it every morning, every day. No matter it would remind him of his mistakes. You can call it masochist, but Kurt was and will always be is only love and his only pain".

 

Everyone looked at her with astonishment. They were reduced to silence after her speech, trying to ponder the news and grasp Rachel's logic. But it didn't long for them to figure out that it all made sense. Of course she was right. Scary right. So almost in the same time, after exchanging a comprehensive look between them, they all started talking.

"Wow, I mean Rachel…. That was some serious shit…" said a very impressed Puck.

"If Broadway doesn't work out for you Berry… you can always be a hot freakin' shrink…" did acknowledge Santana.

"But the thing is, probably everyone erased his number so …" pondered Sam

"Probably not Kurt… but then again we can't ask him…." Stated Rachel.

"Then again… maybe I didn't either…" said Mercedes in a almost inaudible voice.

But they all heard her and turned to face her with confusion once again.

"Call it hope…" simply put Mercedes. And the others just nodded.

"Do you think he will answer? " asked Brittany with concern

"He will…" affirmed once again Rachel.

"Berry… if it goes all like you planned tonight… I'm officially putting in some Russian roulette and sell you to a freaking circus." Sneered Puck

But Rachel didn't even bother to respond, as Puck and Finn threw theirs fists together. Boys will be boys. She preferably turned back her attention to Mercedes and by just a nod, urged her to dial the number. Mercedes did as she was taught, flipped numbers into her phone before finding the good one, took a deep breath, and dialed. Then she put the phone on speaker to everyone to listen.

"What are you going to say…"

"Just trust me… Rachel gave me an idea… we're about to find out if she's the smart ass she pretends to be…"

"Wait…." Cut suddenly Brittany "Just be Careful… you might dial a wrong number… and end up talking to a Russian prostitute named Melody, who might sound a lot like Santana, and she will end up charging you 5$ per minute for hot dirty phone sex."

Everyone turned to look at her with astonished and shocked eyes, mouths hanging open, but before Santana could say anything, or Puck could crack the million dirty jokes that appeared to have popped into his mind, the ringing stopped, and a voice answered.

"Hello…." Said a very much awake voice

"Blaine?"

"Mercedes?" Blaine gasped in shock.

"Yeah Blaine it's me… listen" said Mercedes in a fake urged tone " I can't go into the details… but Kurt had been into the emergencies… he's…"

"OH MY GOD! Is he ok…." There was heavy breathing in the other side of the line

"Listen it's pretty bad…. But the thing is… he has been asking for you…"

"For me?" The breathing stopped suddenly

"Yeah… I don't know if you can come… or if you still in New York…"

"You sure he wants me here?" whispered Blaine, barely audible

"Yes… he gave me your number to call…."

But she didn't get to finish her phase, because there were clearly some movements in Blaine's side. Heavy doors slamming, and stuff falling, heavy breathing before someone picked up the phone again….

"I'm on my way Mercedes…. Be there in 15… Wait where are you?"

Mercedes couldn't refrain a smile. God, the guy was hopeless! "Memorial Grace hospital… west wing… emergencies…"

"Ok text you when I'm here…" and the line shut down.

"Well… was I right, or was I right?"

"Shut up Rachel!" said simultaneously 9 people.

"I feel awful… for doing that…"

"Come on, baby, we all know here it's from a good intention… besides Blaine deserves it … he only gets a taste from it's own medicine…" said Sam sourly

"Yeah… but it ain't feels right… Jesus…"

"Yeah… like they say Aretha… the road to hell is paved with good intentions…"

"You should know Satan! " replied in the same time Tina, Mercedes and Rachel.

 

Less than 15 minutes later, Mercedes phone buzzed. Everyone reached to grab it but she was quicker than them. She read : **I'm outside. B.**

"ok, ok here he is, said Mercedes with sudden panic in her voice. Ok you know what you have to do, guys. Don't screw it up. I'll do my part, go!"

Everyone stood up with panic and frenzy and rushed out the door, leaving only Mike to guard the door and make sure no one would get in. Mercedes, rushed down toward the entrance of the emergency wing, only to find a very worried Blaine, pacing the floor like a mad men.

Blaine was white as the walls, with deep shadows under his eyes, and his hair was all messed up, half was gelled and half was curled up. He was looking like someone who hadn't slept for so long, and he really didn't. After his fight with Kurt, he didn't know how long he spent in the loge crying all the tears in his body. But eventually a security guard came and escorted him outside. He texted his wife, not really carrying if she was already worried by his disappearance, and told her that he felt sick and he was going back to the hotel. Which he did. He finished the remaining alcohol that was left in the mini-bar and once again lied on his bed, facing the ceiling, up until his phone buzzed and he felt the sudden urge to answer it even thought he didn't recognize the number. Call it a feeling.

"Blaine Anderson!"

He turned to see Mercedes coming toward him, looking more relaxed that he was; maybe it wasn't that bad after all, thought Blaine. Thank god.

"Mercedes… what the hell…", he said running toward her but then, when he was only two feet away, they both froze, nervous.

"You stupid Moron! I should cut your white boys balls" hollered Mercedes

"Mercedes don't you think it's not really the time… Kurt is…"

"Kurt is fine you smart ass…."

"What ?"

"Yeah he is… no harm done. We're here because Quinn's having a baby…"

"yeah" The voice came from Behind Blaine, and sent a shiver down his spine. He jumped forth so quickly that he almost smashed Mercedes but some hands kept him put, and he was now facing, Puck, Sam, Finn, Artie and Santana.

"What.. what… " Blaine was really afraid that they would hit him or murder him. It was clearly a trap from the beginning. But then again, they were in a hospital, so…

"Listen, punk head. You're going to be a good boy and follow us" threatened him Puck.

"Yeah… and you're going to do what we tell you.." continued Finn, enraged.

"yeah, ain't no messin' with us…" warned him Artie

"Yeah because, like you remember, I still have razors in my head. Mum. Like all over my head. Tons. And I come from Lima Height Adjacent, don't forget that. " menaced Santana

Blaine had no choice but to follow them into a private room, where they locked him in with them. And then Rachel, who he hadn't noticed yet, said :

"Don't be scared, Dapper Boy. They are just messing with you. Now, on the other hand, you should be scared of me."

"What the hell is…" Blaine was really confused now and felt like he was trapped in some lame TV show, with everybody trying to kill him.

"Listen. Kurt is here. He doesn't know you're here. But what we do know is he wants to talk to you."

"did he said that…"

"Not exactly but so not the point" Blaine sighed. Rachel was always getting into people's business , but generally the others didn't follow her crazy lunatic ideas. " Listen, Our boy is in some deep shitty dark place. And it's because of you. Now, he won't say it, but we know that the only way he will get better, is if he understands what happened back there. If you told him."

Blaine didn't know what to say. Because it was what he always wanted to do. And this guys were willing to let him do it. Let him explain himself, even after all this years. That's more that he would have ever asked for. So he just looked them, a dumb stuck expression on his face.

Rachel sighed and said : "I guess I take it as a yes? You'll do it? You'll help us? You'll help Kurt?"

"I will…"

"Blaine you know how he is, he won't listen at first, but make him. It's for his own good." Said Sam. Blaine simply nodded.

But then they all heard some loud talking in the other side of the door, and then someone knocking.

"It's our cue to live." Said suddenly Rachel "Talk, Anderson."

In the other side of the door, Kurt was confused. Less than a minute ago, Tina, and Brittany burst into Quinn's room, screaming god knows what, about him having to be god knows where, because god knows you needed him. He just let himself dragged by the girls, in front of a room, before they finally calmed down, and knocked.

The door opened, and the rest of his friends got out. He was more and more confused by the minute.

"Listen Kurt, You're probably going to hate us in a second but it's for your own good" said Rachel, grabbing his hands.

"Yeah man, sorry but…" added Finn

"What… why?" garbled Kurt, completely lost.

"Just gone in here, babe.. you'll understand. And don't try to come out before we decide so… we'll lock you in anyway…." said Mercedes looking at him, and grabbing him for one quick hug.

"Wait? what…."

But he didn't get to finish his phrase as Puck opened the door, shoved him the room, and closed it back on him.

 

Kurt couldn't believe what just happened. Did they really locked him in a room. Alone… and then he turned away, and he saw him by the corner. Strike that. They locked him in a room with Blaine. After all went down tonight. After all he told them. With Blaine, among all people!

He started to knock on the door as hard as could : "Guys FUCK YOU! Let me out!"

"No, you talk. Then we'll let you out!" he heard Mike said through the wooden door

"How the hell will you know?"

"We'll know" simply said Puck.

Kurt kicked once again the door really hard but it then again it didn't do any good or bad to it. He sighed and leaned his back against the wall.

« This is surreal. I'm going to kill them. One by one. Even that damn unborn baby." He said still shaking with anger

"Your friends sure are crazy…" sighed Blaine. He didn't move all the time Kurt was trying to force the door. He knew there was no point in trying to calm him down. He always had some temper, and the best, was always to let him cool off by himself, which he eventually did.

"They were your friends too… once upon a time…. But sorry, I forgot that you resented them also… as everything else…"

"Kurt…"

"By the way, you agreed to that. No one forced you here. So I think you're fare more deranged than this bunch of…"

"You don't know what you are talking about…"

"Oh, I don't ?"Snapped Kurt

"Kurt, we have to talk." Cut Blaine

"Been there, done that, no luck"

"No you talked, and I listened. Please listen to me; I have to tell you, everything. All that happened"

But Kurt wasn't sure if wanted to know the truth. The hurt hurts. The truth doesn't solve anything. Well, not this time. But really, deep inside him, he wanted to know. He wanted to understand what happened back then. Why he was rejected by the person who spent 4 years of his life trying to make him secure about himself. He didn't want to know and he did, at the same time. But he couldn't leave. He had no choice but listen.

Blaine took it like a cue to explain himself and so he did.

"Listen Kurt. I Loved you. I really did, all we shared was true. You meant everything to me. The world.

"Well, obviously, that wasn't everything. Who knew you were the one to find another planet? Let's call the NASA"

"Please Kurt, stop your cheap sarcasms. I'm really trying to explain myself now, and you're being a bitch"

"I always have. Not going to change for you, Babe" snorted Kurt with despise.

"I know." Blaine was not going to argue about those sarcasms if it was the only thing keeping him from his story. "Doesn't matter. What matters is my actions back there. Like you know, my mom called me and said that my dad was really sick, so I flew there. I didn't know why, because my dad was always horrible to me. He never, ever accepted me, never supported me, not like Burt did with you. He wasn't even speaking to me back then. I haven't seen him in a year, when he had said to me: "get out of my house, faggot". But I did go. I don't know why. He's my father after all. And maybe I though to myself, maybe, he would regret what he said and what he had done to me. Maybe his illness would allow him to have some kind of epiphany. You know that I've always been a romantic, a believer, so I chose to believe."

Kurt, was now really listening to him; although he had no intention to at first. He was just trying to be a bitch to him and make him suffer. But Blaine was suffering enough just by remembering. Just by being. Kurt could right through it.

"So what? Did he forgive you?" Kurt asked, because Blaine had stopped talking and was lost in his thoughts.

" No, he didn't. He would never. I realized that the minute I walked into the house. I knew that he was suffering but not enough to make him regret what he said to me. What he did to me. He wasn't going to take it back. Indeed was just going to make me suffer as much as him. And God! He did…"

"…"Blaine got lost once again in his thoughts but Kurt didn't urged him to get back to talking. As much as it hurt him to spend this time with Blaine, he wasn't going to push him neither. Because he knew how painful memories were. How the reminiscences of the past affected the mind. Because now Kurt, was reliving it with him, he was back five years ago, and he was putting everything in a new perspective. The perspective of the truth.

"The first days were awful, Kurt. Awful. The shock of seeing my dad so weak, so sick, so dying. And he made it worse because he wouldn't see me. He kept yelling at me and at my mother for calling me. He said that he didn't need me here. That he didn't his faggot son to be a constant reminder of his failures before he died. Kurt, you have no idea how he looked at me. Like, Like I was the devil that would keep him from going to heaven." Blaine was crying now, and his legs wouldn't support him anymore. So he just rested his back against the wall, and let himself slip into the floor. Kurt didn't move. He just kept staring at him, his face blank of any expression.

"So, I was the devil for him… and well.. that didn't stopped me for trying to care of him. He couldn't walk anymore or go the doctor's office, he was too weak for that. The cancer in his lungs was slowly taking all his breath away. The hospital had sent a nurse to help my mother take care of him, but I just fired her once I got there. I mean… I told her that I would be capable to care of him if she just showed me… My dad didn't want but my mom… she didn't let him the choice. I figured if I took care of him myself, we would bound you know? He would come to know me and accept me… I was a fool."

Blaine paused for a few minutes and looked Kurt in the eyes with exhaustion. He sighed and then got back to his story.

"That's why I didn't call you at first… because I was so down.. and then so busy trying to learn all this stuff to help my dad… and then actually convince my dad to let me help him… and when we did, managing to handle my dad and actually help my mom in the house… because there were no more help around. Because my dad didn't want any strangers in it. I'm sorry Kurt" added Blaine looking to Kurt who just nodded, waiting for him to continue. So he did.

"And the thing is, I was a fool. Because I didn't get any better. My father was constantly cursing me, and telling me how much a freak I was, and how he didn't understand that something so unnatural would come from him. And how his relatives or his friends would react if they ever found it. And my mom… my mom was no better. Kurt, she was worse. Because she didn't face up to my dad. She just kept saying that she didn't understand what they did for me to hurt them so much. And it was partially my fault that my father was sick, because he was so sick of having a son like me. And she asked me to try to be a better man, to be someone else, for my dad last moments. She wanted me to change so my dad could go away in piece. She kept blaming me for his condition that worsened every day. She said it was my fault because I was too stubborn to realize that I was just a child who would do anything to punish his parents. She said that I did on purpose to make their life miserable…."

Blaine stopped again to try to catch his breath, because he was literally chocking with his own tears and his own words. Kurt couldn't stand this sight. He felt nauseated so he turned the other way, his hands on the cold wall, his head resting against it, trying to catch some mouthful or air of his own. He heard Blaine in his back, picking up again where he left.

"And before I knew it, a whole month passed by. And I was feeling more and more unsecure about myself. My parents brought this priest at home, for the pretense of my father last confession, but it turned out that he wanted to wash away my own "sins". He kept talking about hell, and purgatory, and how the devil took possession of my soul, but he said that it was too late for redemption. For being a good son again. For my parents to love. Kurt, I knew better, but I after all that, my fate in myself just kept falling apart. And then you showed up. And you offered to help me. And take care of me. But Kurt, I rejected you." Kurt, at this last words, turned back to face only to see in Blaine's eyes what looked like agony. His own heart twitched in pain, and he slip himself against the opposite wall.

"I rejected you Kurt, because I didn't want you to be apart of it. I didn't want my parents to put you through the same living hell I was living. I was willing to accept it, for myself because it was my father but you had no reason to be brought down by people like my parents. You deserved better Kurt, you deserved better than this life or me."

"And what gave you the right to choose for me, Blaine? " It was the first time Kurt spoke since Blaine begun his story, and Blaine didn't except it. He didn't expect the words either that came out of his mouth. Blaine fixed Kurt's eyes for a moment but he didn't understand what he saw. Kurt held his gaze but when Blaine broke it, he just sighed and looked down at the floor, not quick enough for hide the tears that were forming into his eyes.

"Noting Kurt… you know that I'm a fool… I only did what I thought was best for you. And I knew you wouldn't let go easily, so I hurt you on purpose, I'm sorry. I had to make you believe that I didn't want you in order to make sure that you would let go. That was hard, the hardest thing that I ever did. Letting you go. Believe me. But I couldn't let you face that. Or face me. Because I changed so much in over a month. I wasn't so proud or confident, or brave. I was getting weaker, and weaker. I was trapped in a cage of incertitude with my father in it. His voice was everywhere in my head. I was still sure that I was gay, but I felt more and more ashamed for it. I'm sorry Kurt, but it's true. I started to feel like it was really me that was the problem. No the outside world, not my parents. Oh god, why was it so difficult? After three months and just before my dad died, I was no longer sure of anything. Of being gay was really worth it. If it was, like my mom had said, just a choice that I had made to piss them off ? I really was confused Kurt. My mom made sure that I would stay with them and they continue my brainwashing. She kept me from answering the door when Finn came to see me. She hired some movers to bring back my stuff at the house, without me knowing. It was horrible, the most horrible fight we had, when I found out. And you know what? My dad started yelling too… and he said that no matter how hard I tried, even if I tried to find redemption, I was and I will always be a fag, and that he hated my guts. He died 3 hours later, of a heart attack. Ironic"

Kurt was horrified. He wanted to get up, get the hell out of this room, and ran without ever stopping. He felt so sick inside. So disgusted. So… He couldn't look at Blaine, he was afraid to do so. He wanted him to just stop talking. But he couldn't talk either. He didn't want to know the truth, he didn't want to know anything. Please, let him get out of here. But his body didn't want to move, to respond. He just kept his head pressed between his knees, his hands shaking, and he even stopped tearing. He had just a freaking weird reaction, and he wasn't able to move. He just had to kept listening.

"So it was it. My dad died. My mom was almost dead of sorrow. And I, was as good as dead. Truthfully I was. In the inside. But in the outside, I had a freaking funeral to organize, and plan, and people to meet, and all that crap. I saw all these people from my past, all my parents' friends. All freaking catholic rich and obnoxious people that I hated my whole life. And they were all here. All with fucking morals and principles that was already outdated in the 50's. People that pretended to be friends, but turned away from my dad and my mom when he got sick. I felt nauseated the whole ceremony. After that, all that people came into the house, and I was presented to a lot of people, among them Lisa. Actually we knew each other when we were little, but they moved when we were 8 to Boston with her parents. I spent some time talking to her, but truly it didn't give me much comfort. And she kept saying those things… they all said the same things to me… that my parents told them that I was boarding in France… in some very fancy school… because I was such a good student… and of course they missed me, but they were so proud of me… Oh my god, Kurt, you can't understand how much I wanted this to be true. How much I wanted that my parents actually meant all this. How much I wanted my dad to have felt like this for me, or my mom to be actually proud of who I was! I never felt so miserable in my life, so unwanted, so ashamed of myself. So that night, after the funeral, I spent it drinking. Alone in my room. I didn't care less about all the people in the house that came to pay their respects. I didn't want any of their condolences. But I don't know why, Lisa came to my room that night. It was like she knew I was confused, she sensed something. But after that, the only thing I could remember was waking up the next morning naked against her. "

Kurt's head snapped then in a quick move that even surprised himself. He went back into his feet as suddenly and started pacing the floor, still not looking at Blaine.

"I don't remember anything from that night, Kurt, I swear. Maybe I was desperate for affection, maybe because I was so unsecure about myself, but in any case, I did it with Lisa. And I felt horrible afterwards, more horrible that I was before, if it was even possible. Lisa didn't say anything to me after that. I though she just wanted to forget that It did even happen, like I did. And I did try to forget it. Because I couldn't think about anything else besides you. Now that my father was dead, and nothing kept me attached to that house, I had no idea what to do. I had no idea who I was anymore Kurt. Gay, straight, anything. And for some time, It didn't matter, because all I could think of you, was you. How much I've been missing you. How much I hurt you. All the consequences of my actions towards you, all the choices that I made, came back to hunt me. I felt it all, in once. I couldn't stop crying. Couldn't get out of bed for two weeks. I was devastated. My mom taught that I was mourning my bad or blaming my self for his premature death. I couldn't care less. But then after two weeks, I realized that you would never take me back, that I would never be able to be with you again. Like before. And then my mom started again his brainwashing. She kept saying that my father's death should have woken me up, and I should have came into my senses by now, and all that. Kurt, I was so emotionally unstable, so weak, that I just let everything my mom said in. I couldn't fight her anymore. He just started planning my life, and deciding for me and I really don't know what she was doing, because Kurt I was so out of it. Of everything. She kept saying stuff like that for two weeks, and then exactly a month after my father's death, Lisa showed up at my door saying that she was pregnant with my child. Because of that night. I was devastated and of course my mother taught it was the best news in the world. Before I knew it, I was sitting in our living room with my mother and Lisa's parents talking wedding dates, and jobs and living arrangements. They just planned my whole future in one fucking afternoon! And you know what Kurt, I didn't protest. I just though that it was some kind of sign, karma, whatever. I didn't want to fight anymore, so I resigned. I let them organize my life, turn me into a executive into the family business, plan a ridiculous wedding, and organize my moving to some Boston suburbs. 7 months later, I had a wife, a daughter, a dog, a white picket fence, and a fucking Volvo. And I never felt more gay in my whole damn life."

 

Kurt was speechless. So many emotions were running through him: anger, hurt, sadness and the truth, the stronger one, was empathy. He hated himself for feeling that. But there was no denying it. He felt truly sorry for Blaine. Because as much as he wanted to tell himself that Blaine was just a coward for running away, for being weak in front of his parents, for marrying Lisa, for all that, he knew better. Because he understood. Because no matter how hard it was to accept this idea, he knew he had been lucky. Because he had Burt. His dad. And Carole. And Finn. And his friends. Because of how much he was angry with them in the moment, he would never be able to thank them enough, to be grateful enough for how much they did for him. For how much they were the reason he was here today. For the fact that he was a proud and confident homosexual man. For the fact that he came to accept himself. Just because they accepted him. And showed him that it was ok to be who was. It was more than ok, it was normal. They supported him, and protected him, and even kicked his ass, when he had doubts about himself. He was here, today, because of them. But Blaine, never had the same. He just didn't.

Kurt felt empathy because then again, he could have ended just like Blaine, if it wasn't for them. Because he remembered. It might have been 9 years ago, and Kurt and his friends, might be joking about it know, but he knew, that time, he might have turned just like Blaine. He could see it now. That week, 9 years ago, was the turn in his life. . Sure he was a kid back then, but still. He felt rejected by his own father who he thought wanted to spend more time with Finn because he was "a real dude". He changed his outfits, sung Mollohan Camp, and even dated Brittany. And the thing is, he truly wanted to be someone else, back then. Someone "normal". To fit in. And maybe he would still be living this lie, if it wasn't for his father. For his friends. But mostly for his father. Because he did said to him something that he had been carrying in his heart since: "Your job is to be who you are, and my job is to love you no matter what".

And just because of that, he was who he was today. Because of those few words. Because of a hug. Because of his love. He owed everything to his father. He owed him his life.

But others don't have the same chance. Kurt knew he was lucky to have been supported all his life by his father. And he knew that's what made all the difference. That's what makes all the difference for all the kids in the world. Gays, straights, it didn't matter. All a kid wants is to be loved, accepted and make their parents proud. Kids constantly reinvent themselves to please their families. Kids take baseball because dad is a fan, kids work harder because daddy would be proud. Kids hate spinach but they ate it to please Mommy. And kids turn straight to feel loved. It doesn't change when you grow up. And if you don't have parents to tell you that is ok, that's it's best to be who ever you want to be, you might just end up to be the pale copy of who you look up to.

And Blaine was no exception. He might have rebelled against it at some point, but the guilt, the fear to be a constant disappointment and failure just catches up eventually. All you need, is a abusive, homophobic and closes minded parent. All you need is someone to kick you down when you're already struggling to get up, to affirm yourself.

All you need is love. Blaine didn't get it. Kurt did. Blaine resented himself. Kurt didn't. It was as simple as that. Blaine might have been brave but not brave enough, and Kurt just couldn't blame him for that. Some people do actually pull out from their parents' influence, but some people aren't Blaine. And some people aren't Kurt.

All you need is love, thought once again Kurt.

"Kurt… please say something" asked Blaine, who was on his knees, his face red and his eyes swallowed by all the crying.

Kurt jumped a bit at the sound of his name. because he had forgotten he was here. In this room. In this hospital. With Blaine. Because in his mind, he was still 9 years ago on the stage, at school, in his father's arm, feeling safe and cherished.

He turned slowly to face back the world's reality, Blaine and said:

"Lennon was a smart ass…" whispered Kurt to himself. But he eventually raised his voice: " I don't know… Blaine. I just don't know what to say. Blaine, you've got to understand something, I… I understand. I do understand it. What you've been through… It must not have been easy… but…"

"But?"

"But… Blaine… it doesn't change anything. You're still married. You still have a daughter. That didn't change."

"I know Kurt… I'm sorry." Blaine got back on his feet and slowly walked to where Kurt was standing.

"I know you are… I'm sorry also. I wish things were different… but they are not."

Blaine didn't answer. He just kept moving toward Kurt. He needed him. He needed Kurt to tell him that everything was ok. He needed to feel something.. He was exhausted. For pretending fitting in. Because he never did. He never fitted in when he was a gay, and he never did either when he pretended to be straight. He didn't know where his place anymore. If he had only a place. That's why he needed Kurt to tell him. That somehow, he had still a place. And if… if … this place was in Kurt's arms.

Kurt saw Blaine moving forward but he wasn't sure if he wanted to stop him. He didn't forgive him. Or did he? He wasn't so sure anymore. But what was sure, was the fact that he didn't forget. That he would never. Because there he was. A constant reminder. A constant married father reminder. But then again he felt like his heart was urging his mind to shut up and his body to lean into Blaine's arms. To feel the warmth of Blaine's embrace. He wanted to make him feel better about himself, to make himself feel better. Like this hug would have the power to heal them both. He wanted to forget himself into Blaine's arms, never wake up again, and die pressed against his heart.

Blaine was still moving slowly, step by step, like the man who was marching toward his guillotine, his eyes locked into Kurt's. The tension was almost unbearable as the two of them were only now one foot away, and Kurt was suddenly not sure of anything. He never had been so lost in his life, so conflicted, so tortured, and he knew that Blaine was as helpless as he was. But then again… Blaine took a deep breath, his deep green eyes lost into the vast ocean that were Kurt's and…

"KUUUUUUURTTTTTT ELIZABETH HUMMEL, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? I'M FREAKIN' HAVING THIS BABY NOW! AND I NEED YOUUUUU NOOOOOOW! ARGGGHHHH!"


	5. Chapter 5

3 Am :

"She's so beautiful"

"Precious" said Kurt beaming at her

Quinn was exhausted, out of breath, not really recovered from the excruciating pain of the delivery. She wouldn't take any drugs to help her, even if the doctors and Kurt kept pushing her to do so. She wanted it to be natural, to feel everything. Just like the first time. But this time, it was even more important for her, because she had to keep it. She had to make it work it. But it was quick, thankfully, for both Quinn and Kurt. Himself, wouldn't have minded some painkillers, because, god, Quinn was some strong thing. He still couldn't feel his arm fully, and he was sure that it would be covered in bruises the next day. "Totally worth it", he though, eying the beautiful baby girl in Quinn's arms. she was so small, and had already a lot of hair. Brunette.

But, even though he was so dazzled by the sight of the baby, Kurt couldn't help but feel his heart squeeze. He always wanted to have a family someday, from as long as he remembered. When he was young, he couldn't help but play with his dolls creating vast scenarios were they got married and had babies. But as he grew up, his dream felt more like a fantasy he would never be able to reach. He knew that being gay was diminishing his chances of ever being a father, even though some progress had been made in terms of legal rights. He just felt he would never have that. At least not the natural way people did. But, when he met Blaine, and moreover when they moved together, the though started to resurface again, more vivid this time. He though that, even if it would be more difficult for them, even if people would always judge, he wanted to start a family with him. Because he was Blaine. Because they were right for each other. And because they thought nothing could ever break them.

As this though, Kurt sighed.

"Are you ok…" Quinn had raised her eyes from the babies, gazing at him with a worried look on her face. He was clearly hurting.

"I'm perfect Quinn… besides the fact that you broke me some bones back there… thank god we are in a hospital" Kurt said, attempting a joke.

"You don't look…"

"Really Quinn… Totally worth it… she's so beautiful"

Quinn smiled in agreement and returned her attention to the baby in her arms, although she wasn't fooled one second. She would have to talk to him eventually.

Kurt was relieved that she didn't push further her questions. He knew that she would want to hear about what happened with Blaine, like every body else, but he just wasn't ready yet to share it. He wasn't even sure what to tell them. Because he didn't know what to think of it. Sincerely, he hadn't had the time to do so. When he heard Quinn's screaming, he just jumped out the room, to find her outside the door, yelling in pain. The doctors and her friends were trying to get her to go back to her room, but she wouldn't calm before she saw Kurt and made sure he was going back with her to help her deliver the baby. She was on stubborn woman, though Kurt with a smile. And after that, he didn't really had the time to think. Until now.

Only now, he only though about the baby and how much he wanted to become a father himself. Spoil the little girl he often dreamt about. One perfect, brunette, blue eyed little girl. With long curled hair. Maybe it had a lot do with Blaine after all. Or maybe not, because ever since, they had broken up, his needs to start a family only increased. He wanted badly someone to love unconditionally and who would return the same attention to him.

But now, seeing Quinn holding her little girl with a the purest smile on her face, and tears of joy, he made up his mind. He would have this little girl. He didn't Blaine, or any other man, to do it. He would be a father, no matter what it cost him.

But before he had the time to figure out how, or even how difficult it would legally be, the door opened and a dozen people entered the room, breaking the peace of the atmosphere.

"Congratulations" they all screamed at the same time, making Quinn and Kurt jump in surprise, as the baby started crying in Quinn's arms.

"sorry…sorry… sorry" apologized several people, clearly embarrassed by their behavior.

But Quinn clearly didn't mind, too happy to see all her friends present in this time : "It's ok guys, really… I should start to get used to it… as I have clearly a long of sleepless nights ahead of me"

"Yeah… tell me about that" said in the same time Tina and Mike, which made everyone chuckle, even the concerned ones.

"would you like to come closer and see her?"

One by one, they all came closer, looking at the beautiful baby, who had stopped crying, and was one looking at each of them with clearly curious eyes. Mercedes, Rachel, and Tina, even hold her a bit, before returning to their partners, only to gaze at them with envy eyes, which made the guys a lot uncomfortable, and provoked some laughs from Puck and Santana sides.

"You're fucked guys…" smirked Puck

"Shut up Puck…" groaned Finn, clearly unease, as Rachel was still fixing him with intensity. It's wasn't that he didn't want a baby with Rachel. No he did really, and he was madly in love with her. But just not now. He just started playing major league and she had more work than ever, so it wasn't the best of time. But when he looked down to meet her gaze, he knew that this was a discussion that he would have to face up sooner than later. And knowing her, it was more going to be real soon. Like tonight maybe. Ugh.

But when Mercedes gave back the baby to Quinn, and returned to stand next to Sam, he just put her arms around her and whispered something in her ears that made her face lighten up. Kurt noticed that he wasn't as uncomfortable as Finn at the idea, which made him happy. Sam was clearly a good guy for Mercedes and he really made her happy. Kurt was still surprised to see how long the two had been together, as everybody else in the group was. They never betted that they would still date after high school or past the first summer for that matter, because in the outside, they were really different from each other; But their couple had survived, biting all odds, and everyone knew that their love was still going stronger everyday.

Kurt directed a genuine smile to Sam, who was still holding Mercedes in his arms, put his eyes were locked on the rest of them. He saw Kurt's smile and grinned back. He was happy that he had had his approval from the beginning of his relationship with Mercedes, because he knew, that she was his best friend, and their was no way he could have dated her if Kurt hadn't approved.

Kurt was now remembering the first day he saw them together as a couple, and even though they were trying to hide it, which was so sweet, it was too obvious for Kurt. It had been also the same day that…

But Kurt shook his head, refusing to think about it any longer. But obviously it wasn't going to be as easy, considering that Mercedes had pulled herself from Sam, and was coming toward him.

"Listen Kurt, I know it's not the best time… but Blaine is still here.. and…" she whispered to him, not really sure how the end her phrase.

But Kurt understood that he had to go talk to him, since he pretty much dumped him in that room an hour ago, without any warning. He was dreading the moment, because of the way the things almost ended earlier, but he knew, that he just couldn't stay in this room forever, and wait cowardly that Blaine tired and went home.

"Did you guys talked to him?" he tried to keep his voice slow so only Mercedes could hear him but the room has silenced, all his friends, trying obviously to follow their conversation.

"No… he left the room just after you did babe…. We though that he left the place altogether … but he reappeared when we came to check on you guys… he asked me to tell you that…"

"he wanted to talk to me…" finished Kurt, and she nodded.

"Ok…" Kurt took at deep breath, and then turned to Quinn "I'll be back. I just have to…" but he didn't finished his phrase, and he didn't have to. She gave him a encouraging look, and then, he was out.

 

Blaine was sitting in the public waiting room, next to Quinn's, when he heard Kurt's pace. He had been walking around the hospital for the past hour, not really sure what to do or what to think. The way it ended with Kurt… No actually, It didn't really end. So he had to make sure, it did properly. But he didn't want to. End it.

What could possibly happened after such a conversation? Back there, earlier, and that private room, he wanted to hug him so much, to hold him, and he knew, if it hadn't been for Quinn, he would have. He couldn't help but blame her even though he knew that it wasn't her fault. But he knew also then that he wouldn't have any other chance to do so. To be so close to Kurt. Emotionally. Because the Kurt back there was the Kurt he had always loved. He was not controlled, not trying to hide his feelings, not pretending for someone's sake. He was plain himself, totally nude emotionally, totally open. He knew how much it had hurt him, to learn about his story. But also how lost he was, after it. The hug He waited for, was for both of them. He wanted not only to feel loved, but also to show Kurt how much he still loved him. It would have hurt both of them, but he had to show him. All that he wasn't able to say with words. Because In their case, words were never enough. But he couldn't. He would never be able now to show him now, to let go, because the Kurt that was coming toward him, was back in control of himself.

"Blaine…" said Kurt, stopping a few feet from Blaine, who stood up at looked at him, a expression on his face, that Kurt didn't quite understand. Or maybe he just didn't want to understand. Not here, not now, at least.

"Kurt, I just…" started Blaine, but then he seemed to change his mind on whatever he was going to say. " Kurt, I wanted to say goodbye, I'm going back tonight to Boston… "

"Ok…" simply said Kurt, not sure how to respond any other way

"But first.. I…. I don't know…. "

"What ?" said Kurt as he didn't have a clue what Blaine wanted; Of course he knew, but he was as lost as him after what happened.

"Kurt… where does that leaves us ?" finally asked Blaine in one deep breath

Blaine saw that Kurt was expecting this question, but somehow saying it out loud surprised the both of them. Because they weren't ready to answer it. How could they be, when they had nothing to relate to?

"Blaine… I really don't know. The Little Mermaid had it hard, sure, but this is a whole new level of impossible relationship. Should mail our story to Disney, they would throw a fit about it. Then again… Kubrick would definitely capture best the madness of it. And it sure isn't PG…" Kurt was aware that he was rumbling nonsense, feeling so stupid because he was embarrassing himself in front of Blaine, when he should have been calm and rational, and in control of himself; he shouldn't let Blaine see how much he was troubled, as much he affected him. But who was he kidding, it was Blaine, he was talking about. Blaine knew everything about him. Blaine who even anticipated all his needs before he could even think about them. Who was he fooling, seriously?

And the, in a attempt to shut him up, Blaine took gently Kurt's hand into his. And the reaction of that simple gesture, no one could have predicted it. Not even the both of them.

Blaine's and Kurt' bodies shivered as a frenzy electric courant run between them leaving the two of them like they were struck by lightening. Kurt gasped in shock and it took him all the will power of the world to remove his hand. It last at the end only a second, but it felt like years. And it would last forever.

They were now facing each other, their gaze locked, but no one knew what to say next. Not even Blaine. Like he said, they were no words between them. But in this moments, words were absolutely vital, if they didn't want to loose their sanity both.

Kurt never believed in God, but it was like someone had listened to his silent prayers, when a nurse interrupted them : " Huh… Mr. Hummel, your friends are asking for you." The nurse was bewildered.

"Oh yeah…" finally said Kurt, snapping out of it, and turning his gaze to the nurse. "Thanks, I'll be right here."

Blaine was slowly recomposing himself when he returned his attention to him. "I better go."

"Yeah, you should" said Blaine with a still unsteady voice

"I'll call you?" Kurt didn't mean it as to come out as question, but more as a formal thing to say. But he clearly wasn't able to trust his voice anymore. He just really really wanted to end this.

"Sure… " But Blaine knew better. There would be no call." Take care Kurt, see ya."

And that was it. Kurt was gone.

 

When Kurt retuned to the Quinn's room, everyone ceased to talk, and turned to face him. Of course they were talking about him, but he wasn't mad. How could they not.

"Who I have to thank for saving me ?"Everyone knew he was clearly referring to the Nurse interruption.

"You girl right here…." Said Santana

"Thank you" said simply Kurt.

She nodded but other than that, no one added any word about it.

"Guys, I think you should go… it's 3:30, and you all look dead" said Quinn

"Ain't no way, babe" replied Mercedes

"Hell no, we won't leave you until your mister shows up" added Artie, who was half conscious

"But… I don't know how long it's going to take"

"Precisely Quinn. We won't leave you alone until then" said Kurt, sitting in the chair next to her bed and taking her hand.

They all nodded in agreement, dead set about it. "Besides, we should check this guy out" said Puck with a smirk.

"hell yeah" agreed Santana "see if that guy is worth our Fabray…"

"He better be, this white boy! Or I'm gonna cut him" said Mercedes, only half joking

"you guys are crazy" Quinn rolled her eyes, but she was clearly enjoying it. "Freaks"

"But we are freaks together" said Finn, bringing back a old memory where they were all dressed in Gaga and Kiss outfits. The first time they stood up for Kurt, but not only. They had realized then, that they were sure outcasts but at least they had each other. Nothing was changed. They were still outcasts in some way, and they were here together more bound then ever.

They all smiled at the mention of this day, and how much they had evolved since. But they were happy to see that nothing between had changed really, surviving the dram of high school, relationships, bullying, and all the problems they had faced. They were stronger now but they still needed each other.

"At least have some rest then. Go back to the waiting room, there are couches there, it's better…"

"Nah, we're fine here" said Puck

 

they all tried to find a spot in the room to rest, some even in the floor, their back against the wall, and most of them went to sleep in less than 5 minutes. But Kurt wasn't going to. He was fighting the urge to sleep, resting against the back of the chair, unwilling to allow himself to sink into unconscious. He didn't want to sleep because he didn't want to dream. And if he was fighting it, then he wasn't thinking. If he just let go, he would certainly think about what happened in the last hours, and would definitely dream about it. He just wasn't ready. That wasn't healthy or anything but he didn't care.

Obviously someone else cared because he sensed Quinn squeezing his hand and he opened her eyes to look at her.

"Kurt, are you ok? " she whispered, trying not to wake anyone. But it was highly possible, as they were all pretty much snoring.

"I am… Or I will be" Kurt didn't try to lie.

"I know that I am no Mercedes, or Rachel… but I'm here if you want to talk"

"Thanks Quinn"

"I mean it. I know that I haven't been always the bets of friends, to you or to anyone else in high school… but no let me finish…" she said quickly before he could try to deny it "I know it, I've been a bitch to most of you, and I know that in the end, I tried to make up for it. But I was just angry all the time."

"I know Quinn… we all know what you've been through… you don't need to justify it" Kurt said, taking his hand, and leaning his body forward to be closer to her.

"It's still not an excuse. I want to make it up to you. Not because I owe you …"

"You don't owe me anything…" tried to say Kurt

"Yes I do" cut Quinn "and not just about tonight. I know you must think that the only reason I wanted you with me for the delivery was because of the Blaine intervention, which I'm sorry for by the way"

"It's ok… thank you even… I needed it… I'm not mad"

"Ok, but you gotta know that's not just because of that. We could have found an other way for that. But I really wanted you here. Because I do love you Kurt and I think that you and me are far more alike that it appears.."

"I think that also. And I love you too" said Kurt "Honestly."

"I'm glad that you think it. That's why I want you to know that if you want to talk, now or ever, I'm here for you. I know you already your best friends, but I think a can be a more impartial judge, well as impartial as I can be…"

"I know you can be very impartial" said Kurt smiling "And I'll think about it Quinn. It's not a bad idea actually. I need impartiality. I need new eyes on the situation. Mine are clearly clouded, and Mercedes, Finn, Rachel or Sam, for that matter, are far to involved, to be true, to have a partial opinion. I know that you won't spare my feelings and tell me the truth. They just want to protect me".

"I want to protect you also Kurt" frowned Quinn

"I know Quinn, I'm sorry I didn't mean it that way. I'm just saying that I think you will tell me the truth about what you are thinking, even if it hurts because you know it's best for me"

"Yeah something like that"

"Thanks for that Quinn. That's why I love you. I love that you're so honest. No matter what. And people might think that sometimes it's not always so good, but I prefer it than to be lied or spared. I think you're really brave for doing it. I can't myself."

"Yes you can Kurt. You even do it. That's why you suffer so much"

"I guess so" But Kurt knew that there were no guesses in that matter. Of course she was right. He was painfully truthful and that's why it had hurt him so much when Blaine left without any explanation. He had always expected the same honesty from people but until then, he hadn't realized that it was not as easy for everyone else. And people were more pleased with illusions than reality.

"I'm not saying talk to me now, Kurt you know. Just whenever you want call me. Even if I am busy with the baby, I'll always find the time for you, you know that. For all of you" she said looking at her sleeping friends.

"Thanks Quinn"

"Now, try to find some sleep. I know I'm exhausted, for one."

Kurt leaned his head to rest against Quinn's bed, not expecting to sleep. But he was down even before Quinn. She looked at him, sleeping so peacefully when she knew that was all a façade. He was so broken in this inside, so hurt, so tired, but no one could tell. She sighed and closed her eyes. In less than 30 seconds she was down herself.

 

When Quinn's husband finally arrived to the hospital, it was just after 7 am. He was really tired but he hadn't been able to sleep on the flight because he was so exited and anxious at the same time. He knew it was a bad idea to go for this business trip, but Quinn insisted, because like she had said, the delivery wasn't planned before 3 weeks, and she would have been anyway spending most of her weekend with her friends. But apparently the little misses was early, and he couldn't believe he had missed it. The birth of his first child! But at least her friends were with her, so she wasn't totally alone. That comforted him a bit. So as soon as he was told the number of the room by some sleepy but still obnoxious nurse, he almost ran to get there faster. But once he opened the door, he froze and gasped in shock.

That was the strangest setting possible. A dozen people were lying across the small room, some on the floor, some curved like balls into chairs, and some sharing the small sofa in the room, sleeping in the strangest positions ever. But beyond that, there was a man, sitting on a chair next to his bed's wife, his head resting on her knees, and her hand resting on his hair.

"Bloody Hell. What's happening here?"

His voice awaken most of the people in the room including Quinn, who opened her eyes, at the sight of a confused and even annoyed husband.

"Oh babe! You're here!" cheered Quinn. She still looked tired but her smile lightened up all her face.

"Yeah.. I'm here darling. But why are those people? And who's this guys?"

"Jealous much, dude ?" asked Puck who was still trying to get up on his feet, all sore of spending four hours sleeping on a hard cold floor.

"Noah, shut up. It's Kurt. Phil, he's not what you think…".

Kurt started to move a bit, yawning, and finally, with one last gentle kick from Quinn, he opened his eyes.

"hey" he said, with a still sleepy voice. "must be Quinn's husband. I'm Kurt"

"Yes… I bet you are mate. But that doesn't tell me what…"

"Hey, dude relax", said Puck before anyone could talk, "he's gayer than the fourth of July."

Kurt just rolled his eyes and said : "yeah… I'm afraid I am"

"Heard that before" mumbled Phil.

"Hey mate, just wanted to say that you are like the living cliché of the English gentleman. I mean that shirt is tailored, because it's looks just like that one from Etro's next spring collection, but the fabric seems lighter, which really shows that you're a man of taste. But you should have gone with a clearer color for those pants. The cut is perfect on your tights, sexy if I may add, but the color doesn't do the shirt justice. By the way, Your ass Is really nice. Quinn, my girl, you did good."

The entire room burst into hysteric laughter as Kurt's little speech clearly left Phil totally mystified, his mouth open, and apparently took away his power of speech. But after a few seconds, he recovered and joined the general hysteria.

"Got it" he said with a chuckle "gayer than the fourth of July. By the way I guess I should say thanks… and sorry…."

"You should… " replied Kurt rolling his eyes, faking annoyance. But he got up from the chair, proposing it to Phil who gladly accepted it.

" Hey baby. Sorry about that." He said kissing her forehead

"It's ok, honey, it was quite entertaining really" chuckled Quinn. She leaned forward to give him a quick kiss on the lips "Missed you."

"Missed you too. How are you, how is our baby girl, is she ok, nothing…"

"Oh, calm down babe. We are all fine. She's in an other room, I should call a nurse to bring her, and so you could see for yourself how beautiful our little girl is"

They all sensed that they were clearly intruding a private moment, and with a general look, they agreed to retire.

"Well, we are going to let the two of you have some privacy…" said Tina

"Thanks guys ! You were amazing tonight ! I don't know what I should have done without you here…" Quinn started tearing a bit

"Yeah thank you for taking care of my wife" added Phil

"Don't mention it." Said Kurt

"Yeah, besides babe, we'll be back in a few hours. Remember what we said about mister…" said Mercedes

"What about me?" asked a confused Phil

But Quinn just rolled her eyes, amused. "Of course guys, besides I should present you guys to Phil a bit better…"

"You bet your ass you have!" said Santana

Everyone laughed and then they all said goodbye and promised to be back by noon. They all needed some proper sleep, and rest, after that crazy night. Kurt went with Mercedes and Sam, because if even he could sleep, he just didn't want to be alone for now.

 

By one pm, they were all back in the hospital, gathered once again in the small room, around Quinn and Phil. They were all rested, including the newly parents, and in a cheerful mood.

"So Phil" he was sitting on the edge of the bed, one arm around her, and a big smile on his face, " this is my friends. Everybody this is Phil"

"kind of figured it out already" said Brittany

"getting smarter everyday girl" sneered Puck

"shut up, Mohawk."

"Mohawk?" repeated a confused Phil

"That's why I needed a formal introduction" giggled Quinn "So the Mohawk we're talking about it, It's Noah Puckerman, also known as Puck"

"Don't even try to call me Noah, dude"

"yeah, too hard for him to spell" smirked Kurt

"Shut up Porcelain"

Phil was more and more confused. This was like watching a tennis game, with remarks and comments flying everywhere, too hard to for him to keep the pace.

Quinn : "so like I said, it's Puck. And the reason his surname is Mohawk, is because, back in high school, his Mohawk was pretty popular"

Mercedes : "Poor guy had to pretend date my sweet cheerleader ass, to stop people from tossing him in the dumpsters, when he the doc shaved his"

Phil : "so, you guys dated?"

Puck : "try every girl in Lima dude"

Phil : "Wait, who toss you in the dumpsters?"

Kurt : "Mostly him, and Finn"

Phil : "Wait, you threw him into the dumpsters? Why ? and who's Finn?"

Kurt : "My step brother right here"

Phil : "Wait, you tossed your step brother in the dumpsters?"

Finn : "not my finest moment dude"

Kurt : "he was nice enough to let me take out my Mark Jacob's Jacket first"

Phil shook his head in disbelief but he had not time to recover before the party started again.

Santana : "besides, he wasn't even your step brother at the moment"

Mike : "yeah, he was even kind of into you"

Kurt : "shut up, Mike"

Brittany : "wait, you liked Finn?"

Santana : "always a step ahead babe…"

Brittany: "But I thought you liked me sweetie…"

Kurt : "I like you Brit…"

Phil : "Wait so you and her dated?"

Kurt : "not my finest moment, mate"

Brittany : "he is a really good kisser… but he's a dolphin now"

Phil : "a dolphin ?"

Sam : "yeah, you didn't know that dolphins are just gay sharks, Phil?"

Puck : "maybe that blond perm is really eating your brain, Sam"

Sam : "You would know, Puckerman, you get rid of your last brain cells when you shoved that Mohawk"

Tina : "Wow, Guys enough, you're starting to scare the men. Hey I'm Tina Cohen-Chang by the way."

Phil : "nice to meet you"

Mike : "I'm Mike Chang her husband. Totally not related."

Tina : "But we are now."

Mike : "Wow that didn't make any sense"

Artie : "Never did bros. Hey, I'm Artie."

Phil : "Nice to meet you mate."

Tina : " Now when you think about it, I'm actually Tina Cohen Chang Chang"

Brittany : "sounds like a song. You should totally be a song. or a happy meal no onions."

Phil : " happy meal no onions?"

Santana : "Private joke, sorry dude."

Rachel : "we should stop doing that, the poor man is confused"

Santana : "you are the most confusing thing on this planet, Berry"

Puck : "hey no messin' with my girl, Lopez"

Phil : "Wait you two dated? "

Rachel : " Not my finest moment, man"

Puck: "nor mine."

Phil : "so why.."

Finn : "Jewish solidarity dude"

Phil : "Okay…."

Quinn : "sweetheart don't try to keep tabs on who and who dated. You'll only get confused."

Rachel : "and a headache. I know I did."

Mercedes : "see who talks. Anyway so not he point"

Phil : "and the point is ?"

Mercedes : "cutting you, white boy, if you mess with our girls."

Santana : "yeah, I've razor blades in my hair"

Artie : "Yeah dude, I was In the football team, I'll kick your ass"

Puck : "Been to the sack once, watch out boy"

Brittany : "and Lord Tubbington will choke you to death. Just sayin' "

Mercedes : "yeah you don't want to mess with her cat"

Puck : "But I'll mess with her anytime."

Santana : "Shut up Puckerman"

Phil : "don't worry mates, I'm not planning on hurting Quinn or the baby for that matter. I love them too much. They are my life"

They all nodded smiling. They hoped that they didn't scare the man too much. They hadn't realized how far it did actually go, because they were just having so much fun together, and it was so nice to act like 17 years old kids again. But Phil didn't seem to shaken, or horrified. In fact, he was still just a bit confused, but highly amused.

"I'm sorry for my friends, baby, they're crazy" said Quinn, smiling. She had so much fun enjoying their exchange, even though she didn't really participated. She thought it was best to keep herself out of it, just in case. Phil was great, but still. Better be safe than sorry.

"Sorry, Phil, for these immature freaks" added Kurt with a huge smile on his face, that actually matched the look on her face, for the first time since Friday morning, and that everybody noticed.

"speaking of immature, how did you call your baby?" asked Puck

everyone rolled his eyes. "Way to go Noah"

"No, it's cool mate," chuckled Phil, "we actually decided to call her Lea"

"It's pretty" said Rachel

"Lea Michelle Fabray Smith" completed Quinn

"I love it… by the way Quinn, I've got something for you. and the baby" said Kurt

"You shouldn't have"

"Yeah Kurt, you shouldn't have." Mike sighed. "You make us seem like bad friends…"

"At least you could have included us in it …" Rachel rolled her eyes.

"It's ok, guys, really, Besides, Kurt you didn't have too…" said Quinn trying to calm her friends who were slightly annoyed with Kurt at the moment.

"No, it's nothing like that… guys" said Kurt quickly. "Nothing that I bought, or made… It's just something that I had for some time…"

"Even better Kurt, trying to give away left over's?"

"Oh shut up Noah" sighed Kurt. Puck looked clearly offended, but before he could say anything, Kurt added, "It's not a material things… it's just words…"

Now, everyone seemed confused, even Quinn.

"Let me explain. Actually, It's a poem. Or more like a song."

"You wrote me a song?" asked a bewildered Quinn.

"No I didn't wrote it. Couldn't wrote something so beautiful if I tried." It wasn't cheap modesty, everyone could tell. Kurt really meant it. And it just annoyed them more, because they knew Kurt could really underestimate himself sometimes, even if, for most people he just sounded like the most obnoxious diva on earth. Well, besides Rachel, that is.

"Who did then?" asked a very curious Rachel.

"It's a Arabic song. I don't really recall his name. The thing is I have this woman who works in the company in the HR, and well, she's Egyptian originally, her name is Leila. And she has this beautiful daughter, who I think is 12, or 13. Sophia. So One day, last may, Mother's day, I went to ask Leila about something. As I went into her office, I heard some music playing. The most beautiful tone I've ever heard. I went in, and Sophia was there, playing the music on her phone, and she was singing along to her mom. Leila was… I don't know how to say that… but beyond moved to whatever she was hearing. And truly I was too. Even though I didn't understand the words." Kurt smiled remembering how perfect this moment was between the two. " I didn't want to interrupt, so later on, I asked her about it. She told me that every mother's day, her daughter, and her husband, they celebrate it, by playing this song. She said, even though she new it by heart, and she was expecting it, she was always so moved by the words. So I asked her if she could translate it for me. She did, and really, even if the translation is not really as powerful as the original as she said, it was powerful enough for me."

Everyone was touched by the story, especially when they could guess where Kurt was going to do.

"Quinn", begun again Kurt, with a larger smile on his face, and even his eyes were unusually glowing, which made Quinn smile even more strongly at him, "I know that this would be your kid's job to sing you this song one day, and I'll make sure he will." Kurt said looking at Phil, who nodded: " I'll remember it."

"But still, I know that you'll be an amazing mother, because this time you're ready..."

Everyone shrugged at "this time" but Kurt continued quickly: "It's because you've outgrown your fears, and you are stronger now. But you're also one of the kindest and nicest, and loving person I know. I know that you made some mistakes, like we all did, but hey, that's what made you, you. And I think that if you were able to face all that and be here today, that you'll be able to do just as good, or even better for your daughter."

Quinn was now crying at Kurt's words, and even Phil was beaming. The truth is in fact everyone in the room was touched by Kurt's words to Quinn, because they were so honest. And because after Kurt had been through, they knew how much he took upon himself to be with them, smiling, and saying all those things.

"Can I see the poem? " asked gently Quinn because Kurt seemed lost in his thoughts.

"Oh yeah, sorry… here it is…" he handed to an envelop with her name on it.

"Is it your only copy… because I wouldn't…" worried Quinn

"Don't worry… I don't think she would mind writing it for me another time… but anyway, I think I've memorized it by now…"

"Ok… good then." She looked at him with a genuine smile of gratitude

"Can you read it out loud?" asked Rachel " I mean if you don't mind…" she added quickly when saw the exasperate look on Mercedes face, annoyed by the fact that Rachel was a know-it-all.

"No of course I don't mind… But… Kurt ?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you read it for us?"

"Yeah sure…." He happened the envelope and turned to face everybody. " I don't know if you'll like it though, because well it's just an amateur translation, and it's not as beautiful without the music…" he was babbling by this point, almost blushing.

"Just read it Porcelain!"

Kurt gave her an murderous look, only to meet her smirk. He shrugged, but didn't respond in any way other than that. He opened the envelope, took the paper and begun to read:

"Oh the master of the beloved ones, oh my love

You're more precious than my soul and my blood

Oh you're tender and full of goodness

God keep you for me, my mom

In the past you stayed sleepless at night, got tired holding me for many nights of my life

And now you still enduring the hurt on my behalf

I sleep and you don't, you stay thinking at night

And you wake up from the sunrise and you check on me

May you live for me my mother my beloved

And may your satisfaction last for me

My soul is from yours

The reason I live is your nice wishes for me

You feel my joy even before I turned one

You feel my complains before I do

God keep you for me, my mom

God keep you for me, my mom

If I live my whole life to pay you back

How can I get enough years for it?

And where I can find the most precious gift?

My eye light, my soul, my life and my world

If you accept them ,then they are my gift to you

God keep you for me , the master of the beloved ones, oh my love"

 

When Kurt finished, all the girls where crying, and most of the boys' eyes were wet. Kurt could have swore seeing one tear on Noah's cheek before he brushed his cheek, as if nothing happened. Nobody was talking, but everyone had a huge grin on their faces, despite the crying. So, they must have like it, though Kurt, relieved. He didn't know if they would because it was after all just a approximate translation, and the music that played in the back with the guitars and other instruments that he had never heard off, when he listened to it the first time, was definitely part of the magic. I was glad though that just the words did it.

"It's the most beautiful song about mothers that I've ever heard" said Rachel

Everyone just nodded, still beaming but Quinn squeezed his hand. He looked down at her and she flashed him with a smile that was running all across her face. Her cheeks were still wet but she seemed truly happy and touched. She tried to express all his gratitude through her smile, all the things that she couldn't say out loud, and he seemed to understand, because, his smile widened too, and he whispered to her : "you're welcome".

"I think we should leave" said suddenly Mercedes.

Her friends looked at her, surprise on their faces. It was almost like every one of them had forgotten whey they were, still lost in their thoughts after Kurt's poem, and transported by it. But Mercedes knew that they had imposed too much on Quinn and Phil already and they clearly wanted to spend some time alone with each other and the baby. Besides, it was really getting to hot in here, now that they were more than a dozen people in one average hospital room.

Slowly, they all begun to understand what she was thinking, and snapped one by one out of their daydreams.

"Yeah.. besides we should go back to the hotel, and pick our stuff. Our flight is soon" said Mike.

"Oh guys, we'll miss you!" said Mercedes, and Quinn at the same time.

"Yeah, we'll miss you too" added Brittany in a sad tone.

"Promise we will see each other soon? We must definitely not have to wait 4 years to do that again!" said Quinn

"Hey, you guys are shit… you wouldn't even come to our wedding?" said Mercedes with a wink

"WHATTTTT" the room exploded in screams.

"yeah, Sam popped the question last night just after the show. I wanted us to be all together to tell you the news"

"OH my god, Congratulations guys !"

"good job dude"

"I'm so happy for you Mercedes"

"Way to go, bro"

And it went on, and on, each of them, greeting the happy couple. They received hugs from everyone including Phil, except Kurt who was still frozen in shock, worrying seriously Mercedes. "Oh damn you Mercedes, way to be subtle" she thought. Obviously Kurt was still upset about Blaine and it wasn't fair to throw at him her happiness like that. Besides, he was her best friend and she should have told him first, before everyone else, and see how he felt about it.

"Kurt, are you ok baby ?"

"Cedes, you are getting married?" asked Kurt with a small voice

"yeah baby… I'm sorry I didn't tell you…"

"You are Really getting married?"

"yeah.. like I said…"

But she didn't quite finish her sentence because, Kurt had crashed into her, hugging her like ha was trying to crush her, and screaming : "You are getting Married, I'm so so so so so so HAPPY, I'm going to be bridesmaid, At your wedding!"

Everybody burst into laughter, as Kurt was still screaming : " Oh my God, Cedes you have to let me plan the wedding. Don't worry I'll do everything, You won't have to do a thing. I'll even pick up the dress. Well, obviously you have to try it, but that's it. Oh my Gaga, this is going to be spectacular… I see… "

"Wow calm down Kurt, calm down" said Mercedes, once he realized her. " I'm happy that you're happy for my white boy, but just calm down, breath,…"

"yeah, you're right, I'm just so happy for you, Cedes…And Sam, congratulations buddy, you better take care of my girl"

"Thanks It means a lot Kurt… and I will don't worry…" said Sam with a genuine smile "Besides, I'm dying to see you in a puffy bridesmaid dress Kurtie" he added, which made everyone laugh more.

"Oh Shut up Sammy" Kurt said rolling is eyes.

"Well, it's settled then. See you all, Punks at Samcedes' big blowout party!" said Puck, and everyone cheered.

And then they all hugged and kissed, and said their goodbyes. Mike and Tina were going back to Lima, Santana and Brittany were to accompany them at the airport as they were also supposed to fly back later this afternoon to L.A. Artie joined the ride, as they would drop him off by his hotel were his wife must have been waiting for him. He was also supposed to go back home the next day.

Quinn wouldn't leave the hospital after noon, and they would drive straight the Boston, as planned by Phil. Apparently their parents were crazed by the wait of seeing and holding Lea.

As for the others, they just said goodbye since they all lived in the city and pretty much saw each other everyday.

"See you later Kurtie." Said Puckerman , and then he added just for the form, and for Phil and because yeah, he was Puck after all, and just couldn't leave it at that: "You can't miss the guy, around here, even though it's a freaking big city. There's a freakin fairy dust tapped on his ass, spreading everywhere he goes . " grinned Puck. Everyone sighed but in the same time they looked amused. Phil was obviously having a hard time fighting laughter.

"Checkin' my ass much, Noah?" smirked Kurt.

" Ok on that note, we will get the hell out" Mercedes quickly said shoving they guys out, before this would get out of hand. " Sorry. Nice to meet you though Phil. Take care of my gals for me… and if you ever hurt them… I will cut…"

"Ok, out you too!" said Sam while Phil was shaking is head, clearly amused, but a bit shocked by Mercedes words.

Sam shoved Mercedes out, but not before she was able smile and wink at Quinn, who responded the same way. Rachel and Finn followed them quickly after saying their goodbyes.

Only then, after the door was safely closed, Phil allowed himself to burst into loud laughter. Quinn looked at her husband bemused and then started laughing too.

"They are quite something your mates" said Phil between 2 chuckles

"Yeah, but that's why I love them. I didn't know we were gonna feel so at ease after all this time. But it was natural to act like ourselves, even after 4 years. It felt nice"

"Almost like a family"

"Not almost " said Quinn more seriously now, and more fiercely, "exactly like a family. A dysfunctional one," they both chuckled, "but a family nonetheless. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you be kind enough to leave a little comment? even in exchange for a cookie? A homemade rainbow cookie with love?


	6. Chapter 6

If Kurt thought that his life has been busy until now, it was nothing comparing to what the next week was holding for him. He had spent pretty much the rest of his Sunday sleeping in Mercedes and Sam spare room, too tired to eat, stand up or anything. He just lied there all day, not wanting to go back at his place, by himself.

So he was feeling like hell when Monday morning came, and he had to go to work. He felt like he had been run over by a truck or something. He felt like his head was going to explode. Not that he had been drinking, because it was definitely worst that any hangover. The hot shower he took didn't make him relax one bit. Nor the 3 Tylenols that he had swallowed even before breakfast. He was just feeling terrible, and nothing to do about that.

"Hey babe, good morning" called an over cheerful Mercedes, entering the kitchen behind him.

"Hey Cedes…" he was sitting on a chair, his head resting on the kitchen table. He felt sick

"Are you ok babe, you don't look good?" asked Mercedes with concern.

"Jeez, Cedes, you know how to make a man feel good about himself!"

"Sorry babe, it's just that you're really white… and kind of green in the same time"

"Haven't you heard, green and white are the new black!"

"Ok, cut the crap will you? I'm concerned about you, and you're just being a bitch white boy"

"I'm sorry cedes, but I hate it. I hate feeling that weak"

"You're not week babe. You just had a rough weekend. Anyone would loose it. Hell, I lost it and I'm not even the principal concerned person!"

"I know Cedes… but I wonder if it's ever going to stop. Or this will just hunt me the rest of my life… "

"OK, White boy, That's enough" she almost screamed. Kurt jumped in surprise from his chair, horror struck in his eyes, looking at his best friend like he had never seen her before.

"Stop mopping around and weeping like a cry baby! Now get your acts together before I kick you sweet ass, and go do something with your life!" She pushed him out of the chair, nearly causing him to fell on the floor, but at the last minute she caught him and pulled him out on his feet. The she started shoving him out of the kitchen, putting some gentle slaps on his butt like he was a 4 year old. Kurt was dumb struck, and just let himself get pushed out. "Ok, now, take that," she gave him an apple, "eat it, it's healthy for you. And you know what's healthy also? Going to WORK. Going out. Living a life. Breathing fresh air. Stop thinking shit. Just Go out there and go freakin' live your life, Kurt!"

She opened the door from the apartment, gave him his bag, and then started pushing him again to get out. But this time Kurt resisted and turned to face his friend. Surprisingly enough, he had a grin on his face.

"Hey Cedes, has never told you that you are kind of a scary pushy Girl?"

"Yeah, might have heard that once or twice." She chuckled, glad to see that her friend was taking her threats pretty well.

"Thanks, Cedes, I mean it."

"Anytime, white boy. Now go!" And with a final push, Kurt was outside the apartment, the door slamming on his face.

Kurt was still smiling though. That's exactly why he loved Mercedes. Because even though she was the best comprehensive friend ever, and she always listened to his mopping, she just knew what was best for her friend, even if Kurt wasn't aware himself of that, sometimes. She knew when to listen and she knew when to push. Like today. She had known that he had to get out, and start living his life again. That mopping around about Blaine or his weekend wouldn't do him any good. Instead he should focus on his life, and what made it great. Like his job. Kurt absolutely loved working as fashion designer. It had been his long life dream, with singing in Broadway, and he was so damn glad that he had been lucky enough to have his own company at only 24 years old. Most people would say it had nothing with luck but more with his amazing talent. "Well, let's use that talent", thought Kurt with a smile, and holding that thought, he was off to work, still smiling.

 

But once he arrived at the office, Kurt felt like his good mood wasn't going to last. He had the feeling that something would go terribly wrong today. Or tomorrow. Anytime this week really. Yeah, he was a pessimist, just get over it, people.

Like if it was a sign or something, Leila, the head of the Human Resources service, practically tackled him as soon as he walked out from the elevator.

"Mr. Hummel, thank go you're here, we have a major problem"

"Ok calm down Leila, what's up?" sighed Kurt. He should have expected that he wouldn't even have the time for a coffee before people started attacking him. And today, more than ever, he really needed his coffee to think straight.

"It's Leo, he's …" but she never got to finish her phrase, because an other one of the employees just jumped in front of them, and started exposing her own problems.

"Oh Mr. Hummel you're here, we have a issue in the fitting room. One of the models we hired for the new campaign is just…"

"Mr. Hummel, I need to talk to you. There's something wrong with the poster you requested for the new collection… it's too…" an other one cut

"Mr. Hummel, please you need to call back Sacks, they have been trying to reach you since…"

"Mr. Hummel, it's urgent."

"Oh my god, JUST STOP!" Kurt shouted, and everyone just froze. Shock on their faces. They never saw him loose his temper before. He was always so courteous, so nice, and even friendly. He loved to chat with them, and laugh to their jocks. He never considered them like his employees, but more like his partners, which made all the staff respect him and even love him. He was nothing like a normal boss, really.

Kurt immediately regretted loosing his temper. He was the one who was tired, really. It wasn't fair to them, or their work.

"I'm sorry guys, I'm just really tired. And a bit sick"

"It's ok, boss" replied Leila with a smile. She could see it now, yes, he was kind of a little pale.

"No, it's not. Why don't you guys, just come to my office in half an hour, but one by one please. Just figure it out. In the meantime, if you don't mind, I'll go to my office, have a cup of coffee, gather myself, so I can try to not scare you off the next time." Kurt replied with an apologetic smile.

"Ok, we'll do that" said Leo, and everyone got dispersed.

Kurt started walking toward his office, relieved, when he heard someone calling him, half through. He stopped and few seconds later, Jeffrey had reached him. But unlike the others, he didn't mind to talk to him. Jeffrey wasn't only his partner, but one of the very few true friends he had in his life, besides his high school friends. They had met when they were both working in Vogue for an internship, 6 years ago, and they just clicked. Jeff wasn't gay or anything, he just loved the world of fashion. But he had also a degree in finances and economy. So when Kurt had started his company, he asked Jeff to join him to be the financial officer. Basically the number two in the job. Because Kurt had to admit it, he knew nothing about finances, or how to handle money and make economies. He knew that since he was in high school and spent all his money buying designer clothes, which left him broken for the rest of the month. Thankfully, Jeff was really good at cutting unnecessary expenses. But beyond that, he was a really nice man, funny as hell and a good friend to Kurt when he had needed him the most.

"Hey man, you sure were scary back there. Kind of funny to witness actually. You are cute when you're pissed."

"Cut it Jeff. But yeah, I kind of lost it. Shouldn't have done it thought."

"It's good for them from time to time. You're so friendly all the time. Good to make them remember who's the boss."

"I didn't plan to" sighed Kurt, opening the door to his office, and letting Jeff in. Kurt went directly into the coffee machine and turned the switch on. "do you want some?" he asked his friend, who was already seated in one of the chairs of the office.

"Na, just took one. Thanks. So what's up with you?"

"I kind of had a bad weekend"

"really? I though you would be thrilled with the show opening and stuff. By the way, if I didn't tell you enough Friday, it was amazing! You were great!"

"Thanks Jeff, it was great indeed. But it's not about that. Some stuff happened after that."

"Care to talk about it? You sound pretty annoyed by it."

"No thanks for asking though."

"Anytime"

That's why Kurt liked him. He wasn't a push over like Rachel or even Mercedes sometimes. He was just like other guys. He didn't really talked about his private issues, and he didn't expect Kurt to do that either. If he wanted to, then he would listen, but other than that, he didn't push. Kurt was glad. It felt nice to hang around guys for a change. Girls were so perceptive, so damn emotional all the times. Sometimes he just didn't want to talk about his feelings and he was glad he had Jeff for that. He wasn't as close with Wes, though. Maybe because he had been so much involved in his previous life, that it was still sometimes awkward between them. But when he knew Jeff, sure he was with Blaine, but then again, he wasn't as close to him, to tell him about that. But when Blaine left, they started bonding, and even thought he had told him some small stuff, Jeff didn't know the extent of his relationship with him. He was the only one that wasn't looking at him with pity in his eyes. Who wasn't hovering him all the time. And that felt nice.

The machine finally warmed up, and Kurt served himself some coffee. Then he went to seat behind his desk.

"So, what's up with you Jeff, how was your weekend?"

"Uneventful. As always. Marie and me we got into an other fight and then spent pretty much the whole night making up"

"I swear sometimes I wonder if you deliberately provoke those fights just so you can get laid" smirked Kurt

"You have no proofs" grinned back Jeff

"God, you're helpless. Anyway stop talking about you creepy sex life. Let's get to work. What's on the agenda?"

"You mind besides those half dozens furies that almost talked you today?"

"don't remind me about that" sighed Kurt

"I won't. I have something far more important to remind you of. Your speech at the GLAAD convention"

"Oh my god, I totally forgot about it! It's t he day after tomorrow!"

"Dam yes, it is. Naya asked me to give you this. It's your speech, new and improved. With all the modifications that you suggested."

Jeff handed a paper to Kurt who immediately started reading it. It took him only a couple of minutes, since he had always been a fast reader, and then he looked back at his friend.

"You've read it, don't you?"

"How could you accuse me of doing such a thing?" Jeff feigned to be offended.

"Hoh, cut it already!"

"Ok, yes I did… you know me to well" admitted Jeff sheepishly

"sneaky liar" said Kurt with a amused tone. "So what you think about it?"

"May I remember you that my things are math and numbers, not words. For me it's good. So if Naya says it's good, so it must be. That's why you're paying her I guess."

"Exactly that's my problem. I'm paying her, so she's supposed to agree with me"

"And you're not paying me?"

"That's not it. It's not the same job. Besides, you're my friend, I expect you to be honest with me"

"Ok, Kurt, stop freaking out. Your speech is great. You'll do great. That's supposed to be a honor, a chance, not something to have a heart attack about."

But both Kurt and Jeff knew it was pointless. Kurt would freak out not matter what. After all, like Jeff said it was a honor, a chance for him. He was asked to give a speech at the annual GLAAD convention in New York, and he had no idea but to accept. It's not like he didn't want to, but his agent, Naya practically forced him to do it. It was sure an amazing way to boost his career, and the fact alone that he was requested to do it, meant that he couldn't refuse, or he would pass like a obnoxious little designer. Beyond that, it was a great to make connections, because let's face it, the gay community was leading all the hype in the U.S. Indeed how could he refuse? But Kurt was still disturbed by the idea of it. It's not like he didn't want to support gay rights, it's just that he didn't want to do it publicly. He was proud of who he was, but sometimes he was still unsecure and he was definitely too young in his mind to do such political things. Politic was never something he would talk about, even thought he believed strongly in gay rights, of course. But he wasn't ready to get involved. But it was precisely why GLAAD had chosen him to speak. Because he was young, and an inspiring model for a whole new generation of people. He would reach them easily, they thought. They would learn from his struggles and his battles for self-acceptance and at facing the world and its challenges.

Was Kurt ready for such a heart open speech, he wasn't so sure. That's why he tried to write it so he wouldn't tell a lot about himself but direct it as a message to teens in general. Keep it general, that's what the speech was about. That's what was in Kurt's hands. And what he was planning to talk about.

The whole day went by like a blur. He received about a dozen people in his office, everyone thinking that his problem was far more important and urgent that the others. He tried his best to solve them, spending half of the morning on the phone. For lunch, he just had himself delivered a salad, while reviewing the last photos shoot of his summer campaign, with his executive chief of photography. After that, the afternoon was spent pretty much in the same frenzy state as the morning, with people barging in his office every other 5 minutes, and more important problems that could not be delayed.

With all that craziness running around, he hadn't really had the time to think about anything. He wanted to have a moment with Naya, to review the speech one last time, to make sure it was the right thing to do, but every time he tried to pick up the phone to call his agent, he adjourned it to call an other person, designer, shop owner, or fashion journalist.

He finally abandoned the idea around 7pm, when a other "disaster" had apparently occurred in the fitting room and he was called to supervise its resolution. "Theses people just couldn't anything without him," though Kurt, sighing, when he finally had the opportunity to leave the office, around 9pm. He was absolutely exhausted, his head aching even more than the morning, due to the million thoughts and problems to figure that were running through his mind. But somehow he felt glad for it, because he would never be able to think about Blaine tonight on top of all that.

He really just wanted to go home, take a long nice bath, watch for the hundredth time "Victor Victoria" and go to bed before midnight. Was it really too much to ask?

"Apparently it was very much so", though Kurt when he heard his phone ringing for the fiftieth time this day. As much as he wanted to, he just couldn't ignore it. But when he saw "Finn" on the phone screener, he thought about it twice, before finally giving in, groaned a bit and finally pressed "answer".

"Hi Finn, What's up?"

"Can I come please see you, are you home ?" his brother ton was urgent and suppliant.

"Finn, I just got home, I'm tired, and I need…"

"Please, please Kurt, it won't take long. I'm like just 5 minutes away. I really need to talk to you" cut Finn begging

Kurt let out a deep sigh, but he couldn't really refuse after all his brother had done for him in the last weekend. Well, actually he hadn't really done something, thought Kurt, but it didn't matter because he had done so plenty in the past. But it was not really about who had done the most for each other, and who owed the other. Finn was after all his stepbrother and even if Kurt was tired, he had to support him.

"Ok, come. But make it quick"

"Thanks Kurt, you're amazing. But just so you know, Rachel is joining us too" he added quickly before shutting off the phone.

"Damn him!". Kurt wasn't as eager to see Rachel, far from it. He knew she wouldn't leave him alone before he told her everything. She was such a push over. Kurt loved her but sometimes he really just wanted to murder the girl. And tonight he wasn't in the patient mode to deal with all her crap. "It's her fault " though Kurt, "if I get angry and threw her away. I'm not going to restrain myself just to please her. She can deal with it or she can suck it".

On that thought, the doorbell ringed. It was probably Finn. He really wasn't kidding when he had said he was only 5 minutes away. Kurt had just had the time to unlace his shoes, and toss them in the bathroom, and pull out his tie. He put some slippers on and opened the door.

"Hi Finn, come in"

"I'm sorry bro, you look tired, but I just had to see you" Finn also looked tired. And lost. It's like he had been wondering all day long around the city, just walking without any goal. It was probably what had happened, knowing Finn.

"it's ok. Take a seat. You want something to drink?"

Finn just shook his head and sunk into the couch. Now, that Kurt was really looking at him, he saw how he much his brother was devastated. His eyes were circled with black like he hadn't been slept all night, which was odd, because Kurt knew how much Finn loved his sleep. He had also a sad look on his eyes, and somehow terrified. That really concerned Kurt, because Finn was not really the type to talk about his problems or feelings. He knew it had to do with something involving Rachel. Because she was really the only one who drove his brother that crazy. "Good", thought Kurt, "like there was not enough drama around here".

He went to seat on the table in front of the couch were Finn had let himself fall, and faced him, looking at him right into his eyes. It always bothered Finn to be scanned like that by Kurt, but they both knew that it was the only way to get Finn to talk.

"Ok so what's the problem here Finn"

"It's … It's Rachel… it's like she became mad or something"

Of course, thought Kurt, refraining a sigh.

"Finn, Rachel has always been mad. But you never see it until it's too late. I love her but that girl is crazy"

"Whatever. She's mad, and she's mad at me, since yesterday"

"What did you do?"

"I did nothing bro, and apparently that's her damn problem!" hissed Finn

Kurt knew that this reason would eventually come into the discussion. Rachel had always dreamed big, and she always pictured herself as living in a fairy tale. All good, but don't choose Finn as your prince, then. Because Finn was the opposite of Rachel when it came to that. He was a really down to earth man, not really into romance and emotions and stuff. He wasn't the one who would do something unexpected or spontaneous just to please or move Rachel. He just wasn't this guy, but then again, Rachel knew that when she married him. Maybe she had hoped to change him, but Finn wasn't really the guy to change or to get tamed. And that drove them both crazy, as each one was trying to get his own way.

"What was it about this time? You, NOT, offering flowers, or you, NOT, buying her jewels for no reason?"

"Me, NOT, wanting to have a kid".

"Well, that's new." Kurt felt really bad for his brother. Especially when he knew that Rachel wasn't the one giving up before getting what she wanted. But this time it wasn't some stupid piece of jewelry, it was a kid. Like something living, that hey had to take care of. Not that he wanted to be bitchy or anything, but Kurt knew that there was no way that Finn could raise a kid so soon. In many ways, he was still a kid.

That really was going to be bad, Kurt could tell. Because Finn didn't want a baby at all, and Rachel had settled her mind on it. There was no way they could get out of this argument without putting a strain on their marriage. Which only comforted Kurt's idea, that if he ever adopted, he should do it alone.

"Yeah. It's all because of Quinn and her damn baby. It's like she had just discovered that babies existed, and that, like a 4 year old , she just wants one. It's not a damn toy, fuck! Sorry, I know you don't like me to swear…"

"It's ok, Finn I know you're under a lot of stress. So you guys talked."

"Yeah, As soon as we got back home from the hospital. I knew it when I saw that look on her face in the hospital. I knew it. Anyway, she started how much she always wanted to be a mom, and raise kids, and all that stuff. And Quinn just made her remember about all that stuff."

"she's not the only one…" mumbled Kurt to himself.

"What?"

"Nothing. So what did you say?"

But Finn didn't get to share his answer when the doorbell rung a second time in fifteen minutes. Rachel, obviously. Finn suddenly started shaking hard. Poor guy was so terrified and anxious, Kurt felt genuinely sorry for him. He felt guilty in some way for opening the door, when he saw the angry look on Rachel's face.

"Where is he? Where is Finn?"

She didn't wait for his answer, and practically shoved him against the wall, while she was trying to get to the living room where her husband was still seating. He had his head on his hands, and didn't look up when she entered. Kurt followed her, frowning.

"Hi back at you, Rachel. It's nice to see u. What do I owe this lovely visit?" sneered Kurt, who took a seat in the armchair, which was on the right side of the couch.

"yeah hi. Don't play bitchy with me. I just wanted to grab my husband, and drag his ass back home, so we can have a normal conversation like two adults." Growled Rachel

"You sure do sound very mature to me!"

"Oh shut up Kurt." She was totally enraged and scary.

"Listen Rachel, Back off with Finn. Give the guy some slack."

"Of course you would say that, he's your brother. On the other hand, me, I'm nothing but your best friend…"

"Seriously? You are seriously taking this road? Grow up Rachel. Maybe you should educate yourself before educating someone else!"

"That's low, Hummel" accused Rachel with fury on her eyes

"I'm merely adjusting myself to fit yours. Now, Please Finn get your psycho out of here."

"Can't buddy, I need your help" moaned Finn, finally meeting his gaze since the Rachel's arrival.

"I'm no freakin' couple counselor!"

"That's not any of his business, Finn.!"

"As much as It hurts, and that I want to rip her head off right now, I agree with Rachel. That's none of my business. It's yours. Go figure it out!"

"I can't. She drives me crazy, she scares me… I can't take straight alone with her…"

"I'm going to ignore the many innuendos that just popped into my head Finn, because that would be way to inappropriate, but I suggest to actually try to talk to her. She's crazy, but she's not going to kill you. How are you supposed to grow as a couple and start a family if you can't even look at her?"

"Hey, I'm right here!"

"We know, Rachel" both sighed in the same time Kurt and Finn, exasperated. Kurt was beginning to think that the wonderful evening that he had planned in his mind would never occur, because let's face it, those two weren't anywhere near leaving.

"Ok, Rachel take a seat. You're going to talk and god help me, I'll be your personal shrink…" Kurt just figured that if he had any chance to actually go to sleep before midnight, he would better get involved and make them start talking, since obviously they were both acting like 2 stubborn kids.

Rachel did as she was told, and took place in an other armchair. This way Kurt was seated in the middle of her and her husband.

"Ok, Guys, I' don't even know why I'm doing that, but let's get to it, before I actually have the urge to murder one of you. Rachel what's your problem?"

"My problem is Finn" Rachel pointed at him with a very angry finger

"Nah, your problem is not Finn. Your problem is that Finn doesn't want, what you want. So what do you want Rachel?" Kurt was using all the restraint and patience that he had left.

"Well, a Baby, Duh!"

"Ok, Rachel, why do you want to have a baby so much?"

"Because I'm 25…"

"Still plenty of time… there is not even a the tick to the tock, babe"

"Because I'm married happily…"

"…Not in the current situation, but please do continue… ". Rachel shot him a murderous glance.

"Because It's the normal next step in our relationship…"

"…buy a plant… if it's still alive in a month, consider a puppy… then if it's still alive 2 months later, then get an other puppy, and then raise their babies…. Then get ride of the puppies, and start a family…"

Both Rachel shook their head in disbelief, Rachel clearly annoyed but Finn was enjoying it. He was amused and a shot a tiny small to Kurt, which made Rachel only madder. But Kurt didn't care, because his primary goal was to make Finn feel better. With that handled, he considered being more serious, because obviously this was a big step in their relationship, a step that could make it or brake it.

"Listen I'm just messin' with you Rachel. But really, all those reasons are so cliché, and I know it's just not yours. So what about you tell me really what's bugging you?"

"Fine! I know you're going to find me desperate or something…"

"We're way passed that, honey" smirked Kurt, but Rachel just ignored him.

"It's Quinn" finally admitted Rachel

"What about Quinn, honey?" asked Finn, confused.

"she gets it all ! She always got it all! She's beautiful, she's gracious, she became so nice that people like her and she not at all annoying any more. She got married, to a freakin English lawyer, and she has a big house, and she has now a freakin baby! She always got it all Finn, even in high school, when she got you!"

Rachel who had been crying during her monologue, looked like she wanted to burry her self six feet under. She felt so embarrassed, Kurt could tell, so she ran to the bathroom to probably wash her face.

"I don't get it… I mean, I'm with you… what…" started Finn who looked totally lost, watching his wife lock herself into the bathroom.

"Ok, Finn, let me narrow it for you. Rachel feels like she's still in some kind of competition with Quinn. It started in high school when they were disputing you, but Rachel never really let it go. She thinks she still has something to prove to her. Thinks that she has to compete with her. Which is stupid, but Rachel knows it. I think in her mind, she never got over the fact that at some point you chose Quinn over her and that she was your first love. That's why she's wants the baby. To prove to you, to herself, maybe that she can give you as much as Quinn could have given you."

Finn's mouth opened slowly during the speech, and when Kurt had finished, his jaw was on the floor with horror. He was feeling so stupid for not having foreseen that, for not trying to secure Rachel and appease her insecurities. Women may be silly sometimes, but men are sillier to just ignore them.

Kurt saw that finally Finn understood. That's all he needed. So he got up, and got out of the room when Finn was still seated, motionless, processing his thoughts.

"Hey Finn, I'm going to bed. Lock the door when you leave. You have your keys right? "

Finn snapped out of his daydreaming long enough to nod. That's all Kurt wanted to know, so he let his brother go back to his considerations, and walked to his room. When he passed by the bathroom, the door suddenly opened, letting Rachel out, eyes red and swollen from all the crying.

"Hey Kurtie…" she said with a small voice

"Hey Rachel. I'm just going to ignore the Kurtie comment, because your eyes look sufficiently like 2 ping-pong balls. On the other hand, like I told Finn, I'm going to sleep, so please shut it down. No heavy make up sex in my apartments. And lock the door on your way out, ok?"

"Ok Kurt… thank you for your help. I know I've been a bitch to you. I'm sorry, you really didn't need that, on top of everything…" started Rachel babbling with no end in sight.

"Stop Rachel" cut her Kurt, "no blood, no harm done. You're welcome for my help though. Now, keep it quite"

"Good night Kurt" Rachel tired a apologetic smile.

"Good night Rachel" Kurt smiled back and even pulled her for a quick hug. Truly, that girl was annoying sometimes, but she had a big heart, and even If her actions didn't always reflected it, but she had the best intention. Plus, she was so sensitive, and even if she acted like a diva, Kurt knew she was just like him : utterly filled with doubts, and self-questioning. He loved her.

He went back to his room, and went to lie on his bed with his clothes still on. He was so tired he couldn't took them away, or take a shower, or anything. He just couldn't move. He didn't had to stay for the end of the conversation between Finn and Rachel. Besides it was too intimate. He knew, that the second Rachel would come back from the bathroom,

Finn would latterly grovel at her feet, and making comments about how beautiful, how talented, how whatever she was that made her a thousands times better than Quinn. He would say that she shouldn't be threaten by Quinn, because he chose her and not Quinn, which had already assured her the victory on whatever stupid competition the two of them had. He would also say that he didn't need a baby to feel like she loved him, because he knew she did. He was just great being with her. And besides they were both so busy with their life that it wouldn't be fair to the kid. And that was just another proof of how Rachel had beaten Quinn because she didn't have a amazing career and job like Rachel's. And Kurt knew the minute that Finn would start about Rachel being a star, and actually making it to the top, when her friend didn't, she would immediately relax and forgive him. She would probably kiss him, and he would kiss her back.

Kurt heard something broke and he knew that he was right. Rachel and Finn were making out, and they were like always, not so cautious.

"Get out of my apartment, now, sluts!" shouted Kurt.

Nobody answered him, but he heard some heavy giggles, something else breaking and finally a door slamming and the sound of locking it.

"Finally!" thought Kurt. That was his final though of the night, as less than 5 minutes later he was deeply asleep, laying on his clothes on the top of his bed, so tired that he couldn't even move to get into the sheets. He was exposed.

 

The next two days passed in the same blur as the first one. He worked pretty much 12 hours per day, having lunch at the office, and associating with more and more people. It was a good thing though, for Kurt. It kept his mind of unwanted thoughts, and people. Finn and Rachel had made up, which meant a lot of "I'm sorry sex", and Mercedes and Sam were on the post proposal phase, which meant, well, a lot of "we're getting married sex" . In all, Kurt was happy about it, because they left him in peace. He really didn't need any more drama that he was having at work, and thankfully it was, even there, pretty light dram that could get resolved easily. But Kurt still didn't have the time to talk about his speech to Naya. He had figured out by Wednesday, after lunch, that after all, there was no time left, even if he wanted to make alterations and he should just go with it. Of course, it was only then, that he actually got on a hold on Naya, when she called him around 4pm.

"Hey Kurt, you should get out of there, the Gala starts in 3 hours and you should get yourself ready"

"Yeah I know Naya, I am on my way out. God, It has been so long that I haven't moisturized and I'm planning to do that for at least an hour!"

Naya chuckled on the phone. " Good for you Kurt, just don't be late. Do you know your speech?"

"Yeah, don't worry. I have all my memos. But actually I meant to talk to you since Monday about it…. I think…"

"Listen Kurt, It's done. We don't have time to change it. You wanted it this way, so stick with it. I gotta go. I do need also to get ready. See you there at 6:30. Don't be late."

And the line shut down. Kurt sighed. Well, like she said. Let get this show started.

4 hours later, Kurt was on the edge of loosing it. He was going to give his speech any minute now, and he never felt less ready about anything in his life. He had performed in front of a lot of hostile crowds with the new directions, back in the days, but now, it was a whole new thing. It was far more serious, far more engaging. Some of the people that were presents were Kurt's aspirations, and models and he wasn't ready to make a fool of himself in front of them. Especially since he had talked to some of them at the cocktail and they had presented him with their support, and encouragements.

"Damn me", thought Kurt, when he was given the clue to go backstage to get ready for his speech, "Why did I have to be a public figure? Why didn't I just worked with dad at the tire and lube shop? Because you wanted better Kurt, because you dreamed bigger. Well, damn me!"

Naya wasn't making things easier in the making up room: "Listen Kurt, be good. You know who is here tonight. Just stick to your notes, it should be fine. But don't mess it up please, that's your ass and mine on the line. You know that all GLAAD is here and some of those people really make the weather in NY. Good luck, babe".

He would have strangled her. But he didn't let it disperse him. He had to focus, and just be over with it. He tried to reassure himself. After all, he knew his speech, he had his notes, it was nothing to worry about. He was used to crowds. He would just have to picture them as the regular crowd of some glee competition. And then it would all be over. The speech, to be true did bother him a bit, but he kept saying to himself that he couldn't do anything about it now. So really he would just have to man up and go out there. If only… Because just when he was about to go one stage, Naya said to him something that would change the course of the whole evening, and probably more. She had to say it, damn her.

"Courage."

And in the 3 seconds that took him to take his place on the stage, he saw it all. all his life with Blaine in front of his eyes, exactly if he was about to die, and saw his whole life run before his eyes. But now, it was all about Blaine. Until that last electrified touch they had shared. Everything. Even the change, the bad, the breaking. He especially remembered that. And it was it.

His speech changed. Suddenly, it seemed so silly to think about generalities and random actions when you could actually reach people with your own experiences and make a change. When you couldn't share your own struggles. It was silly when you couldn't learn from your own mistakes.

Naya was going to have a heart attack, but he didn't care. His own heart was already damaged and if it meant helping people have courage, then he would gladly talk about those attacks his heart went through.

" _Hello ladies and Gentleman, and between."_ They were some laughs in the audience, which made him relax. " _I prepared a nice and love stuffed speech for you, but since like 3 seconds ago, I don't really feel like saying it anymore_ ". He turned to see Naya who was suddenly jumped of shock and looked at him totally panicked. She mouthed to him the words : "what the hell?" but he just ignored her with a smile returning his attention to the audience, who was fully alert now. Some people were smiling, others were slightly anxious, but at least they would be fully attentive now to whatever he would say.

" _This really looks like some movie, when the hero suddenly rip off his notes before a parterre of journalists and shock the world with some breaking news, don't you think? But in those kind of movies, the hero is rarely gay. Or lesbian, or bi or trans. Just like in real life. They try to make us stick to the background of the world, leaving the spotlight to what they consider the normal people. To those who have the rights. What rights are we talking about? The right to get married, to have a kid, to have a home, to cede, and concede. Normal rights for normal people. And in the background, the others. The unmoral people that have chosen an other way of living. An other way of thinking. The marginalized. Who have to fight for any kinds of rights. But what the hell are we fighting for? Why do we even try so hard? Why even bother?"_

" _I' don't know. Maybe there is no definite answer. Maybe we should and we shouldn't._

_We should because of our kids. For our kids. It's as simple as that. To help our kids understand. It doesn't matter if our kids are gays, bi, lesbian, trans or straight, they should just get to accept everyone the same way. Just like they accept people who like spinach and people who don't. Just like they've learn to accept that some people prefer to read and other prefer watching TV. It's just what they love doing. They accept people because of what they love, why then wouldn't they be able to accept people because of who they love ? "_

" _And maybe it matters also because those kids don't learn by themselves. They relate to. They copy. They imitate. Their parents. I know that all the kids do what they do, and chose their activities and passions, regarding to their parents. They want to please them, and be accepted and loved by them. And it's not just about the GLBT kids, but acceptance is a universal goal. I know I did fight for it. I fought to fit in the model I thought my dad had settled for me. I tried to please him, to make him proud by even denying who I was. But my dad had the most amazing words. The words that would change the course of a kid's life that would make him want to forge himself by his own. He said to me that my job was to be who I was and his job was to love me." And that I mattered. It's really the only thing that a kid wants to hear, no matter who or what he loves. That he's allowed to be himself and that he's loved for that. That's why we fight. We fight so parents as well as kids, don't settle into ignorance. We fight to make communication possible."_

" _But we shouldn't have to. For a lot of reasons. We shouldn't have to fight for normal rights that everyone should have. When we fight and protest for those rights, we say that we are different from other people. And when they refuse or even when they accept or rights, they make the same differentiation. But the thing is, we are not different. In any way. We have just different opinions from the majority, like a opposition party. We should have the same rights to exist, without having to fight for it."_

" _But the thing is we do. We do have to fight, and we do have to differentiate ourselves, because we are far from being in a perfect world. But that only makes us stronger. We have a voice, we have a reason to believe. And that what's make us Stronger that politics._

_Because it's not a way to rise masses to win a race. It's believes shared by people to their core, and it's not a race, it's a walk. Nice and steady. That has no end in sight. Because it will never end. People will still judge not because we are all different. People will still struggle even though they fill proud to be who they are. I still do on a daily biases. And I recently met a friend that was the proudest gay teenager ever. And with the right amount of pressure from his family and the society, all the work that he had done on himself just vanished into thin air. He's living the straight lie and never been more miserable in his life. That's why we cant give up. Because of him. And because of thousands of him, her, and in between. Because even if we don't want to fight, and we don't need to fight, we still have to. Because of those out there who need us, the rising new generation who is searching for its way and for the ancient one who may have lost its own"._

And it was over. Kurt didn't remember much of the evening after that. It was all flashes. The whole room in a standing ovation. Naya actually congratulating him and saying that's what she was waiting from him to all that time. The founders of GLAAD reaching out to him afterwards to tell him that they loved his speech and wanted to discuss with him more future involvement with the association. Some authors telling him that it was a really moving speech and they were honored to meet such a nice model for this new generation.

In all, a success. But, once he go home, around 1am, , as the memories of the evening were spinning in his head, all Kurt could think about was Blaine. After all what happened, he was still his never fading inspiration.

Thursday saw Kurt back at the theatre. He was performing for now 3 nights a week, and he thought that it was far more than enough, especially with his other job. He had to keep a fair balance between the two and it was not something easy to do. That day Kurt didn't work because he needed rest and spent pretty much all his day at bed. But he quickly regretted it when came Friday. He realized quickly that he wouldn't be able to cut work all day like that without paying the consequences of it. Everyone needed if for something. Somewhere in his mind, he thought that he should go to work less often just so his co-workers would figure out how to handle issues by themselves, but Kurt couldn't resign himself to do that. Especially that morning, because he had an important meeting he had organized the day before. Something, he had been thinking about since his speech, and that was only amplified by the amazing feedbacks people had given him about it. His phone hadn't stopped ringing all day long only to hear from people he barely knew that they had heard about it, and they wanted to congratulate him. Kurt felt like it was a amazing honor but at the same time it put more pressure on his shoulders. That's why he was pretty tense when he entered the conference room where Leo, Jeff, Leila and Naya were already seated.

" I have a idea, guys"

"Yeah you always do, Kurt. That's why you're still the boss" teased Jeff

Kurt just rolled his eyes and said : "No I have like the best idea ever!

"Yeah, since last week…" smirked Leo

"Not the my fault if I'm a freaking genius. Whatever. The thing is you're going to love it Jeff, since you always wanted us to expend our activities. Leo don't worry, you're going to get a kick out of it, since you bug me on daily biases about new ways of advertising and promoting the brand. Naya, if I tell you that I'm finally subjecting myself to your evil schemes? Yeah, take my soul, and feed it to your politics. And finally Leila, you must be wondering why the hell you're here. Well, you always complaining about staff effectives. How much we need new people because the one we have here are going to have a heart attack before 30. Well, Happy Thanksgiving, start writing your gratitude speech. And well, I kind of like you and value your opinion…."

Leo, Leila, Jeff and Naya, looked dumbfounded by Kurt's speech. They looked at each other for a minute, before Naya finally gave in to her curiosity, for Kurt's pleasure, happy to see the affect the little words had on them. He had a little grin on his face.

"So Kurt, What's this amazing idea that will make me your biggest fan?"

"Well… I haven't figured it out yet exactly…"

"What? It's the best idea ever but you don't really know what that idea is? That's what you are telling me?" asked Jeff

"Kind of…" admitted Kurt

"So just tell us the general idea …" asked Leila

"Well, the thing is, that speech I gave at the GLAAD convention made me think a bit. It really gave me the envy to engage myself a bit more into this whole gay rights combat."

"Told you so!"

"Yeah, yeah, Hey for you Naya! Anyway I want to do something but not in a banal way…"

"When did you ever did anything banal?" smiled Leila

"Thanks, Leila. So the thing is I want to add to the business, a media branch. TV spots, radio emissions but mostly I want to start a magazine."

"Yeah, I like that" acknowledged Leo, "but you know, I don't want to ruin your mood but the thing is there are enough magazines, out there, for the GLBT community. You really do need a new concept, something revolutionary to demark yourself from the rest."

"Yeah but actually I do have some ideas. The magazine wouldn't be simply for the GLBT community, Leo, but it would be a magazine for everyone. I would like it to be a magazine to show that it doesn't matter if you're gay or bi, or trans, we all care about the same things."

"and how do you think you can do that ?" wondered Jeff

"Well, obviously I want every issue to focus on some particular topic. Sure It may involve sometimes the GLBT community but I thought that the first one would be about bullying and the response the parents should provide their kids with. And we would get the participations of several authors, different genders, different sex orientations, it wouldn't matter. Other than that, the other topics would be in the same direction line. I see the sex and romance advices and articles as discussions between straight journalists and gay or bi journalists, in a funny way, but it would show ultimately that we all aspire to he same goals. I see the same for fashion advices, where I would actually want to develop some ideas. And I would like to take some society problems and ask different politic or cultural characters to talk about it. But in a way that those people are not used to. Like ask right wing politicians to give an opinion about a GLBT right that has already been approved, or something like that. I would want eventually show people that it doesn't matter what you are or who you love, we all have the same preoccupations, and even if our thoughts may differ on some stuff, it's just because we are all different and not because of the label people impose us. Yeah, I like that idea of labeling off people. The magazine would be called" Label off. "

Kurt realized that he had been talking too much, lost in own thoughts and enthusiasm. But fortunately it seemed that every one of them had kept up with him, and they were actually quite exited by the idea, or at least, willing to discuss it.

"I like that…" started Leila

"Yeah, the idea is good, but let's not rush into it. We still have to do some brainstorming. And I market study…"

"Jeff, way to kill the mood! We don't your economic theories right now. Just think about the idea, in some abstract general idea, that we have to polish and rub" explained Leo

"I have to say, I'm actually impressed"

"Thanks Naya. Gets to me" said a not so sarcastic Kurt. He was actually very pleased by her reaction, because she was one of the best agents in the city and he was very proud to actually just be represented by her. The fact that she had been pushing him all this time to do something bigger and to commit himself into politics, was a really big part of why he was doing this today. So it meant a lot to him to see that she actually validated his project.

"But like Jeff said, it still needs some Brainstorming." Added Kurt looking at his partners, with a expectant smile "Which is where you start doing your part. I would like to hire some consultants to work on the idea, so here you go Leila. Naya, please I would like to have a event in like a month to launch the idea, and I would like you to help me contact a bunch of influent people that would be interested to invest or to collaborate. Leo, please I would like your team to start a study of the market out there, see how it's done, and above all, what hasn't been done in this area and what can we do. I would like to focus first on the magazine, and then we will see about the other medias. Jeff, you know your job. Can we finance it, at how much, what would it bring to the company and all your crap. "

Everyone nodded, excited by the new project and ready to get to work.

"What are we calling it?" asked Leo.

"If you don't mind, I like the idea of Label' off, Kurt." Said Leila

"Thanks. Ok, lets launch the Label' off rocket !" cheered Jeff

"Dork" chuckled all Leila, Naya and Kurt

The rest of the meeting was quick. They had to review some other normal matters before it Kurt ended it fifteen minutes later, impatient to go home, to take a quick shower before the show.

It had been once again a tiring day at work, even thought he left around 4pm. He had just the time to make a quick detour to the apartment before he would once again return to the theatre. It was only the second week of the show, and he was so exhausted. He had no idea how he would keep the pace much longer, but he felt like if he did it just a month longer, he would eventually break something. But today wasn't' the time to mope around, pine for better times. Especially that he had no rights because he had exactly the two things he always wanted. he would seem really arrogant, even to himself that he would actually complain for having it all. So he suck it, went home to take a quick shower and returned to the theatre around 6pm. Of course there were showers in the theatre, but he needed this time at his place, even if it was for 10 minutes. It was a much-needed break from work and it was really the only moments he was able to enjoy his place. When he got back from the show, he was usually too tired that he went to sleep immediately, some nights without even bothering to take out his clothes. It wasn't much of a life really, but it was the life he had chosen.

That night, after the show, it was around 11 pm when he finally got home. After a long week of work at the design company and 2 nights of shows, he was dog-tired. In those such cases, he knew that he was so worn out that he was way passed the ability to sleep. But he absolutely needed to, if he didn't want to loose it totally. So he ended taking some sleeping pills. He hated that, but he had no choice really.

He was sinking into the couch waiting in front of the TV, waiting for the pills would eventually start to take effect, when a phone call pulled him out his lethargy. It was juts a phone call, like the hundred ones he had received this week. He thought even of not answering it, especially since he didn't recognize the number But then again, something inside him told him to. And he did. He answered the phone call. A phone call that would change everything.

 

"Kurt?"

"Blaine, is that you?"

"Kurt…"

"Blaine, why are you calling me?"

"Kurt…"

"Oh my go, Blaine, are you crying? What's going on, are you ok?"

"No. Kurt, I'm not. Please I need your help. I need you…"

"What happened Blaine? "


	7. Chapter 7

It was almost 10pm, and a family was sitting on the living room sofa, watching some TV reality show. In appearance, everything screamed normal suburban family. The wife was sitting stiff, on the extreme left side of the couch, her eyes locked on the TV, her legs crossed, and her hands resting on her knees. Like only the upper classes do it. Her little girl was half asleep, her head, resting on her father's legs, who was seated in the opposite side of the couch. But unlike his wife, he wasn't sot uptight or stiff. He was the exact opposite. His head was resting against the pillows, one arm lingering on the arm of the couch, the other caressing his daughter' s hair. Everything about the man screamed tired. Deep black pockets circled his eyes, his hair was messy, his posture was lowered, his breath unsteady. And his eyes were wide.

But then again, a normal family sitting on a couch, in a house, in a suburbia area of Boston. A housewife, a kid, and a tired man coming home from work. Nothing to worry about.

That's what the little girl thought, but lately she knew better. She knew that outside, the world might look at them like the perfect normal family, but in the inside, it was nothing alike. Not lately anyway. Not since her parents came back from their trip in New York City. She had talked about it to her teacher, but she comforted her, and told her that there was nothing to worry about. Parents might fight sometimes, they wouldn't love her any less. It was normal to fight, even healthy according to her. It only proved that they still cared about each other, that they were willing to make change, to make it better. And everything would be normal eventually, even better. But that's what had worrying the little girl for the last week. Something had changed between her parents, but they were no fights. Not even a word louder than the other. They were civil to each other, they were like before. Expect that they were not. Something was in the air. It was not visible, but she could sense it. Her father was more distracted than before, it's like he wasn't even here with them. Like tonight. He might had his hands running through her hair, but she knew, she could sense it was pure mechanic, a simple habit. His mind wasn't whit them. It was somewhere else. She didn't know where, but definitely not here.

With her mom, it was the same thing. She was a carrying as her father toward her. Nothing had changed in this area. But she had changed. She was thinking a lot, just like her father. But the girl could tell, that they were not thinking the same thing. If they were, they wouldn't probably agree. Because there was definitely some tension between them. They didn't show it, but it was there. Just looking at her mom, she could tell. Sure, her mom was always so stiff, so rigid, but lately it was something else. Way more than just pure meaner. More than just habits and education.

And then there were the way that they acted around each other. Like there was something standing between them that neither of them knew how to cross. No idea how to reach the other side. The other one. Something that came between them in New York. And they would not talk about. They would better sit in this couch, pretending to watch some stupid TV show. Because it was obvious that no none of them really watched the show. Or knew what the show was about. She could tell that it wouldn't have been different if the TV was off. She wasn't that old, but she knew something was wrong. And the fact that no one would talk about it, made her more uncomfortable. Because, like she said, there was no fighting. It wasn't good, or healthy. And there wouldn't get any better. Instead she just had to wait. For something to happen. For something to change. She knew there was no point at asking her parents about that. They would just rub her off saying that everything was great, that she had noting to worry about, that they still loved her. Was that the answer to everything, she though. Loving her? And what about loving each other. Was that going to change? Because she had friends. And some of those friends, had divorced parents. Actually most of her friends. Like it had become a tendency, something fashionable. To get a divorce. But for her it was more like a disease, like the flu. She didn't care that her friends said it was for the best. That they had more toys or were allowed to do more things now that their parents their divorced. She just didn't want it to happen to her family. And it didn't help that everyone kept saying that even when parents get a divorce, it doesn't mean that they love their kids any less. And it wasn't the kid's fault. Of course, she knew it wasn't her fault. She knew that her parents did love her, no matter what would happen. It wasn't the problem. The problem was that they were no longer talking, when they constantly say to her that the key for any family to work was to talk. Her parents would disagree with her saying that they didn't talk. Of course, they talked. About dinner, and homework, and work, and other random stuff. But they didn't talk about something else. She sensed that it was the most important. Way bigger that any random stuff.

People said that she was smart. Smarter than any 4 years old kid. Too smart for her own good, said sometimes her father. Maybe she was. Nothing she could do about that. She was just perceptive, she though, if not smart. Sometimes she just wished she wasn't. She wished she was just like any 4 year old, just enjoying her dad's hold. That she would just enjoy a nice family gathering on the couch, without thinking. But she was perceptive. And she sensed that something big was going to happen. Something that would change everything. And that it would not get better.

Eventually the little girl yawned. She was tired and her father, pulled out from his own thoughts, noticed.

"Ok, time for bed, sweetheart. Let's go."

He carried her until her room, and put her gently into bed.

"Daddy, please can I not brush my teeth tonight, I'm tired"

"Ok, darling. But just for tonight. Do you want me to read you a story".

"No it's ok I'm already sleepy but…."

"But what darling what do you want ?"

The little girl looked into her father's eyes, and god, did he look tired. But it was beyond that, his eyes were sad. Like he was holding tears. Like he was holding something. She didn't like to see her father like that. She never did see him like that, actually. And it made her sad. Not that she didn't love her mom, but she felt closer to her dad. It wasn't something physical, because she didn't look at all like her dad. She was blond, with blue eyes, and freckled. Nothing like her daddy. But she shared a stronger emotional bond with him. She felt like he understood instantly, and the other way around. They both reacted the same way in front of similar situation, and she always loved that. So now, seeing her dad so desperate, so sad, she couldn't feel anything but sad herself. And she knew.

She knew that what she was about to ask him, was going to change everything. But she just couldn't take the pretending anymore. She wanted to know what happens next. She might have to regret it later, but right now she felt like it just had to happen. So she was going to make it happen.

"I don't want anything for me dad… but I want you to talk to mom."

"about what darling?"

"I don't know.. whatever you want"

His eyes were confused, as he was trying to put a puzzle in order

"I don't understand. We talk your mother and I"

"Yeah… But not about…"

"About what, baby?"

"I don't know… stuff…. "

"What stuff?"

"You know. I don't. So just talk already"

His father had still the same confused eyes, but there was now something else. She couldn't tell what, but it was like he understood her, somehow.

"Ok, baby, we'll talk about everything. Just go to sleep"

"0k. Night daddy"

"Night Sweetheart"

He kissed her forehead, turned on the small light on her bed shell, tuned off the big one, and with that, he was out of her room.

She heard his footsteps in the hallway, then coming down the stairs, and finally, no sound at all. Silence.

 

She was supposed to sleep. She had told her dad she was going to sleep. But she had no intention to, no matter how tired she was. Because she understood now what she had seen in her father's eyes. Determination. He was going to talk. To her mom. And then, it would be ok. She hoped it would be ok, just like Mrs. Thompson said. It would get better. Her mommy and her daddy would realize that it was just stupid that they didn't talk before, and that everything was going to be fine. Just like before. They would still love each other and love their baby girl. That she would not becoming like al her friends, an other divorced couple child. She wanted to belie that, like any 4 years old girl would. But she had to make sure, that all her doubts were wrong. Just in case her parents would get better at pretending, and one day they wouldn't anymore, and without any notice, everything would blow. No she had to make sure.

So she got up from bed, and making sure to walk slowly to not get notice, she sneaked out of her bedroom, to the top of the stairs. Here, she could hear everything. She would hear her parents. And she would know.

It didn't take long before she heard her father speak for the first time since dinner. They were in the kitchen. Her mother must have been putting the dishes into the dish machine, like she did every night before going to bed. She tried to picture them, her mother in her blue nightgown, carefully placing the plates into the machine without damaging her manicure, and her father, in his favorite pajamas, probably standing, his back against the kitchen counter. She couldn't see them, but she pictured them perfectly. But at least, she could hear everything.

"That girl is two smart for her own good. "

Dianna smiled to herself. Of course, he would say that. He always says that. But usually it was with a proud tone. Now, it felt like he said it with a sigh. Like a something he would have rather avoided. Especially tonight. Of course he would think that. Her father was someone who always avoided any kind of arguments. He always said he was like "Switzerland", not that it made any sense to her. He just preferred to stay out of anything that might lead to a fight. And that's how her mom always got her way. Because her daddy could never say no to her. At first she thought it was just because he loved her wife too much to refuse her anything, but she began to see it wasn't because of love. It was because he was afraid arguing with her. Actually it felt like he was even afraid of her. Why would he be, always thought Dianna.

"I know. But why again this time ?"

"She asked me to talk to you"

"about what Blaine?"

The girl sighed. That wasn't good. Her mother never calls her father by his first name, unless she's upset. It has always been "darling" or "sweetheart" or some affectionate surname. She only used her first name when she was in society and needed to be formal. Or when she was angry with him.

"I think she senses that something is wrong between us…" her father sighed

"she's right. Something is definitely wrong. And that's your fault".

Now it was Dianna's turn to sight. Of course something was wrong. She was at least right about that. And of course her mom would blame her dad. She always did. It was almost like she was the perfect one, according to her, and her dad was always the one to screw things up, over and over again. Would this talk be just another opportunity for her to blame him. Would he just apologize, even if he hadn't done anything wrong, like every time they had those conversations? Dianna just wanted this time to be different, the be a balance. Her mom would realize that it wasn't always her father's fault, and he would not just take the blame for once. And they would agree to be fairer to each other. That's all the little girl wanted.

"You just don't want to talk to me"

"about what, Lisa?"

"You know about what, Blaine. Don't play dumb with me!"

Her mother was starting to loose her temper, the girl could tell. And soon enough, there would be screaming and calling bad names. She hated that. But she couldn't turn around and go back to her room. It would only make things worse. She would just start imaging the worst.

"I thought you were over it. You seemed over it, when we flew back here"

"Or so I thought. But you made it worse Blaine" Lisa hissed "you made it worse because it's like we never left. You are mopping around all day. And I know you only thing about that. You told me it was nothing, and now, you just spend every minute of every hour thinking about that!"

"You don't know what I think about…"

"Oh no!", though Dianna. Her dad was saying all the wrong things. She knew that would only make her mom angrier to be told that she knew nothing. Her mom hated when people made her feel like she was stupid. Like she didn't know stuff. Mostly she hated when her husband claimed that she didn't know what was going trough his mind. Because it was so obvious for her. For Dianna also. She could always tell when her dad was sad, mad, happy, or confused. He was like a open book. But somehow in the same time, he was also so mysterious. He would never tell her about before. Before he met her mom, when he was in college, what his life was like. He jus said "you know, school, college, friends and stuff". That had always irritated her. She couldn't comprehend how it was so easy to read him and in the same so damn impossible. But apparently he had kept all the most important stuff buried. Like if they were locked somewhere, and it was impossible to get through. All the people saw was the surface. Apparently so did her mother. But Dianna, wondered, "how is her mom supposed to trust him if he kept all of those thing to himself?" no wonder she got angry when he said that she didn't know his thoughts. Because he wouldn't let anyone in! But maybe it was his private world, like Dianna had. She didn't want anybody to get into her private world. Her dad had the right to do that, after all. As long as it wasn't something bad.

"I'll stop you right there, mister! I'm not more stupid than you are. Maybe I am even smarter. And for the record, you're like the most transparent person on earth!"

"Don't say that, you don't know what you are talking about"

"Maybe I didn't. But now, I do!"

"Was is that supposed to mean?"

"You know what it means Blaine!"

Oh god, now this was going to be long conversation. They would never just talk clearly, with simple words. No, her parents, and adults in general, they loved insinuations. Make the other try to understand what you are saying. Why, in the word, would they just not rather talk with plain words? Just say if you're angry, don't use hints, or allusions. And for the love of god, just say why! Why did it have to always be so complicated with adults?

"Oh god, Lisa, just talk already!"

"No, I'm done talking. You talk!"

And now, they were acting like children. Dianna was exhausted. Physically and mentally. "This would never be over", she thought.

"What do you want me to say? That I am sorry? Well I am!"

Dianna rolled her eyes and sighed. Her dad was once again letting go without a fight. Why did he kept doing that? And it didn't make sense, because this time she didn't even gave him a reason to be sorry for. He just anticipated it. For whatever would come next, maybe.

"And for what?"

"I don't know, you tell me!"

"Shit, Lisa, this is pointless!"

"No Blaine, the gate is opening, let's kick it until it breaks"

"What the hell are u talking about? And what's this expression?"

"Whatever Blaine, so not the point. You're eluding."

Yes, he was. And he was trying so hard, her daughter could tell. She could have sworn that by now her mother was all red from anger and frustration, she couldn't really blame her. Her father was so acting like a child. Eluding, and avoid any talk or argument.

"I'm not eluding anything, you are"

"Stop trying to reverse the situation. You wanted to talk, so talk"

"No, correction, I wanted us to talk"

"Oh my god, this is worthless! I am going to bed."

No! She wasn't supposed to! She wasn't supposed to go sleep, and let things unfinished. It would just be worse tomorrow. Dianna couldn't take a other day like that. It would even be worse than before, because she clearly knew now that something was wrong. And if they didn't talk about it, well, like she said, bad things would happen. "Please, dad, just talk already. Just say something, anything, please" begged the little girl in her mind.

"Lisa stop. We are not animals, we can have a civil conversation without screaming. We can figure it out without being stubborn"

"Yeah!" almost shouted Dianna. Thank you god, I'll never doubt you.

"If you say so."

Dianna heard the sound of a chair being pulled, and she imagined her mom sitting on it, as stiff and tight as ever, her long legs resting one on another. She was so graceful sometimes it was painful to watch. Because Dianna knew that she could never be like her, no matter how much she tried to imitate her.

"I do"

A second chair had been pulled out eventually, as her dad obviously took a seat next to his wife, in a attempt to clear the situation. "Ok, here we go", though Dianna.

"So, I guess if we want this to work, we should start for the beginning"

"The beginning being our meeting with Kurt, and his crazy friends" her mom sounded bitter. Obviously she didn't like it.

"Don't…" her father was apparently trying to say something but than he pulled out at the last minute, " Yes, I think it is"

"So ?"

"So what?"

"You're going to ever explain to me what the hell was all that about, or not?"

Apparently Her father wasn't going to, because her mom just spoke again : "ok, so you want to talk, but you don't want to talk. Just make up your mind already."

"It's not that. Kurt and I.. it's a long story"

"Painful too apparently."

"Sorry?" there was something like incredulity in her father's tone.

"Yeah, if you recall you were beaten by this girl, and that guy was trying to kill you. So I guess the story ended pretty badly, and did you something pretty bad."

Ok, now, Dianna is just confused. Why, in god's name, would someone want to hurt her daddy? Or worse, kill him. Why didn't her parents just call the police? Because apparently they knew them, and apparently her dad had done some pretty bad stuff and they were angry with him. Some pretty bad stuff, some long time ago. To someone named Kurt. Was he his friend. His best friend? Did he lie to him, or steal his girlfriend or something? But still, it's not a reason enough to want to kill someone. She didn't like that. At all. someone threatening the life or her father. Someone should be watching this dangerous man. I mean, how could her mom or even worse, her dad, be talking so coolly about a man like that? And this girl, also. He had hit him, apparently. Was she mad? Where they both mad for being so angry at something that had happened apparently so long ago? She just couldn't understand adults.

"Kind of something like that.."

"Blaine, stop acting like a kid. Take your responsibilities. Besides you only lie to yourself as I know the whole truth!"

"what truth?"

"about you and Kurt…"

"And may I ask you how?" his tone was more urgent than before.

"Simply because I talked to him"

"WHAT?" Ok, now her dad wasn't even trying to keep it calm. He screamed. She wondered for a second if she had been asleep, if that would have woken her up. Probably. Did her father would notice? Would she have came down to see what was happening? Would they have ended the fight? Hugh, she hated those "if".

"Shhht, keep it down, she's sleeping"

"ok. But what? Why? When ?" he asked with the same urge in his tone, his voice a few octaves lower. But she could still manage to hear everything.

"Remember when I told I was going to the bathroom before the show… well I didn't… I went to talk to him"

Dianna groaned. It was just like her mom. He had to interfere with people's business.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO SUCH A THING? Why couldn't you leave well enough alone?"

"Because I didn't want to. Because you were not speaking to me!"

"Maybe because it's none of god damn business!"

Oh this wasn't going to be pretty, thought the little girl.

"I though it was! You were acting so weird after that,. Like you were hit by lightening or something. I was worried. "

"I would have told you eventually."

"No, you would have not. So that's why I went to talk to Kurt"

"And…"

"and he told me everything"

"What did he tell you exactly.."

Now her father sounded cautious. It felt like there was a story between him and this Kurt person, but he wasn't sure about it. Dianna recognize the tone. It was exactly like when her and her friends were caught doing something wrong, and the teacher asked them to tell her everything, but they just didn't get their story straight between them. So they had to try to figure out what the other had said before, so they wouldn't out him, or tell something that he hadn't told the teacher about. It was exactly like that. Protecting each other.

"You should know…. "

"It was such a long time ago, besides I want to know his side of the story"

"tell me yours first"

"No. "

God, they were playing stubborn again.

There was a silence for the first time. A very long silence. Dianna could sense that no one wanted to give in first. Her parents were acting like such kids sometimes!

Finally, after what seemed like a eternity to her, her mom surprisingly gave in first.

"I'll tell you. But just so I can hear whatever stupid story you're going to make up when I'm over"

"Go on"

"Well… he was as reluctant at first to talk to me at first. But something changed when I told him that we had a daughter. He looked crushed. I could feel his pain. Seriously"

"I just wished you didn't tell him that"

Why? Why did you dad? Why does it matter so much that you have a kid?

"Well I did… And it made him talk… I don't regret though, I felt sorry for the guy because it was like I had told him that he was going to die or something"

"Don't… please just don't"

it was like he was begging her to stop talking. Dianna felt so bad for him. But her mother didn't stop.

"And then after he… he recovered I guess, he told me that back in school he had a big crush on you. And you were kind of a mentor to him, is that right?"

Her father must have just nodded, because she kept talking : " And I don't get why… "

"He… he was a new student to the school. He had transferred because his was bullied at this old one. Pretty bad. So I helped him. Like any friend would do."

"Sure. But he was gay Blaine. "

"And ?"

"And nothing I guess. Apparently you didn't see the harm in it?"

"Being gay is wrong for you?" he hissed

"I didn't say that. Just that you should have expected that the guy would develop some kind of affection toward you, being his mentor friend and all…"

"Is that so?" her dad was clearly angry

"Oh god Blaine, you're so damn blind! Of course he would. Like any other girl would have developed a crush on a guy that was trying to protect her. It's high school Blaine! Any kind of affection, even if it's just comfort is completely blown out of proportion. It's the hormones. Teenagers just get carried away for nothing, when you show them just a little attention!"

"Maybe you're right!"

"Of course I am! You should have seen that coming Blaine! You should have predicted it. Talked to him and explained to him that it was nothing but friendship and support here."

"I should have…" her dad was once again taking all the blame on him.

"Yeah you should have. Instead the poor boy just got his hopes up. And then crushed down when he tried to kiss you, and you bailed."

"You're saying that I just have kissed him?"

"That's not what I'm saying Blaine! I'm saying that the poor boy got hurt and he held you responsible in front of his friends!"

So that was really all it was to it? A simple confusion on non-shared feelings? That guy liked daddy and daddy just wanted to be his friend? Dianna could not see what was the problem here. It was like 10 years ago! Why would everyone would still be upset about it? Why some people would want to kill her dad just because of that. It didn't really made any sense to her. And apparently to her mother also. Because they were not the only one who were still upset about it. Her dad was too. After 10 years? I know it was his friends, but it's not like they were in touch or anything. She even never heard anyone mentioning him? So why, why is so damn important that it would threaten her whole family?

"So you got your answers, why are you still mad ?"

"Because damn Blaine, you are! It's like you never got over it or something!"

"It's not like that…"

"Well tell me what's like Blaine! Because honestly I don't get it. I don't get why seeing this guy again would make you so … I don't even know how to describe you right now! It's like you're processing that over and over again! It was one damn stupid mistake that both of you should have gotten over like 10 years ago. You should be laughing about it right now, not mopping."

"there is nothing funny about it!"

"OH god stop it Blaine, just fucking stop it! This is beyond RIDICULOUS! We all make stupid mistakes. But the fuck Blaine, it was 10 years ago, 10 fucking years ago! Can you just let it go already!"

"NO!"

Dad, just let it go, already, please! Though Dianna, at the edge of crying. This was getting out of control. Please, please, god, let it go. But god, wasn't hearing her this time.

"Why not Blaine? Why the hell wouldn't you just Fucking let it go? Because there is more to it that just that? What don't you tell me? Just FUCKING TELL ME ALREADY!"

"I'M GAY, OK? I'M FUCKING GAY! THAT'S WHAT YOU WANNA HEAR! BLAINE DARREN ANDERSON IS GAY!"

It was right about then when Dianna stopped thinking. Or moving. Or breathing altogether.

"What are you talking about Blaine. This is not funny!"

"It's not a fucking joke Lisa, I'm gay!"

And there was a sound of something heavy smashing into the floor.

"What… what are you talking about? We're married, we have a kid together. You're not gay!"

"DON'T! Don't even try to tell me what I am and what I am not! Just get it over with Lisa, I'm gay !"

"Get it over with ? GET IT OVER WITH? WHAT THE FUCK BLAINE! WHEN THE HELL DID YOU FIGURE THAT ONE OUT?"

"Oh, when I was 12 or something…"

"When you were TWELVE? Like before our MARRIAGE?"

"Yeah, I don't believe I was twelve then" her father was so calm it was insulting.

"HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW THAT? You're not gay Blaine, you're confused. You just want to mess up with me. You want to hurt me. I don't deserve that. "

"Oh No I am. Truthfully I am"

"No you're not. You're married to me. You make love to me, you're not. No way"

"I don't enjoy it though."

"YOU. DON'T. ENJOY. IT? FUCKING BASTARD!"

"I'm sorry Lisa, but it's a Lie. I've never loved you. I will never. The only person I've ever loved is Kurt."

"WHAT THE FUCK? KURT?"

"Yes, Kurt. The only man, the only living I've ever truly loved."

"What… What…."

"Kurt Lied. I lied. I never turned him down. Hell, I even started it. I kissed him. And we dated. Oh god, we did. And we moved after high school in New York. We lived Together for 2 years before… before.. it all went down. We were going to get married… we were going to have a family…"

"KURT ? AND YOU… AND…. OH GOD…. " she sounded like she was choking from the air.

"Lisa, Are you ok? Do you need a glass of water" she heard the water running down, than a gasp, and something breaking. Glass.

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME BLAINE FUCKING ANDERSON! DON'T EVEN TRY!"

"I'm sorry…"

"THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY TO IT? YOU'RE SORRY? WELL, HERE'S SOME NEWS FOR YOU: SORRY DON'T SOLVE ANYTHING. SORRY WON'T KEEP ME FROM KICKING YOU !"

"WHAT the fuck Lisa, you can't kick me out! It's my house!"

"NO Blaine, it's the house that my parents gave us. It's under my fucking name! I can fucking kick you out from my own fucking house! And don't even think to pack your stuff. Just take your damn car and leave!"

"I can't Lisa…."

"What do you mean you can't? Are you FREAKING MENTAL or what? What do you think would happen when you told me that? JUST GET OUT! Don't make me call the cops!"

"You wouldn't. Lisa please, it's not just about us! It's about Dianna also!"

"What will she think when she hear that her father is a fucking FAG?

"DON'T CALL ME THAT LISA!" more broken glass.

"YOU SHOULD HAVE GAVE ME A WARNING FIRST!"

"I CAN'T LEAVE DIANNA! That's my DAUGHTER!"

"No she's not."

"what do you mean, she's not? "

"It mean, you stupid asshole, that I was pregnant before I met you!"

"WHAT?"

"YES I WAS FUCKING PREGNANT!"

"You knew it?"

"Of course I did you stupid ass! Of COURSE I DID! "

"You tricked me?"

"I HAD TO. My parents would have killed me if I wasn't married. The guy was some random dud I met at a party. Don't remember his name, or his face. Too fucking drunk. But when I saw that day at the funeral, you seemed so lost, so helpless. And your mom she just kept saying how it would be good for you to find a woman like me. So I jumped on the occasion!"

"SO YOU FUCKING TRICKED ME TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU WHILE I WAS MOURNING MY FUCKING FATHER?"

"I'm Sorry… just like you. But just so you know, we never had sex, you were too drunk for that.

"YOU WHORE! YOU BITCH!"

"SO Dianna is not yours you can go now, Go find your little KURTIE, and be a FAG with him all you want!"

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU BITCH!"

"I SWEAR IF YOU LAY A FINGER ON ME….."

"You're not even worth it! But just so you know, you fucking PROSTITUTE, I'm GOING TO FIGHT for my daughter; SHE MIGHT NOT BE MY BIOLOGICAL DAUGHTER, BUT I RAISED HER!"

"GOOD LUCK TELLING THE COURT THAT, YOU FAGGOT! NOW OUT! OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW OR I'LL CALL THE COPS!"

"I FUCKING HATE YOU! I'M GONNA FUCKING RUIN YOUR LIFE!"

"GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, BLAINE DARREN ANDERSON! NOW OUT!"

And then the door slammed.

 

It was 10:30pm and somewhere in a suburban house in Boston, a little girl was sitting on the upper step of a staircase. She was angelic. Blond, blue eyes, and had freckles . She was like any normal little girl. But she had tears on her face. But then again, like any normal little girl who would cry.

But this particular little girl wanted to scream. She wanted to close her eyes so hard to make everything go away. She wanted to cover her ears so badly that she would never have to listen to anything anymore. She wanted to never move again and run so fast in the same time without ever stopping. She wanted to stop breathing and she was gasping for some air at the same time. She just wanted to die, and she just wanted to know how to survive.

From the outside, she was just a crying 4 years old little girl on the top of a staircase.

From the inside, she was a crying 4 years old little girl on the stop of a staircase who had just witness her world collapse.

And all she could think about was how wrong Mrs. Thompson were. No, Arguing does not make things better.


	8. Chapter 8

 

"Blaine, what happened? "

"K—u-u—r—t—t …" Blaine voice cracked, at Kurt's horror. It was all tears and moans in the other side of the line.

"It's ok I'm here… don't worry I'm not gonna hang up. Now tell me what happened Blaine…" Kurt said in voice that he wanted comforting. He no longer cared that he was supposed to be mad at Blaine or that he shouldn't care any longer about anything that was related to him, because he just couldn't ignore now his sobs and his pain. But if it was only fair for Blaire to suffer as much as he did, though a little voice in Kurt's head, but he couldn't listen to it now. Not when Blaine was suffering, not when he was crying, not when every fiber in Kurt's body wanted to jump across the phone and took the poor man in his arms. Not now. Now, it was all about Blaine.

"It's Lisa… she… I …" blubbered Blaine

"What Blaine?" urged Kurt

"It's Lisa… OH MY GOD!" Blaine was suddenly screaming, and he heard in the background sounds of cars slowing down and people shouting and swearing.

"Blaine, Blaine… are you ok? Blaine…" Kurt panicked

"Yeah… I'm fine…"

"Blaine if you're driving, pull over please. You can't drive like that. Not when you're so upset. Please stop," pleaded Kurt

"Ok… Ok, I'm stopping. I can't anymore…. Kurt, I c-a-a-a-n-n' t!"

"Ok, Blaine. Please breath. Breath for me Blaine, will you? Can you do that for me Blaine?"

"Ok…. " Blaine started taking some steady breaths, one mouthful or air after an other, making Kurt relax a little bit, and giving him the time to think. Dear lord, what had had happened to Blaine? He was apparently fine physically, but what it something happened to his wife, or worse, he little girl? He knew Blaine was unhappy but still he must have loved his daughter, like any father would. Kurt hoped that it had nothing to do with that, because as much as he hated the idea of Blaine having a family with an other woman, he couldn't either wish them bad. He wasn't cruel, and he loved kids. It would break Blaine's heart, and as much as he hated to admit it, it would break his own. Because Blaine and him were connected. They were two half of a whole. If one broke, the other one wouldn't survive.

"OK, it's better now" finally said Blaine, who frankly didn't sound any better. But really how could he be? "Thank you Kurt for not hanging up on me"

"I couldn't if I tried" confessed Kurt slowly. " Now, tell me what's going on before I loose it Blaine."

"Lisa…. Dianna…" and his voice broke once again.

"Are they… are they ok.. have they been in a accident… talk to me Blaine!" Kurt shouted in fear

"No… no accident… they're fine… "

That made Kurt relax for a second. But only for a second, because as the words begun to sink in, he realized that if it wasn't them who were harmed, then it must Blaine. And that he couldn't handle. He couldn't even think about it.

"Blaine … are… are … you… hurt?" finally managed to say Kurt, in a whisper

"No…." Kurt relaxed at once, but his mind didn't. Because something was still wrong. "Not physically… "

"What do you mean Blaine?" Kurt knew what it meant, but he had to ask. He didn't know what to say other than that. Like his mind had suddenly been turned off.

"Kurt…. I'm sorry…. I shouldn't have called you… I'm gonna leave you…." cried Blaine

"No Blaine, just…."

"No Kurt, it's not fair to you", somehow his voice was more ensured than before, "I shouldn't… you shouldn't… I have no right…"

"BLAINE, SHUT UP!" yelled Suddenly Kurt, which surprised not only Blaine who gasped in shock, but Kurt himself. Obviously he had lost his mind. But then again, he knew that already. "Blaine just shut up ok ? I'm here for you, and I'm not leaving you. the rest doesn't matter. Right now, all that matters, is you. "

"T-h-a-a-a-n-n-k you… " sobbed Blaine

"It's ok, Blaine, it's gonna be ok" Kurt was reassuring him as if he was addressing a 5 years old." Just tell me where you are, ok? Tell me, please…"

"I'm in my car, I pulled over like you-u-u told m-e-e…"

"Blaine, please look around, just tell me where you are…" urged Kurt

"I'm in…. in front of a Starbucks…. Summer Street, I think… I'm parked just in front…"

"Blaine, tell me what you car look like…."

"I'm in black Volvo, there's a sticker on the back window… yellow… says "baby on board"" His voice broke down once again, and Kurt could tell that he wasn't even trying breath.

"Blaine, please, Calm down" begged Kurt, on the edge of crying. But he couldn't, he wouldn't allow himself to do so. Not now, anyway. Now he had to be strong for Blaine.

"Blaine, please, calm down. Listen to me, don't move, ok? Don't move from where you are… ok? I'm gonna get you help. I'll call you back ok? "

"Kurt!" Blaine shouted

"I'm not going to leave you, Blaine, ok? Listen to me, I really need to talk to… just stay there and breath ok? Do that for me Blaine, will you? For me?"

"Y-e-e-e-s ….."finally managed to say Blaine

"Ok, Blaine, 2 seconds and I'll be right back to you" Kurt though for a second, of how much their words, now and previously in the conversation, had a deep meaning. How much implications they were holding. But he tried to shake these thoughts of his mind. It wasn't the time. Not at all. "Just answer when I call back, ok?"

"Of c-o-o-u-u-r-s-s-e…"

That was pretty much what Kurt could handle in one single conversation. If he hadn't hung up the phone, he wouldn't have been able to not cry. To hold it. But as much as he wanted to, now, it wasn't the time either. So he searched his phone for the number that hold his hopes and dialed it. He wouldn't think of the possibility that they would be asleep. It was too much. But after few seconds, someone finally answered. Kurt let down a sigh, he didn't know he was holding, before speaking.

"Quinn?"

"Mhm… who's that" Phil answered. But it looked like he wasn't really paying attention to it. Kurt heard some heavy noises in the background, people talking and laughing. Apparently a party was going on. Great.

"Phil, It's me Kurt" answered Kurt, trying his best to not get mad

"Kurt?" asked Phil, his tone still absent. Kurt heard than Phil Chuckle, and say something like "good one, mate" to somebody that he couldn't hear.

"Phil!" shouted Kurt, who didn't cared anymore about being rude or not. " Phil focus, It's me Kurt, the guy who practically help deliver your only child! Kurt the gay, gayer than the 4th of July!"

"Bloody! I'm sorry Kurt" finally snapped in Phil " what's happening?"

"It's ok Phil, is Quinn here? Can you get her on the phone for me?"

"all right mate. Is everything ok? You seem upset…"

Understatement of the year, though Kurt, who let out a small hysterical chuckle. Clearly he had lost it.

"It's nothing… I mean… it's a emergency but I'm fine… it's a friend… he's hurt… "

"One of the new directions? That's what you guys call each other, right?" asked Phil.

"Oh god" thought Kurt "This guy is going to be the death of me. He's even slower than Finn if it's possible!"

"Phil, Just Get Quinn, ok?" Kurt hissed

"Oh sorry, ok… 2 seconds"

Kurt heard Phil call his wife into the phone, and after what seemed to Kurt like a lifetime, he finally heard the familiar voice of his friend.

"Kurt? Are you ok? Phil says it's a emergency" said Quinn dumbfounded, as if she didn't really believed her husband.

"Quinn, I'm sorry to call this late… I know you have a party and all … but…"

"Kurt, are you ok? Are you crying Kurt?" said suddenly Quinn in a urgent voice " What happened"

"It's Blaine…" Kurt finally broke down in tears. He wasn't able to hold it anymore. He was just glad he did it talking to Quinn, not to Blaine. Not that it was fair to her either. But he couldn't anymore. Saying his name, remembering his pain, his cries, it was all too much.

"Babe, don't cry. Shhhh, it's ok, Kurt" tried to comfort him Quinn. He wished at that instant, that he could hug her. Find comfort in her friend. Hold on tight and don't let go. And then he remembered why. Because of Blaine. Blaine, who was freaking out, hurt, in a car, somewhere in the night, lost in Boston. No, he couldn't cry now. Blaine needed him not to. Somehow it helped him settle down a bit. Just enough so he could explain himself to Quinn, hoping that she would actually be willing to help him.

"Quinn, It's Blaine" said again Kurt, with a steadier voice. Yes, you can do it, said the man to himself.

"Kurt, I….I know I said I would listen to you whenever… but…"

"Quinn, it's not that" cut Kurt "He called me, I think… he's hurt… well not physically… but he couldn't say a thing… he just said something about his wife and daughter… I don't know Quinn… he was crying so much… "

"Oh my god, Kurt" whispered Quinn in horror

"He was driving… I made him park… He couldn't drive… he wasn't in the right state… you think you could…"

"Don't worry Kurt, I'll got get him and bring him home" replied Quinn, with a tone that wasn't subject to discussion

"Thank you Quinn… I know you don't understand… But Blaine…" tried to explain Kurt

"Don't" cut Quinn "don't justify anything to me… You have your reasons… it's enough for me, I trust you"

"Thank you Quinn" said Kurt relieved. He didn't how he could have explained it to her, when it didn't even made sense to him. But Quinn understood, and better than him, he could tell.

"Anything, anytime, you know that. But, Kurt… Should I bring Phil?"

"Yes, If you don't mind… I think it's best…"

"Ok… I'll leave Lea with my parents and we'll go right now"

"Oh my, I'm sorry Quinn… I only though about me! The baby! Is she ok? I didn't even ask ! I'm sorry Quinn, you shouldn't leave her… I'm going to find someone else…" said Kurt suddenly very ashamed of himself; How could he have forgotten that Quinn just had a baby, and therefore had enough troubles and drama, without him calling her in indecent hours, rambling about Blaine. What kind of friend, was he? Maybe the type that would forget about a friend's life when his other friend was hurt. Wait, was Blaine a friend? What was Blaine to him? Besides, was he even hurt?

But Kurt didn't go far in his nonsense though, when Quinn cut him once again.

"Kurt, she's fine, stop worrying. And I'm not mad at you. You have every right to be worried when Blaine is… hurt. I'm having dinner with my whole family right now, so I think there are more than 10 people perfectly capable to handle her for an hour. Just tell me where he is, and I'll got get him."

"Thank you, Quinn" said Kurt, still filing guilty and ashamed. But he gave her all the indications that Blaine had given him earlier.

"I know where it is. I won't take long. 15 minutes top. I'll call you when we have him. Kurt, it's ok going to be ok. I promise"

And the line shut down.

No, it wasn't going to be ok.

After Quinn hung up, Kurt took a second to make his breathing even. He didn't want to scare Blaine more than he was, or worry him. "You can do it", Kurt kept saying to himself. "You can. Just a few more minutes. Breath. Just like that. You can. Yes, you did. Ok just stay calm, and then you can call him. Yeah, good job. Breath"

"Kurt?" Blaine had answer before Kurt could even hear it ring

"Blaine, It's going to be ok. Quinn is coming to get you"

"Quinn?"

"Yes, Quinn. You remember her right?"

"Yes…"

"OK she's coming with her husband, Phil. You're going home with them, ok, Blaine?"

"Kurt.. I don't want… burden…sorry…" that's all Kurt could comprehend with Blaine sobbing

"Nonsense Blaine, They are coming and there is nothing you can about it. Understood?"

"Y-y-y-e-e-e-s-s-s…."

"Ok, Blaine. Just breath ok? They are coming soon. I have to take care of something. I'm going to hung up, but I promise Blaine, It's going to be ok." It wasn't a lie. It was just a foolish hope that he had to hold on too. That Blaine had to believe. Otherwise, he wouldn't be able to go one anymore. He had to believe. That's all was left.

"Ok, thank you Kurt" finally said Blaine.

"Ok, I'll talk to you very soon." And he hung up.

Now, he could let go. And he did.

 

He didn't know how long he stayed curled up in the sofa, sobbing his heart out, shaking with all his core, wanting no more than soft arms to hold him safe and tell him that everything would be ok. That Blaine would be ok. That HE would be ok. He knew he had to drive to Boston, as soon as possible, to make sure everything was fine, to be there for Blaine, to relieve the burden from Quinn's shoulders. But who was going to relieve his own burden? The own he was holding for 5 years now. The one that always pressured his heart, made him squeeze, even in the most joyful times? He never was fully able to be happy, or to laugh properly without the constant reminder that was the hole in his heart. He eventually didn't mind that much after a while, but it never really faded away. And now it was back. The hole, so deep and profound. It ate him completely. Enveloped him as a shadow of pain and misery. As a cloud of despair.

But in the same time, and that was new to him, there was hope. He didn't know where it came from, but it was there. Hope of what? He didn't know, he didn't understood, but it was fully consuming him as much as the pain. And the hope seemed to materialize into one little beeping.

He stood up suddenly as if nothing happened for the past minutes, and reached his phone on the living room table. Even thought his hands were still shaking, but it felt like it was more excitement than anything else. Not that it made any sense to him. He wasn't able to hold steady his phone in his arms, and dropped him and the floor. This wasn't good; he had such a steady grip usually. It really bothered him more than anything else. Maybe it was because he was thinking that if he couldn't hold his phone without falling apart, how could he hold Blaine?

So he took a deep breath once again, and focused on stopping the shaking of his hands, his whole body actually before doing anything else. It took him several mouthful of air but he eventually managed to shudder a bit less. That's all he needed really. So he reached for his phone and opened finally the text.

**We got him. It's going to be alright. We are on way home. Call when you can. Q**

Oh god, thank you! Thank you! It was all Kurt could think about right now. Not that he truly believed in god, but this experience might prove him wrong. But he didn't really care about that. He read again Quinn's text and his last phrase: "call when you can". He couldn't suppress the little grin that spread on his face. Of course Quinn knew him so well. She knew that he would collapse as soon as he would hung up. And she wanted to give him time. She knew how much he hated to show his weaknesses to anybody, how much he couldn't bear to let anyone see him cry. Anyone but Blaine. He was really the only one he could truly open himself to, let himself really go with. And Blaine was so strong. He never cried. He always held Kurt. But tonight, Blaine cried. Blaine opened himself to Kurt for the first time really. And it had meant a lot to him, more than he could actually explain. Because Blaine wasn't pretending anymore, not for Kurt anyway. Not that he had before, but it was so much more. And Kurt knew that. He knew that Blaine had been holding so much inside, that this time he just couldn't do it anymore. He had to let go. And Kurt had to be here for him, as Blaine was there. It was really the only thing that made Kurt stop crying really. It wasn't because he owed Blaine, for being there every time he needed to. Maybe it was, but it was so much more at the same time, nothing that Kurt could really wrap his mind around really.

So he didn't try. He just knew that he had to be there for Blaine, if nothing else. Even if he couldn't make him feel better. Just be there. That's it.

Before he knew it, he was already calling Quinn. It felt really like he was two persons right now. One that thought, felt, and cared. And the other one that just acted. Thank the Lord for that.

"Hey Quinn"

"Hi Kurt, feeling better?" asked very lowly Quinn. No doubt Phil or even Blaine were not far.

"Yeah thanks for the time delay"

"No problem. Listen Kurt, we have him. We are home."

"How is he?" asked Kurt, even though he knew the answer

"Not that good…" said Quinn with unsure voice, "He's pretty bad. Emotionally speaking. We gave him some sleeping meds. I think he really need to sleep."

"Good." Approved Kurt "not that it won't make him feel worse in the morning. But it's the best for him, right now, I suppose".

"Are you coming?"

"Yes, I am. I'm leaving shortly." Said determinedly Kurt

"I suppose there is not point for me to ask to consider some sleep before you take the road, is it?"

"No, I suppose not. Thank You for caring though. And thank you for everything that you have done. I hate to see you deprived for the sleep that you obviously need with Lea and all."

"Don't mention it. Besides my parents took Lea for the weekend. It's ok, we needed some calm with Phil"

"Not that you won't have any, with me, knocking on your door in 3 hours"

"I suppose it will be also good for us to keep the habit of staying awake at night, when he have her back. Keep us alert" chuckled Quinn, still sadly though.

"I suppose" said Kurt with the same sad chuckle. "I don't think I will be able to owe you that one Quinn"

"Don't mention it. That's what friends are for. There is no debt between us. And If Phil has a problem with, he'll experience some first hand Quinn Fabray's furry . You sure remember those fits, don't you."

"Oh yes I do" giggled Kurt, really smiling this time.

"It's good to hear you laugh Kurt. I really missed it. See you in a few hours"

"Yes, I missed it too, see you Quinn" added Kurt, even though she already hung up.

The next three hours were probably the longest that Kurt had ever faced. It was all anguish and worry. He had absolutely no idea of what he was about to face, or how he should handle it. So he tried his best to not really think about it, focusing all his thoughts on the driving, and the road. He even put some radio, but quickly turned it off when he heard some talk show that reminded him a lot of "sleepless in Seattle". It wasn't just the show actually but the movie also. Because It was one of their favorite Movies, Blaine and him. They used to watch it again and again, especially when they were living together in New York. They usually both worked late, and when he came home, they cuddled in the sofa watching this movie, sometimes after watching an affair to remember. They would just watch, neither of them feeling the need to say anything, just holding each other and it was perfect. Those were the moments Kurt had missed the most at first, and he was missing today. Those small moments that at the moment didn't mean that much to them, but he knew now that they were the most valuable. Those touches, those holds, the silence, and just them together. The sex had always been great of course, but it didn't mean as much for Kurt as that. Like he had told Blaine so many years ago, "the touch of finger tip" meant the world to him. Well, only when it was Blaine's. He had experienced those quite moments with other guys two, following that, but it never came close to what Blaine and him shared. With those random guys, something was always missing. He wasn't so sure of what it was at the time, but he never really felt at ease. Now he knew what had been missing: Blaine. It was as simple as that. He had missed him everyday for the past 5 years.

So he tried very hard not to think about that loss, about Blaine's loss. Because Blaine had apparently just lost a great deal himself. And that was the priority now. And until he figured out what it was exactly, he wasn't going to think about it.

He had taken few energizing drinks before he left but really he hadn't needed them. He was as awake as he had never been before. All the tire of the last week had vanished. And it was good. He needed to be fully aware now. Looking at the road, and later looking after Blaine.

It was past 5 am when he finally reached Boston. He hadn't drove fast, because he knew that Blaine was probably asleep, and there was really no point to hurry. He needed to gather himself also before steeping in into the mess. So when he entered the city, the sun was rising. If he wasn't so worried and distracted, he would have fully appreciated the beauty of the view. It was his first time in Boston, and it was really a beautiful city. Especially in the sunrise. But he had no time to admire that really. He just followed the instructions that Quinn had texted him, and eventually found himself in front of a nice white house, with a beautiful flowered Garden of pink roses. The house was not that big, but even, from the outside, it felt homey and welcoming. Quinn's magic touch, thought Kurt with a smile.

And for the first time since the beginning of the night, he wasn't so sure anymore that he actually wanted to go in. To see Blaine. To be there for him. He only wanted to drive back home and lock himself inside, not talking to anyone, ever again.

But he couldn't. Not now, not when he was so close. He couldn't freeze now. So he sighed and eventually got out of the car. He reached the door, and after a deep breath, he knocked three times. "Here we go", thought Kurt.

 

Blaine woke up around 9, awaken by the morning sunlight that was spreading into the room, through the thin white curtains hanging on the windows, and already warming it.

It still took him several minutes to understand why he had awaken in such a room, that was clearly not his, and what had happened that would lent him in here.

And then it hit him. Hard. So hard that he felt immediately nauseous and ran directly into the bathroom. He rushed to the toilet, and leaned to vomit his insides out. But nothing would come out, and the more he tried to get rid of this grow in his throat, the more it got stuck. It was slowly going down to his heart. It was only the weight of his sorrow, Blaine understood. Nothing that he would be able to flush away. It was part of him now. Adding to the other weight that had been pressuring his heart for 5 years now. The weight of loosing Kurt Hummel.

"Blaine, are you ok?"

He suddenly heard the voice of said Kurt Hummel behind his back. He gasped in shock, feeling suddenly unbalanced on his toes, and fell on the floor. Kurt had knocked him down. Once more. He heard his steps behind him, and felt two extraordinary gentle and soft arms pulling him up. Holding him tight. Once again. He let Kurt help him back on his feet. Once again. And then he flipped him to face him.

And Kurt was here. Confusion in his eyes. His beautiful ocean blue eyes. His soft eyebrows that he loved so much raised in concern. His perfect face in wonderment.

"Blaine, are you all right? Do you feel sick?" asked again Kurt

"No. I'm good" Blaine didn't really lie. He was good. He was just because Kurt was now here with him. How did that happen, by the way? "Kurt, you're here…." Whispered Blaine

"No I'm a extra concentrated ghost." Said seriously Kurt.

Blaine chuckled despite himself. He was really feeling good with Kurt being here. He knew that the man was concerned about him, but he was trying his best to hide it, and to make Blaine feel better. It was maybe the worst time to laugh but he knew that it was just Kurt's way to break the tension between them. They really needed to be as comfortable as possible around each other, in this time.

"You don't say, Porcelain" replied Blaine, as eager to make him relax also.

"Touché" smiled Kurt.

And Blaine's heart missed one beating. Oh god, how much he had missed Kurt's smile. The smile that used to have the power to make him feel better instantly, the smile that was still able to do that. The beautiful smile that was so contagious and usually made everyone forget about their problems. The smile that just made you want to grin wider. The smile that took his breath away. The smile that was making go forward. Leaded their way.

And now he was leading him into the bedroom. He followed Kurt to the bed, when the tall boy, had settled in, his legs touching his chest, his chin slowly resting on his knees. The face of innocence and beauty.

Blaine tried to compose himself and sat next to him, crossed legs. He wasn't really able to breath but it wasn't because of the weight in his heart. That weight seemed to vanish as soon as he had seen Kurt. Heal at his sight.

"Kurt, what are you doing here?" asked eventually Blaine, feeling the urge to say something, and to hear Kurt's voice once again.

"What do you think? I'm here for you." Kurt's tone was so natural that Blaine wanted to cry. "I showed up around 5, but you were sleeping. I didn't want to wake you up. Besides I was tired myself, so I slept a bit on the couch. I woke up when I heard you rushing to the bathroom"

"I'm sorry I woke you up, you must be tired since you drove all night. You should have waited till morning….."

"Nonsense Blaine. Anyway I'm here now. So shut up about it. And tell me what happened."

"I…" Blaine felt suddenly the weight pressing again on his chest. The terrible of last night came back floating into his mind. His confession, Lisa's face when he told her. The yelling. The cursing. And then he words that made his world collapse. His head was spinning suddenly. Nothing was making sense. How a single conversation could change his words forever? How a single moment, a single decision, a few words mean so much? How the truth could be son painful?

"Blaine, how do you feel?" asked eventually Kurt, more and more concerned for Blaine. The tiny smile that was on his face had faded, and he looked now like the image of a tortured man.

"Like crap…" confessed finally Blaine.

"I'm sorry… " Blaine could tell that Kurt really meant his words.

"Thanks Kurt. Means a lot."

"Blaine, I know you don't want to talk about it right now…. But … I think you should. You can't burry it inside you like that. It will only make things worse."

"I know. But I'm not sure if I can…"

"Let me help" simply said Kurt. But it's all it took. Blaine knew suddenly that he could open up to him. And that Kurt would listen to him. He wouldn't judge him. He might even make him understand better what happened. He was so bitter now, that he couldn't see clear into that mess. So he took a deep breath, and decided to let it go.

"I… I told Lisa that I was gay." Blaine felt immediately some relief. But what he hadn't expected that some other emotions would now overwhelm him. Nothing that he was able to figure out at the moment. But they were definitely strong.

"Oh, Jesus, how did she take it?" Kurt gasped in shock.

"Oh like a charm!" mocked humorlessly Blaine

"I'm sorry Blaine, I should have known that…." accused Kurt

"No, it's ok Kurt. I'm mad but I 'm no right to be mad at you. Of course, she took pretty badly. She…. She…." But suddenly it wasn't pain that made Blaine unable to continue, but pure rage.

"What did she do?" asked Kurt, suddenly fearful. Of course, just by Blaine tone, he had understood that something bad happened.

"She finally told me the truth. I should have came out a long time ago, after all" said bitterly Blaine

"Sorry, but I don't understand…." Kurt was obviously lost.

"Yeah I know. She told me that Dianna wasn't my daughter." Finally said Blaine, with really no emotions in his voice. It was almost like he didn't care. So cold. But both men knew better.

"WHAT?" shouted Kurt, so shocked that he almost fell off the bed.

"Yeah, she tricked me into marrying her" said as coldly Blaine. He was more concerned by Kurt's reaction a the moment. He knew that Kurt would take it pretty badly. There would be a lot of tears. Almost as much as him. And Kurt would try to comfort him, but he really didn't need at the moment. Now, he just wanted to push, scream, hurt someone. But Kurt surprised him again.

"Are you sure?" asked as coldly Kurt, like he was doubting the answer to a particular math question. He had regained his balance, and he was now watching Blaine with a poker Face, that the other man couldn't begin to grasp.

"Yeah, I mean I guess, I've always suspected it. She looks nothing like me you know? In fact, she has your eyes…." Let Blaine out with a sad little smile.

"Do you really believe that, or It's just easier for you to cope with it?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Maybe she's a stupid manipulating bitch, and Dianna is really yours. But maybe you let your anger cloud your judgment and you're willing to accept Lisa's lies…" said angrily Kurt

"What the hell Kurt? Do you think I really want Dianna to be someone else's?" Blaine was shouting at this point. How Kurt, among all people, would believe that? What the hell was happening with him?

"Maybe it suits you…"

"WHAT? What the fuck are you talking about, Kurt? How can it suit me?"

"Maybe you don't want to have anything keeping you from living your life, Blaine, for being free, for being with…."

"With you? That's what you think?" snorted with despise Blaine

"You don't need to make it sound like such a horrible thing…" shouted Kurt

"Well, maybe I don't need you Kurt!"

Kurt cringed suddenly with pain, as if he had been marked with iron, and Blaine suddenly realized what he had just said. What enormous lie he had just propounded. Of course, he needed Kurt. He needed Kurt more than he needed food or water. More than he needed air. Because Kurt was the reason why he was still breathing. So why did he had to take away his breath, in the most hurtful way? But Kurt had hurt him also, when he implied that Blaine was only looking for a way out, and he didn't really want to commit to his daughter. What the hell, was that about? Why Kurt had to react in such way? He didn't understand how he could believe that, how he could think that he was capable of such thing? How was Kurt capable to yell and be angry at him. They've never fought like that before, and it was scary. But then again, it wasn't like before. They weren't Kurt/Blaine or Klaine like their friends used to call them, they were Blaine and eventually Kurt. Eventually and only because Blaine had requested him. Called him to weep and cry. That's the only reason Kurt had came, when a week before, he clearly told him that it was over. Over because Blaine had been a fool and left him, leaving him bleeding open. And now, what was he doing? He was making him suffer even more, by asking him to be here with him. He was asking him to put the past behind him, and comfort him! How stupid and selfish was he! It figures that Kurt would be angry. It figures that he would cringe with pain at his hateful words. "What is wrong with me?" Though Blaine.

And Kurt was now looking more hurt and pained then ever, his head resting behind his knees, his eyes down, and his arms around his legs, as if he wanted to hold himself in once piece. That broke one more piece of Blaine's heart.

"I'm sorry Kurt… " finally said Blaine, with a gravelly voice, "I didn't mean it…"

"I don't… "Kurt had raised his eyes to look at him. They were full of soreness and distress. "I'm sorry too. I had no right to doubt you like that. It's just seemed so…"

"I know Kurt, don't worry", Tried to reassure him Blaine

"I'm really sorry, for that. For Dianna I mean. I can't even begin to imagine what It must feel like…" whispered Kurt, slightly off.

"I don't know how to feel either, Kurt. I'm… I don't know. Right now I'm just really angry"

"I am too. I really want to go see that bitch of wife of yours, and … grhhh"

Blaine cringed. He knew that Kurt was really affected by this but it the meantime, he was totally lost and had no idea how to react. He always had troubles with feelings and emotions, and being vulnerable around people. Blaine had a rough time with that at first, because he always thought that he always cared more for Kurt than the other way around, because he showed it more. But he just learned eventually that Kurt had build himself a carapace, over the years, and it took him a long time to penetrate it. And it was right about then when he had found that Kurt was the most caring, and compassionate person ever. That he truly cared. And eventually Kurt had let down his shield around him. He opened himself more and showed him exactly what he was feeling, all the time. But as soon as he was faced with someone else, his carapace that he had spent years to built was once again back. And people usually though about him as a cold and selfish person. They didn't understand how he could show so little emotions in times of loss, tragedy or hurt. How he could care that less. How he could still make jokes about it. They didn't understand that his sarcasms were only a way to protect himself. Laugh about it, but not feel it. But Blaine knew better. He knew he was just afraid of displaying his emotions, of people judgments. He looked so confident, but he wasn't. He was so scared of everything. Of talking, feeling, showing. So he created a image of him for people, a strong, confident, sarcastic image. But Blaine had been able to see through it. He saw the fear, the lack of confidence, and the hurt. And he tried to help him to have a little bit of "courage" to show his true self to the world. The true amazing self that Blaine had fallen in love with.

But now, he knew, that, by leaving, and breaking his heart, he had if not broken all his efforts to be true to himself, he had at least lost the privilege to see it. Kurt was going to show him only the cold and senseless image of himself. He would be overreacting, and over playing it. Not that he didn't care, but even if did, there was no way that he would let him see that. He knew that it was true, when he raised his eyes to meet Kurt's and when he saw that the emotionless poker face was back on.

"yes she is a bitch." Said eventually Blaine, but without anger this time, as if it didn't even matter really.

"What are you going to do about Dianna, though?" asked Kurt

"I don't know, but I won't give her up without a fight" said strongly Blaine

"Good. I'll help you… If you want, of course" replied Kurt, his poker face a bit less secure

"Kurt… I really didn't mean what I said earlier. I need you Kurt."

"Ok, I'll help you then"

"No, Kurt. It's not what I meant. Of course I want you to help me with Dianna, but it's not just that, though. I need you. In every sense of the way. " Blaine didn't know why he was so suddenly declaring his feelings to Kurt. But he wanted him to be able to understand what he felt right now, what he felt for him. What he had been feeling for the past 10 years of his life. He reached Kurt's shoulder with his right hand and squeezed it as if he wanted to comfort him. But it really comforted Blaine. The touch of his body, was the only thing that could comfort him. His simple presence. The closeness of it. He really needed to feel that they were still connected in some way. And he wanted also Kurt to feel that; He wanted to make him understand that he didn't need to pretend, because he knew him. Because he was his other half. He knew it as he knew his heart. His heart that was now pressuring him to make feel Kurt safe. Loved. Needed.

"I need you Kurt, because you are you. Because I am me. Because we are us. Because we are part of something together. Because it's beyond our will. I need you because it's just the way it is. "That's what he should have said. But he wouldn't. He just couldn't it. And it was killing him, because now, they were so close to each other, their breaths mixing into the air, their eyes locked in each other, and nothing but sorrow and fear in them. But it wasn't close enough for him. He needed to shut the gap.

To seal them together. And his lips were only inches away…

 

Their heads were inches away from each other, their gaze locked intensively. And then Kurt knew what would happen. He just knew. But he didn't stop it. He couldn't, because Blaine suddenly smashed their lips together, and kissed him more fiercely than Kurt ever though possible.

Kurt gasped in shock, but that only made Blaine kiss deepen more. His right hand was now brushing Kurt's back, and the other was still on his shoulder, squeezing him tightly. Kurt was overwhelmed. So many emotions run through him in what seemed both like no time at all and a lifetime. A lifetime when he wanted to kiss Blaine, over and over, and never let go of this man, never miss again the touch of Blaine mouth on his eyes, the taste of his lips, the smell of his skin. He wanted to kiss him back, as if nothing ever happened. As if they were back in time. And he wanted it to last a lifetime, forever. But not like that. Not like this kiss. Because this kiss was scary. Because it was holding all Blaine misery and pain. Blaine was kissing him as if it was his only hope to survive. A desperate kiss. But then again, how could he pull away when Blaine needed it, needed him so much? When, Kurt had to admit, he needed Blaine so much? The kiss was like a shot through his vein, feeling both incredible and painful at the same time. The kiss was his drug. No, Blaine was his drug.

Kurt felt extremely unease with this idea. It felt sick. So wrong, because it was so true. But he wasn't going to let Blaine overdose. Because that's what he was doing, felt Kurt. He felt like Blaine was giving him his last kiss, taking as much as he could with him. And he didn't care about the outcome. He just needed it so much.

Kurt felt a shiver down his spine and he knew it had nothing to do with Blaine's kiss. Or it had, because suddenly he was so afraid of it. Of him. Of what might happen after, if he didn't stop him. So he did. He pulled out of him, and tried to push him gently, his hands pressed on Blaine's shoulders. It did it.

Blaine reacted immediately. He pulled out from him, and almost jumped out of the bed. He was clearly trying to get to the door to hide away but Kurt wasn't going to let it happen. He knew how Blaine would react and he didn't want him to blame himself for some more. He had to stop him.

Before Blaine could make two steps, Kurt reached to him, and grabbed him with force by the arm. But Blaine wouldn't face him. He kept his eyes stubbornly locked on the floor, as his entire body was still shaking. Kurt was determinate to look him into the eyes, to let him know that it was fine, that everything was beyond fine. If he just looked at him… he would have realized. But Blaine wasn't going go, so Kurt reached his arm to Blaine face, and gently he raised Blaine's chin so their gazes would meet.

Again they were so close, in every way possible, standing next to each other, Kurt hand closed on Blaine's arm, his other arm gently pulling his chin, theirs breaths mixing into the air. But in the same time it was so different. They were not as intimate as they were before. They were both prepared, their emotions more guarded, there thoughts more present, everything seemed different. And there were Blaine's eyes. The emotions that flickered into his eyes were so various, starting with anger, then pain, then shame.

It was the last one that hurt Kurt's most. He didn't want Blaine to feel ashamed of anything. Surely not for kissing him. Because he had wanted that as much as Blaine. Actually he had somehow wished for that since the first time they had reunited. Yes, since that first night were he was rude to him, the whole time, a part of his heart just wanted to kiss him. Blaine didn't have to be ashamed and Kurt needed to make him understand, because obviously, Blaine couldn't tell by looking at him, or maybe he didn't want to.

"Blaine, don't… don't…. it's ok" that's all Kurt managed to say. He hoped it would somehow help Blaine realize his feelings.

"I'm sorry Kurt... I was such a fool for…. " Whispered Blaine, pain and guilt all over his face

"No you're not a fool Blaine…. I didn't mind…. More like I did…. But no let me finish!" sad Kurt when he saw Blaine cringe with pain, " I did mind because I wanted to kiss you too… but…" he was unable to continue. But what exactly, really?

"But that doesn't change a thing…" said Blaine who seemed to understand finally. "After all that, it doesn't change a thing really" his tone was settling, defeated.

"It's not that really…"

"But It's still true, Kurt. Nothing has changed, has it?" asked Blaine

Kurt didn't know how to answer that, and it didn't help that Blaine was now looking at him deep into his eyes, expecting an real answer. Of course he would want to know. But damn, Kurt had no idea how to respond to that one. His mind was shouting that nothing had changed, and his heart was urging him to kiss Blaine. To hold him. Forever. A part of him wanted to forget everything that happened in the last 5 years, to pick up exactly where they had left, to be happy again with the man he loved. Because there was no denying it: he still loved Blaine. At this point, it wasn't even called loved. What they shared was beyond plain human sentiments. It felt like they couldn't leave without each other. It hurt but also it was just physically impossible. He knew that he managed somehow to achieve that for the past years, but maybe it was only because he knew that Blaine was still out there somewhere, living, and there was still some hope. Not loads, but it's all it took. Because if Blaine were to disappear, Kurt would too. He just knew it. So why wouldn't he kissed him, why wouldn't he hold him in his arms and tell him that everything was going to be ok? Because, as much as some part of him wanted to, the other part was so much more rational. Because he knew that even if Blaine had lost his family that he got out of the closet once more nothing had really changed. They were still apart for 5 years, his heart was still broken (even though he knew that Blaine would fix it), and Blaine had still a daughter. But maybe she could be his daughter too, he thought for a second. He was suddenly foreseeing a future with Blaine and Dianna, as a family, happy and bubbly family. But he shook this idea out of his head really quick. It was Blaine's daughter, well, not really even. That was an other problem altogether. More problems that Blaine would have to face. Alone? No, Kurt wouldn't leave him alone to deal with that, for that he was sure. But how would he help him. As a friend or more? He was really lost by this point and it didn't help that Blaine's face was once again inches away from his, his eyes locked into his, and obviously expecting an answer. Not necessarily good, but he sure hoped so. He just wanted really to know something, anything. Was Kurt able to give him anything?

But before he could commit to his fate, a heavy knock on the door ripped apart the silence.

 

"Hey guys, It's Phil. Are you awake? Quinn says the breakfast is ready."

The moment was definitely gone.


	9. Chapter 9

A few minutes later, they were all seated in the kitchen, sharing some eggs and pancakes that Quinn had thoroughly prepared. They hadn't really been talking, and they were all clearly uncomfortable, especially Phil. He was in fact sharing a meal in his house with two men he barely knew, one of them being the subject of a midnight operation rescue and the other one was clearly here to take over that job.

Their relation startled Phil. Now that he was really seeing them, with no evident drama in the air, he could really tell that he had never seen something quite like that before. The way they interacted with each other: so close and yet so far apart at the same time.

Phil wasn't someone you could call a homophobe, but he had never been at ease also with gay public displays of affection. Which was kind of normal in a city like London where he grew up. People were so open in his childhood neighborhood, but he always had been a bit embarrassed and deranged when gay people held hands or kissed in public. To him it felt like they were just showing off, and using it as a way to piss other people off. He knew that it wasn't logical but that's just the way a young boy mind work. As he grew up, he had overcome his prejudices but sometimes he still felt unease facing those situations. But somehow, knowing that those two men in his house were probably lovers or ex lovers didn't bother him so much, because the way they looked at each other, because of the way they moved around each other, the way they cared about each other. As a lawyer, he was a kind of perceptive man, and what he saw was two persons so deeply in love with each other, but fighting it so hard. He didn't know why but it was there. Two persons that shared something that few people shared: caution and passion in the same time. It didn't matter then that they were gay or straight because all he could see now was they were people in love. And for him, as for them, the rest didn't matter.

"Hey Kurt, don't you have a show tonight?" Quinn suddenly asked, having finished her meal, as a way of trying to break the icy atmosphere that had spread into the room.

"Oh. My. God. You're right, I totally forgot!" yelled Kurt, smashing his head with his palm.

"You should get going then…."started Blaine.

"What?" asked Kurt looking at him like he was crazy "No I'm not going! They'll have to do it without me."

"But you're the star…" protested Blaine

"Thanks for saying that" smiled Kurt, "but I'm actually one of the 3 stars. And I'm sure if Mercedes or Rachel heard you say that, they would cut you." Another smile.

"But…"

"God, don't worry Blaine. Ian can replace me. You know we have back up for situations like that…"

"Like a guy calling you in the middle of the night, crying for help and begging you to come rescue him in Boston?" mumbled Blaine, ashamed of himself.

"Yeah, among other things. Don't worry, my contract also covers the possibility of me being abducted by aliens in order to teach them some of my fine Single Ladies moves. So really, no big deal here."

Everyone looked at him in shock for few seconds, and suddenly the whole room burst into laughter. Phil was amazed by Kurt's ability to relax the mood almost immediately. He was so insecure himself, and clearly uneasy, but he was still willing to make Blaine feel better by not allowing him to blame himself for the whole situation. Some people might say that he was lacking tact, and that it was really the wrong time for sarcasms but Phil knew better. He knew that things were way too heavy right now, and a quick laugh was highly appreciated, even if it didn't make forget everything else. But sometimes, you just need a step back, a distraction, to keep going, pushing the wall, harder than before. Kurt graciously provided those little steps back. But Phil knew it was just the upside of the situation. The truth was that Kurt had obviously a hard time at showing his true feelings to Quinn and him for sure, but also to Blaine. He couldn't open himself up, and be vulnerable. So, in every hard situation, he would joke about it. Phil, as a lawyer, knew that better than everyone. He had on many occasions defended people with the worst future ahead of them, and those people just refused to show to the world how defeated they really were. Their sarcasms were their best weapon against the cruelty of the world.

 

Kurt eventually called Wes to let him know that he wouldn't be able to perform that night. He was sure that Wes would take it badly so he retreated to the living room so he could talk without anyone listening to him. Wes answered almost immediately.

"Hey Wes."

"Hey Kurt, what's up?"

"Listen, I'm not going to make it tonight. You should call Ian right away and tell him to fill in for me"

"What? You can't bail on me like that Kurt!"

"Hey, you're the one who wanted to replace me with Ian, last Saturday, without my consent, I might add, and now, you're pretending to be offended by the idea?"

"Kurt, have you been drinking again?"

"No!"

"Kurt, you can tell me if you are, it's ok, we can help you!"

"Jeez, Wes, relax, I haven't. You can abandon whatever intervention you were planning with Mrs. Berry. Now, can you call Ian or not?"

"Kurt what the hell is happening?"

"Listen Wes, just get Ian please…"

"Hey, I'm still the producer here. If my star is not going to show up, I expect at least a decent excuse!"

"I'm excusing myself for a reason that's not your goddamn business. Wes, just give it up. But if you really want to pull your gavel back, then "Boss", it's fine but don't try to use it on my head. Go fetch Ian, he's less stubborn. You'll break that skull of his in no time. Au revoir!" And he hung up.

 

"What was all that about? I heard you kind of yelling from out there. Is everything ok?" asked Blaine when Kurt came back into the kitchen.

"Oh you know, just Wes being Wes," said Kurt with a sight.

"Yeah I do know…." said Blaine, pretending to be exasperated too which caused Kurt to smile a bit.

"So, that's taken care of. What should we do now?" eventually asked Kurt, which caused Blaine to look once again as miserable and hurt as ever.

"Obviously I should get the hell out of your way. You were amazing to take me in, but I can't impose myself any on you guys any longer," Blaine said, turning to face Quinn and Phil.

"You're not imposing anything," said Quinn.

"Mate, what happened?" Phil asked blankly, before he could restrain himself.

"Phil!" Quinn shot him a murderous look, "Blaine is not obligated to anything… and if he doesn't want to talk about it, then it's just fine…"

"Yeah… sure… sorry mate," said Phil bowing his head sheepishly.

"No, Phil is right. I can't ask you guys to take me in at midnight, and not give some kind of explanation of my rude behavior."

"You don't have to…" said Quinn, but Phil knew that she was as curious as him, if not more.

"No I do. It's the right thing to do. But I don't know where to start. How much do you know of what happened last week?" asked Blaine, speaking more to Phil than Quinn.

"I didn't tell him anything," confessed Quinn.

"Why not?" asked Kurt, surprised.

"Kurt, it's your business. Your private life. And Phil at the moment didn't need to know because it wasn't something that concerned him."

"But now, it does. Ok, I get it. Thanks Quinn" said Kurt, smiling at his friend.

"Anytime Kurt" grinned back Quinn.

"So I think I should explain Phil," Blaine said once again.

"You really don't have to mate. I'm sorry if I've been acting as a curious git."

Phil knew that wasn't going to fool anyone. The impatience and excitement in his voice were too noticeable. But really it wasn't his fault, after last night events. Before that day, he had never heard of Blaine, and really before last week, he had never heard of Kurt either. Well, of course, Quinn had told him a bit about the New Directions, but she always mentioned them as a whole, and never talked about any one person in particular. Well, except when they had that awkward talk about first boyfriends, and she mentioned Finn. But he didn't want to think about it at the moment, a bit jealous about the way she talked about him. But he had his wake up call concerning Quinn's past last week, and he was absolutely sure that he would never forget any one of their friends again. Especially Kurt. It would be an understatement to say that he had made a strong effect on him. His first feeling toward him was hate, and jealousy, when he had seen him sleeping practically in his wife's bed. That kind of thing tend to mark you. But after a while, he fully appreciated him, and the fact that the guy was gay, was the cherry on the cake.

Phil though he had the most beautiful wife in the world, and he usually got jealous when other guys got too close to her. But to be totally honest, even if the New Directions were the kind of guys you don't really forget about, Phil did. The last week had been chaotic for both of them, struggling to adjust to Lea and the sleep deprivation that went along with her. So those guys were really the last thing on his mind. Yeah, sue him. He didn't even have the time to really talk to Quinn so when Kurt had called last night, he had a hard time remembering him. And he had gotten more and more confused as the night went on.

His wife transformed after the phone call. He thought she had lost her mind, talking about some guy called Blaine, and how they should both go rescue him at midnight in some Starbucks. She just left Lea in her mom's hands, and practically shoved him out the door, urging him to take the car and drive. Phil wasn't the oblivious type of guy, far from it, but he had been totally confused as Quinn tried to explain to him what the bloody hell was going on. She gave him directions along the way, urging him to go faster, as if someone was dying or something. Someone apparently name Blaine, who was related to Kurt in some way, whom he had just met a week ago.

When they got there, he just stood there totally thunderstruck, when Quinn comforted some guy in a Volvo, who was weeping his heart out, and was obviously having a hard time to breath. She didn't gave him any explanations either when she told him that she was going to ride back Blaine's car home and that he should just follow her. Nothing again, when they arrived home, and she took Blaine to the guest room, giving him some sleep drugs and asked her mom to take Lea for the weekend, without even asking him first. By now he was really starting to lose his temper, but Quinn didn't give him the time to let loose, when she said that she was going to sleep on the couch because that Kurt guy was apparently driving here from New York in the middle of the night and she needed to open the door to him and whatever she was planning to do else. Phil decided then to not listen to her anymore and just locked himself into their bedroom. He really did try to sleep, but the strange events of the night, made his head spin.

When around 5, Quinn finally joined him, he tried to talk to her, but then again, she just told him that she would explain eventually but now she really needed to sleep. Just like that! What was he, the next-door neighbor, so she could talk to him like that? Phil wasn't the temper type of man, but when he had woken up in the morning, he was more than ready to throw a fit. He had calmed down eventually when Quinn promised him some explanations, with a heated kiss. Besides, something about her made him calm down instantly. Like she was seeing him for the first time. And the way she said "I love you. Thank you for being who you are" just added to his confusion. But the way she looked at that time, and her words, and her kiss, just made him forget that he was supposed to be mad at her. Well, he's a guy after all. But more than that, he has sensed that something way bigger than him was happening under his roof: something more than just a fight between lovers, as he had suspected first when he heard about Kurt coming here.

And the way that they had been acting around each other, all the things that he had noticed earlier, the distance between them, and in the same time, the way those two seemed to be connected, just made him more and more curious. He had thought all night that he deserved an explanation, and now he was finally getting it. But strangely as excited as he was, he felt in the same time that some things are better left alone, and what he wasn't so sure that he wanted to hear the truth anymore. He was suddenly afraid of it.

"No, really it's cool. I owe you that much. So it all started with Kurt here, " started Blaine, pointing to Kurt. Phil knew that was it. Blaine was going to tell him everything, no matter if he liked it or not.

"I met him when I was 16…"

"Blaine, he doesn't need to know all the details you know…" said Kurt, clearly embarrassed that Blaine was about to display all his life to a practical stranger

"Don't worry Kurt. I'm not going to…" reassured him Blaine tenderly. It was almost unbearable to see how much they cared for each other, how much love they shared. It almost put the other couples to shame next to them, including his own, thought Phil.

"So I met him when I was 16…" started again Blaine smiling. He must have been remembering those times, thought Phil, a bit saddened by the feeling that his happiness wasn't going to last. "We started going out shortly after that…"

"Shortly? You let me pine for you long enough mister!" teased Kurt, half joking, half serious.

"Sorry about that" said sadly Blaine. Now that he was about to tell his story, there was no way that he would be able to take a step back and be distracted. He was really hurting, everybody noticed. Kurt sighed. Phil knew that he wanted to keep things as light as possible, but it would be harder then he had probably though.

"His father was very supportive of him. A good man, Burt. But my parents, they never really accepted my sexuality, since I came out to them at 13. My dad tried a long time to put me back in the right way, as he said, but when he saw that it was hopeless, he ran me out of his life. I was boarding in an all boy school so I really didn't see them much during the year, but when summers came, I had to go back home. It was hell. But I managed through it, because I had Kurt. He was the best thing that ever happened to me." Blaine let a tiny smile, his eyes sparkling. Clearly he was holding back tears. Phil felt for the poor man. He was well aware of how difficult it must have been for him.

"They never approved of me. But I was ok with it, with the fact that they resented me as their son. It was all right because I had Kurt. After graduation from High School, we moved out together to New York. It truly had been the best two years of my life," remembered Blaine, and he wasn't able to hold one the single tear that run down his cheek. Phil, in the corner of is eye, saw that Kurt was also tearing. It was really hard to watch, especially when Phil could see what might have happened after that. Blaine's father would of course intervene to mess with his son happiness. That really upset Phil to see how much some people were closed-minded even when it came to their own kids.

"As you can guess, it didn't last long. I couldn't run away from my family indefinitely. One morning, my mom called and it all went down to hell. She said that my father was sick and dying, and that I should go home."

"And of course, you went back home" figured Phil.

"Yeah. I went there. And as soon as I entered the house, I knew that nothing would ever be the same. My dad used his illness to make me feel guilty. He reduced me to a nothing less than a bacteria that he would gladly see disappear. And I just had to take it. But I didn't want Kurt to take it. So I never called him. I never came back home. I let my parents try to brainwash me, and bully me emotionally and I just took it like a nice son." Said Bitterly Blaine. "It lasted 3 months. My mom sent some movers to pack my stuff from my home in NY. I didn't know until they arrived with my things. I didn't talk to Kurt. I never sent a note, nothing. "

"Yeah, the note thing hurt a little bit" tried to joke Kurt. But his voice was strangled. Obviously it had hurt more than just a little. Phil couldn't imagine how he would have coped with it, in his place. If the women he loved just left one day and never came back.

This was maybe one of the biggest challenges that someone could endure.

"3 months. And then he died." Said coldly Blaine, wiping out the single tear on his cheek. "I was so insecure about myself by then. I felt like shit. Truly. And at the funeral I met this woman, an old childhood friend. And I was so drunk that night. The next morning, I woke up next to her. Apparently we had sex. Just like that. But I didn't really think about it, until a month later when she showed up at my parent's door saying she was pregnant. I was in the middle of a big depression. And my mom was still bullying me and brainwashing me. Everybody thought that I was straight. I had lost Kurt, or so I thought. So I did the only thing that was expected from me. I married her. I joined her dad's company. And I moved her to Boston. And I raised a kid. I lived someone else's life for 5 years."

Until now, it was a pretty common story for Phil. It was of course horrible for Blaine and Kurt, but he knew that somewhere out there, thousands of gay men and women were obligated to live the same lie that Blaine had live through. It wasn't fair or anything, but it was life. And life really sucked.

"And a week ago, last Friday night exactly, I was in New York with my parents in law and my wife, and I ran into Kurt. "

"Just like that?" asked Phil in disbelief. How could Kurt have handled that? It must have been so painful, so horrible for him to see Blaine married to a bloody woman and being a bloody father. He wasn't sure how he would have reacted himself!

"Just like that. Karma is a bitch, right Blaine?" said Kurt, clearly accusing Blaine. He was suddenly a bit angry.

"You can say that," responded Blaine shamefacedly. "And to say that it went bad, would be the understatement of the century."

"But my best friend, Rachel, can't just leave well enough alone to say the least. Anyway she invited Blaine and his family to the show."

"WHAT?" suddenly bawled Quinn

"Yeah, well I don't really blame her, to be honest," admitted Kurt "That meeting was a tiny bit awkward"

"Preach it," agreed Blaine, making a face. "Anyway the next day, don't ask me how, I found myself in that theatre. After the show I went to see Kurt. Went worst than the first time. But Lisa went to see him also, that I didn't know."

"She did?" asked Phil

"Yeah. I told her a bunch of lies of course. How I was a silly teenager pining for her husband, and other crap like that," said Kurt, no emotions in his voice.

"Wow," Phil couldn't believe that after all Blaine had done to him, Kurt would still protect him. He was one of a kind, that man. Phil was sincerely impressed by Kurt's concern.

"Well, after that, I thought I would never see him again. But Quinn here, and her fellow New Directions friends are a really crazy group of people."

"Tell me about it," sighed Kurt

"They kind of staged an intervention. By the way thank you Quinn. Really." Phil didn't sense any sarcasm in Blaine's voice

"You're welcome," said Quinn very seriously.

"I finally had the opportunity to tell him everything. I explained the whole story."

"Yeah, It felt good to finally understand" agreed Kurt. And Phil suddenly realized that Kurt had been left in the dark all this years. He never knew why Blaine had left him. Oh my, how could he cope if he didn't understand? That Phil had no answer. Kurt was definitely the better man here.

"So, h did it end between you guys after you sorted things out?" asked Phil, sincerely curious.

"Nowhere really. I was relieved to know the truth finally but…."

"Yeah, I get it" Of course, nothing had changed, though Phil. Or, no, actually everything had changed. Because Blaine was now married with a family of his own. But even if he confessed, nothing would ever be the same. It must have been a relief and a real pain in the same time for both, though Phil.

"So, I came back here, to Boston. But weirdly, Dianna, that's my daughter, she sensed that something was wrong between her mother and I. She's too smart for her own good that kid. But she was right. Lisa and I, we hadn't really talked about what happened that night when we met Kurt. It drove a wedge between us. And Dianna sensed it. She wanted me to talk to Lisa, so for her sake, I did. "

"Dianna wanted…" started Kurt. Obviously he didn't know that piece of information, and it kind of came as a shock to him.

"Yeah. Well, we had that stupid conversation. And it went out of control. Before I could know it, I was outing myself to Lisa"

"Oh god!" howled Quinn, putting a hand in front of her mouth.

"Yeah. But you haven't heard the best of it yet, Quinn. When I confessed to her, she confessed something back. Apparently Dianna is not my daughter."

"I'm sorry but what?" Phil asked with incredulity.

"Yeah. Like I said. Apparently we never had sex that night. And she just tricked me into marrying her because she couldn't have a kid out of the wedlock. Oh, and then she kicked me out my house."

"She did what?" screeched Phil

"Yeah she kicked me out. Because you see it's her house legally. So I called Kurt because… Well, and the rest you know."

Wow. That's all Phil could think about at the moment. Apparently he wasn't the only one. Quinn was looking as dumbfounded as he was. That was really the surrealistic story he had ever heard. The most tragic one also. He couldn't think about how much Blaine had been through and how much he must have been suffering right now. He really didn't know the guy but he really felt for him. To have to live a lie for 5 years and then discover that all you have committed for, was actually just another lie! And Kurt, also! How this man was able to support his friend through this hard time when he had been so hurt by him? He would never have had the patience to do that, or the nobility. Kurt was so strong to put aside his own struggles and help Blaine with his. But maybe it was what their love was all about. They just couldn't leave the other one in misery. It was unconditional. No matter what. For better or for worse. And they were not even married. Well, in Phil's opinion, they could teach a lot to loads of married couple. In a matter of fact, they even could teach a lot to Phil. He knew that couple life wasn't easy, but what these two went trough, was beyond normal couple struggles. It was admirable to see how they still were there for each other, how they would just leave everything for rescuing each other, even when they were no longer together. It was maybe wrong for some people, twisted even, but for him It was a true lesson to the world.

"I'm sorry Blaine…." Said finally Quinn, who was now really crying.

"Thank you Quinn."

"No really mate, it's one bloody mess you're in!"

"Yeah, I guess…" shrugged Blaine. Telling again his story had somehow emptied him from any feeling or emotions.

"So, What are you going to do?" asked Phil, really concerned now.

"Don't know…"

"Well, I guess the first thing is to get you out of here. So you're coming back with me in New York. And don't even try to refuse Blaine, You know I don't take no for an answer!" stated Kurt vigorously.

"Well, I guess I don't have the choice then…" replied Blaine with a tiny smile to his friend. "Thanks" Kurt just shook his head at it.

"But what are you going to do with Dianna?"

"I don't know Phil. Obviously I need to fight for her. But I don't stand a chance…" moaned Blaine

"I would like to help you with that. I'm a family lawyer, you know?"

"It's really nice of you to offer but I really don't want to impose more on you…."

"You don't. I offered because I want to. I really thing that this could be a good case."

"Nice to see that he is a curiosity case for you, Phil," smirked Kurt.

"Whatever," mumbled Phil.

He truly believed though that Blaine's case was one of a kind. He could see of course all the major problems that were on the way, but he found himself really thinking about how a case like that might be handled. It would surely make the news. And he wanted to be part of that. He may sound selfish or something, taking this poor man's life and turning into a curious case like Kurt said, but he couldn't help to think about it as the law man he was. But he was also deeply touched by his story, and he knew he would really get involved into the case, which wasn't always an occurrence, to be truthful. He wasn't what you can call a gay rights activist, but he didn't feel like he needed to be labeled into anything either. He sure didn't know the guy at all, but he had moved by his story, and that's all it took for him. Maybe it would even allow him to be recognized for his work. But beyond that, he was an idealist. Quinn thought it was cute that he was so obsessed by the idea of right versus wrong. She always told him that for a lawyer, he was curiously naïve. But what could he do about it? He just saw the world in black or white. He just needed things to be fair. Justice to be given. And the fact that gay people were denied that justice was a revolting idea for him. He might be cute, and idealistic, and naïve, and all that, but it was also his force and strength. People always succeed more easily when they pursue something they really believe in.

Not that anyone would actually listen to him right now. They had once again shifted into an uncomfortable silence, no one really sure of what to say.

 

After breakfast, Blaine went to take a shower, led by Phil who proposed to lend him some clothes and Kurt stayed in the kitchen, pretending to help Quinn wash the dishes. But the dishwasher was more capable than handling that, thank you very much. On the other hand, Quinn had been dying all morning to have Kurt alone to talk to him, without any annoying interferences from Phil or Blaine.

"Did Wes think you were drinking again?" said Quinn, putting her third plate into the machine.

"Yes. How?..." asked Kurt, freezing as he was picking up a glass on the kitchen counter.

"Saturday night at your place. But Rachel told me also about the night before. Don't be mad at her, please, she's just concerned for you." Quinn had given up on her dishwashing thing and turned to Kurt to face him.

"I know… but I didn't know you girls bonded over this," said Kurt sourly.

"Whatever. If you want to talk about that also, I'll promise I'll listen to you and don't serve you the same crap about AA…"

"Thanks Quinn. But if I want to talk to you about Blaine, this will be involved. I mean since it's related…."

"Ok, Kurt, whenever. But just for the record, this could be a whole different issue. Yeah it may have started with Blaine, but it shouldn't become a habit. But just so you know, Sober Kurt kicks ass out of drunken Kurt. You can't be that bitchy with too much alcohol in your system"

"I know. Leave the Martini and just be sassy. Just my motto," laughed Kurt; along with Quinn. But their giggles were a bit off and didn't reach their eyes.

"But Quinn seriously, How am I supposed to handle it?" asked Kurt

"I wish I could tell you Kurt, I really do. But I have no freaking idea. I was eager to talk to you about your feelings last week but that reached a whole new level of expertise."

"I know…"

"But Kurt, before you commit to this, you have to ask yourself some questions"

"Like?"

"The easiest one: Where will he live?"

"That's the easiest one? Well, I guess it is. I don't know. I haven't really though about that. I don't know if I can handle living with him right now, so I don't really know"

"Which bring me to the hardest one: what do you feel about him right now?"

"That's the million dollar question isn't it?"

"But it also something you should figure out soon Kurt. I don't want to put any pressure on your shoulders…"

"But we can't deny that's already here and I should handle it, " finished Kurt

"Yeah, you should. And if you figure out that question, maybe you'll be able to figure out the rest. Like if you are comfortable with him living at your place until you find a more permanent solution. Depends on your feelings."

"So to resolve the easiest question, I should start by answering the hardest one?"

"Pretty much yeah."

"Well, that's one twisted world, I'll tell you that much Quinn".

"Yeah it is. But seriously Kurt stop eluding."

"You're so good at that. I suppose I should just talk to you."

"Yes, please. I'll even start. How do you feel when you see Blaine. Like every time you meet his gaze?"

"I'll give you more. I love him. I've always loved. And I'll always will… But…"

"Love doesn't solve everything," finished Quinn

"Yeah. You know, earlier, he kissed me?"

"Really? And what did you feel?"

"Amazing and scared at the same time."

"Scared. Why scared?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Humor me."

"Because he was desperate. Like the kiss was last hope, his last wish".

They were both quiet for a moment,

"And what do you see yourself in the future?"

"Only time will tell I guess"

"I mean do you think you could forgive him eventually and pick up were you left things off?"

"That's my whole dilemma Quinn. Forgive him. Or not forgive him. That's the question"

"And what does your heart tell you to do?"

"My heart? I think my heart is too blinded by what we have to judge. My mind on the other hand, tells me that I shouldn't. I mean what kind of man would I be if I were to forget everything and run back straight into his arm? Weak, that's who. Stupid, also."

"You're neither weak nor stupid Kurt. I never really understood what you guys shared, but it feels like you can't run from the inevitable. Your bond is too strong. It's unbreakable. It's like your destiny. Can you resist it? No, I don't think so."

"So you think I'm doomed?"

"You make it sound like such a bad thing…."

"Do you side with Blaine, here?"

"I side with no one Kurt and you know it. I tell you merely what I see. And what I see is something pulling you together even against your will. I don't really believe in fate or this crap but I think it's no coincidence that, that day, he was the one you asked for guidance and not somebody else. Baby, as much as I hate to say it, you fate has been sealed 10 years ago on a staircase, in some prep all boy school."

"Wow. But it does make sense, doesn't it?"

" I think it does, and I'm not saying that just because it's my theory. But I'm rarely wrong," grinned Quinn

"Fond of yourself much, huh Quinn?" smirked Kurt

"Seriously, babe I don't think you would be weak if you decidec to forgive him and give it a try. You'll just stop fighting what can't be avoided. And that my dear, makes you the exact opposite of a fool."

"You hang out too much with Phil, Quinn dear. But really, as much as this idea makes sense, that doesn't comfort me a bit. I mean, I know that somehow I belong with Blaine, but, it can't be healthy Quinn. I mean if neither of us can walk away even when the worst happen, even when we hurt each other to the core, how can it be right?"

"Love is the exact opposite of health babe. It's just more accurate in your case."

"How comforting. I'm doomed now to love him without reason and there is no going back. I should just take whatever comes, accept it, and shut up about it, should I?"

"You forget the other part of the bargain. An irrepressible love that connects you both. The most pure and vivid sentiment, only multiplied thousand times, you share. The certainty that you'll have each other forever. I may sound to you like a hopeless romantic, but I'm not. I'm in fact very pragmatic here."

"Yeah, I guess so. But right now Quinn, I can't really see that very clearly. I mean I know it's there, somewhere. That thing that connects us. I feel it. Because I know that somehow I will never stop loving him. But Quinn, I can't get past the pain. I have suffered too much to let it happen again. I won't survive it another time."

"But why are you here?"

"I don't get it Quinn. You know, why I'm here. I'm here to help him."

"Why?"

"Quinn please stop asking stupid questions, which you know the answer to."

"No I don't. And I can bet you don't either."

"Of course I do. I wouldn't be here If I didn't. I'm here because he needs me. Because he called me."

"But Kurt, you don't owe him anything. It's more the other way around in fact. But in your case, debts have no meanings. You tell me you're here because he needs you, but baby that's the easy answer. That's answer you give the world. What's the answer you give yourself? I think you know, deep inside you, that even if it doesn't make sense, even if most people would have refused to do so because there would be no way in hell to go help an ex lover that broke their heart, you actually don't have much of a chance. Like I said, an irresistible bond."

"You're too smart for you own good," groaned Kurt

"And that my dear, is your answer. Now that we have established that there is no running away, we should answer the issue of the moving forward."

"I don't know if I'm ready to move forward Quinn"

"But you broke the kiss didn't you?"

"Yes…"

"Well, obviously you didn't want Blaine to feel like it was the last hope. So you must have figured out somewhere inside you that you wanted more of this relationship. That more hope was possible."

"Really Quinn, I'm speechless."

"It's nothing but pure logic. You're too far into that mess to see clearly. I'm just the mirror that help you see what's inside of you"

"That's one hell of a mirror Quinnie. You should really start a club with the lamp Genie."

"Yeah, yeah whatever. You're eluding again. Because you have now to answer the million-dollar question: How do you move forward? Because babe, we know there is hope."

"How to move? One step at a time I guess"

"So no more kissing Kurt… for now."

"Yeah I guess"

"And more talking."

"I don't know how to do that. I don't know if can sit with Blaine and handle a whole conversation talking about the past and how miserable we were without each other and how much he hurt me, and how my heart can't heal."

"He will heal. Or you'll grow a new heart, that will match your new relationship with Blaine."

"You think I exist only through Blaine?"

"Not through him, but since you two met, you have left your indelible imprint on each other. Your self designed it to match and complete the other."

"Wow, Quinn I didn't know you were a Sci-Fi fan"

"Stop joking Kurt. You know I'm right."

"As much as it hurts, yes you are."

"So, that means you should talk. Communication is everything Kurt. You should talk to see if you are comfortable with living with each other, if you are willing to share more. You should talk about your feelings toward each other and how you want them to develop."

"That's a lot of talking"

"Yes it is Kurt. But that's the only way this is - whatever it is- going to work. Or you'll end up both more hurt than ever."

"But he has more issues to handle. Lisa, Dianna, all that. I can't add our little problems."

"They're not little and insignificant and you know it, Kurt. Stop dodging please. You have to be here for him, to help him through that. But you can't fully, without clearing the rest. You have to be both on the exact same page to go through what he will have to face. And that's the pure truth my dear".

"I'm feeling sick. The truth is sickening."

"Yeah, well it can't be all pink and fairy. Life is a riddle. It's hardly comprehensible at first, but when you solve it, it's worth everything. But in order to solve yours, you gotta solve the other's because more lives are intricate into yours, and babe, you just can't do it alone. That's the beauty of it. It's not about being a big boy or not".

"That's what she said" smirked Kurt

"Please don't let me interrupt your sexual innuendos".

They turned suddenly to see Phil leaning on the kitchen door, frowning. He was clearly disapproving to whatever he had heard;

"How much exactly did you hear" asked Quinn, a smile starting to spread on her face.

"Something about Kurt being a big boy or not and how this was beautiful. Really it was one image that I wish never entered my mind" said Phil, shrugging in discomfort.

But he really didn't expect the reaction that followed his words. Quinn and Kurt erupted into hysterical laughter, causing both of them to actually fell on the ground, unable to control their hysterics. Phil though that they had gotten crazy. He didn't think what he had said was funny, but clearly the though it was the best joke of the century, because 5 minutes later, they were still giggling on the floor, Kurt even clapping his hands, and both having a hard time at breathing or being serious again. But eventually, after what seemed an awful long time to Phil, the giggles started to diminish a bit, and both of them were back on their feet.

"Oh my god, Phil you're awesome and you don't even know it. Thank you, it's exactly what I needed. You're incredible," grinned Kurt

¨"Yeah baby, you're the best" cheered Quinn

"Huh oh. Ok, if you say so… Are you sure you're ok, though?" asked Phil with caution, as if he was addressing mental patients.

"Quinn, baby, he's a keeper. I'll even admit that he's way better than me, in these times. I kill my ass to find some brilliant jokes, to relax the atmosphere, but this guy is simply brilliant and he doesn't even know it. I'll tell you baby, don't let this one go away."

"I don't plan to"

"Seriously mate, are you mocking me?" asked Phil, starting to feel like a buffoon, and truthfully he didn't like it.

"No babe. We are not. It's just Kurt's way to say that he approves of you. His blessing kind of."

"And why would I need his blessing?"

"Because mate, receiving Kurt's blessing is like being dubbed by her holy highness the queen of England. You're one lucky man, I'll tell you that," said unexpectedly a voice behind them.

Everyone turned around to see Blaine, in his turn, entering the kitchen, a grin on his face, and Kurt nearly fainted. Blaine was wearing some red shirt and blue jeans, that seemed to not only belong to him but also designed for him. They were practically painted on his thighs, which caused Kurt to stop breathing, when he noticed. But the best part, was not the clothes, but the hair. The wet curly hair. The wet disorganized curly hair. The perfect wet disorganized curly hair. Kurt could have stared at it all day and still wonder how such perfect creature was allowed to march this earth. But his silent wonderment had to be interrupted by Phil's pouting.

"Erg, Can I take the blessing, and pretend that I never heard the 'lucky man' part?"

"Sure thing, sweetheart" grinned Kurt, quickly trying to recompose himself. His comment made Blaine and Quinn snicker, and Phil sulked a bit more.

"I'm doomed aren't I?" groaned Phil

"No I am" replied Kurt solemnly, looking right into Blaine's eyes.

Maybe it wasn't' such a bad thing after all. Maybe even a blessing rather than a tragedy.


	10. Chapter 10

Kurt and Blaine had spent the entire day at Quinn's place talking. As much as the prospect of a conversation with Blaine was dreadful, Kurt knew that Quinn was right. He couldn't hold it in any longer, especially when he was about to take him home with him. They were no time to waste and so much to talk about. They needed to be fully honest with each other, and like she had said, they didn't need physical contact to do so. That would only have clouded their minds further. So they just took opposites seats in the living room, after Quinn had forced Phil out, pretending that she needed his help for groceries and other errands. Phil had groaned a bit, and sulked but Quinn had finally managed to get him out around 10:30 pm, leaving the house empty for the two men to talk.

"What was all that drama about?" asked Blaine confused, taking place in the couch

"Giving us some privacy I suppose," said Kurt, far away from Blaine.

"Oh! I feel bad, chasing them from they own home after…" blushed Blaine.

"Stop it. They are glad to help you, help us".

"I still feel bad though," mumbled Blaine.

"I know you love to scourge yourself, Blaine, but give it a rest," smirked Kurt.

"I can't help it."

"I know," sighed Kurt "But we won't go anywhere, if you keep acting like a martyr."

"Go where?" asked Blaine, raising his head in surprise

"I mean figuratively speaking. Go further in this… relationship…. Kind of…" said Kurt, turning redder by the second

"I don't get it… Kurt."

"Of course you don't. I just figured that we should talk. About everything. Anything. Because you are going to come back with me in New York… and… and … I don't know… if I'm comfortable with you living at my place," finally admitted Kurt, blushing harder, and looking down to his knees.

"You don't have to… I mean, I don't expect you to… I'll just find a hotel or whatever"

"No!" cried suddenly Kurt, startling both of them, "I mean, we'll see… that's why we need to talk"

"Ok, Kurt. But you have to promise me something first…"

"What? I don't…" asked Kurt suspiciously

"Just be 100% honest with me please. Don't spear me, or yourself for that matter. And in return, I'll promise I'll do the same," demanded Blaine, fixing Kurt in the eyes.

"Ok. I promise I'll try," sighed Kurt.

They both had no idea how to handle it. Blaine didn't honestly see that conversation coming so soon. Especially after what had happened a couple of hours ago in the room. He felt so ashamed of himself for trying to take advantage of Kurt being supportive by kissing him. He had been so selfish, and yet, Kurt still wanted to talk to him and clear the air.

"How did I get so lucky?" Blaine constantly thought. He thought it when they were together, and he thought it now. The man was so caring, so sweet, and so altruistic, it was almost unbearable. Almost painful. How could Kurt still be with him today, after all he had done to him? He didn't even want to think about how much he must have been suffering for just looking at him. In fact he knew. The look of Kurt's face the day they met in New York was enough of an indication. But he wouldn't think about that pain. It was too much. But apparently not for Kurt. Kurt could handle it. Kurt had the courage that he never wore. Kurt was the one who kept saving him, even though Blaine thought back in the days, that it was his job to save him, and help him as a mentor. He never really did, it was in fact always the other way around. Kurt who helped him serenade some random guy in a Gap, even though he was already in love with him. Kurt, who kept up with his drunken Rachel drama, and helped him through that period of uncertainty. Kurt, who allowed him to get over the lump he had after betting beaten at his dance, even though he was himself in a lump after being designated Prom Queen as a sick and twisted joke.

The man was obviously a super human being, and Blaine never really understood how he got so lucky that he was the one that he chose that day to stop on the staircase, but he thanked his lucky star everyday that he chose to turn away. Maybe it was pure luck, or fate, but it definitely meant something in Blaine's mind. He didn't actually know what, but somehow he just thought that this chance shouldn't get wasted and that he would do anything to deserve it. And he blew it.

But Kurt was still here. Seated in his chair, his legs crossed, a light blush on his face, and his deep blues eyes sparkling, so deep in his, that he believed they could reach his soul. That beautiful boy he once knew and loved had turned into an amazing and gorgeous man, and he still loved him. And somehow, that man was still here for him. And was still willing to talk to him, to fix things. Suddenly he didn't care that much about Lisa or even Dianna, because all he could think about was he would do anything in his power, until the day he died, to get him back and earn his trust once again. He had too, even if it was the only thing that he would succeed into for the rest of his life. That generosity and care couldn't be wasted. He wouldn't waste it. He loved him too much to do so. And he just wanted to be loved again.

Kurt couldn't think of a single thing to say. He had figure out what they should do, and the soon the better, so they would be able to finally leave Quinn and Phil's place. Even if he was constantly telling Blaine not to worry, he was also deeply embarrassed by the fact they were imposing on his friend and her husband. He really wanted to go home, but he knew that the only way he would be able to do so, was to talk to Blaine. Like Quinn told him to. But what was he supposed to say? How could he begin? Thankfully he didn't have to think about that much longer because Blaine was taking the matter into his own hands. He was looking suddenly so confident, and so hopeful that Kurt felt both happy and scared in the same time. Just like their kiss.

"Ok Kurt. I guess I'll just have to be glad that you even try."

"You know me Blaine…"

"Yes I do Kurt. Or I used to, at least. You used to open to me, show me yourself, like you never did with anybody else. But now, you are just pretending. "

"Can you blame me?" replied Kurt, with a harsh voice

"No, I guess I don't," sighed Blaine. "It's all my fault. I can't expect you to trust me again after what I did to you."

"I'll need time Blaine, a lot of time. And I'm not sure if I'll be able to trust you again some day. It's not that… I mean I get what you've been through Blaine, but I still think you could have handled it better. That we could have handled it together."

"I know. And I'll hate myself for doing that to you, to us. I'm more sorry than you can ever imagine."

"Why did you do it, though? Why did you shut me out Blaine?"

"I told you Kurt… I didn't want you to have to endure what my parents put me through."

"I don't think that's the real reason Blaine," said Kurt loudly, feeling angrier by the minute. "You know that I wouldn't have minded. Or at least, I wouldn't have reacted the same way to it. You might have doubted yourself Blaine, but you seem to forget that I am the mayor of freakin' gay town. I don't doubt myself, people get doubts just by looking at me!" yelled Kurt, pointing to his chest

"Kurt, there is nothing remotely funny about that. Please stop joking!" bawled back Blaine, exasperated.

"Oh, but I'm not joking Blaine. I am not pretending to have more confidence than you, or more courage, but I know that you parents' words wouldn't have gotten into me. Just because they are YOUR parents and not mine. My dad had always been supportive and that's what always mattered to me. So I wouldn't have given a crap about what they might or might not have said!"

 

Blaine was thunderstruck listening to Kurt. He never though Kurt could be so intentionally mean. Kurt was perhaps a bitch sometimes but only when people truly deserved it, and he had never crossed the boundaries. But his words now, were like knives cutting through Blaine's chest, as he was reminded of his parents' lack of love toward him, and their hateful words. Each word from Kurt was bringing back a horrible souvenir, and it didn't help that Kurt was bragging about his own luck to have an amazing comprehensive father. It just wasn't fair to him. It wasn't his fault. He couldn't have done anything about it, so why Kurt was so mean to him was beyond him. The caring compassionate man he saw earlier was gone and instead, the man facing him was so full of anger and hurt that it made Blaine sick to his stomach, as if he didn't feel bad in the first place.

As soon as he had spoken the words, Kurt had realized what a big mistake he had just made. He didn't want to hurt Blaine anymore, but the words had just come out wrong. And they did hurt Blaine. It was all over his face, like he was burning from the inside. And that was insufferable for Kurt. He didn't want to hurt him but he was just so mad at him. And, he had to admit it, he was mad at someone else as well.

"I'm sorry Blaine. I had no right," said Kurt slowly, his eyes apologetic and begging for Blaine's forgiveness.

"It's nothing but the truth but it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt."

"I know, I'm sorry. It's just that… I don't know. I wish you would have let me help you. I wish I could have been there for you to support you. And that's why I'm mad. Not only because you didn't let me, but also because in a way I think it's also my fault."

"How the hell did you come to that conclusion?" asked Blaine, so surprised that he actually forgot about Kurt' low blow.

"Because I should have tried harder. I shouldn't have taken no for an answer when I came to see you. I should have known better. I should have known that you didn't really mean your words. I just should have fought for you."

"Kurt, shut up! Please just shut up" Blaine couldn't take anymore of Kurt's apologies and regrets. Kurt was trying to blame himself for all that and the worst is that he actually meant it, Blaine could tell. He didn't even recall being mad to him less than a minute ago. How could he have been thinking that Kurt was mean? Kurt wasn't. He was just hurt. And lost and confused. Just like Blaine was. He wanted to get up and hug Kurt again, but he knew he couldn't do it. Kurt would never allow him now, so he just had to figure out a way to make Kurt feel better. Just by his words.

"Kurt don't ever think this you fault. Just look at me Kurt. It isn't. It's all mine. I was the obnoxious selfish one that time. You couldn't have done anything."

"I just wished a tried harder."

"I wish I tried harder too. But it's all in the past. We can't change it."

"But our past changed our future." For that, Blaine had no answer.

They stayed silent for a minute, just looking at each other, trying to gather their thoughts, and trying to find something else to say that would actually allow them to move further. That time it was Kurt who recovered the first.

"You're right Blaine. We can't argue on that. It's a dead end. Let's just say that we think we have both blame to share, and that's it."

"I still think that I'm the only one to blame, but I know better than try to change your mind. I might be obtuse sometimes, but you, my friend, are the definition of stubbornness," said Blaine, smiling a bit, trying to break the tension in the room.

"I do tend to hold grudges. But me being here, is enough to prove you wrong," contradicted Kurt, with an unfathomable expression in his eyes.

"So why are you here, Kurt?" asked Blaine, holding his breath. It was the answer that he needed to hear the most, his reason to live. He needed to know that hope was still possible and if there was still something to fight for.

"It's simple Blaine. I l- … because I care about you. Even after all that, I still do. Don't ask me why, but I do. Maybe I am a masochist, or maybe it's just for the sake of the past. For all we've shared together."

"Yeah, for the past's sake."

But when they looked at each other, they both knew it had nothing to do with the past or its sake. It wasn't either because they cared for each other. They never cared for each other. They always _loved_ each other. And they still did. Kurt couldn't say it yet, but he might just have. In fact he had said it. With his eyes. Because he never needed words to tell him what he felt. All Blaine had to do was to look into Kurt's eyes to see the truth. Even when Kurt's words were saying the opposite. His eyes never lied. Few people noticed it, but it had always been Kurt's eyes that hold his deepest emotions. That's why they didn't need words and phrases to communicate. And now, Blaine didn't care about what Kurt had said. Because he saw what he wanted from the beginning. The hope. The love. He knew that Kurt still loved him and nothing else mattered. Suddenly he was grinning, forgetting about everything else, just lost into Kurt's gaze. And Kurt was grinning back. Because he knew that Blaine knew. And he knew that Blaine felt the same way.

They would never admit it. Not now, at least. Of course they promised each other to be entirely true toward each other, but they were not breaking any promises. They were true, in their own profound way. Kurt had let down all his barriers and was showing his true self and feelings to Blaine. That's all the man needed.

"Thank you to the past then," Blaine said calmly, still grinning.

"Yeah. We did have a hell of a past. No way we could we have gotten out of that mess, unshaken and intact," added Kurt, somehow serious.

"So we are pretty much messed up for good I guess."

"Yeah, there is no way in fixing any of us, sorry." smirked Kurt

"I'm not," Blaine replied solemnly.

"Neither am I."

They both looked at each other deeply, no longer smiling, but with an intensity that could have set the house on fire. It felt like they could stare at each other for eternity, never moving, never breathing, like the time, or the world didn't longer matter. Like their humanity was a long way forgotten. Like whatever the other's gaze held would just satisfy him.

But eventually Kurt pulled away and looked down at his hands, breaking the intense connection between them, sighing.

"Quinn is going to kill me. That's not what she had in mind I think when we talked."

"What does Quinn have to do with anything?" groaned Blaine. He couldn't believe that even miles away, that woman was still capable of messing with his relationship with Kurt. He knew it was illogical and he had no right to be mad at her after all she had done for him, but right now, he was so exasperated with her, that he didn't care if it was well deserved or not.

"She kind of helped me see clearer into the mess that is my mind. I guess she's the main reason I'm here speaking to you."

And suddenly, Blaine was regretting all he had said about Quinn, and felt like he owed her for much more than just providing him with a safe room for the night.

"Well, she one hell of a woman," said Blaine.

"Yeah she is. She figured out that if we want to be comfortable around each other, and try to figure out the accommodations for your New York trip, we should really try to sort a lot before."

"You know that I still have my apartment in New York. I haven't thought about that. But then again, it's my mom's and I don't really want anything to do with something that belongs to my family. Even if he brings up some good memories…."

"I don't know about you Blaine, but I kind of hate it. Doesn't help that some strangers kick you out from your home, how much you must have liked it. That tends to mark you."

"I'm really sorry about that, Kurt. I didn't know at the time."

"No I'm sorry, we said we would stop harassing the past. Nothing good can come from it."

"And still, it did" smiled Kurt, but before Blaine could recover, he continued, "I think we should concentrate on the future."

"Is there a future for us, Kurt?"

"I don't know, but if you want me to be totally honest, I'll say that I hope so." Kurt tried to keep an uneven tone, but he couldn't quite hide the emotion in his voice

"I hope so too" responded Blaine, a small grin on his face, and the same emotion in his eyes.

"In order to do so Blaine, I need you to be totally honest with me. I mean not just now, but anytime. I need you to talk to me, to tell me how you feel. To tell me what bothers you. I won't spare you, you know me. I'll be as bold as you. But if I sense that you are hiding something, even the smallest thing, it won't work and I'll just walk away for good."

"It's fair. I promise I'll be honest with you all the way."

"OK. Let's put that into practice. What are we Blaine? How do you define this… whatever is going on between us..."

"I don't know if there is even a word to describe that. The closest thing may be friends."

"I suppose. Although we were never really friends. At least not for me. I had feelings for you from the very beginning, since the moment you held my hand for the first time."

Blaine was having a hard time thinking straight. His breath was becoming uneven as the memories of their happy years were flashing through his mind. And it didn't help by the way that Kurt was looking at him. He wanted once again to speed across the room and take him fully on the mouth. He had to struggle to keep calm and steady but somehow he knew that the electric tension than was running trough his body was shared. It was like a single string was pulling them together toward each other. It sure didn't help them talk straight.

"That's what I was afraid of Blaine," sighed Kurt "We are past pretending. I know you feel it too. That was never the problem between us. That's what is bothering me the most."

"What do you mean?" asked Blaine, confused, because after all he was just thrilled that the mutual attraction was stronger than ever. He couldn't see what was wrong with that.

"Because sexual tension and frustration only brings problems, Blaine. We don't need that. I don't need that right now. I don't trust you, and now, I can't even trust myself around you."

"Oh!"

"Yeah, Blaine. I want this thing to be healthy. I don't want it to be sick. We can't allow ourselves to respond to those urges. As much as we might want it." Kurt looked right through Blaine's eyes and the other man knew at this instant that Kurt really really wanted him. As much as he wanted Kurt. Their gazes were full of need and frustration that it almost physically hurt. "But Blaine, sex clouds everything. And you need your mind clear to face whatever might happen with Lisa and Dianna."

Blaine sighed. He had almost forgotten about his wife and daughter. Kurt had made him forget everything else. But as soon as he mentioned their names, the sorrow and pain he felt this morning was back in his chest. As much as we wanted to forget about them once again through Kurt, he knew he was right. He needed his mind clear to deal with that. He needed all his strength and judgment.

"And Blaine, it's not the only reason. I don't want a sick relationship based only upon sex with you, if we can't communicate any other way. Our love had always been more than that, than just sex. Sex had always been just the cherry on the top, and you know it."

"I do."

"I need to feel comfortable to talk to you. I need to be able to open myself to you again, to trust you. I need you to make me feel safe, and loved, not just for sex, but also for everything else. I need the hole in my chest to heal slowly. I need the hurt to fade away. I need you to be the real you, and I need me, to be able to be the real me. I need us to be the us I used to know. I need a lot, I know, I'm sorry, but Blaine, I felt like everything had been taken away from the day you left me. I want be able to sit next to you, and be comfortable without even talking. I need to look in your eyes, and see what I used to see. I don't want us to be exactly like we were in the past. I don't want that. Because the past us was flawed. The past us never stood a chance against your parents. The past us wasn't strong enough. I want to be sure, if there is any chance that the future us might happen, that it will be stronger than what we used to have. I don't mean perfect, but stronger. I want to feel like you trust me completely and I can trust you the same way. That anyone would ever let the other one down. That no matter what, we will stand with each other. And if it doesn't work, it will not be because someone failed but just because we weren't meant to be. I want to see you promise me all that stuff and be sure that you mean it. It's a long road from here, I know that, but it's a road that I'm willing to take baby steps, if it means that there even a slight chance that it might happen. But I don't want you to commit to it lightly, just for some sexual reason or for the nostalgia of the past. You need to think about it. I want you to really want it. I want you to really want me."

 

Kurt was breathless. He never though he would say all those things to Blaine but once he started talking, all his pain, his hurt, all the emotions that he had buried inside of him resurfaced. He was overwhelmed and was overwhelming Blaine. Blaine who listened to Kurt's speech, mouth open and eyes popped. He had never heard Kurt talk so boldly. Ever. Even when they were together. He had never opened up so much to anyone and truly he must have never opened up that way to himself before, thought Blaine.

He was still struck by Kurt's words to make sense into them, to really think it through.

Kurt noticed that he had turned Blaine speechless as he was pondering his epiphany. He didn't really expect an answer because after all was said and done, there was really nothing more to add. For now. So he just stood up, and after a quick glance at Blaine, he open the door. As he was leaving the living room, he heard Blaine say:

"Baby steps. I'll do it for you. I promise I'll do anything for you."

 

Kurt was smiling as he closed the door behind him.

Quinn and Phil returned home less than an hour later, full of groceries, ready to prepare lunch. They found Blaine still sitting in the living room couch, his thumbs pressing on his temples like he was fighting a headache.

"Blaine, are you ok?"

He jumped surprised by Quinn's voice. He hadn't heard her or Phil enter the house, since he was so deeply lost in his thoughts. Kurt had for sure left him a lot to consider.

"Yeah, hi Quinn, sorry I didn't hear come in. Just daydreaming you know" he said, standing up, and following them to the kitchen.

"Where is Kurt?" wondered Phil

"Right here."

The 3 of them turned to see Kurt entering the kitchen, his hair messy and his eyes swallowed and slightly red. "I was taking a quick nap. Didn't sleep much last night." Everyone just nodded. "Want some help, Quinn?"

"No it's ok. Go take a shower. It seems like you're dying to take one." Smiled Quinn

"Thanks." Kurt ran up the stairs.

"Quinn, darling, I have to go quickly to the office. Some papers to sign," said Phil. He kissed her gently on the cheek and disappeared as fast as Kurt.

"And… then they were 2. " sighed Quinn

"Don't worry, I'll help you" offered Blaine

"Thanks Blaine. Can you cut the tomatoes in small cubes please?"

"I'm on it," said Blaine, grabbing a knife.

They both worked in silence for a while, before Quinn finally spoke aloud.

"Listen Blaine, I wanted to tell you something." Her tone wasn't friendly anymore, it was threatening. "I don't forgive you yet. Kurt might have but I don't. I know you have been through a lot, but it's not an excuse for how you acted. And the only reason I chose to help you is because of Kurt. Please know that."

"I do. Thank you anyway Quinn," whispered Blaine, very uneasy, his face turning red.

"But Blaine it doesn't mean that I won't trust someday. You lost all our trusts back then, all of us, and it will be hard for you to have them back. Very hard. I'm warning you. I wish everything goes ok with Kurt, but if you ever hurt him again, in any way, I will make sure we all go vendetta on you, do you understand?"

Blaine just nodded, too scared to say anything. He had never seen Quinn talk or look that way. She had a very angry protective look on her face. It reminded him of a mommy lioness or something like that, who was trying to protect her baby.

"And Blaine, know that even though things may seem to go well with Kurt, the others haven't neither forgotten nor forgiven. They will make you live a living hell and you have to prove yourself them that you as much as you will do with Kurt. We are all watching your every move. "

Blaine gulped.

"I'm sorry to scare you like that, but you have nothing to worry about if your intentions are pure. If they are, they will help you with Kurt. I promise. Just like we did when we called you into the hospital. We know what makes Kurt happy and we somehow believe that you may be a big part of that, even after all that happened. But don't screw it up, or we will screw you."

"I promise I'll be good to him. I love him too much, Quinn, to hurt him again. I know now how is it to lose him and I don't want to ever experience that feeling. Without him I'm not complete, I'm not even sufficient to live on. I need him. I need us. And I swear I'll make sure to gain not only his trust back but all of yours." Blaine didn't realize he was tearing up, but when he looked at Quinn, he relaxed when he saw that she was no longer frowning, but her face was illuminated with a beautiful smile and her eyes were wet with emotion.

"Good. Now let's split those onions. I don't want them to think we are some crazy hormonal women. That's our alibi. "

They both chuckled, and got back to work silently. Tears started running down their cheeks again, but no one could tell that there was something more to it than just the onions. Like a promise for a better tomorrow.

 

The lunch was over, the dishes were on the sink, waiting for someone to put them in the dishwasher but no one cared for now. They were seated like the morning, around the table, discussing arrangements and accommodations.

"I think we should head back to NY," said Kurt, looking at Blaine. Somehow he didn't feel as uncomfortable as before around him. Their talk had finally cleared the air between them, even if nothing was close to be resolved. But at least he was now sure that Blaine knew how he felt, and that's why he was more eager to let him stay at his place. They had discussed that a few minutes earlier and they had both agreed to give it a try. Until Blaine knew what he wanted to do.

"Don't you have to take some stuff from your house before?" asked Quinn

"I don't know if I can go to my house. Lisa threw me out and…" replied Blaine, looking down, like he was embarrassed to admit his situation

"It's your belongings. She had no right to take that away from you. Besides she didn't put any restraining order against you so…" explained Phil

"Yet." Replied Blaine

"Still, it's all you need. If you want me, I'll go with you. Make sure everything goes smoothly," offered Phil

"Yes thank you I think it's a great idea to have a lawyer with us" responded Kurt, before Blaine could even think about it.

"It's settled then. Let me just grab some stuff and I'll meet you outside in 5" said Phil, before he stormed out of the kitchen.

"Do you have something to grab? I'll go upstairs take my bag." Asked Kurt

"No but…." He couldn't finish his sentence, as Kurt was already out of the kitchen also.

"Do you I even have a say in this?" mumbled Blaine

"No, Not when Kurt is in charge," chuckled Quinn, herself also getting up to the take care of the dishes.

"It figures,"

"Blaine, please promise me something." Said Quinn turning from the kitchen counter to face him again intensively. "Don't do something stupid when you're at your house. If you meet Lisa, please stay calm and let Kurt or Phil handle it. Ok? Be careful. And take care of yourself. If not for yours, then for Kurt's sake please. It won't help your guys' relationship if one of you is in jail. Just be careful. All of you. That's all I'm asking."

Oh they would ! But then again, it was not always only up to them.

 

Lisa's POV :

I honestly can say that I hadn't seen that one coming. Ok, I did suspect a little bit. Seriously what husband, is more interested in commenting about your lingerie than taking it off? What husband would prefer listening all night to his wife gossiping about the neighbors, the last people scandal, the fabric of a cloth, rather than shutting her up with a kiss? What husband would prefer arguing hours with his wife during Christmas shopping because he thinks that "Barbie in the kitchen" is a misogynist toy, rather than just letting her do her thing and waiting for her in the sports section?

"A guy with a great feminine side, and you should be glad for it, you can share a lot with him" always said my friends.

They were right. He did have a feminine side, and we did share a lot, even our love for the masculine gender. I could have lived without that, thank you very much. I did suspect it but there is a huge difference between wondering and actually knowing. I wish I didn't. No really. I wish I could have lived all my life in denial, just pretending to be happy with a husband that loved me. I was happy until last night. I never once regretted my choice of hiding the truth from him. I never had remorse. How could I? I just had to come into a room and see him play with her, his face lit in adoration, and his smile so wide it could cure cancer. It really didn't matter if he was he's biological father or not because he was the best father she could have had. He didn't need to know that particular detail, it would only hurt him. And besides I was too afraid he wouldn't love her the same way. But he still did, it's just me he didn't love. As if he ever had….

What the hell am I going to tell the girls? My reputation would be over quicker than you can say "gay" if they ever found out the truth. I just couldn't. What could I say?:

"Yes, girls, my marriage is over. What? No he didn't cheated on me with that bitch across the street. Not his type. What? Every man's type? Add a fake dick to her fake boobs, and you'll get my husband's type. Yes, he is gay. No, I haven't noticed before. Yes we did have sex. No, I don't lack experience! Well I guess he is indeed a good actor and I'm an easily turned on woman. Enough man to father a child? Ah, well that's the thing. He's not really her father. Yes, it was a drunken mistake indeed. The real father? No idea. Some jock. Must be picking up the trash on the side of the freeway by now. No girls, that's not the trash guy outside the subway. No, he doesn't look like my daughter! Whatever, what you believe. Yes, I kicked him out. No, Dianna doesn't know. She just thinks he's away on business. Yeah it's good she's that young. That kid is smart but she's still a kid. Yes, I should go pray. I hope there is redemption too. Yes. Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned, and had a kid out of warlock, then tricked a man by seducing him and making him believed that we had sex and then pressuring me to christen our only alliance. But, Father if it helps, he turned out gay. Yeah, I know karma is a bitch, Father."

Yeah, no way in hell she would say anything. She would just keep pretending for a while longer. She did it from all these years, she could still do it now. She couldn't lose now all she had been working for. She was happy, she had the perfect straight husband, and a daughter smarter than the average, that's what others would see. The bigger and perfect picture. And for now, she was absolutely fine with that.

 

Dianna's POV :

I really AM way too smart for my own good. Why can't I just act like a normal 4 year old and leave well enough alone? Why can't I just play with my Barbie and my Ken and make them get married and have children that would also play without ever worrying about adults problems. What would they have to worry about, really? In their world, everything was all bubbly and perfect, they didn't have to pretend into anything. Why would I just can't pretend like everybody or better, can't I just not notice? My daddy and my mommy loved me, like everybody said, why couldn't I just get satisfied by it?

Ok, that was a least something wrong with this last phrase. Well, actually there was something wrong with everything but right now all I could focus on was the daddy part. Because as of last night, my daddy wasn't my daddy anymore. And more confusing, my daddy didn't love my mommy, but he loved other daddies. Well actually just another daddy called Kurt. Who is maybe not even a daddy…. In adults term, my dad was gay. That I really didn't mind, no really, but I just wanted my daddy to still be my daddy. He could be a wolf, for all I cared. But he needed to be my daddy. But apparently that wasn't the case either. And that what hurt the most. That's what made me stay awake all night crying. That's what caused the black circles under my eyes this morning. That's what worried my mom. Strike that, she didn't even bother to worry. She just got distracted a minute from her thoughts, long enough to ask me if I hadn't slept well, and then she got back to whatever moping she was doing, not caring a bit about my answer. Even my teacher was more concerned when I got to school, and she didn't even know what was going on. Mom knew, she must have. At least she must have sensed that all the screaming must have woken me up. Well apparently she doesn't, or worse, she doesn't even care. She only cares about her. The woman that lied and cheated is moping miserably. Make sense.

She didn't even talked to me since she picked me up from school, not even asking about how my day went. Well, my day went fine. Absolutely great, thank you. My teacher couldn't stop harassing me to answer her questions. She even thought I was abused at home. It didn't reassure her a bit when I told her it wasn't the case. But I didn't explain. How could I ?

"No, I'm not fine. Yes, I've been crying. Yeah my parents had a fight. I suppose they will get divorced. I know they still love me, please just everyone stop staying that! I know! It happens, I know. But this is unusual. No, I swear I'm not trying to demark myself and get more pity from others. No really it's a rather unsettling story. Ok, I'll tell you but don't get mad if I tell you I warned you that it was unusual. Here we go. My dad is actually not my dad. Yes my mom loved another man before. Or she loved the drink that loved the man. Anyway, it turns up that they did do something, and I'm not sure what, because after all, I'm just four, and well, after that something, she was pregnant with me. So, I'm pretty sure Mrs. that you have been lying about the bees and flowers. Yeah, we will need to clear that someday. How the adults think we are all too stupid to understand stuff, I don't understand. And the fact that Barbie may get married with Barbie, and Ken with Ken. Yeah, I know that too. That means you're gay, and that's ok, even though I know a lot of people don't like that. Yes I know that Marie get picked up a lot because she has two mommies. I even used to tease her a bit. But I should probably shut my mouth because now my daddy is gay too. Yeah, I know you're confused, I am too. I don't get how my dad can be gay and still be married to my mother. No, no, for sure it's true, believe me. Yeah, I'm not crazy, or inventing stories, he really does love a man named Kurt. Weird name, I know. I think they even lived together for a long time. But that was before. And something happened, don't ask me what, but it just did. And just like that, my mom made my dad believe that she was pregnant with his kid. How a woman can do that, don't know. But anyway my mom didn't know that my daddy was gay, and my daddy never knew that he wasn't really my daddy. For 5 years. And then they went to New York with grandma and grandpa. After that, they were not the same. But I didn't want what happened in New York to stay in New York, this is not Vegas after all. Yeah, I know I'm not supposed to watch those shows. Whatever. So I made them talk to each other. Apparently in New York they met Kurt. Yeah, my dad's ex boyfriend. Weird. Anyway they talked and my mom threw my dad out and she trying to make me believe he is on business trip. Maybe she thinks I'm deaf, because there would be no way in heck that I wouldn't have woken up from the noises they made. No, not the regular kind. That was the scary kind. But it didn't matter, because I did hear everything. Yeah, I sneaked out of my room and I peaked on them. No they didn't know. I'm too smart for my own good? I didn't know that, but thanks for telling me . Now if you would just explain to me all that, I am all ears, because after all, you're the professor, and you know. No, it doesn't make senses. Yeah, like I said, told you so."

She would have dragged to the principal office and she would have explained that I had lost my mind and that the kids those days watched an awful lot of TV shows and movies that made them delusional. Well, I couldn't argue with that, my life was an awful lot like a soap opera. It was so twisted that it couldn't possibly be real. I was twisted myself. I just couldn't stop crying last night but now, I felt numb. Like I was watching that damn show rather than living it. It didn't help that mom kept pretending that everything was ok. Like our whole family hadn't be thorn apart. How could she be so calm? How could she be so composed? Maybe I had dreamed it. Maybe all that didn't happen. Maybe when I would go home, my dad would be here, taking me into his arms, laughing and would play with my curls like he always did. Maybe my mommy and daddy would kiss and talk about their day around the kitchen while I would do my homework. Yes that's what was going to happen, because it had to be. It had to if my mommy was so confident. It had to be if I wanted to not loose my mind forever. We are just going home, and I am just a 4 years old kid, not smart enough for her own good. I'm a just kid, who if she kept pretending, would really believe her dreams. Like all the kids. I would invent myself an imaginary world and pretend everything in it was perfect, if things were to not be at home.

She was after all just a 4 year old kid, who just wants to dream, not to live.

She had the opportunity to dream and hope some more as they arrived at home and saw her dad's Volvo parked in front of the house. Her dad was home! He wasn't gone, her mother hadn't thrown him out, and everything was fine. She had just a bad dream. Her daddy was still her daddy and he did love her mommy. Everything is fine, she kept telling herself. But her daydreaming didn't last long, unfortunately.

She suddenly heard a high hiss coming toward her mother's seat, and when she turned to look at her, she couldn't repress a gasp. In her mother's eyes, there was nothing besides fury. All her face was torn in pure rage, and her entire body was shaking. Including her hands that were now clenching on the wheel.

"Oh God, what now", thought Dianna. She had never seen her mother so mad before. Ever. But she supposed that she must have been in such shape the previous night. The night that all happened. It really did happen after all, sighed Dianna. Why else would her mother react like that just by seeing her husband's car. All hell broke loose as the composed face that her mother had been wearing all day had vanished and the fury overpowered her. Dianna was afraid of what she might do next. She was afraid because her mother was still gripping the wheel, as it was a rescue buoy, keeping her from drowning into the unknown and the madness.

Indeed, Lisa was mad. She couldn't think straight anymore. The pretending game was never going to last if her husband didn't let her the time to figure out her stuff. It's like he wanted her to be dead. After last night, his reappearance was like the last kick to knock her down! Hell no, she wasn't going to let him! She wasn't going let him put her to shame once more! Screw the world, there was no way in hell she was letting this one go!

And suddenly her foot hit the accelerator and the car jumped forward. She didn't hear her little girl's protests or even thought about her, she was too blinded by her rage. She had one single goal in mind: hurt him as much as she thought he was hurting her.


	11. Chapter 11

They heard it before they saw it. The loud roaring of an engine, the squealing of a car's breaks and then the atrocious noise of the crash. And then, only, they saw it: Her, through the first floor window. They took in the scene of the tragedy:Lisa's car was smashed against the black Volvo, which didn't stand a chance against the big S.U.V. They saw Lisa, half conscious, struggling to get free from the airbags that had came out from every corner of the car, nearly choking in her attempt to do so. And Dianna was out of sight.

The thin Burberry scarf that Kurt was holding with reverence was thrown out the window, as his steps carried him downstairs, following a suddenly very agitated Phil, whose curses were something that Kurt had always dreamed that a English gentleman would refrain from using in front of him, but that clearly didn't apply in this situation.

If you asked any of them to replay, second by second, the events of that day, they would probably be incapable of doing so. Everything was coming in spurts, as if the time was disconnected. The minutes didn't enchain. Time was relative. It was based only upon the leading events of that afternoon. They remembered the noise, then the sight, then the run down the stairs. And finally, standing in the courtyard, paralyzed for half a second, unsure of what to do.

They would surely remember Lisa finally pulling herself out of the car, barely keeping on her feet, face white, and unable to breath properly. They would remember their ephemeral relief before the worry that overtook them when they didn't see Dianna. They would remember Kurt throwing himself in the car and pulling outside an unconscious little girl and putting her gently on the grass. They would remember the few housewives of the neighborhood, screaming and worrying and smothering the woman and her child until Phil screamed and kept them 10 feet away from the injured.

But above all, they would be haunted by Blaine's face, discovering his little girl unconscious on the grass, as he was in the basement bringing up her guitars, and no sound of the accident had been heard. His scream. The way he pushed past the people in his way, slowly revealing the body of his little baby on the ground. Looking dead. The way that he almost fainted in Kurt's arms, too weak in the knees to hold himself together. The way that suddenly his head turned to look at the two crashed car and the way his eyes shut down, like it was the most unbearable scene. The squeeze in everyone's heart at this sight. And especially the fit he threw at a semi conscious Lisa, shaking her by the shoulders and screaming at her, before anyone could restrain him, and in front of every present neighbor.

"I'm going to kill you, BITCH! What did you do to my daughter, you CRAZY SLUT?"

But Lisa was not saying a thing. She wasn't even looking at him, her eyes shut, in an almost peaceful way. She was resting on the grass, as if she was simply part of a picnic party in a beautiful and peaceful meadow. That didn't help Blaine to calm down one bit.

"How could you do that to your own daughter? Are you insane?" Blaine kept shouting, struggling to get free out of Phil's embrace.

"Oh my dear, this is one big dysfunctional family!" The housewives were all gossiping at this point, between them, no longer concerned by the state of the little girl. They were overly exited by the new scandal in town that they would be delighted to convey to all their missing neighbors the following night, exaggerating on the details of the accident and displaying the portrait of a crazy family, a psycho mother, and an aggressive father.

Kurt couldn't stand anymore of them and their cheap and mean comments.

"If you have no assistance to give, please get the hell off of the Anderson's property, and go gossip elsewhere! Gee, I feel like I'm in a freaking chicken farm!"

Maybe it was the comparison with the chickens or Kurt's animosity and threatening looks, but slowly every one of them retreated, leaving only the three men, the woman and the child handling the situation. Well, mostly, handling an infuriated Blaine, who hadn't given up yet on ripping apart a very peaceful Lisa. It was almost as if she was mocking him and that was something that neither Blaine nor Kurt could accept. But, before they could do any regretful act toward her, the little girl started to moan and whine on the floor, slowly waking up from being passed out for about 10 minutes.

"Baby, oh my darling, how are you feeling?"

Blaine was kneeling down to his daughter, holding her gently, while stroking her hair with his right hand. The little girl let out a single sob, and then buried her head into her father's chest. The father who looked up with the same murderous look at Lisa, who apparently had woken up from her peaceful dream, and was now looking down to her daughter but without any sign of ever holding her.

"Baby, Mommy is sorry. I lost the control of the car, I'm sorry love!"

"Hell, you lost the control! To smash my car like that you must have been driving faster then you should! You did it on purpose! You wanted to destroy my car, you bitch!" yelled Blaine, still holding Dianna tightly.

"Blaine, calm down please," begged Kurt, looking at the little girl with concern.

"How dare you ask me to calm down!"

"Listen Blaine, Dianna seems ok sure. But we still need to get her to the hospital to see if there is no internal bleeding. We'll handle that psycho later, I swear."

"You're right, I'm sorry" apologized Blaine looking at Kurt gratefully. "I should get her to the E.R right now."

Blaine had apparently decided that the best course of action for now would be to simply ignore the psycho bitch and make sure that his daughter was alright. He got back on his feet still holding his little girl in his arms and made his way to Kurt's car, leaving behind everybody, and everything, including his forgotten guitar. But Kurt wasn't the man to forget.

"Blaine, just go ahead. I'll pack a suitcase, so we can go from there. Phil will drive you, I'll be 5 minutes behind you, ok?"

"Ok. Thank you," responded Blaine simply, before getting in the back seat with his daughter, and shutting the door behind him, not taking the time to look one last time at his house or his crazy wife. All that mattered for him right now was the safety of his little girl, and now that Kurt had mentioned internal injuries, he was more than anxious of getting to the hospital. He didn't even think about calling 911 at the moment, or involving the cops to this matter. All that was important, was that every single freaking minute here was potentially dangerous for the little girl.

"Phil, here, take the keys. Drive them to the nearest hospital and text me the address when you get there. I'll pack some stuff and call a cab."

"Alright mate. See you."

They shook hands, and then they were gone. Kurt didn't stop enough to think about the fact that it was the first time that he had been so intimate with Phil, or that he was trusting a still practical stranger with the lives of one of the people he cared the most in the world. With the people he loved. He didn't even think about how messed up this situation was, and how in hell he was so calm. How could he still think straight when, usually in times of stress, he would just freak out or go numb. But when it comes to helping the people you love, you might just surprise yourself and discover some inner control that you would have never suspected possessing.

But Kurt didn't stop to consider it. He would have plenty of time to do so later. Now he had a job to do, and a psycho to keep away. That was his priority. So, not caring a bit about Lisa still standing on the grass, a dumb expression on her face, he picked up the guitar and the now damaged Burberry scarf, and made his way to the house.

"What do you think you are doing, fag?"

Well, apparently the Lisa's numbness didn't last long. She was now fully recovered as she started running toward Kurt's, in a possible attempt to stop him from going into the house.

Kurt didn't even hiss at the insult and kept going into the house, until he was obliged to stop by a very infuriated Lisa, on the bottom steps of the staircase.

"I repeat, what gives you the right to march into my home, and into my room, and take whatever you want?"

"Listen Lisa, I'm not going to hold you for the whole fag comment, because I know better than to argue with a mentally disturbed person, but I have a limited restraint, so please, if you don't want to see yourself laying bleeding on the stairs, I suggest you take yourself a cab and get admitted to the E.R, not that the head trauma you're suffering has anything to do with the accident. I only say that because I would rather see you there than here, but honestly after today, I wouldn't mind to see you die from internal bleeding. But as the best leave first, you, my dear, are like the bacteria that is here to stay and keep rooting everyone's life for as much as you can. Now, please, stand aside."

Kurt didn't even raise his voice, or looked at her while delivering his little monologue. But the calm tone of his words seemed to be scary and painful enough that Lisa finally resigned to stand aside, and let the man climb the stairs. She didn't move from her spot, her face numb and her eyes wide for 10 minutes, the time for Kurt to pack some of Blaine's belongings, along with his guitar and some books, in a total robotic motion. He didn't allow himself to think or to feel a crack of fear for the little girl or to get concerned by Blaine's state of mind. He wasn't even angry with Lisa. The speech he gave her wasn't something he had thought about but rather an automatic response to her behavior. Every gesture, every word, wasn't thought about, wasn't cautious anymore, there was no restraint. He was on autopilot, his hands moving by themselves as they were packing gently but still efficiently and quickly every piece of clothing he could reach. He finally decided to pack two suitcases, and one bag, and it took him no time, maybe because he was so well trained with all these years of packing for trips where he had to bring only the essentials and had learned that he could easily reuse various clothes without ever looking like he wore the same outfit twice or without ever being unfashionable. But these were not thoughts or memories he took the time to consider either, and a few minutes later, he was running down the stairs, passing through Lisa, like he didn't even noticed her, and went outside, before he remembered that he had to call a cab.

A chance for Lisa, who had recovered from her second numbness and was heading toward the front door and toward Kurt, who was standing between the two bags, trying to get the number of the cab company.

"It would be quicker if I just gave you the number," Kurt heard her say behind his back. He turned around only to see that the woman had a big smirk on her face, as she was clearly enjoying Kurt's attempts to get a cab. Kurt couldn't believe that the woman wasn't at least a bit worried about her daughter's condition. That she wasn't already on her way to the hospital even with her husband's threats, only caring about her little girl. If it was Kurt's daughter, he would be all over the place. But that woman didn't give a damn and was only making sure to annoy the hell out of him.

"I wouldn't take anything coming from you. I'll manage to get my own cab. Besides I have the feeling that you would probably call some mobs disguised in cabs to come and finish me, so thank you, but I'll pass".

"That would be fun. Besides, you're the reason we are here today. You are the reason my daughter is at the hospital. You're the reason my husband left!"

She wasn't peaceful anymore. She looked more like an enraged dog, ready to bite. A delusional woman, for sure, thought Kurt. Strangely enough, the angrier she got, the calmer he felt. He had all his senses, as he turned to glance at her, with a disgusted look upon his face, and some vile mockery in his eyes.

"Oh, is it? And it's my fault too, that you pretended to have sex with Blaine to disguise the fact that you had a child out of a very drunken night, like the whore that you are?"

"Shut up, faggot! You know nothing about me, about my life…"

"You really know how to talk back, don't you?" Kurt chuckled darkly, which caused Lisa to turn bright red and more furious than before, if it was possible. She was almost comical, standing here, sweating bullets, taking all her restrain to not jump upon him, whereas Kurt didn't seem to bother, ordering calmly a cab over the phone, and shooting from time to time incredulous and amused glances to Lisa.

"Well, the cab will be here in 5 minutes. Can't say that I'm not relieved to get the hell out of here. I feel like I'm stuck in a bad episode of Desperate Housewives. And you, my dear, are more psycho than all of them combined."

"Humph. Don't be mistaken, the psycho bitch will haunt you. I swear that I will get my daughter back, if it is the last I have to do in my life! There is no way she should be surrounded by two sinful men, two faggots. She's better than this. She's better than you!"

Kurt had froze suddenly. The mockery that had been the main expression in his face for the last past 15 minutes, was now gone. All that remain was disgust and rage. And all that directed to a suddenly very cautious Lisa, who was having a hard time not looking away. His voice was no longer velvet, as the words came out, they sounded harsh and low.

"You listen to me, you bitch. There is nothing I can do to stop you from taking a legal course of action to get your daughter back, but if you think about any other illegal way, if you think you can show up in your New York and take her back, well think again! I swear that I will do anything, and I mean _anything_ , to protect them. Because it is true that she's better than us. She's only an innocent, not yet damaged child! She's better than us, and thankfully she's better than you. Anyone would be better than you. You obnoxious, selfish, close-minded and judgmental bitch. Just so you know, I did love Blaine more than you'll possibly love someone, including your daughter. And that's not something I should be proud of. But here it is. Just so you know, Blaine might have lied to you about his feelings, but you my dear have lied to the entire society by pretending to be a normal person. Well my dear, the pretense is over. What you have been avoiding is finally here. Expect to be judged as the psycho bitch you are. Expect people to judge you, and people to actually support us. Well, expect the unexpected, and it ain't gonna be pretty, bitch!"

The timing wouldn't have been more perfect if he had planned it up. The cab arrived right there, allowing Kurt, to give one more bitchy angry look to Lisa, who he had managed to turn speechless once again, and then head toward the car. As he closed the door to the passenger seat, taking place inside the vehicle, the guitar on his lap, the driver already starting the car, he had an idea. It wasn't dignified, it wasn't him, but in this case, it was totally worth it. If it had to be done to someone, well she was the first on the list. No one had driven the crazy hell out of him like that. He needed to show his rage a bit more, if it wasn't for him, then let it be for Blaine. He would have adored it.

He called her name.

She turned around, still furious, tapping the floor with all her force, like a mad child, and he couldn't hold himself anymore.

He opened the window a bit more and as the driver started the engine, he raised a beautiful porcelain middle finger with all his glory, and with the perfect smirk on his face, he called:

"Take this one, whore. I know you'll use it well. Adieu!"

 _Maybe_ it was a _little bit_ overdramatic, but hey, the man sure knew how to make a exit!

 

Kurt arrived at the hospital a few minutes later, and with Phil's directions, he actually managed to join them in one of the south wing multiples corridors of the Boston Grace Hospital E.R. They had apparently been waiting for the past half hour for a doctor to check on the little girl, as it was apparently a very busy day for the medical staff. When he reached the designed spot, he saw Dianna sitting by herself on a chair, waiting calmly that someone would call her, with no Blaine in sight. Phil was there though, pacing the pale green floor, talking on the phone with agitation. He waved at Kurt when he entered but other than that, didn't show any sign of ever ending the conversation.

"Phil, I need the keys, got to put theses bags in the car," whispered Kurt.

Phil didn't answer but threw him the keys and got back to his apparently work related conversation. Kurt didn't ask for more. He was still embarrassed by the fact that Phil had to be there with them, away from a day at work. He knew well how much lawyers had to work, even on Saturdays, and even sometimes on Sundays, especially when he received himself very long and detailed emails at some really inappropriate hours of the night by some more than dedicated lawyers. It was like those people never slept or ate. So he knew how much of a sacrifice Phil was making. Besides, even if he could take this day off, away from work and all its stress, Kurt knew that he would probably want to spend it with his little girl. Little Lea that Kurt and Blaine's drama had pushed away to her grandparents. That had to been very hard for the parents. To separate them from their little girl, when they hadn't even spent a whole week or weekend with her. Thinking about it, Kurt felt very grateful to his friend and her husband. Ashamed also that he was the cause of their problems. Not Blaine. Blaine was constantly scouring himself for imposing on them but Kurt knew, that if it wasn't for him, Blaine wouldn't be here. He was the one who called Quinn and asked her to take him. He was the one to blame. The one who should scourge himself. Not that it would help at the moment.

He had much more important business to attend to, starting by helping Blaine emotionally and making sure that the little girl was ok. As he walked back to the hospital from the parking lot where he had put Blaine's stuff in the car, he thought about the little girl some more. Strangely, even if he didn't knew her, and that their only encounter had been a little bit more than dramatic, and she had been unconscious almost all the way, he had felt an irrepressible need to protect her. It was odd. It had nothing to do with the fact that she was a child after all, an innocent person, nor by the fact that his parental needs had increased a lot lately, but it was because of the little girl herself. She had startled him, in a way that he couldn't understand. When she had woken up after the accident, she might have looked at him for only half a second but it's all it took for Kurt to see something there. Like a deep connection, a need to protect. A need to love.

Ok, maybe he was being delusional. Maybe that day had been messing up his brain. He knew it was absurd and it didn't make sense, but as he came back into the waiting room, and Dianna looked at him with his deep blue eyes, he knew that something was there. She was more than just a random little girl for him, or at least, she won't be anymore. Maybe it was just the fact that he knew that she would now come to live with him, and inevitably they would develop some kind of relationship. Suddenly Kurt wasn't so sure of himself anymore. He was even scared. He knew of course that the mother had just intentionally harmed her child, but had the child forgiven her already? Was Dianna holding Kurt responsible for everything that had happened between her parents? Was he the bad guy in her story? Kurt knew that it was a strong possibility and a normal response for any child. He didn't want that to happen. He knew if she felt that way, it would be almost impossible to make her change her mind. He only hoped that the little girl was seeing things not only in black and white. But what was he really thinking? Of course, she would see things only in black in white. She was four, for god's sake! She would hate the stepfather as any normal kid would.

Stepfather… Well, isn't that a curious thought. A very dangerous thought ,too. He had to stop thinking about that. He was being delusional once again. Stepfather… no, he couldn't think like that. He had no right to. Not to Dianna, nor Blaine and especially not to himself. How could he still think about a future where he could be married with Blaine and share his kid. It was sick and selfish, but he had to admit, deep inside him, that image, made his heart ravish with pride.

Kurt shook his head to stop thinking about it. It was wrong and it didn't matter at the time. Now, all he had to do was take care of them, the best he could. Without any further emotional involvement.

He took a seat next to the little girl. Phil was still talking on the phone, and he had no idea what to say to the girl. Should he even speak? Was he allowed to? Wasn't it to bold? Thankfully, he didn't have to think about this awkward situation a bit more as Dianna, gently squeezed his arm.

"I'm starting to think that he's picturing that mommy is the coffee machine" sighed Dianna, pointing to the end of the end of the hallway.

Blaine was indeed giving a hard time to the said machine, punching it with his fists, groaning, and calling it all sorts of name that did not suit a unanimated object. Few people were staring, eyes wide, but they were careful enough to not get close to the crazy man.

"Better the machine than your mom I guess," sighed Kurt. "In any case, I should probably go prevent him from destroying public property."

Kurt took in the sight of Blaine as he approached. "Blaine, stop"

"That damn machine won't give me my coffee! I swear she's plotting with the rest of the world to make my life a living hell!" yelled Blaine, smashing his fist once again on the machine, which didn't make even move it one-inch.

"Oh, oh calm down now big boy. The damn machine isn't plotting anything. It's not a "she". It's not a human being that you can break to give you what you want. It's a thing that when it breaks, stays broken until someone fixes it… be gentle please and you'll get what you want." Kurt tried to hold his hand, away from the coffee distributor and lead him back to his seat.

"Gentle?" asked with incredulity Blaine.

"Oh for the love of … just go sit down with your daughter, I'll go get your drink! I just saw a coffee place across the street, I'll be back in 5 with your medium drip."

Kurt was finding it more and more difficult to keep his cool. Lisa's words, even if he would never admit it to anyone, let alone to himself, had hurt him. It never gets easy when people judge you for your sexual orientation. Call you sinful person. Say that you don't deserve to be happy or have a family. That was one of the many reasons he hadn't started a family himself sooner. Because he hated how people could make you feel miserable. You or your kid. How they could be bullied for having one or two gay parents. Being teased constantly. He knew about that. He had lived through it during high school and he wished his own kid to never endure the same. He knew that things had changed somewhat, people were more open-minded, but it wasn't enough in his opinion. Lisa had just reminded him of that. He wasn't, of course, the kind to be shattered by someone's words, especially someone like Lisa, but every time he heard those horrible comments, he couldn't help but have doubts about his situation. Would he be able to start a family and support all those comments? He could hold himself just fine, thank you, but would he be able to let his kid go through that as well? Well, he wasn't so sure about that. Especially the do it alone part. If they were 2 maybe it would be easier for the people to understand. For him also to handle it. Things and comments wouldn't matter so much.

It was so easy now to have some hope. It was weird also. Because after a day like that, he should have been feeling so down, exactly the opposite of what he was feeling now. But somehow, being able to handle everything, to take charge, without cracking made him gain more confidence. It was just like when he was at work and something needed to be fixed. He was fixing things. He was helpful and as long as he could do it, there was nothing that could bring him down.

A disturbing thought occurred to him, as he was waiting to get the coffee. He had talked about the machine as something that could break, and can't be fixed until someone fixes it. And it was maybe the reason he wanted to get away from Blaine for only a couple of minutes. Because it had reminded him of something else. Or someone else. Himself, actually. Someone had in fact broken him. Blaine. And he had stayed broken, for a long time before Blaine came back and somehow fixed him. Because it was true, for 5 years, he had been broken. People would deny it by saying that he had achieved a lot in 5 years, but sometimes, a thing can still work even with some function shut down. Indeed he was still doing his job even if his heart was broken. His mind was still functioning and did it really matter that others things weren't? People just forget after some time about those other parts and they'll come to look at the machine as something that had always missed those parts. People did the same with Kurt. They had come to look at him like a normal person, forgetting about those little things that had changed within him, that had been forgotten with time. But he knew, like the machine had known, that something was still broken. And the only way to change it, would be that someone remembered that something needed to be fixed. Blaine's return, was all it took. The hole in his heart got smaller and smaller and he had come to even think with his heart. The one that had been shattered to pieces.

Kurt hated that, deep inside. He hated that he wasn't able to fix things himself. To have to depend on someone else to be complete again. He had listened to Quinn, sure, and how Blaine had marked him forever but it wasn't logic or anything. As a practical man, he needed a practical response. To know that he could always count on himself. The fact that, in the face of death, he would still be missing something, wasn't a comforting though.

Oh yeah, if it wasn't clear yet, Kurt wasn't the most optimistic man.

 

When the barista landed him the coffees, a non-fat mocha and a medium drip, he couldn't help the memories to float over his head. All the coffee dates he had shared with Blaine in Lima Bean, and all those afterwards, at their favorite New York Starbucks, where they would meet between two classes, and steal a kiss or two. Those were the best times of their relationship. Every important memory could be situated around a coffee date. How many of them did they share? A hundred, two hundred? Three hundred? It wouldn't have surprised him if they were more. But as cocky as it might sound, he could honestly remember every one of them. As he could remember every conversation he had with Blaine. It wasn't that he had a photographic memory but when Blaine had left him, he had to make sure that it wasn't just a dream or a nightmare. He had to keep thinking about those moments to not forget what they shared. Not him, because he would never forget him, but just to make it more real. And maybe someday those memories would be useful. If he ever came back.

And he did. He did come back. And Kurt was grateful that he didn't forget. But had Blaine forgotten?

It wasn't something that Kurt could ask him right now, because even though he was seated where Kurt had told him, Blaine was still agitated. When he came back to the room with his coffee, Phil had also stopped pacing the floor and was sitting on the other side of Dianna, looking slightly stressed himself. They both kept checking the time, as Diana was looking toward them. She sighed and shook her head, like she was annoyed by their over worry. Kurt couldn't suppress a smile.

"Blaine, here. Take that."

"Thank you," said Blaine, looking genuinely graceful.

"Kurt, can I talk to you for a minute please?" asked Phil

"Sure"

Phil got up and led a confused Kurt further away from the man and his daughter. Apparently whatever he wanted to discuss was not something that Blaine would want to hear right now or would agree with.

"What's the matter?"

"Listen…" Phil looked kind of uneasy, as if he didn't know how to talk about such a delicate matter in front of Kurt.

"Don't worry Phil. I'm no Blaine. Say whatever you need to say."

"I've been talking to some people at the office. To my partner actually"

"And?"

"Well, I kind of told him about Blaine's situation. And I know that you didn't want me to see it as a potential case, but after what Lisa just did, it had to be. And I know that I have no right to impose myself as a lawyer but…" tried to explain Phil, slightly embarrassed.

"That's ok, Phil. Really." Reassured him Kurt, looking at him in the eyes.

"You don't mind?"

"Well, the thing is that you're right. This could not stay any longer a private matter. Blaine has to file for a legal case. It's no longer a potential case. That will happen, and Phil, I'll make sure it does. Now, you say you want to be his lawyer. I think it's for the best. Because you were actually there for the accident. You saw it too. You know how far Blaine is involved and how crazy Lisa is. Besides you were interested in that case even before that. Which is more than some lawyers can say."

"Thanks," smiled Phil.

"It's the truth. Now the thing is, that I have no idea if you're a good lawyer but I do know Quinn. Maybe she's no longer the same as she was in high school, but the girl isn't crazy. She knows what she wants and how to get there. In school she plotted a whole scenario to date Finn just before prom because she knew he was her best shot to win Prom Queen and therefore be popular and feared again. Which would have succeeded if people didn't think I made a better suitable candidate for the Prom Queen candidate. So that girl is smart, and if she chose you, means, that you my boy, are a smarty too."

And with a wink, he returned to his seat, leaving behind a very flabbergasted Phil.

 

They had to wait a long time for a doctor to come and check on them. Kurt was starting to feel very angry at the incompetency of the medical staff who were not able to give them any resourceful information regarding how much longer they would have to wait. It didn't help that Blaine couldn't seem to stay put in a chair and had to be pacing the floor every 5 minutes. Phil couldn't stay put either as he took a phone call every couple minutes. It was too much for Kurt, whose head was spinning.

"It's ok. Don't stress," said a small voice next to time.

He turned away to see that Dianna, while obviously tired, remained very patient, and was even trying to get Kurt to relax a bit. She knew better than to try with her dad. That battle was lost before it even started.

"I want to murder someone. But then again, it would probably not make things go faster!" grumbled Kurt, but his tone was still light.

Dianna smiled at him and Kurt really beamed back this time. It was the first time she was really addressing him, without talking about her dad or anything else. And she didn't seem to hate him. Not even a little. Her smile was genuine and beautiful, noticed Kurt. And honestly, he thought she looked a bit like him. Not only physically, but he could see that underneath that angelic face, she wasn't as innocent as she seemed. In fact, he thought that she understood much more than she was letting people know. That didn't really comfort him.

"It's weird, it's like you are scared of me. Don't worry, I don't bite," giggled the little girl.

"Well, you survived a deadly accident, you must have super powers. That's scary," teased Kurt

"Stop talking like I'm a 4 year old. I'm not a baby," Dianna pouted teasingly.

"Well, I'd swear you were four. Could have fooled me. More super powers for you. Can I borrow one of them. It would be nice to look like a 10 years old sometimes."

Dianna couldn't suppress the laugh that burst through her lips, which made Blaine turn around from the corner of the room, looking to the source of the familiar hysteria. And here they were. Kurt and Dianna. His Kurt, and his Dianna, laughing together. Kurt teasing the little girl who couldn't stop giggling. His heart stopped. His breathing stopped. All the things that made sense stopped. All that remained were the utopia that was running in his mind. The dreamy picture he had thought about for the last 10 years. The perfect family he had been picturing sharing with Kurt. Even when had shared it with Lisa. He had always thought that Kurt was the one to stand at her place in the family picture. And here it was.

But it wasn't really. Kurt wasn't really his, and Dianna was definitely not Kurt's daughter. She wasn't even his own. There was no big happy family here to picture. It was one big giant mess, that's what it was. But he couldn't stop either looking at them as they were now having an apparently more serious conversation, away from Phil's ears who had picked up a new call. Blaine didn't want to interrupt them. Interrupt the illusion. The pretense. They were having a moment. He knew that every moment counted because it couldn't last long.

Really those men had to work on the half full glass thing.

In the other side of the room, they were indeed no more teasing. Kurt and Dianna were discussing something way more serious than age or powers.

"How do you feel, darling?" asked Kurt, really concerned. "I know we have been waiting a long time. Do you feel dizzy or something?"

"No, it's ok. It's just…"

"What?"

"Well, actually I am a little bit confused. Not about my injuries. But…"

"You don't understand what happened," finished Kurt.

She looked him gravely in the eyes and nodded. Kurt could feel her confusion, her despair, lost with the thought that her mom just deliberately put her in danger like that. How could she?

"You know, Kurt, I know I'm supposed to be angry at mommy and all, and I am but…"

"She's still your mom, right? And you still love her." Finished once again Kurt, because it was a topic that he understood way too well.

"Yeah" admitted Dianna sheepishly. "Is that wrong?"

"To love your mom? No."

"But she hurt me. I don't think she wanted to but she did"

"Listen sweetie, I don't know if I'm the best example, but I can totally relate to you."

"Daddy?" asked Dianna, looking at her father who was standing at the corner of the room. Her tone though wasn't angry or protective. It was just a simple question she wanted to ask Kurt, as if she had wanted to do so for a long time.

"Yeah. Blaine." Kurt smiled sadly at her perceptivity.

"What happened?" Dianna asked curiously.

"All I can say is that I understand what you feel."

"Did he hurt you like mommy did?"

"Not exactly. Not physically". Well it wasn't entirely true but it wasn't something that Kurt could explain to the girl. "Let's say that he didn't mean to either."

"But he knew it would? Just like mom. If she had stopped one second, she wouldn't have done it."

"Neither would he. I think. Well, I hope." Kurt was now fully aware of much their two situations were alike and that's what maybe had brought them closer. People love wounded them both.

"Does it get better?" asked Dianna. " I mean do you understand better after a while?"

"You mean do you know if it's wrong or right? I don't know, darling. You just stop thinking about it I guess. Though your situation is not the same. Your mommy is still there."

"It is more difficult this way, I guess. I can't not love Mommy and at the same time I can't help but think that I should be angry at her. But sometimes I tell myself that it's not his fault, you know?"

"Oh yes I do!" admitted Kurt "But baby, don't listen to what people tell you to do or to feel. Just listen to your own heart."

"And how that worked for you? You're here which means you forgave Daddy."

"And how do you know there is something to forgive?"

"Oh I just do," smiled sadly Dianna. "But like I said, you forgave him, even if he hurt you Why is that? Because you still love him maybe, like I still love Mommy?"

Kurt didn't answer but gave her a very mysterious smile. It wasn't sad, nor happy, but it was almost apologetic. That didn't make sense for her. She hated when grown ups reacted that way. Why couldn't they just say what they had to say. She could handle it. Besides, she thought that Kurt was somehow different than her daddy. That he was opening himself to her almost like she was an equal. Why did he have to become so mysterious now? But a little voice in her head told her that he wasn't mysterious at all. In fact, he had given her answer. Of course, he still loved Daddy, he just wouldn't admit it. Even to himself.

But she was obtuse. She wasn't going to give in before getting a straight and loud answer. She wanted to keep interrogating him. But she wouldn't be given the chance.

"Mr. Anderson?" called suddenly a nurse from the door.

They all rushed from where they were (even Phil turned off his phone) to gather around the nurse.

"Yes, that's me" said Blaine, with a suddenly very shaky voice.

"A doctor will see you now. Sorry but there can't be more than 3 people in the room"

"It's ok, I'll wait here. Go ahead" offered Phil.

"Thank God! I though you had forgotten about us! What kind of hospital is this?" screeched Blaine

"The kind that just had to deal with a multiple bus accident, with 50 injured people, several head traumas, 2 imputations and 5 deaths. Oh and one comatose person. That's the kind. I'm sorry Sir, but we just have been a bit preoccupied." The nurse didn't raise her voice though. Angry parents were just another part of her job.

"She doesn't have to sound so pleased about it, either," mumbled Blaine, still unwilling to let it go. But he didn't say anything more.

"We are sorry. Must have been hard," apologized Kurt for both of them.

"It's ok. Here you go. Room 2451. The doctor is in here. "

Blaine didn't look like he was finished throwing his fit to the nurse, but both Dianna and Kurt, pulled him forward, sighing. They had lost enough time like that.

"Hello, Mr. Anderson. Hello darling, are these gentlemen your daddies…"

"Only one of them is, sir. The other is…" started Dianna

"Oh God, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to…"

"What? Assume that we are gay, that's alright we are," chuckled Kurt. He was so used to these kinds of situations. Everything about him screamed gay. Well, he was better than letting people call him a stereotype because he had made sure he wasn't one, but it didn't bother him anymore that people would immediately assume his sexuality. He understood that some people would think about it as discrimination but it had came to feel more like a compliment for Kurt. Like they would notice him as an artiste or something.

"But it doesn't mean that we are a couple. You do understand that, right?" Blaine argued, still angry after his snap at the nurse.

"It's just that she's obviously your daughter by name, but she looked so much like with your friend here…"

"She does?" snapped suddenly Kurt, like he had been struck by lightening.

"Yeah. But I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed."

"No harm done. We shouldn't have snapped at you like that. Kurt is a friend, that's all."

Dianna suddenly chuckled, and rolled her eyes at the same time,, as if she was saying "yeah right, just a friend!" but only Blaine and the doctor noticed because Kurt was far away in his thoughts. The doctor's comment about the resemblance between Dianna and him was enough to trigger some vivid dreams into his mind. Once again, he saw himself holding a child, but this time it wasn't just his child. It was Blaine's and his. Dianna as the last missing piece of a big happy family. A kid that looked a lot like him, with her blue eyes, her pale skin and had the curly hair of her father. He didn't take into account anymore that Blaine wasn't Dianna's biological father and neither would he be, but in his mind, that didn't matter. They were 3, standing together, in the big happy picture.

He had a hard time focusing again as the doctor checked Dianna who apparently had no sight of any injuries.

"At first sight, every thing is good. But I want to make sure that there is no internal bleeding, so I would like to run a head C.T."

"Sure, whatever she needs" agreed Blaine, who was still uncomfortable and a bit scared.

"It's ok Daddy. I'm good" smiled to him Dianna, and he felt at once better. "Besides I do have special power, right Kurt?"

"Right," smirked back Kurt.

"Well, I'll call someone to take her now. I still have some questions to ask you if you don't mind."

"No problem doctor. Whatever you need"

 

After Dianna was taken away for taking her C.T, the doctor leaded the two men into a small office next to the waiting room. They sat in silence, before Dr. Hidey, started the conversation.

"I understand that she got injured in some car accident."

"Yes, that's right." Blaine wasn't sure where all this was going. Of course the doctor knew that was a car accident. That's way he had ordered the radio after all. What was his point? He couldn't see. However, Kurt had a pretty good idea what the doctor wanted to do.

"Was it intentional?" asked finally the doctor, obviously concerned

"Yes," said Kurt before Blaine could answer. "Yes, her mom crashed her car into Blaine's."

"Kurt!" Blaine called angrily.

"Blaine!" Kurt responded the same way. He wasn't going to let that one go. He knew that Blaine didn't really want to get the police involved, for a lot of reasons. The main being that he didn't want to people to judge him because he was gay. Kurt knew that he was so insecure about that part of himself that he have been trying to hide for the past 5 years. But his daughter's safety should matter more than gossip. It mattered more for Kurt. Because he was well aware of how dangerous Lisa was. And if Blaine wasn't going to take charge and prosecute Lisa, well, he would do it. He had talked about it with Phil and there was nothing that could stop him now.

"Be angry I don't care. But I have to do this" whispered Kurt to a very dumbfounded Blaine. And then he raised his voice to talk to the doctor again : "We want to blame Lisa Anderson Criss, for a deliberate attempt on her daughter's life and that's the truth."

"I understand," nodded the man in agreement. "Do you agree Mr. Anderson?"

Blaine struggled for some time at these words. It was like he really didn't know what was the good thing to do anymore. He didn't want a public case but he wasn't really having the choice anymore. Kurt would make it public and official without his help anyway. He wasn't so sure if he was angry or grateful to the man. But he was right, there was no denying it. Even if Blaine wasn't ready to face all that just now, he knew that he would have to do it some day. The situation wasn't bearable, for him or his daughter. And Lisa, the crazy woman, was still out there.

"Ok, but not right now," Blaine compromised.

"What do you mean, not right now? It has to be now, Blaine, or it won't have the same legal weight!"

"I know, I mean giving my testimony on today's events but for the rest, I need a few days at least to gather my thoughts. Dianna needs time too," explained Blaine

"Oh! Yeah, ok I understand. Of course, you need time, I'm sorry if I was too bold on you."

"It's ok," sighed Blaine

But both men knew that it wasn't ok. Far from it. And it wouldn't be ok for a long time. Contrary to what Blaine had promised him, he hadn't been totally honest with him, but he wasn't sure how he could be. Kurt had been acting too straight forward all day long and he kept pushing Blaine to his limits. He always wanted more of him. Maybe it was his way of helping, but he shouldn't have made all the decisions by himself and taken him by surprise in front of Dr. Hidey. What would the man think of him? That he was a weak and irresponsible father that couldn't take care of his own child and protect her from her crazy mother? But it was the truth. Kurt had done everything. Like always. He had been in charge and he even brought him his coffee! All Blaine could do was mope around and pace the floor. What a man! He should have been grateful, and even humble, but he wasn't. He didn't know why, but the idea of Kurt being the man in charge didn't suit him at all. It was like he was trying to show him that after everything Blaine did to him, he was still able to handle himself. He had now the upper hand in the relationship. What a crazy idea, thought Blaine. How can I even blame Kurt for helping me?

As for Kurt, he was feeling almost as uncomfortable as Blaine. He had sensed of course that Blaine's words weren't completely true and he couldn't really understand why. He had an idea, sure, but it felt that it was more than just about the legal case. It felt that Blaine was revisiting their whole relationship. He should have cared, truly, he should have exposed Blaine's lie, but he didn't feel like that. The pressure of the day seemed to get back to him, now that everything was over. Sure, they still waited Dianna's results but he was sure the little girl would be fine. And sure, they still had to testify against Lisa but it wasn't holding the same stakes as before. Because Blaine didn't want to.

So there was nothing more to worry about. And nothing more to fix. And that didn't comfort Kurt. Because as long as he knew that he had to fix things, he was all right, but when he had nothing to do, that's when he started to panic, when all his demons came back to haunt him. The one that told him that some things can't be fixed. Like when Blaine had left. He felt totally useless because he couldn't understand it. And every time, he couldn't comprehend something or fix what was broken, all those feelings resurfaced. That's why he had achieved so much in so little time. Because he had to resolve any problem on his way no matter what it cost him. He couldn't take no for an answer, he couldn't let something misunderstood. He had to take care of everything himself to make sure that is was right. Most people called him a dedicated man, but he knew and his best friends knew, that sometimes it was just wrong. Like today maybe. He had surely overstepped some boundaries. That's why Blaine might have been upset with him. Because of his compulsive need to fix things. Because for 5 years, he hadn't managed to fix himself.

The two men stayed silent for nearly half an hour as the doctor left to check on the little girl and to get some police officers to get their statement. They had warned Phil who agreed to be present for the statement and to represent, at least temporarily Blaine as his lawyer. But in the mean time, none of the men knew what to say. That was a strange feeling for both of them. Unpleasant. Because even though they had enjoyed quiet times together, it had never been because of a lack of what to say. They had always something to say to each other even when they spent the whole day together. Even after 4 years. But now, they just didn't know, and it wasn't a comforting thought, knowing that the man was about to move in with him.

 

Eventually, sometime around 7pm, the doctor came back to them with Dianna and two policemen. Phil was close behind them. The two men stood up, on edge again.

"Good news, she's perfectly fine. No trauma," said the doctor with a smile.

"Oh god! Thank you! Thank you!" moaned a relieved Blaine. He reached for his daughter, and raised her to crash her to his chest. She was slightly amused by her father's preoccupations, and she turned to look at Kurt, with a big smile on her face.

"See, told you. super powers"

"Knew it," grinned back Kurt. But he would be lying, if he didn't say that he wasn't relieved himself by the doctor's confirmation.

"These are Officers Kellerman and Grady. They will take your statements." Both men nodded.

"I have already talked to them. They will take your deposition, and the case will be open until you decide you take further actions against Lisa for Dianna's custody. For now they will be no discussion on that matter. They just want your version of what happened. You leave the rest to me to take care of, until you're ready for the rest ok?" explained Phil.

"Thank you Phil. Really." Said Blaine, still holding his daughter.

"No problem mate. We are all involved in this now"

The two policemen took the statements very quickly. They started with Dianna, who had a hard time talking about what had happened but she knew that she had to do it. For her dad. And for Kurt, who had done so much to help her family. She owed it to them. And as Kurt had said, she would later figure it out. For now, it was all to new, too fresh, to even try to understand it. She would have all the time later. So she told them about her mom's reaction to seeing her dad's car, she told them about her speeding up, she told them that she had slow down at the last second, but that it wasn't enough. And she told them about the shock. They didn't ask about the reason her mother was so pissed at her dad, and she was glad about it. Phil must have told them before. She wasn't sure if she could explain it to them. It didn't even make complete sense to her.

Next was Blaine and then Kurt. They gave the same statement but Kurt had to linger a bit on Lisa's craziness. He tried to remember exactly what had been said between them and what had been done. The policemen didn't ask further question, like with Dianna. Which Kurt was also glad about because he wasn't really proud of his actions back there and if they did ask, he wasn't sure he could lie to them.

In all, it lasted less than 20 minutes. But Kurt was exhausted. He hadn't slept much and he couldn't wait to get back home. He couldn't think about the road ahead of him, or the next day, when he had to perform. It was too much but he knew he had to do it, still.

Blaine and Dianna were feeling pretty much the same. The little girl was even half sleeping after the interrogation and Blaine wanted nothing more to climb into Kurt's new Navigator, turn up the heat and sleep the three hours it took to get to the City. But he knew that it wasn't something he could do, because Kurt was as tired as he was, apparently. They had to keep each other awake for the road, and that wasn't going to be an easy task, especially when they had nothing to say to each other.

"Well, I guess, we should head home, for good now," said Kurt.

"Well, then I guess, I should go home too."

"Thank you so much, Phil, for all your help. And I'm really sorry for the disturbance," apologized Blaine, shaking his hand.

"Nonsense, mate. Besides I've gained a client with a very curious case" smiled Phil.

"I don't think you will thank him when you'll see the fees he'll charge in the bill!" said Kurt with a serious face.

Blaine chuckled. And it's all it took for everybody to feel better. Blaine smiling and relaxing. Blaine letting himself be content. Only for a moment. It meant hope. For the two men. But also for the little girl. And for Blaine himself. It meant that things would eventually get better. That's all they needed.

 

They eventually said bye to Phil, after setting a conference call for the following Monday at 8, to follow the updates on the case. He called a cab for himself, as the trio climbed into Kurt's car. Dianna was already asleep by this point and then put her on the back seat, making sure that her belt was closed and wasn't disturbing her to sleep. After setting up his little girl, Blaine climbed in the front seat next to Kurt, who had already put the radio on, with a low volume so it wouldn't wake up the little girl.

Neither of them talked for the first 10 minutes, until they reached the highway.

"Damn, Blaine, I swear if I smoked, I would need a cigarette right now. I mean that day was intense!" finally sighed Kurt, who felt the need to say something, anything, to relieve the tension.

"I know you're only kidding but we can't be too careful with you," sighed back Blaine.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Kurt, raising one eyebrow, and looking toward Blaine, forgetting about the road for a moment.

"What's with the beer in your car?" asked Blaine, pointing to an empty can that was between them.

"So?" said Kurt, more and more confused. Did Blaine though that he was drinking too? Because, even if it was true, that beer wasn't his at all. It was Jeff's. They had a lunch the other day, and he had brought with him his beer to finish it in the car. Kurt, who was normally so neat, had so much stuff through his mind that he actually forgot to throw the can away. And now, Blaine was assuming it was his. Unbelievable!

"Won't you tell me its Finn's or someone?"

"Apparently not. Because somehow you already made up your mind that it's mine. Way to assume Blaine!" groaned Kurt

"I don't assume. I know. Rachel told me about your problem with alcohol, Kurt."

"When in hell did she do that?" shouted Kurt suddenly. He wasn't concerned anymore about waking up the little girl or taking it easy on Blaine who had a rough day. He was beyond mad, and his fists were clenched hardly on the wheel.

"At the hospital. When you burst out of the room when Quinn called you. She took me aside. And she told me to let you alone, if you never wanted to talk to me again. She said that they only staged the intervention for your sake. And because you needed that to move on. She said that she still hated me even if I had the best intentions for leaving. Because I hurt you so badly. Badly enough for you to start drinking. I'm sorry Kurt," admitted guiltily Blaine

"For the drinking or the leaving part?"

"For both."

"Listen Blaine. I make my own choices. You have nothing to be sorry concerning the drinking. If you want to be sorry, you have plenty other material to mope about." Kurt pointed out, still mad.

"I know but… "

"But what Blaine?"

"I never though it would be so bad… "

"I'm sorry, but WHAT?" Nothing had shocked him more then this.

"Me leaving I mean."

"Blaine, what the fuck are you talking about? Do you hear yourself right now? Did you honestly think that it wouldn't affect me? You leaving me? Or… Oh, wait, maybe it was because it didn't really affect you that you thought it would be the same for me?"

"How could you even think that? It broke my heart, I was devastated. Nothing seemed bright anymore! I was…." moaned Blaine, trailing off.

"Well, that's something I guess. I can't tell you how it felt for me because… honestly there are no words for this. But don't come and tell me that I didn't care!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. But don't say that it was easy for me either!"

"Oh my god! This is the most irrelevant conversation I've ever been part of! What's the point, tell me?"

"The point is I didn't think you would start drinking. I know how you feel about alcohol."

"Well, let me clear some stuff for you. When you left, all the convictions I had about myself just vanished into thin air. Nothing made sense anymore. But I didn't drink. Then."

"But…"

"I said, then. I took my first sip the night you returned. The first night I saw you after 5 long years." Finally confessed Kurt

"I'm…."

"Sorry? I know."

"No, confused. Why now?"

"I don't know, you'll have to ask my inner subconscious. The one that has been locked away ever since you left. The one that got hurt and smashed and that I had to lock away so I wouldn't turn mad. I Guess it resurfaced the day you resurfaced yourself."

They both stayed silent for few seconds, looking at each other, regret and pain on their faces, before Kurt sighed and turned back his attention to the road.

"I don't know what to say…." admitted Blaine

"Nothing would be the safest."

"I'm sorry."

"I know. Please stop saying that. Sorry doesn't change the past."

"But it can improve the future."

Kurt turned to look at him, surprised. For that, he had no answer. Blaine had made him speechless, for once.

"I know that it's not my place to say this, and that you probably heard it a lot, but drinking is bad for you. It doesn't solve things."

"And what does, Blaine?"

"You, me, us, sober. Moving forward."

"I feel like we are currently stuck somewhere and I don't honestly know how to get past that. "

"What?"

"I don't know Blaine. I honestly don't. And that frustrates me. How can I fix things if I don't know what's broken?"

"Stop trying to fix things all the time Kurt. Some things just fix themselves with time. Be patient."

"I don't how to do that…"

"Yes, you do. You are the most patient man I know. With me at the least. You've been patient for the last 5 years and you've been patient now with everything that had been going on with me and my daughter."

"I wonder why that is…."

"You know why Kurt… "

He didn't add a thing more and neither did Kurt. They both knew why but they weren't quite ready yet to say it out loud, to trust each other enough to do so.

"To come back to the main point…"

"I didn't know there was a main point…"

"Drinking Kurt."

"Oh, right. You were about to lecture me. How ironic!"

"I know I have no right, but please it's bad for you. Drinking, and for that matter, smoking, damage your health."

"Loving you, too."

The shock that spread into Blaine's face was almost comical as he was trying to grasp the enormity of Kurt's words. Did he actually just say that he loved him? Of course he knew that already, but hearing it was a whole different matter. Kurt seemed as surprised of himself. He hadn't really though about saying it. But now, it was all out there and they had to deal with it. Kurt tuned to look at him, and they gazed at each other deeply in the eyes, forgetting about everything that surrounded them. The car, the road, Dianna, the time, everything. They must have been staring at ecah other for 5 seconds or 5 years but that didn't matter. They just forgot. But the world hadn't forgotten about them, as a very small sleepy voice called them back to reality from the back seat.

"So romantic! Now Kurt, if you will just look at the road please, I've had my dose of accidents for the day, thank you. "


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning :   
> There is so heavy smut in this chapter. Like angst smut.   
> If those words bother you, you can skip the part. But you shouldn't because it gets better and explains also a lot.   
> The song featured in here is : So this is goodbye, by William Fitzsimmons. You should go listen to it while reading the part, it's a very beautiful song.

It was right before midnight when they finally made it to New York. The ride had been mostly silent, besides the radio playing softly in the background. Both men didn't say a word after the "Loving you" accident, not even exchanging a glance. Maybe it was because they wouldn't want to talk about it just now, before even thinking what it really meant for them. Maybe it was because Dianna had interrupted them and the moment was gone. Maybe because they just didn't want to talk about it in front of her, or maybe because they didn't want to wake her again if their talk got heated again. Anyway, Dianna was glad. Not that she had been able to sleep after that, but she just didn't want to have to hear about that just now. What it could mean for them and mostly for her. She wasn't really over the fact that her dad loved other men, that he didn't love her mommy, that also he wasn't even his dad, and her mom, her only "legal" parent was crazy. That was just a lot for a little girl to understand. She could bet it would be as confusing for a grown up. But it did happen to her, and it was enough for keeping her awake for the next five years. Well, at least for the ride.

She was struggling between different concepts that she wasn't old enough to understand. Her 4 years-old mind was full of philosophical concept about the question of love, and family and well, everything that high school students basically abhorred. What was she supposed to think? That's what bothered her the most. The fact that she wanted to know what the world asked her to think. But nobody would answer for her that question. She couldn't ask her dad or Kurt because they were too biased. She couldn't ask her mommy because well, apparently, she was medically crazy. Who was left? Her teacher? Well, she was in Boston, and still, she had been wrong before. She couldn't believe a word she would tell her now. Wasn't she supposed to be always right?

She couldn't ask her friends also. They were 4, just like her. Well, the thing is, there were not quite like her. She always knew she was smarter than them. Maybe it wouldn't be wise to ask people less developed than her. Well, that left her alone to figure out that stuff.

So what people wanted her to do? Because frankly, she didn't know what she wanted herself. So it would be easier if she could just conform to what people wanted, right? They would be happy, proud of her, right? She wouldn't get into trouble, right?

But the world was a confusing place. They just couldn't make up their mind already. Some though that men loving men or women loving women were a sin. Just ask the priest at the Sunday church her mom made her go too. But then again, she though that he wouldn't be pleased to hear that her mom had a kid out of marriage.

And then there were people like his father, who not only though that it was ok, but was actively experiencing it. Well, not actively. He experienced it for some time sure. Like a long time ago. And well, like right now also.

Did it go away? Can you love men and the suddenly love women and back and forth again? Because it was possible, then, some hope was possible that her daddy would be back with his mommy? Wait, would he want to go back? Could he forgive his mommy like a good Christian? Well, she didn't want to be mean, but he was already kind of not really a Christian because he loved other men, which according to father Patterson was a sin. So, why would he care about forgiveness and being Christian when he was already doomed?

Was he doomed? Dianna didn't want to believe so. After all, he was her father and she related to him. She saw him like his hero. Her hero can't have flaws. And what was his sin, after all? Loving an other human being? Loving Kurt? Being loved by Kurt? What was wrong in that? Maybe because they couldn't have children. That's what the priest and her teacher had said : only men and women could have children? Why so? After all, it's when people loved each other very much that they could have children, right? That's what they said. Well, obviously Kurt and her dad did love each other very much, that much she could tell. The way Kurt looked after her daddy and the way her daddy looked at him reminded her of how her mom looked often to him and her. So, if they loved each other very much, and if they tried hard, they could have kids right? If it needed proof, just look at Mary and her two mommies.

But the point wasn't really if Kurt and her daddy could have kids, though it was really something she would have to think about in the future. The point… what was the point really? Wow, she was confused. Let's rewind. Ok her daddy wasn't her daddy. Right, that was the bigger problem. She started to feel suddenly panicked when she though of someone actually coming to take her away from him. Could they do that? Could a policeman come and take her to her mommy, or other people because her mommy was crazy and they would probably have her committed into a hospital. She just didn't want to leave her dad, no matter his flaws. He had raised her, he took care of her, could they really ignore all that and just, like, take her away, and put him in jail for stealing a kid who's not his own?

She wouldn't think about that. Or she would start having nightmares. No, she was safe for now with her father. She was going to go away, somewhere where the Boston police, couldn't find her, somewhere in New York. With Kurt. That was scary also. Sure, the man seemed nice, and after all, he was her daddy – what exactly?- but she didn't know him very well. Maybe he was a serial killer!

She sighed. She couldn't think like that. It was silly. The man wasn't a serial killer. He was nice enough to take them, she, and her dad. Why was that so, by the way? Was he trying to befriend her? To win her over? Like over her mommy? So she could choose him over her mommy, and her daddy could live at peace with him? That, she wasn't sure if it was ok. She didn't know him, and she didn't want him to be his second daddy, for now. She still had a mommy. Sure she was crazy for the moment, but she liked to believe that that she would get better and regret everything she did. Like nothing happened. That would be really a mess if she went to live with Kurt. For sure, they wouldn't ask her opinion. They never asked her anything! That wasn't fair! So not fair! Why? Because she was a 4 year old, that she didn't understand? That it was matters for grown up people?

She just wanted to rise, and shout very loudly that she was also her, and she had feelings too! She's not just some casual damage that would hold her parents mood swings. If they were angry, they would just crash with her into a wall. And then when things got better, she would get dragged along to a new city, a new future, with a new person. She wasn't an emotional package that they could drag along!

What was the point of thinking all that stuff, anyway. No matter her own personal feelings, she would end up ending doing what they wanted her to do. They would oblige her to feel what they wanted her to feel. It wasn't about pleasing them anymore, or fitting into a model. It would be because she would have no choice. God, she hated being a kid! She had so many questions, none she could ask to the men in front of her, and she knew that somehow she would never get the real answers, the truthful answers she wanted. She would just get the answers that were appropriate for her age. Who decided anyway what was appropriate for her age or not?

When they finally arrived home, when Kurt showed them their room, before quickly making sure than none of them were hungry, when she finally put her PJs on and lied down on the bed with her father next to her, she realized that she had just spent 3 hours thinking about problems in her life that would be resolved by everyone but her. She was after all just a spectator in her own life, where people came and went, acted and resolved and she just had to witness the final result. With a smile, s'il vous plait.

 

When Blaine woke up the following morning, it took him more than a minute to remember where he was, and especially why he was here. Why he was in a estranged bed, with his daughter curled up next to him, her tiny arms around his waist, like she was holding him in fear that he would disappear if she let go. But her expression was peaceful and he, at least, thanked god for that. His poor baby had been through so much in the last 2 days, so he was glad she was still able to sleep without having nightmares. He couldn't say that much for him. He had had some bad dreams that night, but he was sure that it wasn't what had woken him up. Nor the aching pain that was eating his brain alive. Like a fucking hangover. But he hadn't drink the night before. In fact, as soon as they arrived at Kurt's apartment, they just went to bed. Kurt just directed them toward the bedroom without a single word if good night. They hadn't talked about the giant elephant in the room,. The L word that Kurt pronounced. The word he had been dying to say all this time. The word that meant the world for him. The only thing that reassured him that what he was feeling toward Kurt wasn't just a pure product of his imagination.

He had been overwhelmed to hear it, much more than he though he would feel. After all, he was sure than Kurt loved him after their talk, yesterday. But it was something else to actually hear it. Not that it changed anything.

No actually, as much as he wanted it to be the other way, that didn't change a thing. They loved each other but nothing else was resolved. He was still in the biggest mess ever and Kurt, no matter what had been said between them was going to help him. Right? He was going to, there was no way Blaine could handle it alone otherwise. Kurt was his rock, his everything. He had given him a roof, a hope when he had none. He had taken him in his home, with his daughter, to be safe.

That's where he was presently. He was in the spare bedroom of Kurt Hummel where he had spent the night, reminiscing this thoughts, until he fell asleep at sometimes around 3. He felt still so tired, and slowly, with precaution, worrying about not waking up his daughter, he turn around to see the time on the alarm clock. 10:13 am. Way to early for Blaine, when he wanted nothing more than to seek more profoundly into the bed, and forget about the rest of the world.

But a sudden knock on the front door startled him. That's what had woken him up in the first place! He remembered now hearing the same sound, in what he though was a dream, along with people shouting. People who were currently talking loudly from the other side of the wall. He considered getting up and go to the door to ask whoever those people were to just shut it up and let them sleep, regardless of who they were. He barely remembered that he wasn't home, already getting up, before he heard Kurt's quick footsteps beating him to the front door. The door unlock and the chaos got released.

Kurt was half asleep when he opened the door. It was mostly the annoyance of the knocking sound that had made him finally get up and walk to open the door. He was going to say to those people, who ever they were, to just go back from where they came and leave them the hell alone. He didn't care what time it was, or anything, it just wasn't acceptable that those people were to break his door. He didn't quite recognized their voices, as they were shouting unintelligible stuff, half awake as he was. But not for long.

As soon as he opened the door, a veritable chaos erupted, like he just marched into hell. Hands grabbed him, and arms pushed him, urging him to stand aside, and no less than 5 people entered his home, not caring about his protests. It was only when he turned to face him, that he actually recognized them. He shouldn't have been surprised really to see Mercedes, Sam, Finn, Rachel and Wes, standing in his hallway, with different expression of anger upon their faces. They were truly furious at him, without even saying a word. And suddenly, he was totally awake, ready to face them, to fight them if necessarily. Because he knew that there would be a fight. That he would have to explain his choices, to them, to others, but mostly, he would have to explain it to himself. Was he ready? He wasn't sure of that, but it's not like they were giving him any possible delay.

"White boy, you better have some damn good explanations for missing the show and freakin' disappearing on us without answering your phone or/and your girl!" Mercedes was angry, but Kurt could tell that she was also concerned for him. She was studying him from head to toe, and he wondered what she saw. Sure, he must have looked like hell, his hair super messy and his skin non-moisturized. He must have had some pockets under his eyes, because of the sleep deprivation he was under for at least a week. But somehow he though that it wasn't was concerned her the most. She didn't got the time to ask, thought, as Rachel took her clue to start yelling.

"Kurt, do you know what you have done. Do you understand what might have happened if Ian hadn't been ready? You could have jeopardized all of our careers. Even with my immense talent, it could not have been enough. We're lucky that Ian was good. Not as good as you, but still, we had to manage."

Before Kurt could respond in any form, Wes took over.

"Kurt, I know you don't like me bossing you around, but it was fine when you actually did your job! I don't fucking care if your Ant is sick or your cat is dying, I'm still your boss, and I need a fucking good reason if you decide to not show up. Hell, I even decide if you cannot show up! I can fire you if want, and after what you just pull on me yesterday, hanging up on me, and not answering my following calls, I seriously consider the idea!"

Kurt just got the time to open his mouth, without any actual sound coming from it, before Finn tried to talk in order to calm everybody down.

"Jeez, relax I'm sure the man has a perfect good reason for not being here. Besides Broadway is his life, maybe it was really urgent"

"I don't care! I don't fucking care. He can tell me whatever the reason is, unless he's dying or got hit by a car? You didn't get hit by a car, did you? Apparently you're not nor dead, nor dying, so what the fuck is wrong with you? Huh? "

Kurt kept looking at him mouth hanging open. Maybe it was his clue to talk, because apparently everybody had shut up and was waiting for him to answer an apparently easy question. Well, that was the problem. The question was everything but easy. What had he been doing really? How much was he allowed to say? How much could he say, in his own interest? How could he explain his actions when himself, hadn't took the time to think about it?

He was still processing the though, and his friends were still waiting, hanging as every breath, for him to say anything, something, that would make everything clearer, better. But the answer didn't came from him. It just couldn't. Because it wasn't about him. It was all about the other man. Blaine was the only one who could explain it all, make sense into everything. And so he did.

"Sorry, guys, it's all my fault"

To say that it was the least person they expected to come out from Kurt's room in only his underwear and a marcel was an understatement. The shock that spread into their faces as they spun around to see Blaine standing behind them, was almost comical. They got silenced to death as they watched in disbelief the half asleep man standing in the room, casually, as if he had always been there. Well, almost like he used too, when him and Kurt made only one. Mercedes raised her finger to point at him as if she didn't really believe his presence, but other than that, didn't manage to actually say a thing. Rachel had a similar expression of shock, with her mouth hanging open like a goldfish, in a very unattractive way. But who cared? The other 3 men were as dumbstruck as the ladies, Finn more confused than he had ever been. But for once, he was glad that at least he wasn't the only one. He turned to look at Wes and Sam, who just shrugged, unable to explain to him anything.

Kurt turned to Blaine, his eyes urging him to say something. To explain it all. But apparently, Blaine hadn't think over his dramatic entrance. He was as lost as the others, not sure how he should proceed.

They didn't know how long they actually stayed silent, just looking at each other, shocked by the vision of two men sharing the apartment, trying to figure out what might have happened. It was clear that each of their friends were building multiple scenarios in their head, which could explain it all. Mercedes had the more vivid imagination. She didn't want to believe that Kurt had actually forgiven Blaine and had let him come back into his life. How could he after all that happened? She had witnessed her friend depression after Blaine left, and she had felt his pain as if it was her own. And truly she had been as hurt as he was, not only because it was heartbreaking to see her best friend broken, but also because she had deeply cared about Blaine as a friend. She had cursed him, and wished everything bad in this world when he had left. But as she had admitted to her friends earlier this week, she still had hope. She couldn't believe that the man would just go away without any good reason. Even a blind man could have seen how Blaine was smitten about Kurt, how they were each other's everything. Sometimes it was almost sickening to watch, but she had never felt sicker when they was nothing left. She had tried to help her friend as much as she could but she knew that she could never fill the gasp that he had left in Kurt's heart. But she still tried. And Kurt did get better. Well, in the process, he had changed a lot. It was hard for him to make new friends, and he didn't trust anyone anymore. He was too afraid to be left again or disappointed. She knew it even if he couldn't admit it himself; She knew that every time he got involved with some guy, he tried his best to stay emotionally unattached, and terminated things before it got too intimate. He always blamed the other guy, found him a flaw but she knew it was because he was just too scared to feel and be hurt again.

But somehow she had hope. That someday she would wake up and realize that it had been just a fucking nightmare. That Blaine would be here, would come back, and Kurt would come back to the way he was. And her dream realized, just not the way she had planned on it. Blaine did resurface, but she never though she'd be so unhappy to see him again. Because it was now even more painful for her friend. She knew of course that he still loved him, but it didn't matter. It brought back so many bad memories that he had tried to left behind them, and she just wished that her dream would never got realized.

But it did, and now, Blaine was here! In Kurt's apartment, in his underwear! What the actual fuck was happening? Did Kurt, her Kurt, the man who was so strong and courageous, just forgive him? Let him back into his life, just like that?

"Oh, Hell to the no!"

They all jumped in shock at Mercedes sudden burst of rage. She was still pointing at Blaine's chest, but now it was more menacing than anything else. But she had sat on the couch's arm, as if she was too shaken to hold herself on her feet.

"Cedes, it's not what you think…" tried to explain Kurt, in an almost begging voice. He glanced at Blaine, more desperate than ever for him to explain it all. But they didn't want Blaine to explain, they wanted him! But Kurt had lost all his diva manners, all his best words. He was as confused as them, because truly he had no explanation of his actions. He only knew that when Blaine called crying, he started acting, and forgot about thinking. He just went to help him, and brought him back, without really thinking if it was the best idea. What it would mean for him, for his life, for his future. He just took it one step at a time, without looking ahead. And now, he realized what a fool he had been!

"Dude, you better explain to me why the guy is doing here, because, I swear, on grilled Cheesus, that I will kill him otherwise!" Finn had came to the point where he just didn't tried to explain it to himself anymore. He was confused, and that was it. But he was also angry. Angry to see the man that had broken his little brother. The man that left him, Finn, trying to patch up the pieces, and failed. It had been a test to see if he could take care of his brother and he had failed again, just like in High school. And Blaine, was now a constant reminder of his failures. And that was just more than he could support.

"Finn, please calm down." Kurt took his brother's arm who did look like he was judging to best way to terminate Blaine, and made him sit on the couch. He wasn't really willing too but he did what he was asked. "Everybody, just please sit, I'll explain everything"

Everyone looked at him in disbelief as if they were not sure if Kurt's explanation would make anything ok, but they still did what they were told, their eyes locked on Blaine, who wished something could burry him six feet under, right about now.

"You" said Kurt, turning to Blaine, "go put some clothes on, and get back here quickly. You've got some stories to tell".

Blaine didn't need to be asked twice. He ran to his room, leaving Kurt and his friends judging each other. Oh god, what a mess! What had been thinking? That he could come here with Kurt and everything would be ok? What an idiot! Besides Quinn had warned him it would happen. But he never though it would be so soon. When he got back to the room, he saw that Dianna was apparently still sleeping. God bless her age and her ability to sleep through anything. It was a pain when they had to wake her up for school but now, he wished she could continue to sleep like all day. Because there was no way that he would be able to deal with her on top of the others. Others, who by the way were still waiting for him, to come up with a perfect explanation. I knew they waited more than just the reason he was here today. They waited for him to make amends, to explain his behavior for the past 5 years, even though he was sure Kurt had told them the story. Or did he? But it didn't matter because he felt that he would be marching to his own trial, with no chance of ever winning. No matter what he would say, they had already made up their mind about the guillotine.

That wasn't something that he was looking forward to face, but he obliged himself to turn away from his daughter's sight and quickly put a some jeans and a shirt on, after rumbling in his bag. He owed Kurt to be quick.

Kurt, who, while Blaine dressed himself, was attacked in every way by his friends.

"White boy, don't tell me that you two …" But Mercedes didn't finish her sentence because everyone knew what she meant by it. She couldn't finish it either because the possibility was too much of a … well… a nightmare, maybe?

"No! No, I swear nothing like that happened!" said quickly Kurt, before they could assume anything else.

"You'd better not Hummel, or I will cut you both!"

"There is no need, Mercedes" Blaine had reappeared into the living room, freshly dressed but still very uncomfortable. For what it was worth, he might have been naked, with all the eyes scanning him from head to toe.

"You" said Wes, pointing to Blaine, "sit and explain. Or god help me, I'll smash your head with my gavel. Oh yes I kept it" He took it from his pocket and pointed it to Blaine, who eyes popped out. "I was planning on using it on Hummel, but you, deserves it far more."

"Oh, shut up, Wes!" sighed Kurt

"Yes, shut up Wes" added Sam. "Shut up everyone. Let those two speak. Maybe we will actually understand what's happening here!"

"I don't care! How could you forgive him, Kurt?" started to shout Rachel, almost crying. "How could you after everything he put you through? Did you forget that he left you like a piece of shit? Did you forget how you looked when he went away? How you couldn't eat if nobody forced the food in your mouth? How you refused to get up from bed for months? How you didn't talk anymore? How you'd just lock yourself in a room a cry? Do you remember? Because, Kurt, if you don't, well I do! Because Kurt, I did too. I did cry when you cried. I even stayed in bed with you for days comforting you. Hell, we all lived it too! So Kurt, don't tell us to shut up, don't tell us that it's not what we think, because you have no idea what we think! You have no idea how much I want to punch him, kick him, and make him cry for what he did to you. For what he did to us all! Because Kurt you were never the same after, and we were never the same together! And it's all his fucking fault! He's a freaking curse! "

Nobody knew how to answer to that. They had never, never seen Rachel loose her temper like that. Sure she was very determinate girl, but she had never been so emotional about someone like that. Not even Finn. She had never cursed or blamed someone to misery like she just did. And that shocked them all. They just stared at her, eyes wide, even her husband, while she began to grasp what she just had said. She suddenly buried herself into Finn's chest, and started crying her heart out. Finn put his arms around her, and flicked the most disgusted look ever to Blaine. But before he could say anything, a tiny sleepy voice, raised behind them.

"Don't say that about my daddy! He's a good man"

 

Their head spun to see where the voice came from. In front of them, stood a little girl, that could not be over 4, in her PJ's, her blond hair all over the place, eyes red and swollen, looking scared by the people in the room. If Blaine's apparition had shook them, it was nothing alike when they saw her. Rachel's head raised from where it was buried too look in complete awe at the baby girl in front of her, like she had never seen a child in her life. Mercedes forgot what she was about to say, and just stared at the teary kid who run into Blaine's arms, completely panicked. They all went silent once again, trying to understand what the hell was happening again.

"Ok, who's that?" asked Finn, eventually, snapping from his surprise

"Finn, everyone, that's my daughter Dianna" said Blaine, rubbing his hand over his daughter's hair, trying to calm her.

"Huh?"

"Never seen a kid before Finn?" snapped Kurt, who started to get really angry at his friends behavior. Sure, he didn't tell them what happened, but it was not a reason to burst into his home, and start attacking him and Blaine, like that! They didn't even let him the time to explain himself, for god sake.

"Ok dude, don't play smarty on me. We are just trying to protect you and you are being a bitch. If you want to ruin your life, fine, we'll live you alone!" shouted back Finn, raising his hands in the air.

"Calm down you two." Said suddenly Sam. He didn't want to get involved too much because he was way too confused to actually make into words his thoughts and fears. But now the situation was getting out of hand, everybody on the edge of loosing it. He needed to remain the calm one, the strong one, before it got too messy. Especially that there was a young girl involved now. By the way, what the hell, was she doing here?

"Huh… Kurt" begun with precaution Rachel, "What are THEY doing here? Did you steal a kid or what? "

"It's a long story…" sighed Kurt

"Now, white boy, I don't care. We have all freaking day and you, my friend, ain't going nowhere before you tell us everything!" Mercedes wasn't used to be left in the dark and she certainly didn't like it.

"Please don't hurt my daddy" asked suddenly Dianna, holding her head from her father's chest and turning to look at everyone of them. Her tone was pleading and it was heartbreaking to see how scared she was.

"Nobody is going to hurt your daddy, sweetie" tried to comfort her Kurt. He tried to grab her hand, but she pushed him away.

"They are! These people, your friends, they are. They said they would! There are mean people! " Cried Dianna, despite Blaine's desperate attempts to make her relax.

"Shit" mumbled Finn. "listen, Dianna, I'm sorry, I won't hurt your daddy. I was just mad, ok? I won't hurt him. Don't worry."

"You promise?"

"Yeah… I promise" groaned Finn, against his will

"Ok. And the rest of you"? asked Dianna with an unsure voice, turning to look at Rachel and Mercedes.

"We promise " said in the same time the women. Mercedes added: "I promise that no one will touch your daddy, ok? We are going to behave ourselves. Can you forgive us for being mad?"

Dianna seemed to think it all for a minute, before she finally responded : "Ok I guess it's ok then. I think I'll go change, and after that, we all gonna take a brunch, because I'm starving."

And on that note, she left the room.

"Ok, Can I say it? ….What the actual fuck ?" asked Wes, as soon as they heard the girl close the door of her room.

"That was my daughter, Dianna" repeated Blaine, because apparently that was all he could think about.

"Already said that, dude. Good, she's your daughter. But what the hell are she doing here? Better, what are YOU doing here?"

"He's here Finn, because I asked him to come." Finally said Kurt. He was well aware by this point, that Blaine was incapable to explain anything, and that he should it himself quickly, before they would all snap on him. He was going to be able to hide anything from them, as much as he wanted too. He was cornered against a wall, and there was no escape. His only chance was to talk when he only wanted to make them disappear.

"Ok, but Why? Why would you do that when he…"

"I know what he did, Rachel, please stop reminiscing the past"

"Stop reminiscing the past? Stop reminiscing the past? Are you crazy or what? Do you hear yourself Kurtie? That's ridiculous. We reminisce the past because that's what Blaine was! The fucking past ! Not your freakin present!"

"Listen Cedes, some stuff happened and I just couldn't ignore it. I had to help him!" yelled Kurt like he was begging them to stop harassing him.

"What stuff?" asked calmly Sam

"'"

"Huh?" asked everyone at the same time surprised to hear Blaine make his ultimate confession, in one long unintelligible sentence.

"What did you just say?" asked Finn, who was starting to believe that after all, maybe it was true, he was really slow and dumb. But it kind of comforted him that no one had the slightest idea of what Blaine had just said, including Kurt. Well, Kurt maybe had no idea, but Rachel apparently possessed the Blaine translate program.

"He said that his wife and him got into a fight and he told her he was gay and she told him Dianna wasn't his kid and she tricked him so he could marry her. And she kicked him out so he called Kurt who joined him there. And then Lisa who was made because of the fight crashed her car with the kid in it. So Kurt decided to bring them both to NY, right?" repeated with a monotone voice Rachel, not really grasping what the words meant.

It took them all a while after that, even Rachel, to the words to sink in. It was almost funny, to see them all process Rachel words as if they were resolving some math problem or something. Finn was even mouthing the words slowly to make sense into them. Kurt was staring at them, in disbelief, wondering if they were all mentally retarded. Blaine held the same expression upon his face, waiting for someone to finally react. The girls were the first to recover.

"Wait, what?" finally snapped Rachel

"Seriously, white boy?"

"Yeah, seriously.'

It wasn't Kurt or Blaine that got to respond, but Dianna who just reappeared into the living room, now fully dressed, and apparently fully aware of what have been said between the adults.

"Now, for the details, and the whole story, can we wait after we eat, because I'm starving and I really to go out. I want food and air, please."

The little girl waited for them to say something, anything, but the adults all hold the same dumb expression on their faces. They kept looking at her, studying her, as if she wasn't really real, as if what was happening wasn't possibly real. Well, air would do them good, that was for sure. If she was too smart for her own good, well, these people, were way too retarded for their own good.

Aware now that nobody would move if she didn't act, she decided to just go the door, and open it, waiting for someone to decide to follow her. They all stared at her a bit more before the tall, giant guy, finally snapped out of his daydreaming and followed her.

"Yeah, food. Good idea. Need refuel to think. Let's go".

They all just shook their head in disbelieve but followed him nonetheless. Yeah, maybe they really needed air and/or food. They never felt so hopeless, so confused in their entire life and the news they just got, made their head spun fast. Yeah, air, good idea.

Blaine, was the last one to go out. He wasn't really looking forward to keep this conversation going, but he knew, that now that the truth was the open, there would be way to avoid the glances and the question. He was still relieved that they knew, but he knew he would regret it soon enough. They would look at him weirdly, and judge him, for what he did. Some might even pity him and he didn't like it. Things had definitely changed between him and the people who used to be his best friends. Even Wes had come to despise him, when the two men were practically inseparable during so many years. It had hurt so badly to see how he though of him now. It hurt to see how every single one of them had blamed him, had cursed him, and had even compared him to a fucking disease. He didn't think he deserved it. Not that much. He had also suffered, he had also cried and locked himself into his room. He had been also miserable. But they didn't care about that. They just cared about Kurt, their friend. Not their ex-friend, Blaine. Everything had changed.

"Quick dude, I'm hungry"

Blaine raised his head to see Finn urging him to close the door behind him, and follow them. He couldn't suppress a smile then. He had been wrong before. Some things definitely remained the same.

 

The walk to the restaurant was a strange one. Somehow, Mercedes and Dianna got on the top of the crowd, walking next to each other, extraordinarily close for two people who just met. But maybe there was something about Mercedes that was comforting for Dianna, even though she just had been threatening her dad. But she still seemed sincere in her apologies, and truth to be told, Dianna sensed that she could be fun. Mercedes on the other hand, had planned it. She knew that even the little girl was 4, she though she could get more information from her than from the two other men. She could be more willing to talk, and easier to persuade. She wasn't proud to manipulate a little girl but the woman didn't like how her friend acted. She needed to get to the bottom of this mess.

"Are you ok sweetheart? Did you really get into an accident?" asked Mercedes, concerned

"Yeah, but it's ok I have super powers" said the little girl seriously.

"super powers?"

"Yeah, Kurt said so. Because we crashed into my daddy's car and I was fine. So I must have super powers."

"Right. Make sense."

"I'm kidding! Do you really believe that super powers exist ?"

"No, I guess not."

"You're not fun."

"Hey, you're the one who said that super powers didn't exist!"

"No I said I didn't believe that I had super powers, not that I didn't think it existed." Ok, definitely a smarty kid. That should be interesting.

"right".

"So you're no fun cause you don't believe"

"I'm fun"

"No, you're funny."

"What?"

"Yeah, the way you dress, is funny."

"No it's not funny it's fashionable. What do you know about clothes anyway?"

"Enough to know that you look like a zebra, but with colors"

"that's a Technicolor zebra"

"Why are you smiling?"

"Because I heard that before."

"See? I told you so! You're funny looking!"

"you have other comments about my appearance, you hater?"

"Na, but I wanted to ask you something"

"Shoot, it's not like I can stop you anyway"

"How is Kurt?"

"Kurt is nice, he's the best friend you could possibly ask for"

"Yeah, he seems nice. And he loves daddy, that's good I ask. Because Mommy doesn't love him anymore. He needs someone to love him."

"I suppose..."

"But you don't like the fact that they love each other…"

"It's more because your daddy, well… he…he…"

"He hurt Kurt, right?"

"Right."

"Ok but he's sorry. I know he is. Can't you give him a second chance? Are you Christian?"

"Yeah, I am…"

"so you're supposed to believe in second chances. That's what father Patterson says. "

"You're right I guess. I suppose I should forgive him. I'll try, I promise"

"Ok then you're a good Christian. But I have an other question. "

"I'm sure you do."

"You're supposed to forgive because you're a Christian, right? But what happens when what you are supposed to forgive is considered a sin?"

"Huh?"

"Yeah, father Patterson says that men loving men or women loving women are sinners and they will go to hell."

"You shouldn't believe what father Patterson says."

"Yeah, I guess it's still love right? All you need is love, right? Wait, I'm not sure that God said that…."

"Me neither… still, like your daddy says, you fall in love with a person, not a gender."

"Right. But god forbids it. Father Patterson thinks it a sin, and still, you tell yourself a Christian and you say it's ok. So who should I believe?"

"Me, I guess…"

"But father Patterson said that he had been chosen by god. And apparently you did not. So if we are logical your interpretation of the religion is wrong, and he's right…"

"Huh, I guess we have different… huh, styles…"

"I don't understand…"

"Well, to say the truth, me neither. What is your point actually?"

"Is what my daddy doing, wrong?"

"Do you think it's wrong?"

"No"

"Well, that's the most important thing I guess. The rest is between god and your daddy. Maybe they have their own agreement."

"Like a contract. Like when you promise to be good, and in return you get candy?"

"Mhm… just like that… just like candy…"

"Ok. But I have an other question"

"I have the feeling you have a hundred more. Shoot babe"

"Ok, Father Patterson says you can't have kids when two people are from the same… gender… like you say. But Mommy and my teacher said that kids were born when two people loved each other very much, right?"

"Yeah.. right"

"So, if daddy and Kurt love each other very much, can they have kids? Because I don't want that."

"…"

"Because, well, I don't know Kurt yet, and If they have a baby, well, he's gonna be my brother or sister and Kurt my step dad. Wait, can he be, if my dad is not even my dad and if…"

"Wow, wow calm down here white girl. You're killing me"

"Ok, so you say they can have kids because they love each other. But mommy didn't really love the man she was with, when she had me. She said she was drunk. I've seen people drunk. They don't look in love. They look at each other as if they were people to eat. You know, in cartoons, when the Lion sees the man, and imagine him as a steak? And anyone being drunk is a sin also, so how can a kid, can come from that?"

"Huh?"

"Mercedes?"

"Maybe when people are drunk… huh… they think they're in love?".

"So you just have to think it? So my daddy never thought he loved my mommy? That's why I don't have a little sister or brother?"

"Huh, I guess?"

"But if like now, I think I love you and you think you love me, you could have a baby?"

"Huh? What kind of creepy question is that, sister?"

"No, because I feel like someone is lying to me. Are you lying to me Mercedes?"

"Me?"

"Yeah you, because you think I'm too little to understand ?"

"Oh no, sweetheart, I think that ship has sailed with candy on board. Let me tell you that, you're too smart for you own good.".

"Heard that before. That's old news. "

"good for you"

"I feel like I'm 8. And you act like a teenager."

"I'm 16 then. So twice your age. I know better"

"You won't answer my question, right?"

"huh.. non… dear god no, I ain't sign up for that"

"So next question…"

"Can you just lay down on the questions, please? "

"No, not until we go eat."

"shit."

"don't swear. Daddy says it's bad to swear"

"Well, I want to hang myself but I can't, so I swear."

"you're way too dramatic."

"Heard that before, old story."

"Good for you. Now, next question"

"are they gonna put my mommy in a hospital for the crazy and take me from my daddy?"

"What?"

"My mommy is crazy and my daddy is not my daddy right?"

"But he is…"

"No, she said he's not, but I still love him."

"Of course you do."

"But I love my mommy too and I know I'm not supposed too."

"Why not?"

"Because he hates her and she's crazy, duh. But even if she's crazy, I still love her. But I want to please him. I want to be able to react the way he wants me too. Because he knows better."

"No, you're supposed to act the way you want to. You're not supposed to please your daddy or anyone else, babe. Hell to the no. your job, like a wise man said once, is to be who you are and your parents job is to love you no matter what."

"No matter what? And if I do something bad, wrong, like if I grow up and get drunk, does he have to support me?"

"Huh… no?"

"So I have to do what I want without trying to please the others, but I still have to please them?"

"Huh, Yes?"

"You're confusing. I'm confused."

"Believe me, I'm too, babe"

"That's a confusing world"

"Amen to that Sister!"

They high fived.

"Ok next question… Well, you didn't answer my last one…"

Mercedes sighed. Why the hell did she though talking the girl was a good idea again? One thing for sure, she would think about it twice before she would sign up for having kids. The aching pain in her head said that it wouldn't be for right now, or the next five years.

 

A few steps behind them followed Blaine and Wes. It was a way less civil conversation, as Wes was clearly still angry with the man.

"Fuck Blaine, what are you doing here? You know, I don't care what happened to you, if you have fucking good reasons! Good for you, bad for you, whatever. But Blaine, you have no right to come back like that in Kurt's life, with all your problems and emotional luggage!"

"Wes, please…" almost begged Blaine, for Wes to listen to him. Not only it hurt him more, but it started to make him angry to see all these people not caring about him and keeping blaming him like he had no feelings. Yeah, he felt like shit, he felt bad, that was enough!

"Blaine, I was your best friend! Your fucking best friend, with David! And you just betrayed me, as you betrayed Kurt. I'm fucking mad ok?"

"How is David? You two are still together?" snapped back Blaine, before he could refrain himself.

"Fuck you Blaine. We are not together, and we were never been. David is married with a lovely woman, and is madder than me at you, if possible. He though more than once about taking my gavel and follow to the end of earth to put some sense back into you"

"Still obsessed about this gavel, Wes, I swear there are some therapy groups for that kind of stuff, man, you should get informed."

"Fuck you!"

Blaine kept teasing him, being mean at his former best friend. He knew he was being a bitch, that he had no right of doing that. That he should just shut up and taking it all in like a man. But he wasn't a man, he was just a coward who had always flecked in front of problems. He flecked or he attacked back. Throwing low blows when he should be humble.

 

Behind them, Sam, Finn, Kurt and Rachel were bickering like old ladies.

"Kurt, what where you thinking! You can't allow Blaine to come live with you!"

"I don't know Sam… I really don't…"

"Well, you should have!" Yelled Rachel "You should have though about it! I'm not saying you should have hung up on him when he called you, but you shouldn't have either went to get him and made him and his daughter come back with you!"

"Yeah, dude, you owe the guy nothing! Stop being so chev… like a knight or whatever!"

"It's called being Chivalrous, Finn." Sighed Kurt

"Whatever dude. My point is that you can't go rescue people, and especially Blaine!"

"After what he did to you, how can you? I mean it's like every time you see him you go blind and deaf and forget about everything else but him. You just run to him like a good puppy trying to please him. I'm sorry but it's true Kurt!" added Rachel, out of control

"Yeah, and the thing is, dude he knows it. He knows that's you will freaking be there for him. Always. And he takes advantage of that, dude! He just packs his stuff, run away with his daughter and comes to lean on you, expecting you to take care of everything!"

"doesn't ring a bell Kurt? It's exactly what he did with his wife. He run away from you because it was too much of efforts to make things better, to hang on, and just went into the arms of an other woman, expecting her to make things better, easier!"

"I know dude, that he has been through a lot, I'm not insensitive! Don't you look at me like that Kurt, I'm not! As much as I want to deny it, yes the guy had been through a lot, and maybe, maybe, you don't hate him that much after you heard his story. But Kurt, you are not supposed to run rescue him when he calls you crying! You can maybe, maybe comfort him, like… a friend… and even, maybe, advise him to take a lawyer or something, and even, maybe but in last result, suggest him to come to NY, to change scenery, but not at your freaking place! Not at your home! Can't he take a hotel, he and his daughter like freakin' everybody else?"

They continued aggressing him from all parts, but Kurt stop listening. After all, they were pretty much repeating themselves, always coming back to the same point. And Kurt, had gotten the point. Oh yes, he did! He was starting to realize, that maybe what he did was not at all the best course of action. That maybe he should have though about it a bit more, before leaping into it. He should have listened to Quinn, he should have called his other friends, Mercedes, Rachel, Finn, because they were so much less prejudiced. Because like they said, he had been blind. And since the moment Blaine had called, he didn't think a moment to grasp what it all meant for him. If he would be able to survive being Blaine's friend, mentor and rock? Better than that, did he really had to do it? Apparently not, because he owed him nothing. Nothing if not the truth. And the truth… What was the truth? The truth maybe was that he had no fucking idea what he was doing. He though that he could handle everything but maybe he couldn't. He though that helping Blaine could maybe a sort of redemption. Because he did felt guilty in that mess too. Maybe doing something so selfish, would bring him good? He was never a man of faith but he believe in destiny. Well, actually, since he met Blaine. But now he realized that there was a line between destiny and blindness. He was being blind, just going with the flow, not taking the time to ponder his actions. He was like the fool who just followed the masses and was manipulated by others. By Blaine? Was he really manipulated. Maybe Blaine didn't do it on purpose but still, they were right, he was taking the best of him and Kurt was letting him. And what scared Kurt the most, wasn't how the world could see him be such a fool, but how Blaine could be too. And that, he couldn't bear it. He couldn't bear being manipulated like he had always been by others people trying to enjoy his fame. He had always been left afterwards. Blaine did leave him once too. So, who told him, that after all, he wouldn't leave him again? That after taking everything from him, he would just disappear into the shadows again? He wasn't sure he would survive it this time.

 

They finally made it to the restaurant after what seemed an eternity to Mercedes, Blaine and Kurt. The woman was finally able to get rid of the little girl, who quickly ate some pancakes before heading to the playground in the courtyard. Maybe she had sensed that the following conversation wouldn't be something she wanted to be part of. In any case, Blaine wouldn't have let her, because she wasn't big enough to hear what he would tell the others. His story. The whole thing. He knew somehow that now was the time to tell them everything. To make them understand that it wasn't really his choice to leave. That he had been through a lot himself, especially in the past couple of days. That he was beyond sorry for what had happened but he was hurting too. He wanted them to understand that he needed help. That even though, he had done bad things, they should try to forgive him. Or at least, be decent with him. He was only a human being, with his flaws and uncertainties. That he had only done what he though was right at the time. Help his father, be there for his mother and he knew he should have asked for Kurt's help but he really though at the moment that it was the best for him. That he should protect him from all that mess. And after that, everything went too fast. He didn't remember even how he found himself married, with a kid, in a brand new city. Sometimes life just decides for you. But they had to know also, that he never stopped thinking about Kurt. That he had been miserable everyday without him. And when he saw him back, it had been like someone had smashed a gavel upon his head (that line especially, made Wes smirk). That his whole world got shattered and he couldn't pretend living in a lie anymore. Because the truth had been presented in front of his eyes. He couldn't deny it anymore. So when he came back to Boston, he had changed. Oh so much, even his daughter had noticed. And then from there, it all escalated. They yelled, and they cursed each other, and then finally the door kicked wide open. He finally stop denying who he was, and she denied more. She denied him his the only proof of his manhood, his purpose. She denied him the ability to have a child. And then, she emasculated him a bit more when she kicked him out. Oh yes, he had never felt lesser like a man. And the only one who could make him feel like a wanted man again was Kurt. So he called him. He knew he could lean on him, that he would be able to make him feel better. Because, he knew, that he still loved him. Oh yes, he knew just by seeing him in the hospital. He was his constant, his rock. And he just let him took charge of everything because from the moment Kurt answered, he felt home.

He didn't quite admit the last part though. He felt like his friends wouldn't take it well. So he just told them the rest of the story and waited for their reaction, their sentence.

It took them a long time to recover from the story. Mercedes and Rachel had even spread some tears at some point, he could tell, even if they were trying to hide it. He knew there were making their most to try to stay mad at him, but somehow, they couldn't stop being moved by his story. Even pity him. He didn't like the pity. But if it was what it took to have their forgiveness, than he would take it gladly. He had to softened them up a bit so he could stay with Kurt. Because he didn't want to leave the man just yet, he needed him so much.

"Well, As much as I hurts to say it, I'm sorry white boy" finally said Mercedes. She had a mélange of expression upon her face : sadness, pity and something that looked like the determination that Rachel often wore. The determination of not letting herself get fooled by the man. She knew better.

"Yeah, it sucks dude, especially for the daughter part" added Sam, because well it was something he could understand. He would have hated to discover that the kid he though he had fathered was someone else's. Not something a man needs to hear to feel confident.

"I'm sorry that your parents were so… huh.. mean to you. I know it must not have been easy. Really" added Rachel, but she didn't stop here. "Still, you must understand that it doesn't make everything ok, right? Because you could have stepped up like a man or you could have leaned on Kurt and/or us. You should have."

"Coulda, shoulda, you can build a whole new world with those words. You didn't. Just understand that even though we understand what you've been through, we still don't trust you, sorry." Said sincerely Wes, gazing at Blaine.

"Dude, Kurt, was Blaine the "friend" you were talking about in your GLAAD speech about loosing his way?" asked suddenly Finn, looking with suspicion at Kurt

"Huh.. I guess… " admitted Kurt embarrassed. He knew that Finn had blown it. No way he could still look unaffected by Blaine, when his brother just admitted that he had wrote a speech about him, in a national convention. Suddenly he was really angry at Finn's stupidity and well, his own also.

Kurt was right. Blaine heard the words and something extraordinary happened inside him. He felt like he had won. Like he had been right all along. Kurt couldn't forget about him and couldn't let him down. He would help him because like he had said, Blaine had lost his way and Kurt could be the one who would show him the way back. Blaine felt suddenly so much lighter.

The awkwardness of the moment got thankfully interrupted as Dianna came back rushing inside.

"Daddy, Daddy, I met this amazing little girl. She's 6, she's super nice, she said she's going to the park, can I go please, please, please, play with her" begged Dianna, with cute puppy eyes. They girls couldn't help but melt at her sight.

"Sweetheart, I can't I'm sorry. I'm tired I want to go home and sleep" sighed Blaine

"But I'm not tired!" whined Dianna

"I'll take her. Just go sleep" said Mercedes before she could think about it. Wait, what? Why did she volunteer exactly? This girl was annoying the hell out of her, so why did she said she would take her to the park? Oh yes, damn those puppy eyes!

"Yeay, thank you cedes!" screamed the little girl, with a huge grin on her face. She ran to hug Mercedes, who immediately regretted her animosity toward her.

"Yeah, we'll take care of her." Added Rachel, looking lovingly at Dianna. "You two just go rest and.. huh… figure stuff out, ok?"

"You're sure? She's quite handful…"

"Yeah, don't worry Blaine. We will look after her" said Sam "you two have a lot to talk about".

As tempting the idea of sleeping sounded, without caring about his daughter, Blaine wasn't totally at ease either. Kurt looked kind of reluctant and even angry. But he knew he would have to face the man someday, and clear the air. He just hoped he would be able to do it after sleeping. But something in Kurt's expression, made him think that he shouldn't dream about it.

 

They finally separated around 2 pm, after having the most awkward and intense brunch known to men. They were all relieved to see the lunch over but they knew this was far from ever. Just like said Mercedes to Blaine, before picking up his kid, when she promised that they would talk again and soon. And in the mean time, he'd better behave or she would cut him. He would gladly believe her. Actually he started to regret a bit coming here, knowing that even if Kurt was kind to help, they would surely make his life a living hell. He would have to find a way to tame these people, before they jeopardized his relation with Kurt. Kurt who already seemed kind of affected by their opinions. In fact, when they separated, he hadn't say a word to Blaine, until they arrived home. Blaine, fearing that he might start to think too that he wasn't worth it, decided to clear the air.

There are moments that define the course of your life. Choices that change everything and turn your word upside down. They may last an eternity or a second. They could be a knock on the door or a phone call. Or even this word, that you knew you shouldn't have said, but you did nonetheless. And then even before you know it, it's over. The moment is passed and you are left to pick up the pieces of your choices. Deal with the consequences. Those are the moments that you reflect upon at the end of your life. Mostly when you wished you could have been able to go back and change them. Not open the door, not answer the phone, not take a plane, and certainly not said that word. But, you did. It did happen, and the rest, as they say, is history.

And maybe Blaine just should have shut the hell up and slept on it. But he did not. And the consequences? Well…

"Something is wrong with you Kurt,"

"News flash: Everything is wrong Blaine. "

"I know but… Whatever… Forget it"

"No tell me Blaine. What do you want to know, what you're dying to ask me."

"Some matters are better left alone. Ignore it."

"There is a hundred pink elephants in the room, I can't even breathe. Ignore it? Sure. You know what you're problem Blaine? You take everything for granted!

"What? But you told me to come with you!"

"Blaine, I'm not talking about that alone. You've been leaning on me from the beginning. You assume that I'm a rock, and I'll keep being your rock, while you whine to everyone. I'll just be the mister nice guy who everybody laugh at."

"Nobody laughs at you."

"Sure. They just thing I'm the biggest fool ever."

"You're not."

"You're the one who profits from it. Of course I'm not a fool to you. But let me tell you Blaine, I'm tired of being the fool. From being laugh at. I can't be your buffoon."

"You're not…"

"Just listen to me Blaine. I don't really know why I'm doing this but I can stop anytime. You assume that I'll support you all the way. That I will be your rock, strong and steady. Well, you're wrong. You're deadly wrong. I am not a rock. I'm a shred of ruins. That's what you left of me."

"I'm…"

"Don't you dare say you're sorry Blaine! How can you say that? Huh? You knew what it would do to me? You knew! Well, maybe you were a fool, but you know now! You know what a wreck I am! And u still finds it normal to lean on me? U knows what it takes me to be how I am now? All calm and able to think and shit? Well, I don't even know myself but I just feel like this boxer, so close from being knocked out, and just rise for one final punch before collapsing all together again. Just for the pride. But I'm not even proud of what I'm doing, Blaine. I don't believe in this shit, when someone slaps you on a cheek, you're supposed to turn the other cheek. Well, that's exactly what I'm doing! I'm scourging myself to death because of you, and you take it for granted!

"I don't! I don't take it for granted Kurt!"

"I think you do!"

"Well, I don't. But you know what, I think you're just looking for an excuse for an easy way out! Well, I'll leave and let you go back to your life. Let your conscience in peace thinking that you gave the other cheek and all that crap!"

"Right play the martyr Blaine!"

"Who's playing the martyr, Kurt seriously? I'm not the one who has tattooed diva all over him! "

"Well, just go away!"

"you don't mean it…"

"I don't ? I don't mean it? Blaine, do you have any idea what your come back did to me? I was trying to survive day by day, and I was doing a pretty good job at it, until you came back? SO what, what do you expect? That I'll wait like a good boy that you'll grow tired of me, and that you'll use everything you can from me, and watch you again with all my dignity? I'm no saint, Blaine. I can't even think how I will handle if you leave now. Because, fuck Blaine you came back. You showed yourself again into this world. I know you're here, that you'll be here somewhere, but it won't be with me. I won't be able to fool myself by thinking that you don't exist. Now, I know you do, and you just don't want to be with me?"

"that's what you think Kurt? That I didn't wan to be with you?

"what tells me that someday, somehow, you'll just find it easier to go back to Lisa, to your old life? That because, she's so concerned about her image, that she won't tell a thing, you'll just go back to her? That you will work out something with her, and you'll be one big happy family again? That I'm just gonna be left alone once again, like the poor fool I am, like Alice waking up to realize that it was just a fucking dream!"

"how can you think that Kurt? How can you still think that after everything?"

"After what Blaine? After what? That's what I don't understand! What keeps you here now? What could possibly keep you here now that couldn't keep you before?"

"You, Kurt! Every thing about you!"

"what me? I'm still the same one that you left on the first place! Hell, I'm not even the same. I'm worse! I'm the ruins of what I was! What good can keep you then?"

"Kurt, you're everything! Now and then. You're everything and so much more than me.

"Don't go playing the victim!"

"I don't play anything Kurt! You're so much more than me! You're brave and all the things that I'm not. I've been telling you to have courage and you took the advice I never could apply to myself. I've always run away! Always! When I was bullied, I ran away. When my dad was sick I ran away. I keep doing the same fucking mistakes! And I see you, so proud, so sure, so brave that I say to myself that I don't ever deserve you. Because you fight for you and you fight for you and me fight for us. And all I ever did was run!"

"Don't decide what is best for me! You have no fucking clue what I deserve and what I don't! Clearly I'm just a fucking lady boy who's not good enough, who can't be trusted enough that people just run away. I'm just a fool who dates because it can brings him so kind of reassurance. You know, what it has been for me those past 5 years? You know what kind of guys I've dated? Just assess who wanted nothing but share my hour of glory. And you know what? I knew it and I let them, because it just felt good to feel special, if not for you, than for what I've done professionally. Because it had never been for me! Never. They came and went, like you came and went. I'm just a shallow man with a image to date. That's what left of me anymore!"

"And you know what Blaine. It's ok, I've came to accept it. You left me because clearly you didn't need me as much as I did. Other came and left as their needs changed also. It's ok. I know that now!"

"Fuck Kurt don't say that! I needed you! I've always needed you and I'll always need you! But I was a scared coward who just didn't realize the chance to have you in my life. I got sacred and run. But fuck, Kurt, I needed you and I realized it too late. A day didn't pass when I didn't think about you 24/7. You were in my every though. I compared you to everything. And Kurt, nothing, absolutely nothing compared to you. Nothing made me feel the way you did, and you still do. I was still feeling but it was like I felt just a small portion of what I should have felt if I was with you. I was just a piece! Fuck Kurt, I'm a piece without you!"

"But somehow you completed it with Lisa and Dianna!"

"Dianna maybe. Sure. But Lisa never. And even with Dianna, it didn't complete it all. God Kurt, you have to understand. You're amazing, you're everything to me, and no Dianna, no Lisa, no fucking anyone could ever complete me!"

"Stop being ridiculously dramatic! It's so not you!"

"Kurt, stop trying to pick a fight then! Stop diminishing yourself! Stop fucking say that you're nothing and just an image to date! You're killing me!"

"Well, you almost did Blaine! You almost killed me! And still here I am, like a ghost trying to hold you firm when everything you say just passes me through. People just see through me to achieve a goal, to become something. And you're here, trying the same thing. To recompose yourself. You're taking my last breaths. My last efforts. And I just let you but Blaine, when you'll refill, and be strong again, you'll forget everything you said, you'll forget I even exist, cause I won't anymore, and you'll leave and move one, not even remembering the ghost of your past!"

"Kurt, Damn it, I won't leave, I won't hurt you, I love you!"

"Big deal!"

"…"

"What do you want me to say Blaine? Huh? That everything is gonna be ok? That the fact that you love me fixes everything? That it's enough for me to take my chances and leap?"

" That we will continue where we left off, that we will grow old together and share our own family? That we will share Dianna? That it doesn't matter that she's not yours nor mine legally? That every time I look at you and her, I put myself in the picture, and that's an amazing picture? That I wished so badly to have kids, but now I can't wish anything but having them with you! That's you want me to say? That I imagine this big happy family because Blaine, I can't imagine anything where you are not involved? "

"Because Blaine, I love you. Hell, do you want me to tell you that at this point, I don't even think that you can call it love? You can't get over love, but Blaine, do you want to hear that I never got over you? It consumed me everyday! You consume Blaine, that's what you want me to say?"

"That I will go blind, and stupid, and just forgive. Forget about everything and forget what every one said? Just have some faith? That's what you want?"

"You want to hear how I'm scared because I can't imagine loosing you again? You want to know how I imagine sometimes that you'll leave again and go back to your straight lie, and it scares me so much, it hurts so badly that I know, Blaine, I know, that I won't have the will to survive it. That I might hurt myself just to make the pain go away?"

"Blaine do you understand how much I changed since you left? Do you want to know what kind of cold, and insensitive man I become? But Blaine, if you must know, I don't have a clue what I am anymore. "

"You know what, maybe I'm nothing but yours."

"Do you want me to say it Blaine? I'm yours! I love you, I am one part of a whole that had been so incomplete all this time. A whole that got shattered. I love you, that's it. That's what you wanted to hear? I despise myself for that Blaine, I swear. That I can't properly exist without you, and I can't function properly either with you. So I'm just a fool, waiting for you to decide my faith!"

"Blaine, release me please, because I just can't. I can't get over you, and I can't be with you. Loving you hurts. Being loved by you hurts more. But being left by you can be deadly. Damn you, Blaine, that's what you wanted to hear?"

Maybe it was what Blaine wanted to hear. Maybe it was just because he wanted Kurt to stop shaking him because he was starting to hurt him. Maybe because he was already hurting and had been hurting for the past 5 years. Maybe because he just wanted it to stop, even if somewhere inside he knew it would just make the things worse. But right now, it was just for him the only way. The only way he could make stop Kurt hurting him. The only way he could stop hurting Kurt. The only way it could shut him up, and see finally how wrong he were and how sincere Blaine was. Maybe it was the only way to show him how he still loved him, how he had missed him all this years, how he tough about him almost every minute of every single hour of every day. Tough about his face, his perfect blue eyes that were twisted with rage and anger, and getting deeper by the minute, almost to the point of sinking in them. But he didn't want to sink because of his eyes. He wanted to sink in his lips.

His perfect red lips that he had been dreaming of. At first, he could perfectly remember how it felt to have his lips pressed on the other man lips. It hurt to remember. But later on, it hurt much more when he started to forget. When those lips were replaced by his wife lips. Her common taste starting to shadow his unique taste. It hurt more to forget.

But now he was remembering. Oh yes, he was! He didn't care that Kurt kept trying to push him away or hitting him on the chest with his fists. He couldn't let go. Just not now. So ignoring the other man's protests, he kept pressing hard his lips against Kurt's, his arms tightly wrapping him with no escape possible. He just wanted to make him his, never letting him go away again. It was harsh, it was hard, violent but he didn't care. He wanted to kiss him, to taste him to bite him, to mark him. And it didn't matter that Kurt was mad at him. That he just wanted to be set free. Because Blaine knew better. He knew that Kurt was resisting too strongly to be true. That he wanted just the same thing as Blaine. That he knew also that they were meant to be together. He said it right? So what was the problem?

So he just kept kissing him, still so fiercely to be actually enjoyable. His lips moved suddenly to Kurt's jaw, never fully living the skin. Kurt didn't seem to realize that he was free to speak until Blaine started to suck hard on his skin, half biting him. It was everything but sweet as Blaine suck and bite and left his mark on Kurt's neck.

"Hugh" said Kurt with a strangled voice, having left any hope to actually set himself free from Blaine embrace. " Fuck, Blaine, what do you think you are doing? You're hurting me. Do you understand me? Leave me alone, Blaine, you're hurting me!" screamed Kurt.

"No. I won't. " said Blaine, leaving for a moment the spot on Kurt's neck. It was almost bleeding. "I won't stop Kurt. I need to understand that I won't stop. I won't stop fighting for you. I won't stop loving. I'm here." Said Blaine with a dead serious expression on his face. His pupils were dilated, his face was crippled in so many emotions, he was plain scary.

"Fuck you, Blaine, you're not loving me, you're hurting me! You hurt me like you've been hurting me for 5 years. And you don't even realize it. You want to know what it's like to be hurting? Well let me show you!" screamed Kurt

And the Kurt's lips crashed into his face. They didn't quite reach his lips, but who cared? It wasn't an act of love, but of hurt. Needful hurt. They were kissing each other and they didn't know why anymore. They were just angry. Angry because the other one was blind. Blind that he couldn't realize how much he loved him. Blind of his hurt. How much he wanted anything more than leave him and then never being left in the first place. Was it Kurt or Blaine thoughts in the first place? Did it really mattered? Not really. No one knew why they were really fighting for now. They were fighting the other one. To death. They wanted to hurt him with their kiss, their embrace, and their pain to be loved and to love.

Their mouth were angry and everything but gentle while kissing, sucking into the other one body. Kurt was biting Blaine's earlobe, then leaving his teeth lingering between his jaw and the crook of his shoulder. Blaine's shirt was long gone. Ripped apart. He didn't remember grabbing anything, let alone destroying a tee shirt. But his hands were out of control. His whole body was shaking, in rage, in pain, in need. His hands were grasping everything they could. Blaine didn't seem to mind really. His own fingers were scratching Kurt's back, Kurt's skin living his own mark on the porcelain skin. There were arms everywhere. On Blaine's ass, on his stomach, on Kurt's face, like everywhere. And nothing made sense anymore. They were fighting for dominance, not only through their gesture but they tongues met again, hard against each other, not taking the time to rediscover the other one but to make him fully taste him. Like they were trying to prove a point. The moans that were escaping their mouths were multiplying, and adding only to the arousal of the two men.

They were full of need and hell, they didn't care to be gentle with the other one. Does raping can be mutual? Because it certainly looked like it. Looked like each of them was trying to over power the other. Hurt him more. And they were ok with it. They were fighting over sex, but they were fighting for so much more in the same time. It wasn't logical, as Kurt's started to punch back Blaine, fists clenched on his chest, his mouth still violating Blaine's, as the other men tried to control those raged fists. He was trying hard to get those perfect white hands to get down to his pants, and it seemed that Kurt got the clue. Only this wasn't a surrender, it couldn't be.

"What do you want Blaine?" asked Kurt, with rage. But the lust on his eyes were unmistakable.

"Fuck Kurt, just Fuck!" That's all Blaine could manage to say at the moment. Every fiber in his body was hurting, and still, it seemed like he needed more. So he bite once more into the other man's chest, just above his left nipple, in hope that it would trigger some reaction from the other man.

"Fuck Blaine! What do you want? You want me to fuck you? That's what you want? You want me to fuck you like you've never been fucked for all this time? You want to feel it? " screamed Kurt, grabbing Blaine's face in his hands.

"Yea… Yes… Fuck, Yeah!"

And all hell broke loose. What happened next was more like a blaze. They collapsed together on the floor, not even thinking about moving to the bedroom. After all it wasn't about comfort. They collapsed, Kurt struggling to be on top of Blaine, who may have lost this battle but was not giving up on loosing his own internal war. Could it really hold a winner and a looser in the battle for souls? The logic would see them left in ruin, but for now, no logic, no thinking was possible. So Blaine tightened his legs around Kurt's waists, not willing to let go at any rate. Their groins were rubbing against each other, underneath their pants and both men were heavily breathing, panting, in each other necks, like there was no tomorrow.

"Fuck Blaine! Let me show you how it's done. Let me fuck you. I'll give you what you think you wants! Damn you!" groaned Kurt

The rest wasn't clear. Did Kurt actually managed to free himself from Blaine's embrace, or was Blaine too aroused, to physically and mentally strained to hold himself steady anymore? It didn't matter really because Kurt managed to take off his pants, in one quick movement, along with his boxers. In an other violent and harsh movement, Blaine did the same to Kurt. Both men were naked now but they didn't actually took the time to grasp what it meant. They haven't seen each other so vulnerable for so long, and yet, there was no vulnerability in the air. Just pure need and angry lust.

Kurt lingered his eyes a moment on Blaine's cock, as if he was thinking about taking it fully on his mouth. Blaine noticed, and his whole body arched against his mental will, full of need. But, Kurt noticed too and he just smirked. It wasn't even tease, it was pure torture.

Blaine was on the edge of crying, he just couldn't hold it anymore. Kurt's arms had left red vivid marks on his body, he felt like some bones had been broken also. But that was the least of his concerns. Right now, he just needed to feel Kurt. To be connected to him so badly. To tie himself to him and never let go, and Kurt was fucking hurting him by just staring at him. So his hand grabbed Kurt's cock and started rubbing it. It was hard, it was most certainly painful but he didn't care. He needed to regain control over him.

Kurt didn't think so though. He slap his hand out of the way, because honestly, he was doing more wrong than good. His hard was already enough painful and he knew exactly how to make it better. The fact that he didn't have any lube or anything like that didn't stop him. He just licked his middle finger, and without really much warning, put it completely into Blaine's tight ass.

It was as if Blaine's world had exploded. As if he was dead, and reborn in a few matter of seconds. The surprise, the aching pain and then the incredible feeling of it.

"Fuck, Kuuuurrt" he screamed the other man's name, as if he was his string to life. And truly he was.

And Kurt was already putting an other finger in him. Barely wet. And god it hurt! And Kurt started to scissor his fingers to open up Blaine further, everything but gentle. And Blaine still screamed. But no one knew if it's from the pain or the pleasure. He just kept screaming and Kurt just kept going. They were both a mess by now, but they just kept going. Blaine was reaching suddenly to Kurt's cock and started jerking him off again, with much more force than before if possible. And it was maybe what made Kurt looses it.

And then Kurt's fingers were out and Blaine could have sworn that not a single second had actually passed before he felt Kurt's cock throbbing against his hole. And the moans begun again. And it's all it took.

Kurt pushed himself into Blaine's, his cock only wet by the pre cum. How he released himself from Blaine's hold, they didn't know. And fuck, right know, Blaine didn't care; because he was experience the most horrible and hurtful experience in his life. Kurt was all the way inside him, and before, Blaine could even make a sound, could even make him understand that he might actually die of the pain, Kurt started moving in and out. The pain didn't go away though. And Blaine lost the power of speech. But he knew that he had lost. He had lost the battle, the war. He was at Kurt's mercy, unable to think, to speak, victim of his rape, by the man he loved.

And then Kurt hit his prostate, and nothing, absolutely nothing made sense anymore. He couldn't focus on Kurt's eyes, or the way his lips were deviously smirking, enjoying his pain clearly. It was a vision of pure horror, and still he felt so good. He was hurting from the pain of being abused so roughly and enjoying it so deeply. It was sick.

And Kurt was still thrusting in and out of him, going faster and harder, like nothing mattered anymore but this. Like it was his only chance of survival. To hurt Blaine, or to please him. Hell, he didn't know. All he knew, it's that he needed to make his point, regardless of what the point actually was.

That didn't last long, it figures. Nothing lasted long between them. Only the hurt. And when Kurt came inside of Blaine so hard that he actually passed for a couple of seconds, Blaine followed not long after. Neither of them screamed the other's name. Blaine's power of speech had been taken away from the beginning and only his mouth open with no sound coming out from it. And Kurt just let a harsh strangled scream that might have actually alerted the whole building. And here they were. All bruised for sure, All hurt, and still on post orgasmic high. Was it even possible to feel the worst possible and never been happier in the same time? Well, Blaine did. But jus for a single second.

And then it hit.

And then Kurt removed himself and made the worst mistake. He looked into Blaine's eyes. And it hit. What they just did. What HE just did. How he did it. Why he did it. And it hit, like a million of nuclear weapons over their head. It just explode in front of them.

He's seeing the pain and the hurt, and the fear in Blaine' eyes. And he just can't.

And then Kurt is suddenly back on his feet, not caring a bit about how sore he's feeling, how every bone in his body is aching from pain. Because he's mental pain is way, way worse. Because he just can't stare at Blaine's frozen eyes anymore. Blaine who just lost the ability to think or to feel properly.

"Now you know how it hurts." Blaine heard him though. Oh yes he did. But he would not think about it now. Just not now. He is way too shocked to grasp anything.

But he saw him leave. Run away as if fire was chasing him. From his own home. He runs away like the traitor, the coward, the mad man he is. And leave Blaine hurting on the floor. Oh yes, dear god, yes he knows how it hurts.

Kurt was already closing the door behind him. Fleeing as fast his shakings feet could hold him. He wouldn't want to collapse now. Not just now. He would later where he would be safer. But not now. Behind this door maybe, just in the bottom of the stairs even. Or in the cab, taking him from this raging nightmare. From his own nightmare, from himself.

And both man, one running for his life, one praying to remain in life, were having the same though : "Oh god, what happened? What have I done? "

 

Inside a room, in a nice apartment, in Manhattan, was a man. A naked man. Laying in pain. He was just laying, legs spread open, as if he was waiting for someone to penetrate him. Or as if he had just been penetrated. Truthfully he had been, and not only in the physical sense of the way. The man was laying, legs open, but he could have stood. His body didn't hurt that much, he could easily get back into his legs. But he was laying, wide open. Like if he was at the mercy of something more powerful, like he had been knocked down by the truth. By the absolute Truth. He was laying because he finally had realized what he wasn't seeing all this time. What hurt meant.

And he wasn't talking about the physical hurt, although he was pretty sure that he wouldn't be able to walk or sit properly for a long time. It would be constant reminder of what happened. Like he would need that! No, now that he knew, he wouldn't be able to forget it. What it felt like to be humiliated. So ashamed of yourself because you were hopeless in front of the life.

But mostly he knew how Kurt felt now. He had seen his anger but also his desperation. He was beyond mad. The man was really ruined. A shred of ruins. That were everything but steady. That they could collapse at every moment and they did. They did collapse on him and buried him. But he had no one to blame. No one but himself. He couldn't breath right now, but it was all his own fault. He had broken Kurt, and he collected now the pieces. The consequences.

He knew that even though he felt so bad like now, like shit, it was nothing compared to how Kurt must have been feeling! Kurt who had lost it, who became a sexual predator, because he had lost himself. Blaine didn't blame him. He blamed himself.

Oh god yes, what a fool, what a stupid horrible man he was! He couldn't find words powerful enough to express how he despised himself now. He even begun to understand the concept of suicide. He had never understood how people could stop having any regard for their life, and just decide to terminate it. But now he did. He felt sick about himself. He couldn't imagine looking at Dianna and imagining what she might see. He couldn't imagine looking at the world and feeling them judging him. But he had too. Because of Dianna, and because of Kurt. Kurt, oh dear god, Kurt!

He had to find him, because if he felt like this, he couldn't imagine what Kurt could think!

He wanted to scourge himself at what he had been thinking about the man. How could he assume that the man could be his rock? That he just could lean on him and expect him to support him? That he would take care of everything and Blaine would just have to go with the flow? Was he really that stupid?

He had hurt him more than anything else, in the process. He had destroyed the few remaining foundations into his life! Fuck me! Fuck everything! What an ass he was, thinking that everything was going to be ok! Well, he got it in the ass!

Blaine tried to get up even though he couldn't feel a single one of his muscles. His whole body was sore, but it didn't matter to him. Not now. Maybe later, he would take care of it. But now, he had to find Kurt. And make sure he was ok. No, strike that, there was no way he would be ok. Just make sure he… he what, exactly? What did he fear the most?

He didn't want to answer or think about this question, right now. He had far more urgent things to do. He reached to take his phone, not caring that he was still fully naked, and dialed the number that would be hopefully the key to his salvation. It picked up quickly.

"Mercedes, hey it's Blaine.."

"Hi, Blaine, don't worry, you don't have to call every five minutes. Dianna is fine with me."

"I know… I just wanted to … Mercedes, let's imagine that Kurt was very angry, where would he go to take his place off things?" And right now, it hit him. Kurt had changed. Kurt wasn't the same man he used to know and he used to live with. The man he used to know everything about until guessing his every needs even before he would realize them himself. No, the man he become was a stranger to Blaine. How could he assume that he could treat him the same? He didn't even know where he could be. What was his secret hiding place in the city? The place only he knew? He had no idea because they had always shared those places before, the places only they knew. And now, Blaine had no clue where could it be. That was small details like that, that could make you realize the biggest changes.

"What the hell did you do again, white boy?" suddenly snapped Mercedes.

"Listen, Mercedes, we just got into a fight and…."

"wait, I know I shouldn't care when my friend is missing, but you sound shaken. Are you ok?"

"Huh… yeah?" Shaken, sure. He was shaken. Only it was the biggest understatement of the century. Shaken, yeah, definitely.

"You sure?" Her voice sounded genuinely concerned

"Yeah, yeah. So Mercedes, any idea?"

"When the boy run away, he often runs into his office and sketch to death, but… I think he might be somewhere else. Let me check and I'll call you back, ok?"

"Ok, thanks, Mercedes"

"Sure, sure"

The minute she hung up, Blaine hurried to dress up. He didn't want to spend any minute thinking of might have happened to Kurt. So he took a towel, cleaned himself, put on his jeans, and went to look for a shirt because, well, the one he was wearing had been ripped open. He threw it because honestly, he didn't need an other reminder of tonight's events. He was marked plenty as it was.

The moment he finally completed his dress up, his phone ringed and he practically threw himself over it.

"Mercedes?"

"Yeah, it's me white boy. I was right. He's not a the office. He's a the theatre. The security officer saw him come in. do you know where it is?"

"Yeah"

"Ok, so I warned security, they'll let you in. And, Blaine?"

"Yeah?"

" Take care of him. I wish I could tell you to back off, but I can't. Nobody can take care of him but you. You can fix him or you can kill him once and for all. So take care of him. Please".

She didn't let him the time to answer before hanging up. She didn't an answer anyway. She needed actions. Not words, but comfort. And no words, no promises could bring her that. She needed to see them look at each other the way they use too. So pure, without any back thoughts. She needed to them healed, and fixed and planning for the future. She needed to see them in peace. Only then, she would be in peace herself.

Blaine arrived at the theatre half an hour later, rushing to the door, as if he had been running to save someone from death. Was he not, actually? The security man had been waiting for him, almost bewildered when he was the frenzy Blaine was under. The man was so odd, so feverish, it was almost scary. But the security guard knew better than to ask question. He had seen it all. So when Mr. Hummel had arrived earlier, crying, and shaking, he just opened the door and let him in without asking any questions. When Mrs. Johns called him later one to know where her friend was, he just confirmed her his presence. And when she told him that someone was coming to see Mr. Hummel who looked like he was going to die, he just nodded. And now this strange, frantic man who was running like if death of chasing after him, into a empty Broadway theatre. Artists, always the dramatic ones! He sighed, and closed the door behind Blaine. Still, it wasn't even a good story to tell. Some of his buddy guards could tell you, way better ones, involving Hiltons and dogs. Now, that was something worth leaving his Ohio home for!

 

As soon as he got inside the theatre, Blaine froze. He didn't know what to do actually. He didn't think that far really. He had just rushed into the theatre, like he had been rushed into everything. He had no freakin idea where Kurt might be, especially since this place was so huge, and it was so dark behind the curtains. He didn't know how he was gonna direct himself into that place. But soon enough, it was like god had heard him and brought down the voice of an angle to guide him. And he just followed, like the fool he was. He followed the most vivid, pure voice he had ever hear, blindly into the shadows of the theatre. He could have followed it everywhere. Until the end of earth. Because he knew this voice. But even if he had heard it so many times before, it hold this time something that he head never witnessed. An emotion that he couldn't think was possible. A surrender to the song who he though no one could accomplish. The voice was the song's mercy.

He kept following the voice, and then, behind a curtain, all was revealed. Indeed, it was Kurt. It had always been him. And Kurt was singing. On stage. On his knees, and his back facing Blaine. He was on his knees, and he was singing. His hands held up high, as if he were praying. And Blaine could tell he was crying. But his voice was still so unique, so beautiful that Blaine could not interrupt. His heart stopped beating and his breath got held. He was just going to listen and learn.

_within that final hour you'll_

_be gone and I wont see you_

_anymore_

_You left my love on the line_

_and said that you were leaving_

_that you wont come home again_

_that you wont come home again_

_And I miss you like your dead_

_but I never got to greave you_

_cause I saw you_

_in the arms of someone new_

_so your phantom follows me_

_like a child would his mother_

_or a lover_

_who never said goodbye_

_so this is goodbye_

_And I cried myself to sleep_

_and you thought I was happy_

_I was lonely_

_and had nowhere to go_

_and I heard that you moved on_

_and found a brand new family_

_and changed your married name_

_and everything has changed_

_And I'll miss you like your dead_

_find a way to greave you_

_cause I need to_

_try and start again_

_and your ghost will have to leave_

_like a child would his mother_

_or a lover_

_who has to say goodbye_

_so this is goodbye_

_so this is goodbye_

_so this is goodbye_

_so this is goodbye_

_so this is goodbye_

_so this is goodbye_

And the song ended. And the world must have too. At least their world did. The tiny world that hold them both in this Broadway theatre seemed to take a pause from the madness of life.

Kurt had given up any hope, unable to hold his head anymore. He just let it sunk into his head, still on his knees, and started shaking with all his core. And Blaine? Well Blaine, for once, didn't froze. No, he did not. He moved forward. For once, he stepped up a few feet ahead and took the charge. He called.

"Kurt?"

That was it. He just called Kurt's name, like he used to. Like it was the most natural thing in the world. Calling each other.

And Kurt froze. For only a second. And then he turned away. Slowly but surely. He turned because after all, he had been summoned. By Blaine. He turned just like when Blaine used to call him. And he had always answered. Even now, when they were so close to the end.

When everything broke. Like Blaine's heart when Kurt turned. And he realized now that no, he hadn't known what suffering meant before now. He hadn't suffered before when Kurt left him helpless on the floor. Not really. He may have suffered physically but now, seeing the pain, the surrender in Kurt's eyes was too much to bear. It was too much to hold. And the worst was that Kurt was smiling.

He was smiling. Like a tiny apologetic smile. Like he was sorry. Sorry because of everything he had done to Blaine, but also sorry for letting the Blaine see him like this. So open, so broken. Sorry to be nothing but a broken, crazy, bleeding man. Sorry that he had only that to offer. Sorry that he couldn't get better. He had abandoned every hope to get better and now, Blaine knew. He knew that the ideal man he had been dreaming of was gone. That he had finally let go, stopped fighting. And he was sorry!

Blaine's heart twitched in pain. Because Kurt was apologizing for being weak, just a weak man. For finally being true, and letting Blaine and the world show his true self. There was no more pretending. No more barriers, no more reflecting, it was plain him.

And Kurt though that nothing could hold Blaine anymore. Just because the way he was. So he was saying goodbye. Take care. And mostly sorry.

But Kurt didn't realize was that he had always been plenty. Especially now. Blaine never loved him more than now, when he finally got to see the real him. And he was beautiful just the way he was. He couldn't let him be sorry for that! No way! So in a quick move, he closed the distance between them and leaned next to the man.

"Don't be sorry, Kurt. You have nothing to be sorry for. I am. I am sorry for putting you through all that. I'm sorry that I didn't realize how lucky I was to have you in my life. I'm sorry that I didn't realize that you were the most amazing man ever. The more beautiful. Inside and out. I'm so sorry."

"Don't. don't say that. I'm horrible… I've hurt you" sobbed Kurt, trying to hide his face into his palms. But Blaine wouldn't let him. He put his hands in each side of his face and held his head so he could face him. But Kurt's eyes kept trying to avoid his gaze.

"Don't you dare say you're horrible. You are amazing, just the way you are. You didn't hurt me. I did. And I'm sorry that I made you feel like you weren't worth anything, because Kurt, you are worth everything! Everything! I know I am selfish, but Kurt, please know, that you are my everything. My air, my sun, my sight. And when I lost you, I lost all those things. I'm sorry that I didn't say it before. I was scared, a coward, because I couldn't admit that I was nothing without you. But I am, Kurt. I'm nothing but a part of you, of your love. And I'm sorry for not telling you that. I'm sorry for not telling you that when I look at your eyes, I feel like the whole word is fading away, and that I could just disappear into your gaze."

Kurt finally raised his blue, green, grey eyes and Blaine felt like he was sinking.

"I'm sorry for not telling you that every time you smile, I feel hope. Even when everything is wrong, whenever you smile, I feel like it will get better and I will win it all. Like I could cure cancer just by the joy your smile brings me. Smile for me Kurt."

And he did. It was the saddest smile Blaine had never seen. But still, he never felt more hopeful in his life, that right now. And he knew that somehow things were going to be ok.

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you that being in your arms make me feel like the safest man on the planet. Like listening to the beat of your heart can calm my every doubts. That I single reassuring word from you can put me down from all my worries. That you are my every remedy and my every answer. That when I see you fight, and shine, I feel so inspired. That I think that I can do it too. That someday I'll be as brave, as courageous as you"

"You inspire me Kurt. You move me. You make me a better man. And I will always love you for that. And that's the only thing I'm not sorry for."

And Then Blaine leaned forward and kissed him. Just a quick on the lips to seal his words. It wasn't a act of need or lust, it was an act of love. And he could taste the salt of Kurt's tears upon his beautiful lips. Because Kurt was still crying. But unlike before, it was more quite. Just tears running down his cheeks, from his beautiful grey eyes. He had shut his eyes, as if he was dreaming. But Blaine needed him to see that he wasn't. That Blaine was here, and he wasn't going anywhere. That he was sorry, and that he wasn't going to say goodbye anymore. Ever again.

So leaned forward once again, and kissed Kurt's eyes. One by one. And put his arms around his waist and hold him tighter. And the he moved slowly to kissing his nose, and his cheeks. He was trying to mark as much love as possible upon his face. Upon his soul. He was holding him and kissing him, and waiting for Kurt to finally let go.

He did. Somewhere between a kiss on the chin and a kiss on the cheek. He raised his eyes to loo, for one brief second at Blaine and then buried his head into the other man's chest. And he let go. He cried and cried, and hold Blaine tighter and tighter. It hurt but Blaine didn't care. Because he knew that bigger pain existed. Kurt's pain. So he just kept holding him even more tighter and rocking him back and forth like a kid. Just like a kid, who needed love and reassurance.

"I won't leave you, I promise. I'm not saying goodbye. I'm here. I promise. And I'm sorry. I love you Kurt. I love you so much" kept repeating Blaine, whispering into Kurt's ears, as the man kept delivering his heart out to Blaine. And there they stayed.

Someone, as oblivious to them as the rest of the world, somewhere, in this theatre of dreams, had shut the few remaining light of the stage, leaving the two men sink into the shadows of the dark.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of Fluff amongst all this drama.   
> Like so much fluff it could cause cavities. I can pay all the dentist bills don't worry.  
> enjoy!  
> song featured : The Story, by Brandi Carlisle

Someone was watching over him. Kurt was sure of it. He sensed those pair of eyes watching his back like they were burning him. He could almost tell were those eyes were situated in the room. He couldn't guess more though, because he had no idea what room he was in. And still he felt the familiar soft sensation of his silk sheets. And he could smell the familiar odor of his room. But he couldn't be in his room. Or could he?

The only thing he remembered before waking up was being in the theatre curled up in Blaine's arms! Blaine! Was it his look behind his back?

This though made him roll over in one quick movement and finally open his eyes wide.

Sure enough, he was there. Blaine was sitting on a chair, his back resting on the wall, and a peaceful expression on his face, that didn't match at all the intensity of his stare. Those perfect hazel eyes that were still penetrating Kurt like they could see all the way to his soul. He didn't move when he saw Kurt slowly stand up and rub his eyes with the palm of his hands. He just kept staring at him, a little smile upon his face, almost like he wasn't even here. Like he was lost in the deepness of Kurt's eyes.

Kurt didn't know what to do but to meet his gaze. He fixed his eyes to meet Blaine's and what he saw in them, scared him. He was frightened to death by the intensity of their gaze locked at each other, the way they seemed to be glued together, the way he wanted them to stay like that forever. Discovering each other again and again and falling in love again and deeper for every little thing they hold.

Was he ready? Was Kurt ready to face that destiny? To let himself sink into Blaine's eyes, Blaine's arms, Blaine's heart? He wanted it so badly. He wanted to stop holding back, fighting back, and just let Blaine in. Like he was doing right now.

But it wasn't that easy. Nothing was. Before he could just commit to his fate, he had to know. Why. How. And especially he had to know if the surrender was worth it.

He blinked and his brain seemed to click. As much as it hurt, he tore his gaze away, determined to know more. Blaine didn't move, didn't flinch a bit. The silence was too palpable, the tension was too electric, and the air was holding so much. Any word, any movement could break it all. So he moved and he talked.

"Hi there… " Kurt's voice was so deep. Almost like he growled. Almost like he hadn't spoken in weeks. Truthfully, nothing he had said in weeks, in months, in 5 years mattered. No word had been truth until now. Until this very moment when both men were able to see each other souls without any artifices. The absolute truth without any words. But Kurt needed words, he just didn't know what to say . He needed to know where he was, how he made his way into this room with Blaine, and if, this, here, now, was not a gigantic mistake.

"Hi." Replied Blaine. His voice was like silk, like love. "I didn't want to wake you. But I couldn't sleep either. I was just watching you sleep. I'm sorry if you think it's creepy. But Kurt, you are never more beautiful than when you sleep. When all your guards are down and you lie there, so vulnerable. I've always watched you sleep back in the days, even if you didn't know it. I watched you rest, from all the challenges of life, and I was happy. Because I knew that if I wanted, I could just lie there and be reckless with you. Let my guards down with you in my arms and forget about life. I could just wrap myself around you, like I was protecting you. But I never did Kurt. I've never had to protect you. You're the one who kept protecting me. You're the one who hold me thigh. And I could only lay there, holding on to you. But I didn't, I just usually kept starring at you, sleeping, not believing that this perfect man, this angel was mine. I regret those times Kurt, and in the same time, I don't. I regret those, because I wish I would go back to those day and cuddle with you, instead of looking at you. Because Kurt, for 5 years, I couldn't just lay there with you, if I wanted. I couldn't look at you sleeping like a baby who life didn't altered yet. I just couldn't Kurt and it killed me"

Blaine's voice broke, and tears started to fell upon his cheeks. The exact duplicate of those who were weathering Kurt's face. But, he didn't stop. He got up from the chair and came to kneel down in front of the bed, taking Kurt's hands in his palms. Not ever breaking his gaze.

"It killed me Kurt but in the same time, I don't regret it. Because even if it hurt, even if sometimes I would cry, I could very well imagine you in bed sleeping. Every time I woke up alone in my own bed. Before I even opened my eyes. For a second, I pictured you, in the other side, sleeping, or slowly waking up with me. And for a second, with my eyes closed, I was happy. I could see you, the beautiful innocent, and in the same time, so strong you. I could almost smell you, and hear your steady breath."

"But then I opened my eyes, and you were gone. Because you've never been there, Kurt. It had always been just a mirage. But today wasn't a mirage Kurt. I got to see you sleep, I got to be there, it was true. If I die tomorrow, Kurt, I would be happy because I got to see this perfect picture again. More than happy Kurt, because I got to see you awaken also. You know, I'm from the kind of people who think that the fact of waking with another one in his side, if way more intimate than the sexual moment that might have happened the night before. In sex, you still control yourself at some extent. When you wake up, you have no guards whatsoever, Kurt. Your defenses are down, the image you like to project to the world is not put yet; and it's just simple, plain you. The you, with that messy hair, who I think is so sexy, the morning breathe, that I don't even acknowledge, those sleepy eyes, that never seem to be more beautiful or more hard to define. But I don't care, they might green, gray or blue, they are still the sweetest I've ever seen. I love them so much as I love seeing you wake up. As I wish to spend the rest of my life seeing you wake up. As I never want to miss another day without you by my side. Without you looking at me like that. Still sleepy, a bit confused by everything that happened, so unsure of yourself, so lost, and not realizing that's the man I fell for. The man behind the mask. The timidity behind the confidence. The weakness behind the strength. The purity behind the life. The man that is in front of me, and who has never been more perfect. "

Blaine stopped talking and lowered his stare. Now that he had confessed everything to Kurt, he wasn't so sure of himself anymore. He was scared that Kurt would get overwhelmed and run away. That he couldn't take what Blaine was offering him. That he didn't feel the same. But he wasn't going to worry too much, as quickly enough, he heard the most unexpected sound ever. He heard Kurt giggle. The surprise was too much, for him not to return his gaze were he was locked previously. Sure enough, Kurt was here, looking down at him, a tiny smile on his lips.

"You had to do all this speech right Blaine? You couldn't be more concise and say that you, creepy man, watched me sleep, just because you loved me?" said Kurt, with a teasing tone.

But Blaine, relief floating over him, knew better. He knew that Kurt wasn't really teasing him. He knew that the spark in the other man's eyes was everything but a joke. He knew that the little tear that suddenly detached from his left eye wasn't one of hurt either. Kurt was in fact just so touched but he didn't know how to show it. He knew that the man was so scared, so broke, that he didn't know how to respond anymore. He didn't know what to say. But Blaine heard him, he understood him. He always knew.

"I could have, but I wouldn't be me, would I?" not really teased back Blaine.

"No, you wouldn't." said Kurt, still smiling. But he didn't stop there, as he pulled Blaine up, with him, both seating now at the edge of the bed, staring at each other like there was no tomorrow and said, more seriously and deeply than ever before :

"Good, though, because I love _you_ too."

And suddenly, nothing mattered anymore. Kurt didn't care that he would probably never have the answers to his multiple questions. He didn't care if to know how they've come to be here together, both in that room, wrapped against each other. He didn't care that he might have lost his internal battle. He didn't care to not know what it could mean for them, for the future. Because he knew one thing, and looking at Blaine eyes, holding him tight, he couldn't be more sure of it. It was worth it. Blaine was worth it. Worth what exactly? Everything, anything. The pain, the hurt, the sorrow, the surrender to the love.

So he just leaned forward, finally closing his eyes, leaping in an act of faith, and sealed his sort by pressing his lips into Blaine's. And just like that, they were home.

They could have pretended that they saw fireworks. That an electric current runt between them while they were connecting their lips in a intense, heated moment. But both men knew it wasn't true. It was something else altogether. The moment their lips met each other, it felt like all the tension, all the worries, all the scares vanished. The lump they hold in their throat, in their heart for so long just seemed to disappear. Like they were instantly healed. And that mattered more than anything for them. Because for one, they knew with absolute certainty, that it was the right thing to do.

It was so comforting, that they just stood there, lips pressed together for what seemed like a eternity, before they both finally moved in the same time. Kurt threw his arms around Blaine who hold him tighter than he never did, and finally moved his lips to kiss the crook of Blaine's neck. It still wasn't a act of need or lust, but simply of comfort, just like Blaine had comforted him previously in the theatre. He kissed him slowly, moving his lips from his jaw to the top of his shoulder, taking his time to savor every inch of the other man skin. Blaine buried his head in Kurt's shoulder, sighing in content, smelling the other man like he wanted to never forget again his unique scent, while his fingers run along Kurt's hair.

They could have stayed like this forever, just holding each other, never letting go. Rediscovering each other, tasting each other, feeling them. Never facing the reality again, in the cocoon of Kurt's room.

But the reality always catches you back eventually as a growling sound ripped suddenly the peaceful atmosphere. They both jumped back in shock before they realized quickly that it was only Kurt's stomach that was protesting loudly.

"way to ruin a moment" chuckled Kurt, blushing sheepishly.

Blaine smiled at the sight. Oh god, how much he had missed Kurt's blush!

"It's ok, we have time."

Both knew that Blaine's words hold a deep significance. But they couldn't stop to talk or think about it, since an other growl erupted straight from Kurt's belly.

"Come here" chuckled Blaine getting up, offering his hand to Kurt who took it without hesitation. "Let's find you something to eat."

"Sorry" said Kurt, following him, into the kitchen.

"It's ok. It's almost midnight anyway. You didn't eat since this morning. Take a seat, I'll fix you a sandwich or something."

Kurt took a seat on the counter, while Blaine started to dig some bread from the top shelf and cheese and ham from the fridge. It's almost like he had always been doing this. Fixing dinner for Kurt, for both of them. He knew exactly where to look to find what he needed like he had stored it himself. Went shopping to fill in the kitchen after a long day at work and came back at home, at time to fix dinner for his family. Kurt was having once again his vivid dreams about the big happy picture of the family he could share one day with Blaine. The big picture that involved this, for the rest of their lives. He didn't need children to complete the pretty image this time. He was perfectly content if it was just the two of us, like this, forever.

And the most beautiful in this dream, was that he could see it now. It wasn't such a dream after all. It was even a more and more probable possibility. Something he could look forward too without feeling guilty now that he knew that Blaine felt the same. Now, that he knew that the other man couldn't possibly physically leave him again. They could have it all.

"Why are you smiling?"

Hearing Blaine's voice, Kurt focused again on the reality, without even realizing that he had driven out of it, in the first place. But the image from his dream didn't change. Blaine was still standing here, looking at him, wondering what could probably go through his lover's mind. Kurt smile only grew wider.

"It's just you, standing there, making me a sandwich, making the kitchen yours"

"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have been going through your stuff without asking you first but…." Blaine started to apologize, like a child caught in fault.

"Oh shush you! You're home and you know it." Responded Kurt quickly before Blaine could make some more amends.

Blaine started to blush, but Kurt wasn't finished with him yet :

"Besides did you see me complaining? No? So now, finish me that sandwich before I decide to eat you alive, hobbit." Completed Kurt, with a bitchy smile.

"I should have let you sleep. You're nicer when you're knocked out, Hummel." Mumbled Blaine, going back to fixing the food, but with a tiny smile on his lips this time.

Neither of them talked for the time it took Blaine to prepare the sandwich but it wasn't uncomfortable. It just felt like it was a habit, like they always did that. Which only increased the daydreaming in Kurt's mind, and he was pretty sure Blaine was thinking about the same thing, with the smile still stuck on his face.

Eventually, Blaine completed the meal and put it on the table, and both men seated down at the table. It wasn't something fancy, just a sandwich and some salad, but it felt like it was the most delicious meal that Kurt had in a long time.

He was already mid way to finish his sandwich when he finally realized that Blaine wasn't eating and was back at looking at him just the same way he did when he had been sleeping. When he caught the glance, he swallowed hard.

"Aren't you eating?" asked Kurt

"No. I mean I already ate. When I brought you back from the theatre." Explained Blaine, his sight focusing again in a normal way.

"oh ok. By the way, I didn't ask you. How did we get there?"

Another phrase with a deep meaning but Blaine, and Kurt was glad about that, decided to take it literally.

"I think you were tired of… crying. You kind of passed out. So, with the help of the security guard, I carried you outside, took a cab, and then, I met with Mercedes and Sam, when we got to your place. Sam took you to your room. I was pretty tired myself."

"Or you're just a tiny hobbit." Teased Kurt. "But really, sorry about that. I hope Mercedes and Sam didn't give you a hard time."

"They were ok actually. I think they noticed that I was pretty out myself. Besides, they were not really in the state of arguing. I guess taking care of a child is more challenging that they initially thought. " smiled Blaine.

"Oh right, Dianna." Kurt wanted to face palm himself for almost forgetting about the little girl. "Did she had a good time? Where is she by the way?"

"It's ok Kurt. Don't worry about her. Just eat. I'll talk" reassured him Blaine, with a loving smile that did very strange thing to Kurt's stomach, which had nothing to do with his hunger, he was sure of that. Maybe it was just different sort of hunger.

"Dianna is fine" said eventually Blaine after making sure that Kurt started eating again, " she had a great time with Mercedes, they went to the park, and went to the zoo, and all. They all have been amazing with her. So she was pretty much exhausted when they brought her home, half asleep. She's in the other room, now, sleeping like the dead."

Kurt simply nodded, his mouth full, while Blaine kept talking: "actually, Sam was pretty cool. He didn't look as mad as the others. He's a great guy. I must say that Mercedes surprised me. Sure, she gave me her usual speech, stuff like she would cut me if she learned that I hurt you, but I sensed some concern in her eyes as well." Finished Blaine, with a sad smile on his face.

"You know Blaine, that those guys care about you too. They are just trying to protect me, but they understand what you've been through also. I guess they just always heard my side of the story, so they are pretty much confused now that they have the two sides. They don't really know how to act, like I didn't know at first. Just give them time to wrap their minds around the whole thing. They'll eventually understand and forgive you, I promise. Just like I did."

It was all about forgive and forget, wasn't it? That's what Blaine kept thinking about while Kurt finished his meal and put the dishes in the machine. Kurt might have forgiven him but he would never forget. He couldn't, how could he? But at least, he forgave him. That's the only thing that mattered to him. Could the others do it, just like Kurt said?

Could his friends strike the past and let him make amends? But in order to do that, he would have to tell everybody his side of the story, in order for them to consider forgiving him. Oh god, was he capable of telling everybody? Did he have the courage for it?

"Are you ok? You seem tense"

Blaine turned around to see that Kurt had been apparently looking at him for some time, a worried expression on his face, his eyes pinched like he was trying to solve the mystery of Blaine' sudden change of mood.

"Yeah, just thinking, you know."

"Come here". Said gently Kurt, pushing him toward the couch into the living room. Both men seated, Blaine in a very unusual stiff position, and Kurt, legs crossed on the sofa, facing Blaine, with the same worried and caring expression.

"I know how it feels. That's why I keep myself so busy, because thoughts, especially mine can be so scary, sometimes. " Blaine simply nodded

"Listen Blaine, if you don't want to talk to me about it, I would understand, but I guess, it would be best for you to get it of your chest."

"Plus, we said that we would be totally honest with each other" completed Blaine.

Kurt just moved forward and took Blaine's hand in his, gently stroking his thumb over his knuckles. Blaine slowly raised his head, to meet Kurt's eyes. And just like that he knew that no matter what, everything was going to be ok. Even if the whole word would turn his back on him, he would still have Kurt and that's only what mattered. He took Kurt's other hand and squeezed lovingly. And this gest, as simple as it was, as random as it might have been for other people, meant the world and heaven for both men. It meant hope.

"It's just not that though" said after some time Kurt, "It's not just about honesty really. It's really about the fact that you have to know that no matter what you say or you think, I'll always be there. You don't have to talk to me now, or tomorrow, but just know that I'm always available. When you can, when you're ready. Blaine, we've seen each other worse, We've did terrible things to each other, that I will always regret, but in the same time, it made me realize that nothing can keep us apart. That nothing more can keep me apart from you. So just take your time, I'll be there for you when you're ready."

Blaine didn't know what to say so he just leaned forward and kissed him. It was quick, but it said all the concepts that Blaine couldn't express aloud. His gratitude, his love, everything. But he also did it, because now, he could. And that what mattered most: if he wanted, he could kiss him.

"I'm ready Kurt. I mean I want to be" Kurt understood that he didn't talk only about tonight but his life in general. About facing Lisa, facing the world, revealing his truth.

"It's not the same thing, Blaine. But I understand."

"No, I have to. If not for me, than for Dianna. I owe her that, at least. But I'm so scared Kurt, I'm so scared." Said Blaine, almost sobbing.

"I know, shush, baby, shush. I know it's scary, but I promise I'll help through it. I want to" said Kurt, holding Blaine tighter. He was trying to hold him in one piece, though he knew that actually, he was trying as hard to hold himself. But maybe, just maybe if they were both in pieces, together, they could be a whole.

" I didn't want to drag her into that mess Kurt. But she's so smart, she understands everything even she can't process it. That's what killing me. If only she was like any 4 years old kid, with her innocence intact, I wouldn't worry so much. But she knows Kurt, she knows how much of a disappointment I am."

"shut up Blaine. You're not a disappointment. You hear me? You're not. I know that and she knows that. And yes she is smart, but babe, there is nothing you can do about it. You will just have to keep her out of it as much as you can"

"And then there is you. I'm sorry Kurt, my comeback made your life a mess!" sobbed Blaine in Kurt's neck.

But Kurt wouldn't take it. He pushed back a confused Blaine, and took his head into the palm of his hands, forcing him to look right through his eyes.

"Do you see any regrets here, Blaine? No? That's because there is none. Blaine, please don't ever apologize again for coming back into my life. Because without you I'm nothing and you're the best thing that ever happened to me. And yeah, it might hurt, but all fucking life hurt, Blaine. But some things are not worth it. You, are definitely worth it. You hear me. You are worth it. And you matter Blaine."

Blaine, much at Kurt's surprise, started giggling. Ok, the man had obviously lost his mind and didn't know how to react properly anymore.

"Isn't it the same thing that your dad said to you, when he gave you the sex talk?"

"Oh my god Blaine! Really? Really, you want to ruin the moment by talking about my father and sex? Really?" But Kurt started giggling and soon enough, both men were laughing like crazy, holding their sides, and poking each other.

Eventually Kurt calmed himself but a tiny smile kept playing on his face. He knew that the only reason Blaine had made that comment, was because the tension was becoming too much between them. And they didn't know how much restrain they could have. And it was definitely not the best moment for that, especially after what happened earlier in the day. So he decided, to change the subject a bit, to keep distracting Blaine, who needed it so much.

"You may laugh Blaine, but that advice was the best that anyone ever gave me. After your "courage" maybe. But it got me to where I am also. That's what I said at my speech at the GLAAD convention!"

"Oh my god, it's right. You did make a speech!" almost shouted Blaine in excitement. "How come, when was that, what did you say?"

"Wow, easy there tiger" laughed Kurt, trying to hold Blaine steady. "Actually they asked me to do it, like a month ago. I wasn't sure about it at first, because I didn't want to become politically involved, but my publicist kept telling me that it was an amazing opportunity for my career and stuff, so I finally gave in. I gave the speech last Wednesday."

"It's amazing Kurt, I'm so proud of you" said Blaine, pulling for a crushing bone hug. "How did it go? What did you say? Wait.. Finn said… said… you talked about me…" continued Blaine, slower this time, calming down from his frenzy. He looked slightly preoccupied.

"Yes and no… Let me explain. I had this speech totally prepared and it was, jus, you know, random, general stuff. I didn't want to give myself too much you know?"

Blaine simply nodded, waiting for Kurt to continue.

"Ok, so, just about when they called my name to get on stage, some smarty whispered to me "Courage" and that was it."

"What… who… How…" where the only words Blaine could say because really, he was more dumbstruck than anything else. He didn't know that a single word, that he once pronounced could change so much in one's life. Actually, just in Kurt's life.

"I actually though about you and improvised. You inspired me, Blaine." Said Kurt, looking deep to his love, who was frozen in awe.

"You inspired my words and made my speech significant. I knew exactly then what I had to talk about. I'll show you if you want, Naya gave me a copy she recorded. But the main thing, is that I said, that even if we didn't need to fight, we still had to. Because of the new generation who was confused and pressured by society and also because of the last generation, all those people who may have lost their way. I said, that I was lucky that my dad was supportive and then I said that I knew that it wasn't the case for a lot of people. And then I talked about you. I said that I had a friend, who was proud and gay and with the right amount of pressure from the world, and the people that surrounded him, all those convictions were shattered. And I said, that for you, my friend, and for all the people in your case, we had to keep fighting, if it's only for you."

"I don't.. I don't know what to say Kurt… " whispered Blaine, who started tearing a bit again.

"Don't say anything, Blaine. You don't have to." Whispered back Kurt, slowly moving his hand, to clean gently the tear that had rolled down Blaine's cheek.

"But Kurt, it just makes it worst…."

"What makes what worst Blaine? I don't follow you.."

"I mean, if the case goes public, I'm not only putting myself and Dianna into a mess, but you too."

"I don't get it" Admitted Kurt, confused

"You see people and media will figure out eventually that I am the one you talked about in your speech, because they always figure out these kind of stuff. And you're going to be much more harassed because people will say that you turned me gay or whatever, and you tried to mess up with my mind by recruiting me into…"

"Recruiting you, Blaine? What the fuck?" almost shouted Kurt, because frankly he couldn't believe that Blaine just said that and it made him angry.

"Or elsewhere, the LGBT community will see you as a hero for bringing me back to my way, or something. That or the other. Fuck, it's a fight you can't win, Kurt! And it's all my fault, I'm sorry. I should have never…" Now Blaine was really freaking out, and started to get on from the couch, hands flying everywhere, like he was thinking about running away or so.

Kurt stayed mouth open in shock for a second, just enough to process what he just heard, before finally snapping off, and chasing Blaine to get him to stop. But Blaine wouldn't have it, and kept fidgeting like a mad man. Kurt put then his hands on Blains shoulders and with all his force, tried to hold him steady because he needed to say something very important and he needed Blaine to actually _listen_.

"OK, now you shut up Blaine. Just shut up and calm down." Said Kurt, a little bit more harshly than he intended too. But Blaine constant freak out started getting on his nerves. Thankfully, the man got the clue and relaxed in Kurt's hands, a guilty look still on his face.

"Ok, now listen. I don't care about the media or what the people might say. If GLAAD is not happy about my involvement with you, then be it, ok? It's not what matters in my life. Ok? You're my only matter. You and that damn spring/summer collection that's waiting to be finished on my desk ok?" said Kurt, with a lighter tone that actually managed to light up Blaine's face with a tiny smile. Mission accomplished.

"So, don't go freaking out, because everything that you're saying won't happen. And even if it does, I'll deal with it, like I always dealt with it. I'm just gonna tell them to screw that where I think" Blaine, did, this time, actually chuckled, amazed by the man's boldness.

"And Blaine, you have to know, that no matter what, even if it's not about that matter, the world will always see things one sided. It's always a one-side story. People choose the version that suits them the most, and they enter in conflict with the other half who sees the world based on the other side. It has always been like that, and not you, not me, are gonna change that."

"It's unfair." Mumbled Blaine like a child. But he also apparently got the point that Kurt was trying to explain and calmed down significantly. Because of course, Kurt was right. Kurt was always right.

"Has anybody told you? Life is unfair." smiled sadly Kurt, at least relieved that Blaine stopped be irrational.

"May have heard that before. May have experienced it also. It still sucks, you know? I know I might sound like a idealistic fool, saying that, but I just wished that sometimes the world would consider looking at the two sides of the story, instead of just picking up one randomly, because it suits them best."

"I know sweetie, I wish that too. But not everyone is as considerate as you" responded gently Kurt, stroking Blaine knees, with his inch.

"Or you. I know it must have been hard for you to consider both sides of the story, but you still did. You still heard me, and you actually forgave me."

"Because I love you. When you love someone, you actually make the effort to hear the other side of the story. And hopefully, it just become a one side story that we both share."

Blaine's reaction wasn't something that Kurt could have predicted. He suddenly got up, almost knocking out Kurt on the way, and run out of the room, shouting at Kurt to not move and that he would get back right away. Kurt just stood there, shocked, unable to move. What the hell had gotten into Blaine's mind, this time? The man was so unexpected, so inconstant, that it tired Kurt. But in the same time, he couldn't help but be happy about it. That's what had always kept things interested between them. Their constant changes of mood, their unexpected comebacks, everything that kept their relationship from being boring. But Kurt was kind of bored right now. He had expected Blaine to be touched by his speech, at least a bit, to kiss him or something, or just to hold him but not at all, to run flying to his room like fire was chasing him. He sighed.

But quickly enough, Blaine had returned with his guitar in hand and some sheet of paper. Ok, now that was something that was totally unexpected. Did he actually though that it was the moment to compose or something?

"Ok, I might sound like Artie, but what the hell?" exclaimed Kurt, in a perfect imitation of Artie's tone.

Blaine laughed more light-heartedly than he had for a long time. He seated on the edge of the table, in front of Kurt, who was still struck on the couch and said, smiling at Kurt's dumb expression:

"Ok, I might sound weird to you… "

"Say that again" interrupted Kurt, making Blaine' smile grow wider

"But when you where talking about one side stories, I actually remembered a song, that I heard some time ago, and that I wanted to sing to you." Explained Blaine, playing with the strings of his guitar, according it.

"And you think now is the perfect moment for you to sing it ?" asked Kurt in disbelief, still not sure about Blaine's reaction.

"Every moment is an opportunity for music" simply stated Blaine, head down, his fingers going through the cords.

"I though they said that about fashion" mumbled Kurt

"You say fashion. I say music. Now, sush, and listen. It's everything I wished I could say to you, but never knew how to express it."

And then he started singing. And Kurt forgot about his slight irritation. He forgot about Blaine's unpredictability. He even forgot about himself. Because right now, all that mattered, was the beautiful boy, seating across from him, singing his heart out to Kurt.

Ho, how much Kurt have missed his voice, the different faces that Blaine made when he sung, the way his hands run smoothly across his guitar. But mostly he had missed the way he always sung to him. Like he was the only one in the world, even when he was performing in a crowded place. The song was always and only directed to his lover, his friend, his soul mate. Just like now.

And Kurt stopped thinking all together and just forget himself in Blaine's deep velvet voice that was singing all that Blaine never knew how to explain himself. The emotion in his voice was unmistakable, his eyes were sparkling with love.

_All of these lines across my face_

_Tell you the story of who I am_

_So many stories of where I've been_

_And how I got to where I am_

_But these stories don't mean anything_

_When you've got no one to tell them to_

_It's true...I was made for you_

_I climbed across the mountaintops_

_Swam all across the ocean blue_

_I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules_

_But baby I broke them all for you_

_Because even when I was flat broke_

_You made me feel like a million bucks_

_You do_

_I was made for you_

_You see the smile that's on my mouth_

_It's hiding the words that don't come out_

_And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed_

_They don't know my head is a mess_

_No, they don't know who I really am_

_And they don't know what_

_I've been through like you do_

_And I was made for you..._

_All of these lines across my face_

_Tell you the story of who I am_

_So many stories of where I've been_

_And how I got to where I am_

_But these stories don't mean anything_

_When you've got no one to tell them to_

_It's true...I was made for you_

Blaine resumed the song, playing a few more notes in the guitar before finally stopping altogether. Even then, Kurt didn't dear to speak. He didn't dare to move. Frankly, he wasn't sure he could. He wasn't sure of how he would react. So he just kept staring, frozen, mouth slightly open, to Blaine.

"Kurt, please say something" begged Blaine, because frankly he didn't know if he had scared Kurt or had pissed him off or something. Maybe it was irrational to think this way, but never before, he had seen Kurt so speechless.

"Oh shut up! Just shut up Blaine" finally snapped Kurt before launching forward, attacking Blaine's mouth with his own. He kissed him everywhere, urgently, passionately, and all the heat that lacked on their previous kisses kept rushing back at once. It was too much, way too much to handle, but Kurt didn't care at the moment. And neither did Blaine. It took him less than a second to respond to Kurt's sudden attack, and suddenly he was kissing him back, with as much passion as he was capable of. It was messy, sloppy, needy but it was beautiful. Blaine hand flew to Kurt's hair again, stroking him, holding him closer and closer, never wanting to let him go. Kurt's arms crashed him to his chest, and Blaine couldn't help moan at the sudden proximity of Kurt's body. It's all it took for Kurt to moan back, and sneak his tongue into the other man mouth. Their breath mixed, their tongues moved in unison in a sensual dance, and it was heaven on heart.

After what seemed both an eternity and no time at the same time, they parted finally gasping for air, trying to regain some consciousness before things could get messier. They wanted so much to go further, to explore some more, but, with a mutual silent agreement, they both knew that it just couldn't happen tonight. They were not ready, they were still too much marked to the core. They needed much more than a song and a small talk before they could start to heal. But still, they wouldn't regret what just happened. God no, they could never regret it!

"Well, I take it as you liked my song Hummel" chuckled Blaine, still breathless, a teasing light on his lips. But he couldn't help the slight blush that colored his cheeks.

"Smooth Anderson. Just to let you know, it had nothing to do with you, I'm simply a big fan of Brandi Carlisle. If the mail man sung it to me, I would probably have the same reaction". Teased back Kurt

"Oh shut up, Porcelain." Groaned Blaine.

Kurt burst into laughter, and brought Blaine's head to his chest. He put his arm around the smaller man, and started patting the top of his skull, like he was trying to comfort a little kid. Blaine pretending to pout, feigning annoyance at being treated like a baby. But he wouldn't move for a million bucks. He was finally where he meant to be. In the arms of only man he ever and would always love. His better other half. His main reason to live and survive.

He had no idea what tomorrow would bring, what challenges life would put in his way, but for now he didn't care. That was tomorrow, and tonight, he was safely curled up in Kurt's arms, who was slowly drifting asleep, his breath slowing, and his body finally relaxing. But his arms were still around Blaine, protecting him, reassuring him, loving him.

Yes, tomorrow could wait.


	14. Chapter 14

8:15am, in a spare bedroom, in a nice Manhattan, apartment, a little girl was waking up, shivering, almost sobbing, after what you could call a nightmare. "It was just a dream, just a silly dream", kept saying the little girl to reassure herself. But the image of her mother crashing her car, with little Dianna standing besides her, wasn't really much of dream, and more like a bad memory. A memory she would have to keep for the rest of her life and god knows how many late reenactment she would have to endure for the years to come. She wished she could just make it go away, like her daddy used to do, when she got hurt, when she was younger. She didn't how he did it, but he would always kiss the pain away. It was so simple back then. Even when her daddy couldn't, her mommy would. But now, her mommy was the one who hurt her, and she suspected that even her daddy couldn't kiss it away. Especially since he wasn't even here. His side of the bed was cold, like he didn't sleep in it. Suddenly, Dianna got even more scared. Where was he, where has he been? Why wasn't he here, to make her feel safe? He had promised her that! To always protect her!

Maybe he had been kidnapped… maybe her mommy hired some people to hurt her daddy. Maybe he was in a basement somewhere in NY, and no one would ever find him! Dianna's imagination kept wondering to the worst places, before she finally decided to get up and check for himself. She started running toward the door, ready to run to the end of earth to look for her father and rescue him. But she wouldn't need to go that far, and he certainly didn't any rescue, apparently. Because, as she opened the door, in one quick movement, she saw him and froze. Sure enough, here he was, sleeping on the couch, with no one, but Kurt, cuddling on the sofa, his head pressed on the other man's chest and their legs intertwined. Well, that was definitely unexpected.

Dianna just stood there, looking at the men, sleeping peacefully, not sure what to do. Well, at least her daddy wasn't having a bad dream, like her. Seriously, she had been worried about her father those past few days, because he seemed much more lost and affected than her. But right now, he was pretty much having the best time of her life she could tell. The fact is she had never seen him that way. She didn't mean cuddling with Kurt, but cuddling, period. I mean she used to go sometimes in the middle of the night or in the morning, after a bad dream, in her parent's bedroom, surprising them. She had always been afraid to find them kissing, which she founded gross actually, but she never did. They were usually sleeping, each one on his side of the bed, at least 2 feet from each other. Even in the mornings. Like her daddy was on his side of the bed, his head turned to the window, his back on his mommy. She had never seen them cuddle also in the living room, or at least not with her around. She never asked herself why, but now she had a pretty good idea. I mean, she always wanted to cuddle with her daddy or her mommy because it was her way to be close to them, to show them that she loved them, and it was their way, she was sure, to prove her back that they loved her and they were there for her no matter what. And now, her dad was cuddling with Kurt. It didn't take a genius to figure out that her father loved Kurt and he loved him back. And probably her daddy never shared that love with her mommy. And suddenly she didn't find it so gross anymore because she could tell that her dad was happy. Right there, right now. So if he could be happy just a little while longer, she wasn't going and mess it up. She would let them sleep and go back to her room, and do something. This was his happy dream, let him enjoy it while he could.

But just as she had this genuine idea, a strident sound ripped apart the calm atmosphere of the living room, and the next thing she knew, was that her father had been knocked out of the couch, falling miserably on the floor, in a big cracking sound. Well, that fixed the issue of waking them up, at least.

The strident sound kept echoing through the apartment, but none of the men really paid attention to it, as Kurt was trying to help Blaine get back on his feet, apologizing over and over to Blaine, who had apparently hurt his head in the falling process. They didn't even notice Dianna standing there, who was on the edge of broking into laughter.

The little girl finally found the source of the awful sound and it was nothing more than her daddy's ringtone. Well, she had always hated that awful tone, and at least, she was sure now that he would change it. Seriously who, in their right mind, put "Misery" at full volume as a ringtone, besides?

She checked the screener who displayed "Phil calling". Well, she knew the guy and apparently the only way to make that awful sound stop was to answer the damn phone, because obviously, the two adults were slightly busy at the moment. She decided quickly and pressed the answer button, as she returned to her room, still unnoticed.

"Hello?" whispered Dianna, closing the door behind her.

"Huh… is that Blaine Anderson's number?" said Phil with an unsure tone.

"Hey, Phil it's Dianna!" said the girl higher this time

"Hey sweetie, is your daddy around?"

"Huh… he is on the floor actually…"

"I'm sorry?"

"Yeah, he fell off the couch. Or Kurt pushed him, I'm not sure."

"What bloody…."

"Yeah, I mean they were sleeping together and…"

"You know what darling, just tell him to call me back, will you?" cut quickly Phil.

"Ok Phil, Bye!" and she hung up.

On the other side of the line, Phil was looking at the phone, a bit shocked but highly amused. He let out a chuckle, catching the attention of his wife who was preparing breakfast. Quinn turned to him, a questioning look on her face.

"What's up? Are they ok?"

"Oh, you know, darling, I think they'll be just fine", commented Phil with a smirk.

"Better than fine, I'll say" he added mentally.

Back in the living room, Blaine had finally managed to get back on his feet, massaging his head, which he hit against the table. And Kurt was still apologizing.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kicked you. I just got startled by god knows what, and well, I have weird reflexes…" said Kurt, a guilty look on his face.

"It's ok, Kurt. I mean it" reassured him Blaine, by putting a hand on his shoulder. "But next time, if you really need to wake me up, a kiss would do just fine" he added, a malicious smile on his face.

"Oh you! Come here" Kurt closed the gap between them and gave him a gentle peck on the lips, before quickly backing out, much at Blaine's disappointment.

"On the other hand, you should better brush you teeth before. I don't do very well morning breaths."

"First you kick me out of the couch and then you say I smell bad. Really, I don't know what I'm still doing with a man who clearly enjoy torturing me", pouted Blaine.

"You'll be just fine, cry-baby" chuckled Kurt, smacking Blaine's ass as he was passing by.

Blaine turned around, feigning a shocked expression on his face, only to get answered by the most angelic smile that Kurt could produce.

"Shameless man" mumbled Blaine, before getting in his room, a wide smile across his face.

When he entered the room, the first thing he saw was Dianna, standing here, fully awake, in the apparent process of ending a call on his very own cellular. She didn't flinch when she saw him enter, but only smiled at him in a way that made Blaine almost uncomfortable, like she knew a secret or something.

"Hi daddy, sleep well?" asked the little girl innocently, as she reached to him for a hug. Blaine happily obliged, squeezing her a bit, before letting go, and leaning to her, looking at the phone, that she was still holding.

"Slept well, thank you. Is that my phone?"

"Yeah, he kept ringing. I guess that's what woke you up"

"Oh, right!"

"But daddy, seriously, are you going to change that tune or lower the volume a bit, because I really think that the whole building heard it ringing, I swear."

"Right. But that doesn't explain why you answered it." Continued Blaine, still determined to get to the bottom of that story

"Oh yes! I answered because you were too busy…" said Dianna, with a little smile, that made Blaine's face heat up a bit, "and because it was Phil. He said that you should call him back!"

"Oh fuck! Phil!" Blaine face palmed. Of course, Phil would call. After all they had set up the conference call for 8, and it was… 8:30, noticed Blaine, looking at the clock on the alarm radio.

"Dad, no swearing, you said!"

"I'm sorry baby. I'm just…super late. Go put your clothes on, or eat something or whatever, I got to get ready"

Dianna simply stayed put as she watched her father fidgeting and running around the room in frenzy looking for his personal belongings, smacking different parts of his body in the process and always swearing afterwards. It wasn't really a pretty sight to see her dad so flustered about the whole thing, so she just decided to get out of the way before he would trip over her too or something. She moved out of the room, closing the door behind her, as her dad finally gathered his things and closed himself in the bathroom.

Dianna sighed.

"Here goes the dream", she whispered to himself before settling to the couch and turning the TV on. She might as well enjoy as much as she could of the day. This wasn't going to be pretty.

Blaine finally got out of his room, fifteen minutes later, fully dressed and showered. Dianna had apparently put some Disney channel and was fully absorbed in whatever cartoon that was played. The sight of his little girl enjoying her time like any 4 years old would do almost comforted him. Almost. Because no cartoon or child movie could erase the lump that was back in his throat when he would think about the fight that was about to go down between him and Lisa for Dianna's custody. And as many efforts he would do to protect his baby, he knew that she would need more than a Disney channel cartoon marathon to feel better.

"Hey, sweetheart, have you seen Kurt?"

"No, I guess, he's still in his room, getting ready" answered Dianna, not ever breaking her gaze from the TV.

Blaine almost run to Kurt's room, and without even knocking, he opened the door free, displaying the image of one of the famous Kurt Hummel moisturizing routines. The said Kurt Hummel, who almost dropped on of his many cream bottles, startled by the sudden apparition of Blaine in his bedroom.

"Oh my god Blaine, you scared me to death over here" screamed Kurt, a hand on his heart.

"Sorry, but I need you. Remember, we were supposed to call Phil at 8am, and it's almost 9!" almost screamed back Blaine

"Ok, just let me finish …" but Kurt couldn't finish neither his sentence nor his routine, as Blaine suddenly took him by the arm and dragged him out on the living room, not caring about Kurt's loud protests.

"Drop your hand Blaine, I can walk alone thank you!" yelled Kurt, annoyed by Blaine frenzy state. Blaine understood that he should better let go of him, and stop being so pushy while Kurt was upset. He had often experienced some of Kurt's legendary fits first handed and it wasn't something that he wanted to happen. Especially not right now. So he dropped his hand, and gave some space to Kurt, so he could calm down.

"Can we call Phil now?" asked Blaine, like a child asking for ice cream.

"oh my god Blaine, don't you know how to pick up a phone on your own and dial a number?"

"It's just… I need you Kurt, for this. Help me please" Blaine sounded so desperate that Kurt couldn't continue being mad anymore. He turned to see Blaine on the edge of loosing it, his eyes sparkling, and he just went to hug him. Because he knew that he was being selfish right now. That Blaine was more important than his moisturizing routine, and that Blaine couldn't face up alone to the challenges that were ahead of him. He shouldn't have to. And if being there just meant putting a comforting on his knee while he was dialing a number, than be it. He would do it. He would do so much more.

They settled for the kitchen, as Dianna was still watching the TV, and made sure to close the door behind them. It wasn't a conversation that she should hear. Kurt brought a glass of water to Kurt, who smiled at him for his considerate gesture, before finally dialing Phil's number. And Kurt did jus what he said: he sit down, close to the other man, a gentle hand on his knee, and a reassuring look on his face.

"Hello? Blaine?" finally answered Phil after a few moments.

"Hey Phil, it's Blaine and Kurt. You're on speaker. Listen I'm sorry for this morning, I kind of passed out last night and…"

"It's ok, Blaine really. From what I gathered from Dianna, you were pretty busy" cut Phil. Kurt could almost see the smile on Phil's face, and raised an eyebrow to Blaine, who just shrugged.

"Yeah. Sorry about that also. So, what's the deal, Phil?"

"You tell me, mate. I mean, we have several options here. But let me ask you something, before. Are you ready to fight for Dianna's custody or not?"

"Of course I am" said Blaine with indignation. How could he ask such a thing!

"I know you are but you have to be prepared for every possibility and since the facts are… I mean what they are, it might be a ugly fight"

Blaine didn't respond for a moment. Would he be able to face Lisa, and his parents-in-law and well, the world and tell them what he was? Who he was? Would he be able to face their judging looks and the repulsion on their faces?

"Blaine?" called Phil, on the other side of the line.

"Blaine, look at me…" whispered Kurt, locking his eyes with Blaine. "Look at me, it's going to be all right. I'm there, remember? And I know you can do this. Courage, Blaine".

It's all it took for Blaine to regain confidence. A single word and the look of pure love and support that showed on Kurt's face. So he took the receiver in his hand and said solemnly :

"I'm ready, Phil. I'm ready to fight for my girl and for my rights."

"Good" Phil sounded surprisingly relieved. Maybe he was doubting Blaine as much the man doubted himself. "So now, I thing the best course of action would be to agree on a settlement. It's way better than a public court case, where the politics could quickly mess everything."

"A settlement? Yeah, I think it could work" agreed Kurt, after receiving a nod from Blaine.

"Ok, so I'll contact Lisa and her lawyer and we'll see if she agrees to that. I don't think it would be a problem because she probably want to keep the lowest profile possible."

"I'd say so, too"

"All right, then. I'll call you tonight to keep you updated on the events."

"Thank you Phil. I really mean it"

"You're welcome Blaine. Talk to you later."

"Wait! Phil?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you please tell Lisa to just say to her parents that I'm out of town for a personal emergency or something. Since her dad is my boss and all…."

"Sure, Blaine. I'll take care of it. Have a nice day". And he hung up.

Even when the call ended, Blaine just kept staring at the phone in his hands. Kurt knew that he was scared, upset, and he was lost. He had no idea how to handle the case. He squeezed his tight, and just like that, he let him know that he was going to be here with him and everything was going to be ok. Blaine finally raised his head to look at Kurt and apparently what he saw Kurt's eyes, made him relax.

"That's good Blaine if you can leave that private. Settle on something with Lisa; it would help you and Dianna a lot."

"I don't know if she will accept, though"

"She will. She needs it to be as less messy as possible. You know that. Sure, it will take some compromises, but…"

"I will compromise on everything, but Dianna's well being" said Blaine with determination

"Ok, sure. Well, now get up, there is no point at sitting staring at that phone all day. Phil is gonna call back tonight. In the mean time, you should find something to keep yourself busy!"

"I don't know what to do…" admitted Blaine, sheepishly.

"Well, In that case, you should just come with me. At work, I mean. If you want, of course…"

"I would love too! Just let me call Dianna' school, and the office and invent some pitiful excuse and I'll come with you. Wait, what about Dianna?"

"Let her come too. She will have fun." Smiled Kurt

"Ok, good! Just leave me 10 minutes to get Dianna ready and we'll go!" said, Blaine somewhat very exited by the idea.

Kurt laughed, thinking about how happy Blaine looked, in the prospect of going with him to work. It was almost like someone had told him that Christmas was a month early this year. But that's exactly why Kurt was happy. Because Blaine, even for a moment, was able to forget his worries and get exited for something. It was, sure, a brief, but nonetheless, certain relieve in all that madness.

Blaine almost flied out of the living room to get Dianna and get ready to the big day ahead of them. When Kurt proposed to let him come with him, he took that as some kind of achievement. Kurt was trying hard to trust him again, and he was opening himself more and more. He knew it took him a lot of efforts to do so, but he was determined to work all this honesty and trust thing. That's all Blaine ever wanted. But it meant also that he would know more about Kurt and his life. Everything he had achieved when they were apart. He wanted to see if everything they use to dream about was true. If he had realized one of his many dreams. If there was some sense of happiness in his life. Some constant to hold on too. Of course, he had Broadway now, and he knew that, that was one of his dreams all along, but Blaine knew that fashion had always been his first passion, goal and he wanted to witness it by himself. The fact that Kurt was willing to share this with him meant the world for him.

It took some persuasion to get Dianna out of the living room but he finally managed to get her to dress up. But now that she was ready, he was facing a dilemma of his own. He wasn't sure anymore of what he should wear. Ok, he was a long way to be like Kurt, but he felt like it was some kind of special occasion. Besides, he was going to the home of fashion, for god sake! He had to look, well, fashionable. That's pretty much where his mind was, when he heard Kurt calling at him from the living room. He sounded pretty angry, even. God, what now?

Blaine, who knew better than to keep him waiting, opened the door, just to see a very agitated Kurt, standing in the middle of the room, taping with his foot.

"What's up?" asked an oblivious Blaine

"What's up?" repeated Kurt with incredulity in his voice, like Blaine' simple question was an outrage on his own. "What is up, is that we are running late, and you're still half dressed!" He hissed.

"Sorry, but I can't figure out what to wear…" admitted sheepishly Blaine

"Oh my god, Blaine! You really choose the best moment for starting caring about clothes, don't you?"

"Huh…"

"Just put some freaking jeans on and a shirt! I'm so late already! I have at least 15 missed calls from work, more mails than I can't answer too in a week! Add that to the fact that I'm all-sore from sleeping on a couch, and because of _you,_ I couldn't finish my moisturizing routine! You, really want to talk about fashion, _now_?

Blaine run back to his room without even answering, and put on the first things that came across his hand. Simple black skinny jeans, and red shirt, that would do. But he took nonetheless a minute to put some gel in his hair, because, as late as they might be, there was no way he could go out looking like a Bilbo the hobbit. He had enough teasing like that thank you very much.

Back in the living room, Kurt looked down at Dianna, and said, with a malicious tone in his voice and a wink:

"And that, my sweetie, is how to boss a man around, lesson 1.0.1. No need to thank me, it's free."

And on that, he went looking for his bag, leaving a mouth opened, highly amused but equally shocked, Dianna.

 

10 minutes, everybody was finally gathered in Kurt's Navigator, Dianna safely belted in the back seat. Blaine still had a ashamed guilty look on his face, and as much as Kurt enjoyed it, he had to make sure that Blaine knew that he wasn't really mad at him.

"Blaine, stop looking like a lost puppy. I'm not mad at you" smiled Kurt, turning to look at him, when they stopped at a red light.

"but you…"

"Oh come one, Blaine! Sure I was late, but sometimes, you know how I just like going all diva on you! Besides, you buy it every time, it's endearing!"

Blaine turned to look at him, incredulous, but Kurt's eyes were back on the road. A smile smirk playing on his lips. Blaine sighed, a bit ashamed of his own foolishness, and said, with a tone, he wanted threatening :

"Just wait and see. I'm gonna get back to you, on this one. Mark my words, Hummel"

"Sure, sure sweetie" answered Kurt, like he was addressing a baby.

Blaine just growled, and Kurt couldn't help but burst into laughter, quickly followed by Dianna who was really amused by the exchange in front of her. Blaine pouted for a second, at the sight of everybody laughing at him, but quickly joined the party. They were practically panting, laughing so hard but it wasn't at Blaine anymore. Honestly, if someone asked them right at this moment, what was the cause of such hysteria, they wouldn't know how to answer. Dianna would have probably said that sometimes it just felt good to laugh, see? Forget about everything and anything and just let go. Who needed a reason to feel happy, anyway?

The hilarity eventually faded down, as Kurt starting focusing on the road again. But it was a busy crowded Monday morning and the traffic was horrible. Kurt was not the more patient of men, Blaine knew that and he was starting to worry that Kurt would get upset again. Because even if he had told him that he wasn't mad at him, he knew he was still late, and by the constant buzzing of his phone, work was definitely waiting for him. But once again, Kurt surprised him by taking a deep breath in order to relax and turned to look at him.

"Well, apparently, we are stuck here for quite some time. Might as well enjoy it."

"That's why I never wanted to buy a car. The subway is faster"

"Took it for 4 years. I think the unique smell of mixed urine and cheap perfume will never fully leave me, thank you." Grimaced Kurt

Blaine just chuckled. Oh god, how much he had miss Kurt's sarcasms and witty comeback.

"It's a beautiful day for April" said Blaine, watching the sun slowly spreading in the streets.

"Yeah it is. But what I wanted to talk to you is more interesting than weather, Blaine."

"Oh? And what's that?" asked Blaine, smiling

But Kurt hesitated for a moment, not really sure of himself anymore. Blaine noticed, and turned to look at him.

"What's going on Kurt? You know you can ask me anything, right?"

"Yeah, but I'm not sure if you want to talk about it…" admitted Kurt, somewhat blushing

"Well, shoot. If I don't feel ready to talk about it just now, I'll let you know."

But Kurt seemed to be having kind of an internal fight with himself. Finally he seemed to take a decision, but Blaine sensed that whatever he was about to ask, wasn't at all what he wanted to know at first. But he didn't want to push him. And besides, Blaine wasn't sure himself if he was ready to talk about everything just now, in a car, with his daughter in the back seat.

"Blaine, what are you doing, now? I mean, I guess you stopped college so are you working or what?" asked finally Kurt. And Blaine knew he was right. And he was pleased to know that it was a question that he could answer easily.

"Yeah, I dropped out of college. Because, well, after being away for so long, I would have failed anyway. And I couldn't continue in Boston, because I had to work to provide for that angel behind" he said, turning to smile at Dianna. But the little girl knew that it was really genuine. That was news to her, and honestly, she hated to know that her father had to stop school to work because of her. She knew she shouldn't feel guilty because it wasn't something that she could have changed but still. And it bothered her that she didn't know the whole story also. Because Kurt knew, and she only got to hear some parts of it. But apparently something big happened and that caused her daddy to leave Kurt and to get with her mommy. Does the world hurt his daddy. Were people mean to him, like people were mean to her friend Mary and her two mommy? That's why he went way with his mommy? But, the thing is that her daddy clearly told her that people don't choose who they fall in love with. So he fell in love with Kurt, no matter his boy status, and then he fell in love with her mommy? Wait, but he didn't love her anymore. Or he never did, maybe. So… Oh god, she was starting to have a headache. Better just listen to what her daddy had to say. Maybe she would understand the rest. when she would be older. Like 8.

"Lisa's dad, offered me a job. He owns a furniture store. Well, more like a hundred furniture stores around the country. It's called Criss' office. I know, how original! Anyway, it sells furniture for offices, and designs practical arrangements for small spaces, like bedrooms and studios and stuff. I'm responsible of the Boston and Massachusetts area. I'm the executive manager in this area. There are prospections for new models of arrangements. It's a big business because well, they are a lot of real estate projects and in the mean time… Wait, why are you looking at me like that?" Blaine stopped his monologue because Kurt had apparently forgotten about the road, and had turned to him, mouth slightly open, and wait, was that, a disappointed look on his face?

"You dreamed about going to law school and being a family lawyer and now, you talk about furniture with excitement and fervor. They really did brainwash you, didn't they?" Answered him Kurt, turning back to look at the road. But Blaine did notice the sad and pitiful look on his face.

And suddenly he was angry. Not as much as Kurt's pity but as himself. Of what he became. Yeah, he had heard himself too. He talked like it was his choice, his career dream. Like all his previous dreams were just fantasies that someone cured him of. How could he forget that? Forget about his dream, and himself, and just embrace the new him? He felt like a total stranger to himself. Indeed, they had brainwashed him. They persuaded him that being straight was the best, that furniture business was what he really liked, that basically all his life was he should have been inspiring too. And there was nothing else. And he just took it and learned his lesson like a good boy. But now that he was delivering his made up speech to Kurt, he just realized what a fool he was. What a weak oblivious man he had been all these years. And it really really upset him. Kurt seemed to notice the sudden change of atmosphere in the car.

"I'm sorry, Blaine. I shouldn't have said that. I have no right" apologized Kurt, looking genuinely ashamed of his outburst.

"Maybe, Maybe not. But that doesn't mean that you don't make a valid point" admitted Blaine, almost growling.

The rest of the car ride was spent in a rather awkward and uncomfortable silence.

 

They finally arrived more than 20 minutes later at Kurt's office. They spent 10 more minutes to find a parking spot, which only added to Kurt's frustration and Blaine's worries that the day may not have been such a good idea after all. The mood was gloomy and even Dianna was aware of it. She didn't like that, because honestly she only left the flat and her cartoons to have some fun, and watch some models and nice clothes. If they were gonna be so moody all day long, she could have stayed alone at home, watching some depressing reality TV show about babies with cancer, it would have been the same.

As they went pass the hall of the building, and the security gave them their visitor badges, she decided that she had to take things in her own hands. Starting by an easy question, and getting up from there, until they would finally stop sulking.

Once in the elevator, she turned to talk to Kurt.

"Kurt?"

"Yeah, sweetie" He tried to soften his voice, looking down at her, but even she could tell that her smile was fake and that he was still both deeply upset and stressed.

"What floor is your office on?"

"35th"

"So, it's…" Dianna run his eyes on the different tags in the elevator before finally funding the right floor, with the tag aside, "P's legacy? That's an odd name for a fashion brand…" wondered the little girl

Blaine seemed to notice too for the first time. He turned to look at Kurt, raising an eyebrow in wonder, forgetting momently about his sulking.

"What is P for? " asked Blaine

"Actually I've never answered the question…" answered Kurt, with a look on his face that Blaine couldn't really understand.

"How so?" both Blaine and Dianna were very curious now.

"The media, my partners, the people that I work with, my friends, well basically everybody, just keep asking this question. And I always tell them, that it's a secret. They think it's a marketing strategy or something to raise people curiosity but even the marketing department doesn't know" chuckled Kurt, clearly amused by his own private joke. "But anyway, I keep telling them that it's not that. That maybe someday I will reveal what the P stands for, maybe, or maybe not. If not, they'll just have to deal without knowing. They're like we don't understand. I just say, well, neither do I. So for now, it's just P. if someday I'll figure it out, whose legacy is, and what it stands for, I promise I'll let you know. They think I'm crazy. That I'm a lunatic, but they love it. It adds to the fascination that the media has for me. Like how they see me."

Blaine really wants to know what kind of image is that, because honestly he always avoided all these years all the articles, or anything related to Kurt. He had lived practically in his own bubble. But Dianna had an other question for Kurt, and she beat him to it.

"So, what P's stands for, then?" she asked, the only way a little kid could insist, wanting to know everything.

"Dianna, if Kurt won't tell the world, would you think he would tell you and me?" reprimanded her Blaine for his boldness

But Dianna didn't have time to pout, as Kurt talked again.

"Actually I can tell you. I might even soon tell the rest of the people."

"I'm sorry, what?" asked Blaine, incredulous. Because, really, he really didn't expect that.

Dianna only smiles because she senses that whatever Kurt is going to say is about to change the mood significantly.

And Kurt is looking at Blaine, with a genuine smile on his face. But it's not any kind of smile. Blaine can't name it, but it certainly does very weird things in his stomach. Flustering things and all. And Blaine just can't wait suddenly for Kurt to answer. The wait is almost unbearable as he looks into Kurt's eyes. And finally, Kurt's mouth open to speak.

"I didn't tell because I didn't know. Now, I understand. I really do and I'm pretty sure of it. P simply stands for Pavarotti. As in Pavarotti's legacy."

And that's the moment that chose the elevator to finally stop and the door opened wide, letting Kurt finally step into his office hall, a knowing smile on his face. Dianna was about to follow him, slightly disappointed by Kurt's revelation and determined to know more of the story. Because seriously, what in god's name, was a Pavarotti? But as she turned away to her dad to let him know of her frustration, she realized that her dad was froze in shock. He didn't apparently realize that they had to get out at this floor, and the doors were about to close. But he still didn't move. So Dianna, just took him from the hand and dragged him out. It was almost like he didn't care, or he didn't notice. He was just following her, like a robot on pilot command. But slowly, a tiny, no a big, no a huge smile spread on his face, and his whole face illuminated. The guy was simply glowing from happiness. Well, that was easier than Dianna though. Who knew that a simple ridiculous nonsense word, like Pavarotti, could turn a gloomy man to the most happy person alive?

 

"Are you coming?" said Kurt looking back. He caught Blaine's expression though and smiled sweetly at him. Blaine seemed to came back from whatever dreamland he was in, and shook his head. Kurt chuckled and came back on his path and took him and Dianna by the hand, who obliged happily. But he didn't glance at her and just kept staring at Blaine.

"Come on, you'll dream later. I'm late." Said Kurt, and pecked him on the cheek, quickly.

Blaine jumped, still a bit off, before, finally, recomposing himself totally. He nodded, to inform him that he was ready, which Kurt totally understood. He leaned to whisper in Blaine's ear.

"We'll talk about it later Let's go now"

Blaine smiled and finally decide to follow his lead. Kurt detached his hand from him, and Blaine hold Dianna's hand. Together, they stepped into the office.

Ok, see Blaine had hear about the frenzy that run through designers' offices and for god' sake he had watched the Devil wears Prada with Kurt more time that he had lost count, but nothing could have prepared him to the madness that welcome their arrival.

As soon as Kurt opened the door, almost 15 people jumped him and tackled him. They were everywhere, shouting things that Blaine couldn't even comprehend and to say the truth, he was kind of scared. Dianna was too, shocked by the amount of people that surrounded them suddenly and she stood closer to her dad. He squeezed her hand to let her know that it was ok, but he honestly, wasn't. The most surprising though was that Kurt seemed to handle it perfectly fine. As if he did it all his life, and Blaine realized at this moment, that he probably did.

"Ok, guys, calm down!" said Kurt, raising a bit his voice, and suddenly everybody shut up. Wow, that was impressive, though Blaine.

"I know that you all need me" started again Kurt, with a normal volume this time, "But I need coffee more. Does someone remember what happened last time when you attacked me before I even took my coffee?"

Apparently they did very well. Blaine even notice some of them a bit shaking, but the majority just smile knowingly.

"Ok, so let me 15 min. I know we're late, but I'll make it up to you, I promise. Besides I know you won't let me get out of here, before you're all satisfied and fed." More laughter.

"Just stay in your department, I'll come to see you, one by one, ok?"

They nodded and finally spread away, each one returning where they came from.

"Wow, I mean, wow! You really know how to manage this thing, don't you?" almost whistled Blaine in amazement.

Kurt looked at him, surprised by the admiration Blaine displayed him. As usual, he was underestimating himself, though Blaine. But soon, a smirk started playing on his face.

"Well, it's fight or die. Honestly, sometimes I think they will knock me down and march over me like hyenas or something. Now let's go to my office, before they all come back, galloping!"

Dianna and Blaine just laughed at Kurt's expression and followed him into his office. It was a nice larger wooden room with a nice view on the city. But it was a bit impersonal and Blaine couldn't keep but notice that it was very odd for Kurt to not add his special little touch to it. It was nice, but…

"Cold? Yeah, I know" Kurt finished Blaine thoughts, as he was watching him discover his office for the first time, waiting for his judgment.

But before Blaine could ask why, or Kurt could explain a bit further, the door opened free, letting in, a man, that Blaine recognized pretty quickly as Jeff, Kurt's old friend from his Vogue Internship. What was he doing here?

"Kurt ! You're finally here!" Jeff didn't seem to notice nor Blaine or Dianna, and flew directly to stand in front of Kurt, looking agitated. "Man, I've been waiting for you all morning! Where have you been? I must have called you 18 times and left a half dozen messages!"

"Yeah, I did receive those, I believe" sighed Kurt "Can you hold on two more seconds while I'll make some coffee and then I'll listen to your problem of the week"

"My. Problem. Of. The. Week?"

"Oh calm down a bit, Jeff, will you?" said Kurt, very calm, while he versing his coffee "And be at least polite in the mean time. Say hi to Blaine"

Jeff growled but nonetheless turned to salute this Blaine. And for the first time in a long time, he finally looked at him. Blaine handed his hand to shake his, but Jeff just seemed to froze, like he had no idea who Blaine was. Kurt didn't seem to notice though, and just kept talking.

"Jeff, you remember Blaine, right?"

"Blaine? Blaine?" Jeff seemed to deliberate for a moment, as if he was searching for a distant memory, but something was off. "Oh, you mean Blaine, the asshole who made you quit your Vogue internship and almost ruined your whole career. Yeah I believe, I do remember him." Finished Jeff, looking at Blaine, with despise. Well, strike that, he had a perfect idea of who he was.

"No, Jeff. Blaine, as my friend, who I ask you to respect and treat with dignity." Responded Kurt with an icy voice, and a death glare.

"Kurt how could you even…" started to shout Jeff

"Jeff shut up! I don't need your opinion on this. Now, do you have something for me to fix or what?" shouted back Kurt

"Kurt! How stupid are you, seriously?"

"Ok, enough is enough Jeff! I didn't want to come to that, but Jeff, as your boss, either you shut up, or you can take your stuff away. Now do you have something for me or not?"

"No. Nothing Mr. _Hummel_." Growled Jeff offended, storming out of the office, and on his way, slightly nudging Blaine.

Kurt sighed and fell down on his chair. " So much for a quiet time alone"

"I'm sorry…" started Blaine, who had apparently fell down on a chair of his own, Dianna on his laps. And truly he was. He was sorry that Kurt had to face all his friends for him. That he had to fight for his right to be with whoever he was. That really had never changed since high school but this time it was way worse. Because now, it was his friends who were not accepting. And they hated Blaine. As much as happy Blaine was that Kurt had forgiven him, it was always a shock to be treated this way. The hurt never faded away. The shame neither. Especially every time he got a new piece of information of how he had ruined Kurt's life. Like now. Apparently, because of him, Kurt had dropped off the internship of his dream, the one he had worked so much to obtain. But Blaine had messed up everything like always.

"Don't.." started to say Kurt, before the noise of the door opening again interrupted him, and a tiny oriental looking brunette walked in.

"Oh for all that's Fashion week, what again?" hissed Kurt

"Hi Kurt!" said the brunette, apparently not the bit affected by Kurt's mood.

"Hi Leila. Does anybody listen to me?"

"Regarding what exactly?"

"Didn't I just said that I would come to see every one of you personally, and in the mean time, you should just _wait_ in your office? Wait, as in stay put?"

"Sorry, must have missed your little speech." Kept babbling as eagerly Leila. "Anyway the deal is…"

"Leila, wait a second. Let me introduce you to Blaine" said Kurt, pointing at the man. But Leila barely waved at him before continuing her gibbering. Kurt launched at apologetic look at Blaine, who just chuckled, his mood improving thanks to Leila's infectious hysteria.

"So what's _your_ deal, Leila?"

"Oh, by the way, what's up with Jeff. He looked really pissed when I crossed him in the hall. Had a deadly glare."

"Never mind" sighed Kurt, taking a sip of coffee

"Always said that this guy belonged in a twelve step anger management program." Frowned Leila. But she quickly found back her eagerness. "Anyway, you know how you said that we had to hire more people and some consultants for the magazine project? Well, I have some candidates that I would like you to…"

"Wait, wait a second, Leila" cut Kurt " We talked about it last Friday. Do you ever stop working or what? Strike that, I know you don't. But did you actually found people as crazy as you to actually hold interviews on a week end?"

"I'm very persuasive" just shrugged Leila, not at all destabilized. " And your name is kind of magic. You would never believe how much people were interested! Anyway I made a list of people I'm gonna interview. But in the mean time, I found this guy. I mean, I know he just graduated from NYU majoring in design, I know what you are gonna say but he's good. He's very talented and since, we don't have a large budget to hire some expensive consultants, and since he's pretty much ready to have an internship without even being paid, I think we should consider hire him. Obviously we will just take him for a probation period first, and then we should hire one or two people to help him, but I think he will fit perfectly the profile."

"Ok, slow down Leila. What is this guy like?"

"well, he's gay. As gay as … you, actually"

"Well, thank you"

"What, it's true! Anyway, that's not the point at all. He's 22, very smart, a bit over enthusiastic, but I'm sure he will be cured from that within 2 days in this office. I would really like you to see him."

"Sure, sure. You set up a interview for tomorrow, ok?"

"Ok, thanks Kurt!" Leila almost jumped in content. That woman was a ball of energy, it was almost tiring, always though Kurt. But she brought such freshness into the office, that he was really glad to have her in her team, and as a friend. He couldn't help but smile back at her.

"I'm gonna leave you to your stuff, ok? "

"Wait, what's his name? This kid?"

"Christian. Kind of ironic, don't you think?" winked Leila

"I'd say so." Winked back Kurt. " I will come after to see you, Leila, so we can see what are your other choices for the post, ok?"

"Sure. By the way Kurt, I know you won't like it, but I kind of have a problem" suddenly Leila seemed not so sure. Her smile died a bit, and she was clearly concerned. Kurt seemed to notice too and stood up to put a hand on her shoulder.

"What's the problem, Leila?"

"Well, see, Sophia's teacher is apparently sick or something, so she doesn't have school. And my loser of ex husband can't take her because apparently his boss is an ass, but if you ask me, I'll tell you who's the ass."

"Wow, easy there Leila. There are kids on the room" said Kurt, pointing at Dianna "anyway there is no problem if you want to bring her. Besides Dianna will have someone to hang out with, it's perfect!"

"Good! But by the way, she's kind of already here…" said Leila, biting her lip. "What it's your fault!" she added when she was Kurt raise his eyebrow, "if you raised my salary, I would be able to put her on a private school and get her a decent teaching instead of those lazy public high school teachers!"

"When I finally reimburse all my debts, and start actually make some benefits, I promise you'll be the first one on my list!" replied back Kurt

"Humph" but Leila wasn't really mad. Blaine could tell that they must have had these kind of conversation many times before and it just became kind of a joke. But he wasn't denying Leila's financial problems nor Kurt's. It must have been hard.

"Stop pouting, it doesn't go with you hale. Now go bring Sophia and we'll introduce those two cuties!"

Leila practically bounced off the room, leaving the door open. Kurt sighed, shaking his head, before closing behind her, and turning back to the people in the room.

"Sorry about her. She's crazy. Actually, they all are."

"Not as much as you though."

Kurt turned to see that Leila was back, with Sophia behind her.

"Seriously, are you back already? Were you hiding her behind the door or what?"

"Pretty much" chuckled Sophia. "Hi, Kurt!" she ran to his open arms and he hugged her. He had always loved the 8 years-old girl. She was the copy of her mother, the same long brown hair, the slightly mate skin, the big shining eyes.

"Hi sweetie!" he dropped her back on the floor, before leading her to stand in front of Dianna. " Sophia, this is Dianna. Dianna it's Sophia."

"Hi, Di" squealed Sophia, smiling broadly

"No, it's Dianna or nothing at all" Clearly Dianna wasn't so eager to meet her "new friend"

"Sorry." Kept smiling Sophia. She was apparently also judging her. "You're small"

"Duh, I'm four. If I was as tall as you, it would be awkward."

"Four? But I'm eight!"

"Yeah, but I'm smart. Too smart for my own good, right dad?" added Dianna, winking at her father

"Works for me. So are you gonna stay her and hear about their boring work stuff or you want me to show you the awesome secrets spots and things that only I know about?"

Dianna didn't even let her finish her phrase and dragged her out of the room. She had enough of the adult drama, thank you very much. If it meant spending the day with an over enthusiastic and judgmental girl, than be it. She could judge and squeal too.

"Well, that's something out of the way." Said Kurt, falling back into his chair, behind his office, once Leila finally left the building.

"Is it always that…" asked Blaine

"Hectic? Crazy? Out-of-hand? Yea. But lately it has been worse. I have the spring/summer collection to finish before the debut of the summer, in time for September's Fashion week. This year is going to be my first real runway show."

"That's amazing! Congratulations, Kurt!" cheered Blaine, sincerely happy.

"Thanks, but it's a lot of pressure." Sighed Kurt. "Add that to this new project of a magazine I had, I'll tell you about it later, and the my 3 times a week Broadway performances, and you can pretty much guess my comatose state at the end of the week. But I can't complain. It's a dream come true, and it can end at anytime, so in the mean time, I should enjoy every moment of it." Finished Kurt, smiling.

Blaine didn't respond, amazed by Kurt's vision of things and his positivity. Of course, he was tired. You could see it on his face. Every line, every freckle. They told they story of his life. Of the challenges he had to face, the low blows that people kept throwing him. His face was more marked that most of people. He was still 25, but he had seen enough from life to loose any pleasure in it. But he didn't. He was still enjoying it, still appreciating every good moment he was given. It wasn't something you could credit a lot of people with.

"Anyway, I think I should probably start now. They must be going crazy over there. I can almost sense their negative waves. Watch that, you're going to like it."

On the extreme right corner of Kurt's desk, there was a small machine with a micro on it, like the one they used in principal offices in schools all over the country to make announcements. Apparently, Kurt was about to make one, and Blaine figured that it was connected with all the offices of the floor. Kurt winked at him, and turned on the disposal. A muffled sound was heard from the outside, sign that the thing was ready to be used.

"Ladies, and Gentleman. I hope everyone is ready because I'm coming. So put your high heels on, and fix your ties, because I'm about to go all Devil wears…" before he looked down to his outfit, Blaine whispered "Marc Jacobs" with a huge grin on his face. Kurt stared at him in surprise before beginning again: "Right, Devil wears Marc Jacobs. So beware!" he finished.

"That wasn't really as impressive as I tough it would be. Devils wears Marc Jacobs doesn't really have a nice ring to it." Said Kurt, honestly thinking, once he turned the thing off. Blaine let out a chuckle, and the sight of Kurt's disappointed face, burst out laughing.

"You were just showing off to me, weren't you" he managed to chock out

"Yeah. You caught me." Admitted sheepishly Kurt. "Haven't used that thing since the day they installed it. Definitely not my kind of stuff"

"You don't say" Blaine laughter doubled in intensity as Kurt blush spread to all his face, and he started pouting.

"Come here, Miss Presley, Let's go see your troupes"

"Not funny, Blaine." Groaned Kurt, looking at the other man with one of his famous deathly glares, which calmed a bit Blaine. But only a little bit. He still had a hard time a breathing normally. Kurt eventually chose to ignore him, and made his way out of his office, Blaine, still gasping, on his tracks.

"By the way, Blaine, as much as it coats me to say it right now, I must tell you that I'm impressed."

"By what exactly?"

"Apparently I managed to teach you two or 3 things about fashion. You were at least pretty quick at mentioning Marc Jacobs over there"

"What can I say? I had a good teacher. And I do listen to you, from times to times." Winked Blaine.

"Right, because the other 90% of the time, you just do what that curious and dysfunctional brain of yours tell you to do. I swear we should order an investigation into that thing."

"Says the man who is convinced that he's a mixed reincarnation of Patti Lupone and Meryl Strip." Laughed out loud Blaine, as Kurt started sulking again.

"You will never let me forget that, will you?"

"Not in my existence!" smiled broadly Blaine, closing the door behind him.

 

The rest of the day went pretty smoothly. Kurt went from department to department, Blaine always following him everywhere, amazed by all that the brand had to offer. For the first time, he actually understood that there was much more than just a guy sketching models to make a successful brand. But no matter what problem presented itself, Kurt had always an answer to it. He made all the big decisions, but Blaine also had the pleasure to meet all his employees, wonderful talented people that absolutely loved Kurt and respected him even more. It wasn't really a employee-boss kind of relationship but more like friends working together to achieve something great. They were 30 people working full time in the office, between the different department, and it looked in Blaine's mind like a bee ruche. But if it seemed chaotic, everything was in fact very well ruled and determined. Each one had its own task, and he stuck to it. But Kurt had to do it all, because as good as they were at their job; they still needed his opinion on practically everything. That's how Blaine realized that Kurt knew as much about RH stuff, or legal stuff, than couture tricks.

He discovered also that it wasn't always easy to keep the machine going. That they had a lot of financial problem but it never discouraged them. They just had to find new ways to do what they wanted to do, with less money. It kept things interesting and challenges, as put it Kurt. Jeff didn't seem to agree, but Blaine wasn't sure if it was because of the money or him being here. But he didn't express any more concerns, at least not in front of Blaine or Kurt. They talked about the difficulties that the new magazine project could bring and how it could affect the financial situation of the brand some more.

Kurt eventually explained what the project was about. Blaine found that it was a brilliant idea, an even original one, but as Kurt had said, it was still something they should talk about more before seriously consider it. But if you asked Blaine, if someone could pull something like that, it would definitely be Kurt.

Kurt didn't have the time to take a lunch break, so Blaine went out to bring him some snacks from the bar around the corner. When he returned, Kurt had moved to the fitting. If he hadn't totally finished the collection, some of his pieces were already designed and the first fitting on models was going to happen this afternoon, Kurt had decided. So when he came back into this office, he wasn't surprised to see everyone running in every side, shouting things, and grabbing stuff. The models were suppose to arrive at any moment now, and everything had to be ready. Just as he was making his way to Kurt's office, he saw Dianna running at him.

"Daddy, I'm hungry!"

"Hello to you to! Where have you been all morning?" asked Blaine, grabbing her by the shoulder

"Here and there. With Sophia. She's super nice! But I'm hungry now!" whined Dianna, giving a puppy glare to her father, who couldn't help but melt at her sight. She really did it better than anyone.

"Come here. I just brought lunch. Let's go eat in Kurt's office. He's over there waiting for us!"

"Can I just take it with me? Please? Sophia wants to show me something, which, according to her, will huh… blow my mind. I have no idea what she means, but please? Please?" More sad puppy eyes.

Blaine sighed and gave her a sandwich from the bag. She squealed and kissed him quickly on the cheek before once again disappearing as fast as she appeared in the first place.

Blaine entered Kurt's office to see that was once again on the phone. He seemed to never turn off that thing. It kept ringing all morning, even though sometimes he just checked the screener and put it back on his pocket, sighing. But that was definitely as important discussion.

"Naya, listen to me, please listen." Apparently a very agitated one, also. "No, I won't be ready. No! Naya I told you! Fine. Whatever. When? Next Monday? Are you crazy? No, that is definitely not happening. Ok. Naya, just drop it. For now. Ok. I'll think about it. I said, I'll think about it. Ok. By, Naya!"

Kurt finally hung up the phone, sighing. He put his head on his dash, and closed his eyes.

"Are you ok?" asked Blaine, sitting in chair in front of him, putting the food on the desk.

"Oh thank god, Food!" Kurt raised his head quickly, looked at the bag of food in front of him with hungry eyes, before almost tearing apart the thing. Blaine chuckled before taking matters into his own hands. He ordered the plastic plates and put the salad and tacos on the table, before giving a fork to Kurt, who used it pretty quickly.

He had just put a tomato in his mouth that the door once again opened, letting Ian, the marketing chief, in.

"Kurt, we need you!"

"OhmygodIanImeating" said Kurt, his mouth full.

"What?"

"Ian, I'm eating!" repeated Kurt, swallowing hard

"Sorry, Kurt, but Frank, the photograph is here. And you know how he is…" trained Ian

"Ok. I'm coming. Just distract him 2 minutes please. Show him your abs or something"

Ian just rolled his eyes before leaving the room. Kurt quickly gaped two or 3 tomato, some lettuce, before dropping his fork, and standing up, sighing.

"Can't have one second to eat here! Blaine, take your time, finish your meal and meet me in the shooting room, when you're done, ok?"

Blaine simply nodded, his mouth full, and Kurt left. As much as this morning had been hectic, Kurt loved the fact that Blaine was here with him. He had enjoyed showing him all that his job was about and he was pleased to know that Blaine was impressed. He had really worked for it, but above all, Blaine's opinion was what mattered him the most. All those times, when he struggled to get something done, what kept him fighting was Blaine. Even if he refused to think that back then. But Blaine had always been his inspiration, his motivation, even absent. So Blaine to see now, everything that he had helped to accomplish, even he didn't know it, was an amazing feeling to Kurt. It was as the gods had approved him. As much as his father's pride, and support. He knew if he ever told Blaine, he would never believe, but here was the truth.

But in the meantime, he had a lot to deal with. Frank, the photograph had arrived, as well as the models and the pieces were adjusted on them. Everything was ready to be shot. One slight problem was remaining. In his last collection, he had added some pieces for kids. It was really unintentional. He wouldn't say it was hormones or whatever women used to justify their need to have kids, but it was close. He had been thinking about the possibility of having kids a lot lately and it was shown in his drawings. He had surprised himself, a few weeks ago, designing clothes models for little kids, and he actually loved what he had come up with. But he didn't think that those drawings would ever be realized, not anytime soon at least. He had already to establish himself as a successful designer brand for grown ups, and bringing a child's collection in the mix, wasn't going to help. But the couture department had seen some of the drawings he had forgotten in his book of sketches, and they loved it. Along with the marketing department, and Naya, they convinced him that they should at least produce some of the pieces and see if they fitted. Which they did. The clothes were adorable, "boheme chic", as Kurt called it. They wanted to realize a fitting with a kid model but with the frenzy of the past few weeks, they didn't really had the time to find one. And now, the photograph was here, asking about it. Well, they would just have to do it another time, maybe, or maybe not. Sincerely Kurt had enough in his mind to care about that.

As soon as the shoot started, the door opened, and Kurt turned persuaded to see Blaine. Actually it was Sophia and Dianna, who had sneak out in the room, giggling about god know what. Kurt smiled at them, which they returned, and put a finger on his mouth indicating them to be quiet. The sound of their squealing lowed down a little and they went to seat in the opposite corner of the room.

But apparently it was to late to sneak out, because Frank had heard them and stopped taking shots of the models, and was now looking in their directions, with an interest that Kurt didn't really like.

"Who's that girl?" asked Frank, pointing at Dianna, who was still obliviously giggling with Sophia, making faces.

"Who the blond one, or the brunette?" asked Kurt, carefully

"The blue eyed blond one"

"That's Dianna, my friend's daughter." Said Dianna apparently had heard her name from across the room, and raised her head in wonder. Franck gestured her to come closer, which she did, after giving an interrogating look to Sophia, who just shrugged, as oblivious as her.

"What do you want her?" asked Kurt, bringing Dianna at his side. But Frank didn't answer. He kneeled in front of the little girl, who watched him with wide eyes and frankly, a bit of fear. Frank seemed to examine her for a moment, before finally standing up facing Kurt.

"She's perfect."

"Huh… what do you mean, Frank?" Kurt knew that the man was kind of odd, but he had never really suspected him to be some kind of pedophile or sort. Not as obviously at least.

"Well, for the kid's photo shoot, my dear!" stated Frank, as if it was the most obvious thing on the planet.

"You mean Dianna as a model for the kid's line?" asked Kurt dumbfounded

"Well, yes! She's perfect. She would look so good on magazines. You wouldn't even need to Photoshop here!"

"Yeah! Pictures! I want to take pictures! I want to be a model and be famous! A big star!" Apparently Dianna wasn't reluctant anymore. She was smiling broadly at Frank and jumping around. Sophia had join the party and was bouncing with her.

"Yeah, and if you are a star, you're going to meet Miley Cyrus. And you going to present me to Justin Beiber! Yeah, please Kurt, let her be a model!" Both girls were now grabbing Kurt's pants and throwing him begging glances, involving a lot of puppy eyes. But Kurt had seen those looks. Blaine used to throw him those every once in a while. Well, Dianna had certainly inherited this talent from him. And it was definitely more effective on a 4 years old. Not that it would affect Kurt anyway.

"First: Sophia, Justin Beiber, really? Two: No pictures, no modeling, no nothing. Not while I'm alive. Dianna, you want your father to kill me or what?"

"But…" tried to object in the same time Dianna, Sophia, and Franck, for that matter. But they didn't go very far with their whining as a voice suddenly raised behind them.

"No way. I'm not letting my daughter model or whatever. No freaking way."

Blaine had apparently found his way into the room, unnoticed in all this drama. He was standing next to the door, his arms crossed on his chest, a disapproving look on his face. Apparently Dianna knew that look very much, or at least she dreaded it, and she calmed on the spot. But Frank had more in his sleeve.

"That's your daughter? Well, it's perfect; I was just telling Kurt here, that she would perfect to be the face of his new kid's campaign. She would be so … photogenic."

Blaine moved to stand in front of him, and looked at him from tip to toes, in a very "Kurtesque" way, but didn't speak further more. Kurt sighed, and throw a look at Franck, that he wanted definitive. Apparently he had more success at mastering the bitchy glare, because Franck shuddered and went back stat behind his camera, yelling at some models in the way.

"I'm sorry Blaine. You know those artists…" explained Kurt, turning to look at Blaine. But he didn't seem so upset. Actually he was even kind of amused.

"We can't be artists, if no one let us" pouted Franck, from behind his camera, which caused pretty much everyone in the room to chuckle at the man's dramatics.

"Really I should be flattered that he thinks that my daughter is worthy of modeling. Even if I had nothing to do with that" sighed Blaine, with a sad smile on his face.

Kurt sensed that Blaine's mood was about to go down once again, which meant that everybody's mood was going to be affected. Well, at least his. He really didn't need to be moody, though. He had still a lot to do, and sulking wasn't going to help.

"On the other hand, you did teach her well. I mean those damn puppy eyes! I don't know how you can refuse her anything!" pointed Kurt, with a grimace.

Blaine just burst out laughing, forgetting all about genetics and what about.

Well, at least, that was down.

 

The rest of the day went in the same frenzy as the morning, with Kurt running here and there, Blaine on his heels. It seemed that every time he fixed something, an other problem would come out instantly. At least, the photo shoot went smoothly, and Franck didn't bring up Dianna again, which Blaine was glad. He had enough problems with Lisa, to consider a modeling contract for his daughter. Lisa would throw a fit, a for sure, would accuse him of objectifying their daughter for money. And then, the judge would certainly deny him any rights upon her. But blessed her age, because after pouting for 20 minutes, Dianna found something else to be exited about in the office, and went running after it with Sophia, everything else forgotten. They didn't seem to sit still for one second, which lead her to be exhausted and fall asleep by the time they finally made it home around 9pm. They had stopped on the way to eat some quick Thai, but as soon as she finished her plate, Dianna had fallen asleep, head on the table. Blaine took her in her arms and put her in bed, as soon as they arrived at the apartment. She wouldn't even change, so he just took off her shoes, and let her drown inside the covers. Blaine changed into sweatpants quickly before getting out of the room, closing the door behind him, on a snoring little girl.

Kurt had already took place on the couch, in some sweatpants himself, too tired to care about fashion at this point. He just needed to be comfortable and his greys pants and "Likes boys" tee shirt were just fine. He was almost lying on the sofa, his feet on the table, and his eyes closed. His hand was massing slowly his temple, as if he was having a headache, which was probably the case. But when Blaine joined him, he opened his arms and let the man lie next to him, and Blaine put his head on the taller man chest. Kurt closed his arms around him, and rested his chin on the top of his head. They were comfortable, they were together, they were home.

"Want to watch something?" asked slowly Kurt

"No. I'm good like that." Whispered back Blaine. "Besides, I don't think I can handle more noise, after today. I don't how you do it, but, I'm exhausted and I wasn't even the one who had to handle all those hyenas."

"Takes a lot of practice, believe me. But I gotta admit that today was a pretty busy day. More than usual."

"Still. You handled it very well. You impressed me."

"Thank you, that was actually my number one goal today" replied Kurt, with a sarcastic tone.

"Well done, Mr. Hummel". He felt Blaine smile on his chest.

Kurt wanted to tell him that it wasn't ironic at all. That it had been actually his goal all along. Not really impress him but to get his approval. But he wouldn't say it. Not now anyway. They still had a long way ahead of them before he could admit that out loud. In the meantime, he would just be sarcastic.

"But seriously, you kind of inspired me." Admitted Blaine, after a long pause.

"How so?" asked Kurt, surprised. But Blaine didn't answer right away. Instead got out of Kurt's embrace, and sat straighter on the couch, his legs crossed, facing Kurt.

"You were right when about what you said this morning. I had big dreams for my future and I just throw them away"

"You didn't exactly have the choice. I'm sorry I…"

"Don't apologize Kurt. Don't. I know I didn't got the choice, but still, I gave up so easily, and took pleasure, if you can call it, into my life. I got brainwashed like you said, and I just accepted it. And it's wrong" admitted Blaine, looking thoughtful.

"This time is over Kurt" started again Blaine with determination in his voice and his eyes "Obviously, keeping my job at my Father in law's office is out of question. But also, I want to go back to school at some point. I want to pick up where I left. Go to law school and all. I don't know how I'll do it, and I don't know when either, but I do want that. I had a dream once, and it was a good one. I shouldn't forget about it. I have the opportunity for a fresh start and I should go for it"

"I'm so proud of you, Blaine" whispered Kurt, with what looked like tears in his eyes. Blaine took his hands, and kissed their palms before raising his head, and looking back at him.

"You inspire me Kurt. You always did. But today when I got to see you do what you do, with so much passion and dedication, I knew that I wanted to do that too. I wanted to be able to work at something that I would enjoy. But also I wanted to make you proud, like you made me proud. I know it may sound condescending, but when I saw you today, managing everything, with so much talent, I felt like my heart was going to burst out of love and pride. I was so happy that I could call you my friend, if nothing more."

By now, Kurt was fully crying. God, how did he get so lucky? How did he manage to get such a man into his life. Maybe he was ready after all. How could he not be when Blaine had just confessed all that?

"First," tried to say Kurt between his tears "I wouldn't call us friends, but we don't need to be labeled either. Second, I have no idea how to answer that, but what I can say is that I meant what I said earlier Blaine. I did try to impress you. Well, not really impress but for all these years, when working on my brand, I had really only one thing in mind, and it was you. How would you think about it if you were here? I wanted to do my best, just for you. I know it doesn't make sense, when you were not even here, but I thought that you were still over there, somewhere, so I still had to try my best. I would still need to prove myself to you, even if you had no idea. I probably never admitted it, even to myself, before today, but now, I know it's true. You were and remain my only inspiration and motivation Blaine. And I feel so blessed that you came back, and actually witnessed it. And I can't tell you how much it means to me that you are proud of me. And Blaine? I'm proud of you too. Not because you want to go back to school, although it's a great idea, but I'm just proud of you because of who you are. You may think that you lost yourself but I know that it is not true. I'm proud because with everything that you went through, you're still this amazing, respectful, sincere, loving man. And I'm proud to call you whatever we are."

By now, they were both drowned in tears but it didn't hold them from crashing against each other in a thigh embrace. Kurt's chin found his familiar spot on Blaine's shoulder, and Blaine's head rested once again on the other's chest, next to his heart. They hold each other a long time, with only the sound of their breathing disturbing the peaceful atmosphere. They didn't need any more words, everything had been said. The rest didn't matter, it was just superfluity. Their embrace hold more words, more feelings that they could ever express out loud. So they just rested there, in the arms of each other and they were good. The time didn't matter anymore, nor any human need, or so they though.

They could have stayed like that all night, but they couldn't. Not when Blaine's yawn finally ripped apart the feeling. Both men chuckled at that, remembering suddenly where they were and how tired they felt. Blaine extracted himself from Kurt's embrace, yawning once again.

"we should go to sleep. Because there is no way I'm sleeping one more night on that couch"

"Kurt, as much as I want to go cuddle with you on the bed, I can't. Dianna needs me and…" said Blaine awkwardly.

"Don't explain anything to me Blaine. I understand. She needs you now, and you need her too. We will have more time together, when it's all done".

"Thank you for understanding Kurt" Blaine quickly kissed him on the check before standing up completely and making his way to his room.

"Anytime" Kurt smiled, standing up himself.

"And Kurt?" added Blaine, turning one last time at his room's door. "We will have more time. We will have forever." And with that, he closed the door behind him.

Kurt made his way into his own room, more happy than he had been for 5 years. Tonight, he would finally sleep, more peacefully than he had in a long time. No nightmares or late night panic attacks. Just the certitude that when he would wake up, Blaine would still be here and that's really all he needed.

He might as well enjoy that idea, because you never know what the next might bring. And if Kurt knew, he couldn't have closed his eyes one second that night.


	15. Chapter 15

The following day started pretty smoothly. They all woke up pretty early, considering the fact they went to bed around 10pm the previous night. So by 8am, everyone was already dressed, and showered, and seated on the kitchen for breakfast. Kurt had prepared some delicious pancakes and waffles, for Dianna and Blaine, while he was taking some fruit salad, something Dianna had called Breakfast for rabbits.

Phil had called the night before, just as Blaine went to bed. They had decided for a meeting, Wednesday morning in Boston, which lead Blaine to purchase a plane ticket for that morning, early enough so he could be there in time for the 10am reunion in Phil's office. They had decided that Dianna should stay with Sophia, at Leila's place. Apparently the teacher was still sick or something and he would drop tonight at her place, where the sitter would watch her the following day. Leila didn't see any problem with it, and neither did the little girls. They had apparently quickly bonded and according to Dianna, they were now "best friends". Blaine though it was the perfect solution. She could have fun without worrying about her dad and mom. Sophia would know how to take her mind off things. As for today, he had other plans with his daughter. He wanted some time alone with her. He had no idea how the meeting would go the next day, so he might enjoy the day with his kid. It was already a beautiful Tuesday morning of April and apparently, the day would be warm enough to spend it outside. Have fun but also talk. He needed to make sure that his daughter understood everything before he would go in full war mode with her mother.

"So what's your plan for today?" asked Kurt, very a propos.

"I though I would show Dianna the city. You know, all the tourist stuff. Empire state building and such. I don't think she would like to see the MET, though."

"What's the MET?" asked Dianna, intrigued.

"The Museum of… "

"No thank you !" cut him Dianna, making a face, causing Kurt and Blaine to laugh.

"Like I said. Mostly Parks and stuff"

"Well, It sounds like fun. More than my day, anyway." Sighed Kurt

"You are meeting with that guy, today, right?"

"Christian ? Yeah. I'll interview him later today. It should be interesting"

"Well, I'll see you tonight then. You'll tell me all about it."

"Sure. I'll try to come home early. Around 6 or something. Well, if they don't eat me by then"

They finished eating quietly, Kurt staring at Blaine, from time to time, smiling when he got caught. Blaine did the same, when Kurt turned his head away. It was playful, and yet it seemed so natural. Like they did that everyday. Take breakfast as a family, before each one would start his own activities of the day. Both men knew that the other one though the same but they didn't have to say it out loud either. Only Dianna though that the tension between the two was really disturbing, since she didn't really understood the meaning of it. But whatever it was, she was pretty sure she didn't want to know. So, as soon as the breakfast was over, and the kitchen cleaned, she practically forced her dad out of the door. She couldn't wait to get out of there, where Kurt and her dad kept making lovey dovey eyes to each other's. Besides, she really wanted to see the city and have her dad to her all alone. She wanted to talk.

 

Kurt arrived at the office earlier than the day before, which allowed him to settle and work quietly for a moment before every one else arrived. But by 9:30, the calm atmosphere of the office was long gone. It was just a repeat of the day before, with just slightly less things to do. The fact that Blaine wasn't on his heels helped him accomplish a lot more than he though, and he was fairly confident that he would be able to end early this time. He even had the time for a quick lunch before Leila informed him that his 1pm Rendezvous had arrived a.k.a Christian. He had no idea what to expect from this kid, but at least he knew that it would be entertaining and a nice break from all his duties. Sure, he still had to judge the kid to see if he was worthy of the job, but he still saw it as a way to meet new people, as interested and dedicated as him to fashion and design. Besides, Christian was practically his age, with just 3 years apart. That would be the strangest maybe. Because he didn't feel at all like a 25 years old kid. He didn't feel like he had just left college 3 years ago. It felt like decades. His life had been hectic ever since and he had to go through a lot. He had learned so much that even his co-workers didn't see him as a kid anymore. For them, he was just like any normal boss, a bit younger for sure, but still, he was very mature and professional. Even a bit too serious for his age. But when you had to go through what Kurt had to go through, it was just natural.

Seeing this kid, still unaffected by the real life would be for sure refreshing.

A few moments later, a knock interrupted his thoughts, and without waiting for an answer, Leila opened the door, Christian on her heels. The kid seemed stressed, and exited in the same time, but his handshake was still very steady. Kurt saw in his eyes determination and fierceness, which reassured him. He looked very young, though, younger than 22 anyway. He had this flawless baby face like Kurt used to have in high school. Perfect features, perfect bone structure, and obviously he took good care of himself, and his skin, Kurt had noticed. He was probably using a lot of crèmes and moisturizers. Which was only one of the signs that could prove his sexuality. But really he didn't need it. As Leila had said, the kid was as gay as… not Kurt, even, because this was a whole new level here. The way he walked, and the way he sat, legs crossed and hands on the knees, were way too much. Even for Kurt, and that's saying something. He almost reminded him of that kid, what's his name Gavroche, whom he had met like 7 years ago, in some school audition stuff. He didn't know why he remembered him suddenly but Christian was just so… flamboyant.

After Leila left, Kurt offered a seat to Christian and went to take place behind his desk, ready to find about more about that strange kid.

"So, Christian, isn't it?"

"Christian Madison. But you can call me Chris. I have no idea what my parents were thinking calling me Christian. I mean, I'm not exactly a role model. Maybe they though it would prevent me for… I'm sorry I'm rumbling"

Kurt actually started to really like that kid. Sure he was very much exited and enthusiastic but that could be fixed.

"No problem" smiled Kurt, trying to make the kid at ease. "Now, tell me more about yourself. Where are you from? What is your course? What are your credits? All that stuff."

"Well, actually I'm from Clovis, California, originally."

"Where is that?"

"Near Fresno…"

"Ouch" grimaced Kurt

"Yeah, you said it. It's a big city but there is not much to do there unless you very cows and sheep. It's very close-minded, very rural and traditional."

"I know what you mean. I'm from Ohio myself" shared Kurt

"Yeah I know. Lima, Ohio. You're kind of an inspiration for me, actually. You've came from so far and built yourself alone with so much talent and fierceness. You actually kind of a role mode, someone I can look up too, which is good, because there not a lot in this world, that I relate too. But you are truly inspirational for me."

"Well, thank you." And Kurt meant it. He knew the kid was still young and naïve and all that, but he actually had talent and a passion, and he was trying to realize those dreams and apparently Kurt was the one who was inspiring him, guiding him. Kurt never really thought about it before because well, it was really too early in his career to do so, and because of some personal issues, but he did want to inspire people. Sure he created clothes because it was what he always wanted, but wasn't great when you could bring other people in, along the way? At least, in Broadway, this was kind of goal. Touch someone so much that you can change his life forever. What if he did it? What if he actually managed to do, even in his fashion career. That's what they said. That if you could change just one person's life in the world with what you did, then you would die a happy man.

"I mean it. " smiled Christian sheepishly.

"I know you do. And it means a lot to me, so really, thank you." Smiled back Kurt.

The silence that followed was sort of awkward so Kurt decide to ask something else quickly before they would get all girly emotional.

"I wouldn't have guessed that you were from a small city."

"I know. People usually think that I'm from some kind of big open-minded city like New York or San Francisco or something. Just because I'm… huh… flamboyant."

Well, at least they were on the same page, thought Kurt.

"So, when did you move to New York? Or do you still live on the West Coast?"

"No, no. I moved in New York when I was 16. My parents, well, they were not the first people to accept me, so really they were kind of relieved when I left. I mean, they were very religious and all that crap, and well, they did call me Christian. And apparently I didn't live up to their expectations. So I left and came here. Simple as that. I live with my uncle now. He's a good man. Not very chatty but he doesn't do well with Church and stuff either so I'm good. I worked here and there through high school and college, to support myself as much as I could. Well, actually it was mostly due to my addiction to clothes, but I don't have to explain that to you, doesn't I?

"No you don't" chuckled Kurt. Indeed Chris looked very much fashionable in his Armani Jeans and Prada shirt. "Nice outfit, by the way."

"Thanks."

"So. You attended NYU, right?"

"Yeah, majoring in fashion design and minor in Journalism. I had always a thing for writing and my dream was kind of creating my own fashion magazine. The next Vogue. I know it sounds cocky but…"

"No it doesn't" cut Kurt "The higher your dreams are, the better."

"Ok, good." Smiled Christian, very much at ease now. "So, like I said, I wanted to follow a career in both sectors combined. So I applied for some Internships and I got a few. My last one was at Cosmopolitan. I know it's not at all Vogue material but…"

"Don't. I get that it's hard to find a good internship, even if you are good yourself. You don't have to explain to me that."

"But you did have an internship at Vogue."

"Yeah, but it was mostly luck if nothing else. But before that, I can't tell you how much crappy jobs I had to take. Some I actually hated but what can you do, a man's gotta shop!"

"Amen" chuckled Christian.

The rest of the meeting went pretty smoothly. Like Leila had said, the kid had some serious potential, and real talent. They talked a bit about his various experiences and the skills that he picked up along the way. He fitted pretty well for the job, which Kurt exposed him. He explained to him the general idea, a concept that Christian actually really loved, and though was brilliant. His task would be now to collect information on the media market and fashion world and see which would be fitting and which were already used to death. And then they could actually come up with some kind of original way to present them. Draw some prototype of the magazine, that could be ready within 2 months to present to the sponsors and partners. It was kind of a hard task but Christian was up for it. Besides he would be working with other people that were about to be recruited too, to facilitate his information research. Kurt had decided to expose to him the whole idea because he had made up his mind. This kid was perfect for the job, and besides, he kind of reminded him of himself, 5 years ago. He had the same enthusiasm, the same hunger to learn and do. He was fresh, he was ready to it all, and he was young. He was just what he needed. Some fresh blood. Damn, that Gavroche again!

Christian was ready apparently to start immediately, so they settled fro the following day. He would have to sign a contract which Leila would have prepared and guaranteed full confidentiality about the project. If any word had to came out of Christian's mouth about that, he would be immediately fired and a law suit would be filed against his ass. Pretty much. But Christian didn't seem at the least worried about that, so it was all good. He would then be hired for a 2 month probation period, in which he would have to prove himself, and after that, if all went well, the job was his. As for the following day, he would start with Kurt himself, so he could present him every aspect of the brand with his own angle. Christian looked ecstatic and was practically bouncing on his way out of Kurt's office. No really, he was bouncing. Kurt laughed, closing the door behind him and let himself fall on the sofa. He was glad that the meeting went so well, and that they had a new member in the crew. Something new and endearing. It was definitely a good day. He could sense it. He couldn't wait to go home and tell about it to Blaine. He would probably have to skip lunch again to go home early, as he had some stuff behind, but in all it would be worth it.

Or so, he thought.

 

On the other side of Manhattan, Blaine and Dianna were enjoying their time as well. They had spent the entire day visiting monuments and parks and having fun rides and as the day drew to a close, they had finally arrived to the final destination : the Empire State Building. Blaine wanted Dianna to witness the sunset from the top because it was truly a beautiful sight. They were now on the upper floor, and the sun was about the go down in less than half an hour. In the mean time, Dianna couldn't stop running around and asking every now and then her dad to hold her so she could see the view better. She didn't want to use the binoculars because she couldn't see everything at once, as she had remarked earlier. But it didn't bother her dad, and he happily obliged every time she had asked. He wanted her to have fun, even he was tired.

"Dad? You can drop me now. I've seen enough. Let's just seat here, and wait until the sunset, ok?" Dianna said, pointing at seats behind them.

Blaine released her from his embrace and they both went to seat at the spot Dianna designed. He knew she wanted to talk to him. He had sensed that all day long, but she was having too much fun discovering new things and she didn't want to spoil the day. But now, she was ready. Although, Blaine could tell, she had no idea how to proceed. As he wanted to talk to her himself, he thought that he should probably engage the conversation with something safe and random. She could pick up from there.

"I love this place. I don't know it kind of holds a meaning for me." Said Blaine, thoughtful.

"How come?" asked Dianna, looking at him with her eyebrows raised.

"I'm not sure if I can explain. It always symbolized New York for me. Since the day I watched that movie, _an affair to remember_ , for the first time. I just find it symbolic."

"I thought your favorite movie was _When Harry met Sally_?" said Dianna frowning. "Which I don't understand because well, it's good, but I don't understand why you like it so much. It's just about a guy and a girl who are too scared to say they like each other. But eventually they do, and they live happily ever after. Like every Disney movie ever made. What's so special about that one?"

Blaine just smiled mysteriously.

"Well, I think it's weird. Even mommy thinks it's weird that you watch it, like every week, and every week, you cry at the end. I mean, she said even girls didn't cry for that movie. It's just weird."

"I'll explain someday," answered Blaine, as mysterious.

"Right. When I'm older, like everything else," pouted Dianna. "But this is just a movie. Why do you get so emotional and tearful every time you watch it? Does it remind you of something…. Or someone? Does it remind you of Kurt" Dianna asked, suddenly aware.

"You are truly smart for your age." Said Blaine, his smile turning into a grimace. " And yes, you're right. It does remind me of Kurt."

"So, all those years, you were thinking about him?" Dianna didn't look angry or upset. She really just wanted to understand her dad more.

"Guilty again" smiled sheepishly Blaine

"So you really love him. Does it mean that you are going to stay with him now? Live here and all that?" And here they were, in the heart of the matter.

"I don't know…" said Blaine. He wasn't sure how much he could tell to his daughter. He wanted to be honest with her, but still, she was just a little kid.

"But you want to." It wasn't a question. It was a fact that Dianna was well aware of, so Blaine didn't bother to deny it and just nodded, head down, like a children confessing a want.

"As much as I do, it's not that simple. There is other… huh.. factors that I should consider."

"When you say factor, you mean me, right?"

"Yeah, mostly. But it's not all of it." Admitted Blaine. "I wish it was simple, I wish I could just move here and bring you with me and … "

"Live happily after?"

"Sort of." Smiled sadly Blaine at her. "I wish it was that easy."

"But there is mom." Again, a statement, not a question.

"Yes."

"Daddy?" suddenly Dianna's voice wasn't so steady anymore. Blaine turned to look at her, and saw in her eyes, apprehension, and fear. He knew she was about to ask something that she was holding back for a long time and she was afraid of her father's reaction. So he took her hands, in his own, and squeezed them. A sign for her to go ahead. She understood, and shot him a thankful glance, before taking a deep breath and finally jumping in.

"I know you are going to fight Mom for me, but please don't." said Dianna, with tears in her eyes.

"What do you mean?" Blaine was confused. Did the little girl wish to live with her mom instead of him. Did she? It was like a knife in the heart for Blaine.

"I mean that I don't want you two to fight. Not for me. Can you just talk? Agree on something like adults?" Oh, that was what she meant. Blaine found himself breathing again, but he didn't answer still.

"Because, you fight and you scream, and for what? For me? I don't think so. I think it's just an excuse because you two are mad at each other from the start and I'm just your pretext. But daddy, I don't want to be it. It's like you're both pulling me from a side, and I'm just there, like standing, waiting for someone to win. That's what it is about. Winning and the prize, well the bonus, it's me." Dianna had started to cry at this point and Blaine leaned forward to hold her. She clung into him like she was afraid to drown or something, and that, more than any of her words, hurt the most Blaine. She might have acted like a strong girl those past few days, but now, he realized what a fool he had been to believe it. It was just a show. His little girl was hurting, really hurting. And trying to protect her, he had just made it worse. Because it was true. Of course, she was right, he could see it now. It always had been about winning, proving a point. And Dianna was just in the middle. Everybody pulled at her, and no matter what the result would be, she would still come out of it, damaged and marked. In their fight of who's wrong and who's right, she was a casualty. And even she knew that.

"I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry." Kept repeating Blaine, holding her tight. And he really was. He didn't know what to say else, because he had been so oblivious. he had though that she would just go with the flow while he would battle with Lisa, and at the end, she would have to go with the one who won her over. But she wasn't a toy to play with, or a inanimate price. She was his little girl, and she was hurt.

After some time, she detached herself from his embrace, and began to wipe her tears away. Blaine gave her a tissue, and she took it, a light smile on her face. It tor Blaine's heart apart.

"It's ok daddy, I forgive you. But just please remember that."

"I will, I promise, darling" and he meant it with all he had.

"So please talk to her. To mom. Please try to compromise or something, like you always used to do with her. You can do that, can't you?"

"I can. And I will. But darling I need to know first what do you want. Do you want to stay with your mommy or with me?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, it does. So tell me."

"I don't know daddy. I Love you but…"

"You do love your mom too." Again, a statement. Blaine wasn't mad, Dianna could see. He was just understanding. He was trying his best to help the little girl and comprehend her wishes, and Dianna knew, right there, right at this moment that she didn't need to worry anymore. She could say everything and her daddy would understand.

"Yes. I know you don't understand, and I know, that after what she did, I shouldn't. But I still do. Is it wrong?"

"Loving your mother? No. She's your mother, she gave birth to you, and she took care of you. You shouldn't stop loving her because she did one mistake. You owe her more than that."

"You talk about her like you were not mad at her or something…" pointed Dianna, confused.

"It has nothing to do with that. My feelings for you mother don't stop me for acknowledging that she was a good mother to you. She raised you well, and she did a excellent job with you."

"Thanks daddy." Dianna was really smiling now.

"It's the truth, you're an amazing little girl. But you're welcome."

"It's because of you also, you know that, right? You are an amazing daddy. Thank you."

Blaine didn't answer because well, he didn't how, but just leaned forward to take her in her arms in a bone-crushing hug, before releasing her quickly. She kissed him on the cheek before letting go herself.

A couple passing by, stopped at the loving scene, and smiled tenderly at the father-daughter complicity and love. Blaine noticed their stare, and smiled back at them, before turning back to look at his daughter.

"So, do you prefer to live with your mother or me?" he knew he should ask, because Dianna would never say it out loud otherwise. And he needed to know.

"I don't know…" begun a hesitant Dianna. "Will you live here, in New York with Kurt?"

"Maybe, I don't know either. But probably. At least I won't stay in Boston."

"So that means that I can't see you or mom everyday, if I live with one or the other…"

"I'm afraid not Darling."

"But I still want to see you both. I don't want to choose, it's not fair!" she wasn't whining or crying, but merely protesting quietly at the life unfairness. Like if she had already lived long enough to understand that sometimes you just can't win with life. Blaine had always tried to protect her innocence, but at this moment, he realized it was long gone. Dianna had been already through enough that she had a pretty good idea of what real life was like. It wasn't fair! Blaine wanted to shout, to scream. It wasn't fair that she had to discover those truths so quickly! She shouldn't have to! But there was nothing more he could do about it. He would just have to make sure she wouldn't get hurt again, so young.

But she had opened her eyes to the world. She knew.

As they witness the sun set above the ocean, Blaine realized that a chapter of their life was closing also. Tomorrow would come, and no one knew what to expect. It would be all knew, all fresh, but also tainted by the events of the past. The air wasn't so pure anymore, Dianna's innocence was somewhat shattered also. Nothing could fix that, like no one could fix the sky anymore. They would just have to live with it, and prevent from totally ripping it apart. It was marked, it had a whole. But it wasn't totally lost.

"I promise I will do my best to make it all right, sweetheart. I will make it ok, I swear" finally said Blaine, as the sun disappeared all together.

Blaine and Dianna got at Kurt's apartment around 7pm. After the sunset, the security told them that the site was closing and that they had to leave. In any case, they didn't want to stay longer because the place had delivered them everything they needed and they were not really comfortable staying there after that. Blaine wasn't so sure if he would want to go back someday on that top. After today, it would hold a completely new signification for him, other than just being a New York symbol. So he was pretty relived to leave the building and he knew that Dianna was too.

 

The ride back home was somewhat silent, no one really speaking in the cab, apart from singing along from time to time with the radio. At some point, Candles was on and Blaine found it very disturbing. It sure hold some great memories but at the same time it was still a break up song, and even if Blaine couldn't explain it, it did stress him a bit. Not that he would mention it to Dianna or Kurt. Maybe it was just the aftermath of the talk he just had that affected him. Yeah, that was it, nothing more. But then again, Blaine couldn't be more oblivious.

They let themselves in, with the key that Kurt had given him this morning, pretty sure that Kurt wouldn't be home yet. But as they entered the living room, they realized that they were wrong once again, and Kurt was indeed back from work. He had just poured himself a coke and was seated in the couch, in the process of untying his shoes. When he heard them entering, he raised his head, and shot them a tired smile. Blaine's stomach did back flips.

"Hi there. You had a good day?" asked Kurt, kicking his shoes under the table, a unexpected gest from someone so dedicated to clothes.

Blaine went to kiss him quickly on the cheek before sitting next to him, and kicking off his own shoes. He was exhausted. Dianna on the other hand, hugged Kurt quickly, before running off to her room, preparing a bag since she was supposed to sleep over at Leila's. Blaine wanted to take some rest before going out once again.

"It was great. But utterly exhausting." Sighed Blaine, before taking a sip of Kurt's coke.

"Feel free to serve yourself " said Kurt, taking back his drink, and pointing at the kitchen, a smirk on his face.

"Nah, I prefer yours" grinned Blaine, taking the glass back from Kurt.

"I don't know why I bother with you, seriously. You're like a 5 years old."

"But you love me. Even if I'm five." Said Blaine, giving his best puppy eyes.

"Seriously creepy, Blaine." Sighed Kurt, standing up. But he knew that he wasn't really mad, and was just teasing him. He followed him by the eyes as he stood up and made his way out of the room.

"I'm gonna take a shower. I feel gross." Grimaced Kurt, which caused Blaine to laugh out loud.

"Ok, in the mean time, I'll take Dianna to Sophia's."

"Here, take the keys. Use my car. It's really hard to find a cab at this hour." Said Kurt, throwing him the keys, which, of course, Blaine missed. He leaned to take them from where they had landed on the floor, a blush on his face.

"Still can't catch a things, I see. " chuckled Kurt, making Blaine blush harder.

"Oh shut up! Go drown yourself in your shower or something." Mouthed Blaine.

"But you love me" grinned broadly Kurt, before stepping out of the room.

Blaine leaned back on the couch, his feet on the table and closed his eyes. He really needed some time alone to think and relax after all that happened today. He had really no idea how to convince Lisa to agree to a shared custody but he had promised Dianna that he would try, even if he hated the idea himself. But his daughter well being always came first and he, at lest, owed her that. Maybe he could ask Kurt for advice. Kurt would know how to deal with Lisa. After all, he had done it before, when the accident happened. As to think of it, he had never asked Kurt about what happened after he took Dianna at the hospital but it must have been epic, considering Lisa and Kurt's strong personalities. But Kurt had won apparently as he had never seen or heard from Lisa after that. He had almost expected her to show up at the hospital but she didn't. Kurt must have convinced her other wise. That's it. He would talk to Kurt, and he would know what to do. Together, with Phil's help, they would probably find a reasonable way to make a decent compromise that Lisa would agree on.

The sound of a ringing phone suddenly interrupted Blaine's thought. Apparently Kurt had left his phone on the table and that thing wouldn't shut up now. It just kept ringing and ringing and even when it stopped, it started again. Blaine was very tempted to just turn it off, as he was starting to have a headache, but apparently Kurt had heard it also.

"Blaine, can you please pick up" shouted Kurt, from whatever he was. "Just tell them I drowned and I died or something, please. That they should stop calling because I'm six feet under and not planning on getting out anytime soon."

Blaine chuckled at the other man's dramatics, but picked up the phone nonetheless. Whoever was calling was apparently determined to talk to Kurt, even it meant boring the hell out of everybody else in his immediate surrounding. Blaine looked at the number before answering but it was a private one. Of course. He sighed and pressed the "answer" touch.

Something he would regret dearly afterwards.

"Hello?" definitely not a familiar voice. But then again, Blaine wasn't familiar anymore with most of the people in Kurt's life.

"Hello. Who am I speaking with?" asked Blaine very formally

"huh, who is it? Kurt?"

"No, I'm his friend. Can I ask you your name?"

"Where is Kurt?" Ok, obviously the guy wasn't gonna rest before speaking to Kurt, even if it meant being rude to a stranger on the phone.

"He's occupied at the moment. Can I take a message?"

"Who are you?" Ok, really rude.

"I'm a friend of his."

"Is Kurt home? Where is he?"

Blaine sensed that this guy had a very big problem with Kurt and wasn't gonna give up before finding exactly where he was and what he was doing.

"He is. He is currently showering and can't be disturbed; I think even someone like you can understand that." Blaine was starting to get really annoyed by this guy, and he didn't care anymore about being polite or what.

"What is that supposed to mean?" said the voice angrily.

"I don't know., you tell me. You can't stop calling, and when someone finally answers, you act very inappropriately and demand answers about Kurt's private life, like you owned him or something. Who do you think you are?"

"I'm his boyfriend! I think I have the right to know about my boyfriend's whereabouts! And besides, who the hell are you?"

"I'm sorry. His… his… boyfriend ?"

"Yeah Andrea, his boyfriend. What are you, deaf or something? Never mind, it's like speaking with a mentally deficient person. Just let him know I'll be there in 5. I think that even you can handle it, can't you?" And the line went off.

 

Blaine just kept staring at the phone, long after Andrea had hung up. It took him some time for the words to sunk in. Andrea. Boyfriend. Kurt's boyfriend.

And then it hit him. Hard. And he felt like the floor was collapsing under his feet, swallowing him. And the thousands knifes were stabbing him in the same time. Every single one of the them straight in the heart. Every. Fucking. Single. One. In. The. Heart.

Kurt had a boyfriend. Stab. His name was Andrea. Stab. And Kurt had been lying to him all this time. Stab. He had welcomed him back in his life and his own while he was clearly fooling around with an other guy. More stabbing. He had kissed him and cuddle with him and told him he loved him. A hundred stabs at once. And he had… he had … almost… raped…

"What's the matter, Blaine. Who was it?"

Blaine suddenly jumped back in shock, only to see that Kurt was standing in front of him, a towel around his waist, and a dripping with water. He had a confused expression on his face, and was looking at Blaine with concern in his eyes. Fucking concern! It was more than Blaine could handle at the moment. Kurt standing there like a fucking wet sex god, a loving and caring expression on his face! All fake, all a lie!

"Blaine?" asked again Kurt, worry in his voice, as he noticed the strange look on Blaine's eyes. He reached for the other's man hand but Blaine moved it out of reach.

"How dare you touch me?" finally shouted Blaine

"What? Blaine? What's happening? Wait, who was on the phone?" asked Kurt, finally noticing that Blaine was still clenching it hard.

"Oh, are you scared now? Well, let me tell you something, it's too late. Your little dirty secret is OUT!" shouted Blaine, with disgust.

Kurt just kept staring at him, mouth hanging open like if he had lost his mind, and had no fucking idea what Blaine was talking about. That, above everything, made Blaine finally loose it completely.

"Stop looking at me like I'm a fucking idiot, Kurt! I know! I know your secret!"

"What the fuck are you talking about Blaine?" Kurt was starting to get really angry himself, apparently.

"Your Fucking boyfriend, that's who!" Shouted Blaine, examining Kurt's reaction. His eyes seemed to pop out of their lobes, and after a while, his face relaxed as he seemed to understand finally.

"Oh you do know what I'm talking about, now, don't you? How could you? How could you do this to me Kurt?"

"Blaine, please calm down…" begged Kurt

"NO! I'm not calming down. How can be so calm yourself? Or did you think that this whole thing was just some fucking game or what? "

"Blaine, who were you talking to? "

"YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND, KURT!" At this point, Blaine just stopped trying to keep his voice down. He didn't care anymore if Dianna could hear him or the whole city for that matter. He was just so angry! How Kurt could be so oblivious, so stupid?

"Which one?" asked Kurt, before he could think.

"OH MY GOD! DON'T TELL ME THERE ARE MORE THAN ONE! FUCK YOU KURT! FUCK YOU!"

"Blaine, please you misunderstood me. Let me explain… " begged Kurt, almost in tears.

"NO, there is NOTHING to explain! How could you? Was is it just A FUCKING GAME for you? Some kind of REVENGE? Did you just screw me and pretended to care about me, and then you would have left me, to get back at me? THAT WHAT IS WAS ALL ABOUT, right? FUCK YOU KURT! "

Blaine was pacing in the living room, shouting at Kurt, mad beyond reason. He was unable to think properly and all he wanted at this moment, was to hurt Kurt. Punch him, kick him, anything. Or run. Or both. Or something. He didn't know but standing here talking to him, while Kurt wasn't even defending himself by shouting back, wasn't something he could do any longer; but before he could think about his next action further more, the doorbell rung.

 

"WHO THE FUCK IS THAT NOW?" finally snapped Kurt

"Probably your BOYFRIEND! Oh sorry, ONE OF YOUR BOYFRIENDS!" barked back Blaine

"Oh FUCK! Don't move Blaine, I'm gonna take care of that and I'll be back! Don't move, we're not done talking!"

"Oh for sure, we're not!"

Kurt left the room, but Blaine followed him. He wouldn't be left behind, there was no fucking way! They would all have a nice chit chat and clear that fucking thing! If Kurt thought that he would get out of it easily, well, he was deadly mistaken. At this point, Blaine couldn't feel his pain anymore. He was just blinded by his rage and anger toward Kurt, and couldn't think rationally. He didn't care about making a scene, or making a fool of himself in front of Andrea, or whatever his fucking name was! He would see the man face to face. One of the men that Kurt was cheating on him with! Kurt who didn't seem to be that guilty about his actions! Kurt who didn't give a fuck about Blaine and just sighed when he realized that Blaine wasn't going to stay put. Kurt, the traitor, Kurt, the cheater.

Kurt eventually opened the door, after taking a deep breath , and here was standing, Andrea! An other thousands knives went stabbing Blaine's heart as he stared at the god like creature standing in the hallway. He was tall, blond, and had gorgeous blue eyes. A model, Blaine thought, if not a fucking movie star! Well, that was just better, so fucking great!

"Andrea, what the fuck are you doing here!" yelled Kurt, not the bit impressed by the sight in front of him. As it turned out, neither was Andrea, who just kept smiling broadly.

"Kurt, what do you think? I'm here to see you! Can I come in?"

"NO YOU CAN'T! NO UNTIL YOU EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE REALLY DOING HERE! AND DON'T LIE ! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU REALLY WANT?"

"Kurt, we should really talk about that inside.." Andrea was definitely not impressed.

"NO!" started Kurt before stopping altogether, at the sight of his neighbor.

"What the hell is all that noise? Some people are actually trying to enjoy their family diner! So take your crap inside!" shouted the neighbor before going back inside his apartment, slamming the door behind him.

Kurt sighed and stepped aside to let Andrea get in, who had a winning grin on his face. Kurt slammed the door behind him really hard, before turning to face the man, his face contortioned in fury.

But Andrea didn't acknowledge right away. He stared at Blaine, scanning him from tip to toes, smirking lightly. Blaine was at the edge of jumping at Andrea's throat but before he could do so, Kurt had started shouting again. Looked like he would do it himself.

"NOW! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, ANDREA! I THOUGHT I MADE MYSELF CLEAR 2 WEEKS AGO WHEN I TOLD YOU TO GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE!"

"you didn't mean it Kurt, I know you. We've never really been apart. We still have each other. It was just a fight, nothing more!"

"WHAT THE FUCK, ANDREA! IT WASN'T A FIGHT! IT WAS YOU, MAKING OUT WITH SOME OTHER GUY! I DON'T THINK THAT'S NOTHING!"

"I'm sorry Kurt. I told you I'm sorry! I apologized. And besides, we both made mistakes. Can we just talk about it and then forget about it? We were so good together. We're made for each other! That's what you said!"

"WHEN IN GOD'S NAME DID I SAY THAT? YOU AND ME, IT NEVER WORKED! YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT, YOU WERE THERE!"

"Kurt, please, don't say that. I know you have problems with commitments but… "

"NO, I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOU! YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE, THAT'S MY PROBLEM!"

"NO YOUR PROBLEM IS THAT YOU NEVER LET ANYBODY CLOSE ENOUGH ! YOU JUST PRETEND TO LIKE PEOPLE, LIKE YOU PRETENDED TO LIKE ME! AND THEN YOU DUMP US LIKE VULGAR SOCKS!"

"AND SO WHAT? MAYBE I DO, MAYBE I DON'T! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T REGRET DUMPING YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE A FUCKING JERK AND YEAH, MAYBE I PRETENDED TO LIKE YOU! BUT SO DID YOU!"

"JUST WHEN I REALISED THAT I WOULD NEVER GET ANYTHING FROM YOU! I JUST TRIED AND TRIED TO GET YOUR ATTENTION, BUT THE ONLY THING THAT YOU CARED ABOUT WAS FUCKING! I'M SORRY IF I FELL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO LIKED ME FOR MORE THAN JUST MY DICK!"

"DON'T FUCKING PRETEND THAT YOU DIDN'T USE ME TOO! JUST DON'T PRETEND! WE ALL KNOW THAT YOU'RE A FUCKING ASS WHO SUCK EVERYTHING FROM PEOPLE LIVES ! YOU GOT OPPORTUNITIES BECAUSE OF ME! WE ALL KNOW THAT WAS YOUR GOAL ALL ALONG!"

"OH COME ON! LOOK AT ME KURT! DO YOU THINK I WOULD REALLY NEED YOU TO GET SOMETHING? NO! I WAS ONLY THE FOOL WHO FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU AND GOT SCREWED OVER AND OVER AGAIN! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, WITH YOUR REPUTATION!"

"DON'T SAY ONE MORE THING IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE, ANDREA!" shouted louder than before Kurt, a deathly glare in his eyes. Blaine almost thought that he would hit Andrea or something.

Apparently so did Andrea because instead of keeping shouting pointlessly at Kurt, he decided to turn at Blaine, and give him a piece of his mind.

"I don't know who you are dude, but let me tell you something very valuable. That man is not all at all what you think he is. He may be soft and stuff in the outside, but he's a real asshole in the inside. If you knew half of the people he screwed, my included, you would run out of this place with your dick between your legs. I really did care about him at some point, but as you see, he just broke my heart. Like he would break yours, if it's not already done; I'm very sorry, man. I just thought I should warn you about the beast. He's just a fucking sexual predator who makes his way by manipulating people and getting them to fall for him. And then he breaks them with the palm of his hand. No remorse. Nothing. I just thought you should know. You seem like a good man to me."

"THAT'S ENOUGH! ANDREA! OUT NOW! OR GOD HELP ME, I'LL KICK YOU OUT MYSELF!"

Andrea shot a last glance toward Blaine, as if he was saying "told you so" before heading toward the door that Kurt had opened widely. Kurt who refused to look at him, or anything else for that matter. It was almost like he was battling for himself for not letting violence over power him. Andrea noticed it apparently, and didn't try to reach at him anymore.

"So this is goodbye, I guess. I'm really sorry Kurt that it came to that. But now I know that there is nothing here for me anymore and I can move on with my life. I just wished I could have helped you too. But you won't let anybody. So I shouldn't feel guilty to say goodbye." Andrea really looked regretful and his eyes were sparkling with what Blaine could guess were tears. He actually did cared for Kurt.

But Kurt obviously didn't give a single fuck, as he suddenly smashed the door right on Andrea's face.

 

Blaine felt like he had just been struck by lightening, or someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on his face. As painful as it might have been, he also saw things in a whole new perspective. It was almost like he had awaken from a long dream and was coming back to his senses. He saw things differently and he saw Kurt differently. And it was definitely an ugly sight. And he didn't want to stay a minute longer contemplating it.

"DIANNA! I KNOW YOU HEAR ME! LET'S GO NOW!" shouted Blaine, determined to get the hell out of here. He needed to think, or to drink, or drown himself, and in either way, it wasn't the place for that.

Thankfully, Dianna had heard him, and had urged into the hallway, her bag pack on her shoulders, were both men were standing, scared to death, head down. Blaine just grabbed her by the arm, everything but gentle, and lead her to the door.

"Blaine, don't go please. I can explain everything!" begged Kurt, almost on his knees. But the sight of Kurt's pleading, so week, just made Blaine angrier.

"MOVE OUT KURT! I DON'T NEED TO HEAR YOUR FUCKING ARGUMENTS! I WISH I HEARD ABOUT THAT BEFORE! BEFORE I LET MYSELF TRUST YOU AND GET CRUSHED!"

"BLAINE! Please… " Kurt tried to grab him, but once again, Blaine shook his hand off, pretty violently.

"NO, KURT! DON'T PRETEND THAT YOU CARE! YOU DON'T AND YOU NEVER DID! YOU'RE JUST A FUCKING ASSHOLE, THAT THREATS PEOPLE LIKE CRAP! YOU DISGUST ME! YOU'RE NOT WORTH LISTENING TO! JUST STAND ASIDE, OR GOD HELP ME, I WILL KICK YOU DOWN LIKE YOU JUST DID! YOU DISGUST ME KURT! I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT THE MAN YOU BECAME!"

"WELL GO! FUCK YOU BLAINE ANDERSON! FUCK YOU! I DON'T NEED YOU AND I NEVER DID! I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU CAME BACK, BUT IT WAS FUCKING POINTLESS! JUST GO THE FUCK AWAY AND MAKE ALL OUR LIVES EASIER! I DON'T FUCKING CARE!"

And that's what Blaine did. He opened the door and left, pulling Dianna with him. He didn't look back, he didn't stop. He just kept walking, his head held high, his back turned on Kurt. The doors of the elevator finally closed on them, as at the other side of the floor, a apartment door closed too.

That was it.

The sun was set, the day was over.

The night had took its place.

Blaine had dropped Dianna at Leila's place, without even exchanging a single word on the ride over. After that, he went to find some cheap hotel he could sleep the night at. As soon as he stepped in the room, he went directly to the mini bar, and emptied it completely. That night he would drink himself to sleep.

Kurt, in the other hand, had processed to destroy everything that stood in his way in his apartment, in a rage that the world had hardly seen. After breaking and smashing every little piece of furniture he could manage to tear apart, he collapsed on the couch, shaking with all his corp. That night he would cry himself to sleep.

The darkness had won.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs Featured : Lean on Me  
> And Ne me quitte pas (Don't leave me), by the french singer, Jacque Brel. Go check it out, it's sublime!

 

Phil had arrived at the office early on Wednesday morning, despite having the day mostly free, which was like a first for him. But at the same time, his only meeting of the day was kind of a first for him too. Of course, he had taken a lot of divorce cases along the years, more than he could count at any rate, but something about Blaine's made it completely different. It intrigued him, and in the same time, exited him. Because let's face it, it was something new, altogether, kind of a challenge for a lawyer like him. He was for sure still new in the business, comparing to some of the oldest partners in the firm, but at the age of 30, he had nonetheless secured himself a good clientele, and had won over some pretty major cases. The other lawyers in the firm respected him and respected his work. The partners saw him as promising. In all, very good. But he sensed that this case could be the one to change everything in his career, and push him in the front of the legal scene. If it went public, well, it meant a lot for Phil, and he kind of hoped that it would.

He knew that he shouldn't have been talking like that, and taken Blaine's best interest at heart, but he was a lawyer and he had been trained to think like that after all. So it kind of bothered him that Blaine would prefer a settlement, but of course, he understood his reasons. He didn't want the news of his sexuality to get out there, and let the world know that he had been a impostor for the past 5 years. God knows what it would mean for the man. And it wasn't fair to Dianna either. Because as much as Phil wanted to forget about her, she was still in the middle of all that mess, and she could be hurt by the outside, if it went public. And Lisa, well, she had every reason not to go public. She looked like a person who was very attached to her reputation and how people saw her from the exterior. Very superficial. So without any doubt, she would do anything to protect that. But at the same time, she was stubborn enough to no agree on any kind of settlement. Well, there was still that, at least.

Of course, he would help Blaine fix some kind of compromise, but it was in his interest, that he wouldn't try that hard either. He could already see the wonderful speeches he could make in front of the judge, and the juries, to persuade them to give Dianna to Blaine, and to put aside their prejudices. This case would for sure make date in his world, and Phil could be the one who would be rewarded after that.

So instead for preparing any kind of legal compromise, he spent the morning studying precedents and case laws in the preparation of a open legal case.

Fifteen minutes before 10, his secretary announced him that Blaine had finally arrived, and that Lisa and her lawyer had called and were in their way too. Phil closed the file he was reading about, something about a infanticide, not really helpful, and decided to go welcome Blaine directly in the meeting room, where his secretary should have installed him already.

As soon as Phil entered the room, he knew that something was wrong. He had expected Blaine to be stressed, scared or angry even but he sure didn't expect to see him like that. He looked.. awful. Just awful. He was white as sheet, but with big blue pockets under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept in weeks. His hair was a mess like he had just woken up, as well as his clothes, which were very wrinkled as if he had slept in them. Which, as to think of it, he probably had. On top of that, he wasn't shaved, and had a three-day beard on his face. If you added the fact that he transpired anger and resentment, well… he was definitely not in the shape of addressing Phil, let alone negotiate some kind of legal compromise with Lisa and her lawyer. That wasn't good. Not at all.

"Blaine, what… what happened to you, mate?" asked Phil, before he could stop himself.

But Blaine didn't hold him on that. He just sighed and stood up to shake his hand, before sinking again into his seat. He looked… trashed. He spoke with a very tired voice.

"Nothing Phil. It's a long story. Let's just focus on that shit, instead" definitely not in the right mood either. Phil could sense the catastrophe coming miles away. Blaine would never pull anything in a state like that. Which to think of it, wasn't such a bad thing for Phil. Let's just hope that he wouldn't act the same way during the trial.

"You sure you are all right, mate?" As pleased as he was by the possible outcomes of that meeting, Phil still cared about Blaine. And Blaine, at this moment, looked more like a dead man than anything else. He had probably drunk all night long and didn't sleep very well. But why? Was he simply concerned about the case, or was it something else together? But, as much as Phil wanted to know, he just knew also that it wasn't his place to ask. Instead he would just have to make sure that Blaine wouldn't drop dead at the table, sleeping, or something else. So he prepared him a coffee, and versed him some water, and gave him to Blaine, who just nodded thankful. Phil sighed and took a seat next to him, before opening his attaché case and pulling some paper and a pen out of it. Totally pointless, if you asked him. Nothing would ever come out of this meeting with Blaine like that.

Neither of the two men exchanged a word after that, not until Phil' secretary, Paula, came into the room, informing Phil that Lisa and her lawyer had finally arrived. And then Phil noticed, in the time it took Paula to bring the guests in, Blaine changed into something totally unexpected. He rectified himself on the chair, sitting straighter than before, and fixed his tie and shirt. He ran a hand in his hair, and closed his jacket. Then, he took a long sip of water, and adjusted himself for the last time. The look on his eyes seemed to change completely. He looked suddenly very determined and sure of himself. The metamorphosis of a man.

Phil looked at him, astonished by that sudden conversion. Blaine was nothing like the man he had greeted a few minutes before. Sure, he still looked tired and neglected, but it could now almost pass as if he had been working all night long on the case, and was fully determined to crash Lisa down. Suddenly, Phil feared for her and honestly, for himself. He had underestimated Blaine. The man had more resources that anyone would give him credit for. He should be accounted, and apparently Blaine was gonna make sure that it was the case. Nothing in his features was delicate anymore, or sweet. The kindness in his face was long gone. He looked like a dog ready to bite, or a shark ready to kill. Phil knew that look. It reminded him of those business tycoons who were ready to sell their souls to make profits, and the people in their way were just necessary causalities. God help Lisa.

 

Lisa who was currently making her way into the office, followed by her lawyer, a middle aged man, with white hair, that Phil recognized as the Counselor Barney. He was a pretty good lawyer in Boston and pretty well known too for some of his cases.

Phil stood up to shook their hands, as well as Blaine. Well, Blaine shook the lawyer's hand and ignored his wife. Not that Lisa made any sign of reaching to him either. She just pinched her lips, as if she was restraining herself to say something unpleasant, which she probably was. But apparently she had decided against it, and instead, shook Phil's hand quickly before settling in the other side of the table next to her attorney.

"Well, this meeting is officially starting so everything you say now could be relevant for the case" started Phil.

"As we discussed earlier, my client if open at some kind of settlement as long as it serves her daughter's best interest and of course hers. Although she wishes to ask for an annulment instead of a divorce as she thinks that there had been a severe mislead on the person she married."

"You mean, me?" interrupted Blaine, clearly not impressed by the lawyer or anyone. Dear lord, thought Phil, this things was going to get ugly.

"Yes, I mean you, Blaine Darren Anderson." Responded the attorney.

"And by mislead, you evidently refer to my client sexuality? "

"Yes. The contract is attached with a fault of characterization as your client failed to mention his huh… sexual preferences, leading my client to believe he had actual feelings for her. Clearly, the whole marriage had been built on a big lie."

"and the fact that your client had lied about the origins of that girl, isn't some kind of fault of mislead, either? That she lied about having sex with my client, in order to hide her pregnancy and tricked him into marrying her, knowing he couldn't back away from a child that he thought his? I think, sir, that's the biggest mislead."

"Whatever, I don't care what is the biggest mislead or whatever crap." Interrupted Blaine, exasperated. "You can talk about your legal stuff later, for all I care. Now, if she wants a annulments, well she can have it. Good for her. She can keep everything. I don't need anything. The house, the car, our commune bank account, all hers, I don't care. I just want my child. "

Both lawyers exchanged a glance, Counselor Barney, clearly surprised by Blaine's reaction. He didn't expect the man to give up so easily on his belongings. As for Phil, he just sighed and waited for Lisa to say something. Because clearly the women had a hard time restraining herself anymore. She looked like she was about to snap at any moment, and Phil was pretty sure that this moment was gonna happen sooner than later.

"My client asks for full custody of her daughter, no compromise possible." Announced Lisa's lawyer.

"No way! I won't abandon my daughter like that! No way!" snapped Blaine

"yes you will!" apparently Lisa had lost her internal battle, and was ready to fight Blaine in the outside.

"No Lisa! Think about Dianna, she loves us both! She wants her dad and her mom! You can't take it from her!"

"You're not even her dad!"

"Actually on the birth certificate, you put his name, Lisa. So legally, yes, he is her father" interjected Phil.

"See! I'm her father and nothing will change that! I raised her, I took care of her! I'm her father, and she needs me!"

"So what would do you propose, Mr. Anderson?" asked her lawyer.

"I ask for at least a shared custody. She could live with me in NY or go with Lisa on the holiday, or the other way around, whatever suits her best."

"Wait, in New York?" retorted Lisa

"Yeah, you don't think I would stay in the same state, let alone in the same city as you?" snapped back Blaine, looking with disgust at Lisa.

"You mean, New York as in living with Kurt?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. I don't see why you care."

"Because I won't let my daughter live with some two fags in a some kind of unmoral way of living! I just won't!"

That was it. Phil knew it, as soon as he saw Blaine's face distortion with hate. There was no going back and no chance ever for a compromise. He shared a quick glance with his colleague, who was apparently think the same thing. Well, see you in court, he thought.

Well, not right away, because there was still a fight going on in the meeting room, a pretty ugly one.

"Don't call us that Lisa! Don't you dare call me a fag or Kurt!"

"Have you seen the guy Blaine, he is a god damn fairy! I won't ever let my daughter raised or even near a man like that, ever again!"

"Kurt is a million times the person you'll ever be, so shut up! And what did you think, besides Lisa? That if I took Dianna with me, I would change? I wouldn't longer be a fag like you say?"

"I didn't know what I was thinking, Blaine, but thanks for clearing that for me! I know now that I can not let my daughter live in such a sinful environment!"

"How could you think about sins, you whore! Have you looked yourself in the mirror lately? You should be the one to go to hell!"

"Everybody calm down, it won't help you agree on anything!" tried to reason Phil, although he knew already that it was a lost cause.

"Mr. Barney I think it' time to leave! This is pointless, I won't agree on anything with that …man" said Lisa standing up, pronouncing _man_ as if she didn't believe that he was one.

"Well, it looks like we are not settling on anything today" said the attorney, standing up also. "Gentleman, I believe, we will see you in Court."

"I believe too" said Blain, before Phil could speak. "And I warn you bitch, I won't go down before making sure you are locked away in some asylum or some mental institution of the sort!"

"Bring it fag! I'm not afraid of you! And I'll make sure my daughter will never have to deal with people of your… species!" and on that note, Lisa and her daughter, left the room.

"Well, that was quick" muttered Phil, when the door closed behind them.

 

"I'm sorry Phil" He raised his head to see that Blaine had sunk more deeply in the chair than before, and was holding his head with his hands. He looked shaken, devastated. Phil could feel his heart clench at the sight of the broken man. Apparently all his rage had left him, and he looked once again like the damaged man that Phil had seen before.

"I'm sorry" said again Blaine, through his hands. "I shouldn't have lost my temper, but she just…"

"Don't worry about it mate. If I were you, I would have bloody lost it too" tried to empathize Phil. "Besides, I kind of expected it to happen."

"I really thought that she would listen and we could agree on something for Dianna's sake …" confessed Blaine, his voice breaking at the mention of his daughter's name.

Phil took pity on the guy. He really did. But he didn't know how to help either.

"Don't worry mate, I'll take care of it. You should just get back to New York, and I'll call tomorrow after I talk to Lisa's attorney. We'll process from there. At what time is your flight? I can take you to the airport, if you want."

Blaine's head suddenly snapped free as is he had remembered something. He looked strangely at Phil before falling once again, head first on the desk. He was definitely not ok.

"Phil?" mumbled Blaine, raising his eyes slowly to look at Phil, his head still resting on the dashboard. "Would you mind if I stayed at your place tonight?"

Well, that was definitely unexpected. Phil had thought that Blaine would want to go back to Kurt, in New York. Well, maybe that what was going on. That's why Blaine was so upset. Something must have happened between him and Kurt, and that was eating him. He really didn't expect that. Seeing the two men together, he had though that nothing could ever come across those two. After all they have been through together, after Lisa, after Dianna, they still loved each other like on the first day. Apparently, something happened so big that Blaine didn't want anymore to go back to Kurt. And that was bad, really bad. Because as Phil had witness it, Kurt was Blaine's rock. The reason why Blaine was still standing and fighting. He couldn't think about what Blaine would do or look like if it all went down. Well, actually he could because he had the perfect picture in front of him. That's what Blaine was like without Kurt, a broken, damaged beyond repair, wreck.

Phil wished he could help somehow at fixing these two together, because he truly cared about their wellbeing. He might be selfish when it came to his work, but not with that. But he knew there was no way he could possibly help. He didn't know the men well enough and frankly, he wasn't sure that Blaine would confide in him. He just wasn't that close. But Quinn was. Quinn knew them very well, and maybe better than everyone else. Quinn would know what to do.

"Sure, you can come over. No problem mate. Let me just call Quinn and tell her." Answered finally Phil. He had a plan. Maybe if he brought Blaine back with him, Quinn would be able to get some sense back into him and would somehow fix things between him and Kurt, because honestly Phil sucked when it came to relationship problems. It was a utter mystery for him. God bless Quinn, and her feminine six sense or whatever.

"Thank you, Blaine" said genuinely Blaine, finally standing up. He looked really relieved.

"But don't worry I'm gonna call her myself. It's the least I can do, if I'm gonna impose myself some more on you guys."

"Ok, whatever suits you best, mate." Agreed Phil. Maybe his wife would even be able to fix things from distance. That woman was really something.

He just didn't know how much of power she really hold. But Blaine was about to find out by himself.

 

« Hey Quinn. »

"Hi Blaine."

"Quinn, I'm with Phil right now and…"

"Yeah right… how did it go?"

"I'll tell you all about it… that's why I'm calling, can I spend the night at your place?"

"Yeah sure, but it's still early, aren't you gonna take a plane back to NY?"

"Not really no, so can I come?"

"Listen Blaine, I would love to have you but…"

"It's ok Quinn, I get it. You have your things; I already imposed enough, anyway. So I'll let you go back to your stuff, and…"

"Blaine listen to me, it's not about that. I just don't get why you won't get back to NY. Did something happen between you and Kurt?"

"Never mind Quinn. I just…"

"Ok, I'm gonna stop you right there, Blaine. You tell me what's going on, what's so big that you won't go back to NY, and rather spend the night in the same city that your wife lives in…"

"It's ok Quinn really, I don't want to annoy you with my mood swings…"

"Blaine, you know it's not a god damn blues, or mood swings, or whatever you want to call it. I know it and you know it. And at this point, I'm practically your private couple therapeutic, yours and Kurt's. So spill, now."

"It's nothing Quinn really."

"Define nothing."

"Well, we kind of had a fight before I went away and…."

"Since, you're not gonna tell me whatever is going on, without putting a unnecessary fight, I'm gonna narrow it down for you. Either you spill it right here, right now, or I'm gonna come myself, and fly you to NY where you, me, and Kurt, we'll fix that together."

"Seriously Quinn, you're being…"

"I'm being serious, Blaine. Now spill."

"Ok, the thing is, we had a fight last night, because his boyfriend showed up."

"Oh, which one?"

"Oh my god, why is everyone repeating that? So, I was right! He does have a lot of boyfriends and he's just screwing with me, and screwing me, like he did with them! I can't believe what I fool I am. Thrusting him and all, when he just wants to play with me, and he's trying to hurt me as much as he thinks I hurt him! I can't believe it! I can't FUCKING believe it! He's…."

"Blaine…"

"I should have never called him at first. But how he could do this to me? How could he …"

"Blaine…"

"No, Quinn, I don't care if you're his friend, but you got to agree that he's an fucking asshole!"

"BLAINE! SHUT UP!"

"…"

"Seriously man? I understand now, how you two have gotten into a fight. You just don't listen to what people say, do you?"

"Don't try to give him any excuses Quinn, please, just don't…"

"Shut up, Blaine. Just shut up and listen to me. Do you seriously think that I would defend him if he was such an asshole like you say? Me?"

"Not but…"

"Ok, Blaine, you need to calm down, and open those things that serve you as ears, and shut that mouth of yours ok? "

"…"

"Good. Now Listen and don't interrupt me. You say his boyfriend was here, right? What was his name?"

"…"

"Blaine?"

"You said to not interrupt you…"

"Oh my god Blaine! Seriously? You're going all Brittany on me?"

"Huh…"

"Just fucking answer Blaine."

"Andrea".

"Ah… Andrea, make sense. The newest."

"What… why is everybody so calm about that?"

"I told you to shut up Blaine, ok? Seriously, you're driving me crazy right now. Ok so, now, I'm gonna tell you a little story Blaine, and I'm very surprised you don't know it. But you've always been so oblivious, so I shouldn't be that surprised I guess. Anyway, This little story starts 5 years ago, when …"

"I don't care about 5 years ago, I care about fucking Andrea! And all the others!"

"Shut up Blaine, don't make me come down there, and go all Lima Heights on you. Yeah, Santana taught me two or three things. No, seriously Blaine, please, just listen to me."

"Ok"

"Good. So the story starts 5 years ago. When you decided to dump Kurt like a vulgar nobody and went missing from the face of earth. Did you know what it did to Kurt? Do you have even a vague idea? Because Blaine, I was there. We were all there, when you were not. That's why everybody is so angry with you Blaine. Because we were there, and we saw what it did to him. What you did to him. I'm not there to tell you the whole thing because it's not my place, but fuck, Blaine, you pretty much killed the guy. You know what it feels like to be left without any explanations, without anything? No, you don't. But Kurt is the one who had to go through that. And seriously Blaine, I'm not trying to be melodramatic here or anything, but I swear that sometimes, and for a long time, I was scared that some morning I would wake up and receive a call from Finn or Rachel telling me they guy just gave up and killed himself. That's how much it was bad, Blaine. "

"…"

"I'm not blaming you here, but you gotta admit that it's hard not too. Especially after living almost a whole year with that Kurt. I did, Blaine, because we were too scared to leave him, of what he might do, if no one was around. So we take turns. Everybody took turns. And eventually he got better. But he was never the same after, Blaine. Remember that boy who came to spy on you, at Dalton, remember how he was scared and broken, felt like he wasn't worth anything? You remember?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, I wish I could tell you that's how he became again. But I can't because he didn't. Well, except for one thing. The worth anything? Yeah, it became his motto. I'm not worth anything, nobody will ever love me for me/ how could they when I'm so easy to leave?"

"But…"

"No but, Blaine. That's exactly what he though. That's what your departure made him believe. And you know what he did? He acted just like it. He throw himself out there like he didn't matter. Like he was no better than the rest. From the outside, you would just say that he was like any young college man wanting to experiment but we knew, that he was despising himself and sex, became just sex for him. Because well, he had needs sure, but also because he though he wasn't worth anything but being a hot body or whatever."

"That's awful…"

"It is, isn't it, Blaine? You didn't see it, but we did, and let me tell you Blaine it wasn't a pretty sight. Especially when we could see that those people were using him, and treating him like crap. But he just didn't care. And it kept going on and on, for almost 2 years. And then he graduated and started his brand. He had excellent connections, but a deep background also. And that's when it all got messed up. He met a guy, Jeremy, and that guy, oh my god, that guy, was maybe the worst asshole that marched the planet, Blaine, I swear. He was so bad for Kurt, but that's exactly what Kurt was looking for, unfortunately. I can't tell you how many times we talked to him about that guy, but he just wouldn't listen. He threw himself into work and that relationship, if you can call it that. It was basically just a sex unhealthy thing, with that fucking Jeremy who kept sucking every thing from Kurt. And when Kurt started being noticed, well, Jeremy did too. He just enjoyed it, and got opportunities from it to become a model. At this point, we made sure that Kurt would end it, because it was just too much. And eventually he did. But Jeremy couldn't just leave like that, oh no! It wasn't that simple. Because before leaving he made sure, that the whole world knew Kurt's past. Basically he chased every guy Kurt ever slept with, and delivered him to the media, photo included. He added a few hundred guys, here and there, to make it look, you know, more media worthy and invented a whole bunch of stuff, of how, like Kurt had given them MSTs, and how he was a cold asshole who cheated and cheated with every guy. And well, the press loved it. If no one knew who Kurt Hummel was, well, now, he was a big celebrity. And then well, these was those rumors of how he exchanged sexual favors for work favors. I mean, it was awful Blaine, awful. And Kurt was devastated. Because not only everybody though that he was basically a man whore but also, announcers, and sponsors were stopping their funds because of the bad publicity. You can't even begin to understand how much work and struggles it took him to prove the media wrong, to prove everybody wrong. And then there was the whole political side of it, because he was pointed as the perfect example for all those people whom though that gays were immoral and vicious. It was awful. "

"Oh my god"

"So, he just shut himself up again, but this time, he just focused on work and only that. I've never seen someone kill himself at work as much as he did. He avoided any social encounters and just focused on his brand. It took him a long time but he finally proved himself as a worthy designer and people started to forget about the whole Hummel-gate as the media called it. GLAAD reached to him again, and sponsors were back. But it took 2 long, exhausting years Blaine. And we were still there. We tried to get him to go out, have some fun, but he just wouldn't. But at some point, he worked so bad that he finished in hospital from exhaustion. I swear this guy never does things half-heartedly. He finally understood that he had to calm down, and started going out again. But he was still the same cold man who refused to get engaged in any serious relationship. But he was more careful than before. He didn't have sex randomly but actually went on dates and stuff. But every time the guy turned out to be an ass, interested only by Kurt's fame and what it could provide him. Kurt didn't really care, because well, he needed someone in his life, even it was shallow. He needed to feel special. He felt special but only for his work never for himself, and he was ok with that. That's the worst, Blaine. But eventually, when the relationship started to take to much efforts and commitment, he would brake it off. They were 2 or 3 like that for the past year. The last one is Andrea. An asshole, that guy. A model also. They started going out like 4 months ago. Same story, same pattern. A relationship without sentimental involvement. It was reassurance for Kurt, you know, some sort of comfort after a long day at work. And for Andrea, it was the chance for him to score bigger. And he did. He got a acting job out of it. And well, he got what he wanted right? So he didn't need Kurt anymore. When you think about it, I wonder why he even needed Kurt to get the job, because he was a pretty good actor. Like 2 weeks ago, on the night of the big pre opening party for the show, Kurt caught Andrea shamelessly making out with an other guy at the party. Apparently, they had been dating for quite a while too, and they were in loooove. There was a big fight and very horrible things were said. Like how Andrea never liked Kurt, and Kurt was too stupid to figure out that, because he was just cold insensitive man whore. Andrea kept saying that he was just trying to get Kurt to love him and Kurt was awful and yes, he did fall in love and got from the other guy what Kurt could never give him. And how, Kurt never encouraged him in his career because he wanted the light on himself, and how he had to fight so much harder to get the acting job because everyone just kept seeing him as Kurt's boy toy. It was so dramatic, I swear I though they were shooting a soap opera or something. In a matter of fact, yeah, they were shooting. Because the media were there. It was like Andrea had warned them about the whole thing. It was in fucking every tabloid the next morning. All those fucking lies about Kurt and Andrea's story. The whole fucking fight. And of course, Andrea was pictured like a poor angel who got screwed by Kurt and they kept bringing back old stories about Kurt's past. But it calmed pretty quickly because Paris Hilton had been hacked the next day and they were now picture of her naked over the whole Internet, again. So it wasn't as bad as the first time, but still, it was another fucking disappointment in Kurt's life. Not that he let it get to him. He acted like it never happened, although we knew it hurt him. But he wouldn't, and focused on Broadway and his debut.

And then big boy, you happened. And now, you're accusing him of being a man whore and being an asshole, basically shouting him that's he's not worth anything.

Do the math in your head, and tell me now, why do you think he's so mad? "

"…"

"Yeah, like I said. Now, get on that fucking plane and get your ass back to Kurt, and apologize."

 

Christian woke up very early on Wednesday morning. He was so exited about his first day at P's Legacy that he hadn't be able to sleep more than two hours straight all night. He knew he should have taken a bath or something to relax and that he would be exhausted by the end of the day, but right now, he didn't really care. Because he had finally realized his dreams! Working for Kurt Freaking Hummel! Everything about the man was fascinating and he couldn't still believe that he had scored so big! Kurt Hummel was everything that Christian aspired to be. Sure he had flaws, but who didn't? It just meant that he was a man like everybody else, like Chris.

He just couldn't wait to spend the whole day with the guy, following him everywhere and learning from him. But also admiring him, because frankly, Kurt Hummel was fucking gorgeous. He was perfect in every sense of the way, like Chris had noticed the previous day. His big blue/ grey eyes were even prettier in real life than on magazines if it was possible. His pale skin was perfectly smooth and flawless, his hair.. oh god, his hair! And his smile! His lips! Yeah, well, it wasn't clear already, Chris had developed some sort of crush on Kurt Hummel. But he couldn't help it. He didn't know in his immediate entourage of gay friends, one single person that didn't find Kurt absolutely fucking perfect. An angel, even said some, and he could do nothing but agree.

Ok sure, he didn't know that many gay people, to say the truth. Which was kind of odd, to say the least. Because well, everything about him had always screamed gay, gay, gay.

When they looked at him, people just knew right away. That's why he had always been bullied in school. Because he was so damn obvious. But no matter what they would do to him, lock him in a locker and throw him in the trash, he never tried to change or be less conspicuous. Never. In the contrary, he walked more proudly, balancing his ass with much more exaggeration the next day, just so he could piss people more. He didn't fucking care about what people said about him. But he had big esprit of contradiction. So every time people told him no or tried to take him down, he would do the exact same thing they didn't want him to do. It had started very early, with his parents. They had named him Christian, and brought him every Sunday to church and obliged him to go to a catholic school and all that. But early in life, Christian realized that he really didn't believe in a single crap that the priest was trying to teach him. Well, it actually hit him when he thought that the guy in front of him, in catechism was actually really cute and had really pretty lips. And it was during that lesson when the Priest had for the first time told them about how same sex relationships were a sin and how they would end up in Hell, if they ever succumbed to that sin. It's all it took for Chris to do exactly do that. Did he really liked boys? Was he really more attracted to them then to girls? Who knew. The only thing Christian was sure of, is that if the priest said it was wrong and forbidden, then he would do it. He would make sure to dishonor his stupid name and piss the whole religious community off. When he had this epiphany, he was 11.

After that, it all went pretty quickly. When his parents bought him action figurines to play with, he would cry and destroy them before making his parents buy him Barbie instead. They had agreed 2 or 3 times but after a while, they got worried and refused all together. So he tried something else. He started ditching Sunday school, and went taking ballet lessons instead. He didn't actually have to pay, since the teacher liked him and understood his situation. He was her own Billy Elliot. Actually he didn't really care about ballet one bit, but he just wanted to piss his parents. And he knew exactly how to do manipulate people to act his way and receive favors.

When his parents bought him his first Zorro costume for Halloween, he went to the supermarket and traded it for a Cinderella dress, which he actually wore the whole nightlong. His parents were just going crazy and didn't know what to do anymore.

Around his 13th birthday, Christian just decided to push the button a bit further and announced to the whole family around diner, that he was actually gay. His grandfather almost chucked with his chicken leg, and his mother started hyperventilating.

After that incident, his parents pretty much acted as if he wasn't their son. Which was fine for Chris. He really didn't like the people his parents were hanging with. Just a bunch of hypocrites who preached their love for god and cheated on their wives when they were out to bingo or something. Instead, he just hung out alone in the city, messing with everything he could and boring people to death. At some point, he got tired of being chased by bullies and screwing with other people.

On his sixteen birthday, he announced to his parents that he was moving out. He had gotten some money from his summer job, and he would use it to take the bus direction New York City where his uncle lived and had accepted to take him in. He was a free spirit, just like Chris. As for Chris parents, they didn't really gave a fuck about the whole thing. They were not even at home the day he moved out. It should have probably affected Chris but really he didn't care that much. He was just happy to get out of this cow town and have a fresh start. Which he actually did.

He moved to NYC, and lived with his uncle, who was a good man. Chris didn't bother him because frankly he owed him big time. At school, people didn't give a fuck about his sexuality, and didn't even looked at him in the hallways. He was just fitting in. But Chris didn't want to fit in. He had always wanted to demark himself from the rest of the people. So he just went more extreme. He started wearing more risqué clothes than ever, started hanging out with the wrong crowds, and really, really got out too much. He slept with practically every guy he ever encountered. It wasn't really something he was deeply convinced about, but it was more like a rebellion state, here again. If people praised love, then he decided that he would just fuck. If the world treated heterosexual people like the norm, well he would turn gay then, officially. And besides, he really enjoyed gay sex. The prostate stuff and all was really, really good. He had fucked some girls just to be sure though, but even if it had been good, it was nothing like being fucked himself. So he just stuck with it. But he never allowed himself to fall in love or anything that sappy. Love wasn't for him. It was too.. normal, too conventional. Besides, he adored manipulating people. How could the two possible combine.

When he got into college, which he did easily because after all he was ambitious, he had really no idea what major he would choose. And that's' when he heard Kurt's name for the first time. He was in second year of college at NYU, and Kurt was now in every fucking newspaper of the city. He was portrayed as the perfect man whore and vicious gay but with talent. Apparently the man had started his own fashion brand, just after graduating from NYU, and was slowly making his way at the top with sexual favors and such. And maybe Chris was crazy but the man's story fascinated him. And not only his story but also the man. When he saw his picture for the first time he couldn't help but gasp at Kurt's beauty. He was fucking perfect! And Chris just knew what to do. He would do exactly what Kurt did, only more carefully. He would major in design and follow a fashionable career. Besides, he did love clothes, so why not. But since he wasn't really the man to do it one-way, he probably assumed he should add something like journalism in there. He could probably become someone like Anna Wintour or such. He had a big ego and big aspirations, so it fitted totally. He couldn't wait for the day where the whole fashion world would feat him and follow every little one of his commands. Especially Kurt Hummel. He just imagined that someday he could make this bitch, his. And since the guy was so willing to fuck other guys and help them get to the top, why not try also to get him. But in order to do that, he had to work for it. Follow the path he had assigned himself, and maybe someday he would actually be close enough for him to get to.

And that had finally arrived. Sure in the mean time, he had actually enjoyed learning about all that fashion world, and he was more determined than ever to arrive to the top, but Kurt Hummel was still one of his little fantasies. Maybe if he got close enough to the guy, he could actually get benefits from him. And besides, he certainly looked like a real good fuck.

Christian was almost aroused by the perspective of spending the day with Kurt Hummel. He dressed himself more carefully than ever, choosing his best pieces of clothing, and taking a long shower before spending at least an hour moisturizing and putting some other creams upon his whole body. He knew it wouldn't happen in one day, but he wanted to make sure that he had all his strengths with him. So by the time he finally finished getting ready, it was already 8:30 am, and he had to rush to work before Kurt would arrive. He surely didn't want to make a bad impression on his first day at work. He had no idea what to expect but he had the weird sensation that something big was going to happen. He just didn't know yet the extent of it.

 

Half an hour later, he had finally made it to Kurt's office. As soon as he entered the place, Leila practically jumped on him as if she had been waiting for him all that time, which she probably had, as to think of it.

"Good Lord, you're finally here!"

"I'm sorry Mrs. Bengasi. There was some kind of accident in the subway, and …" Perfect, with the just amount of innocence, and naiveté.

"It's ok. Just be glad that Kurt hasn't arrived yet. He won't be late now. In the mean time, come with me in my office, I still have some papers for you to fill and sign."

Christian did as he was told and followed Leila through the hallways of the bureau. Everybody, including Kurt had fallen for his little act of the innocent, naïve, over enthusiastic boy, who was impressed by life. He had always mastered this part of himself that he usually delivered to wrap people around his little finger. His rare friends, mostly girls, found him perfectly diabolic, because he was even vicious than girls, but with the cold mental of a man. When you met him for the first time, you couldn't doubt any second that this kid was the biggest asshole in this planet. And Christian was really proud of it. Distinguish itself from the rest, shock people. It was just a game for him. Play with everyone to get his way to the top, and realize his dreams. He was an outcaste and proud to be. But as he filled the documents Leila presented him, he realized it was still not enough. Sure his friends knew what kind of person he was, what cold manipulative bitch he could be, but not the rest of the world. And he needed the spotlight. He needed people to fear him and to bow to him for his mind. And it wasn't a stupid contract that would stop him. Confidentiality clause? It was just a joke! He was smart enough to know how to pass through it. That said, if he didn't succeed to get Kurt first. Because he was his key to the top. He knew that the other man was cold, but like he had noticed the previous day, not cold enough. He could take it in is advantage. He could play mind games and get closer to him. He would end up with the biggest and most original magazine that NY had seen in a long time. And all thanks to Kurt! He couldn't wait to start.

But unfortunately, he would have to wait, because Kurt was nowhere to be seen. Leila had told him that he was normally there around 9:30 am, sometimes a bit later if he had engagements the night before like Broadway but it wasn't one of those days. Anyway, he wasn't here and Chris had already finished filling in the paperwork and was simply waiting in the meeting room, for Kurt to show up. Leila wanted to give him a tour but she figured she would probably wait for Kurt because he had expressly made the wish the day before that he would do it himself. So in the mean time, Chris just had to wait. And the more he waited, the more he started to think that something was clearly wrong.

The door of the room was open and he could see the people starting to worry about Kurt's lateness, and some of them were actually trying to call him every two minutes, without any success obviously. A tall brunette with a Latino features had just arrived and was stressing like crazy because apparently she had a urgent meeting with Kurt about sponsors or something like that. Apparently they had a meeting at 10:30, and well, it was way past 11 at this point. An other guy, as Christian recognized like Jeff, the financial director was yelling on some people. Apparently, the big boss disappearance wasn't something he could handle very well. But no one seemed to give a crap about his fist and Christian thought that maybe they were all used to his dramas.

In all, Christian find the time very endearing and interesting. He was able to figure out the whole office dynamic just by watching their little show. As talented as some of them were, they were also very lost without Kurt. Apparently he was the one who kept things in order. It was pretty simple then: if Christian wanted to make a dent, he would have to get straight to the top. Leila, or Jeff were nobodies without Kurt, and that suited very well Chris. If he get to him, than no one would have anything to say about it. Well, assuming he would come.

As soon as he thought that maybe his day might have been lost, the doors of the bureau finally opened and Kurt stepped in. Or was it Kurt? Because frankly, he really didn't look like the man Christian had seen the previous day, or ever. I mean sure, everybody had their though days, but that was just… something else. He looked like he had buried his whole family or something like that. But it didn't make sense also, because if something as tragic and grave as that happened, then what the fuck was he doing at work? Chris knew that Kurt was currently single, he read every single people magazine after all. It was probably not a break up situation or something, because there was no way Kurt would let his emotions get in the way of his life, and he would never show up to work looking like that. Except he did. And it was scary. So was he. Because the nice, caring, and professional man he had witnessed the day before was now gone. As soon as he entered the office, practically his whole stuff jumped on him, like Leila had done with Chris. But he bet he wouldn't have done that if they had known what his reaction would be.

"FUCK! HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES I HAVE TO SAY TO YOU, ANIMALS TO LET ME BREATH! STOP JUMPING ON ME EVERY FUCKING TIME! IF YOU NEED SOMETHING I'M IN MY OFFICE !" Kurt yelled, making everyone jump backward in shock, and in fear. But he didn't care one bit about his sudden burst as he was already making his way to his office, with everyone spreading in his way, like they were afraid to touch him or something. Well, with good reason. Because apparently not only Kurt was in a terrible shape but he was also in the worst mood ever. Something that the entire staff had probably never seen because they were still frozen in shock. Something that Kurt had noticed, because right before closing his door, he thought appropriate to shout some more.

"WHAT ARE YOU ALL STARING AT? GO DO SOMETHING, I'M NOT PAYING YOU TO STAND STILL MOUTH OPENED LIKE FUCKING GOLD FISHES. IF SOMEONE IS NOT HAPPY THE DOOR IS RIGHT THERE! LEILA, BRING ME THAT KID, CHRIS, IF YOU'RE STILL CAPABLE OF DOING YOUR JOB!"

As if it needed more effects, he slammed the door behind him so hard that the glasses of the offices next door actually vibrated.

Chris was mortified. Ok, that wasn't at all in his plans.

 

He was very well tempted to run away from that crazy mad house, but something told him that he didn't have the choice really, as he saw Leila coming toward him, still shaking from fear. Well, he didn't blame her. His own hands were wet with sweat.

"Christian… huh.. I guess you should probably go see Kurt…" said Leila, with a apologetic glance. Well, I guess she should be sorry, because Chris was probably going to get killed in there.

"Huh… not that it's any of my business, but what's happening with him?" asked Chris, slowly standing up. He was really in no hurry.

"I don't know" sighed Leila. "I have no effing idea. I've never seen him so upset. Neither did the rest of us, as you can see" finished Leila, waving at the people that were still standing in the hallway, whispering and gasping.

"But you should probably go in, before he comes out and struggle all of us."

Well, wasn't nice. He had became the freaking lamb that was destined to feed the Lion, so everybody could be safe. It was fucking great!

But Christian wasn't the one to back down, and actually followed Leila through the hallway till the door of Kurt's office. Leila took a deep breath and knocked.

"COME IN! AND IT BETTER BE WOTH MY ATTENTION!" responded Kurt, loud enough for Chris and Leila to hear him. Well, actually he guessed that the whole office had heard him once again.

"Good luck" whispered to him Leila, before opening the door and letting him in. Chris breathed deeply before getting in the cage of the beast. The door closed behind him. Chris raised his head, and met Kurt's eyes. Definitely wanted to run.

Now that Chris was actually facing the man, he realized that he was in worst shape that he initially thought. He was wearing sweatpants! No really sweatpants! Well, they were _Ermenegildo Zegna_ sweatpants but they were still freaking sweatpants! Chris would never go out like that and frankly he though that neither did Kurt. But it wasn't all of it. His hair was a mess, his eyes were red and swallowed as if he had been crying all night, and injected with blood. His face was even paler than normally, and like Chris noticed with horror, he even had cuts on his hands, and neck. Cut of glass. What the fucking hell happened to the man?

"Are you gonna stay there standing like a fool or actually take a fucking seat so we can start working?" asked sharply Kurt, his deathly bitchy gaze directed at Chris.

Well, Chris was perfectly good were he was. Actually he would have preferred to be out of that office actually, of the whole building even, but he didn't have a choice. So he took a seat in front of Kurt's office, and waited until the other man spoke again. Which never happened, as suddenly, the door burst open, and Jeff, entered the bureau. Without even knocking first! Well, the man had guts.

"Kurt, what the fuck was that all about?" yelled Jeff, positively enraged.

"Jeff, how nice to hear from you! I thought you had decided to ignore my face. Well, I wish you did. It was very restful while it lasted" ironized Kurt

"Don't go all sarcastic bitch on ME! Do you realize what you just did? How you treated everybody? Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"Well, last time I checked I was Kurt Hummel, CEO of P's Legacy and legal boss of you all !" responded as wittily Kurt, an actual smirk on his face.

Well, apparently he really didn't give a fuck about anything or anyone. Chris could be harsh too, but that man was just awful to people who didn't deserve it. What the fuck had happen that it would change Kurt that much? Erase any trace of kindness and humanity and regret in the man?

"Kurt, I'm talking to you straight here! Don't play dumb! What the fuck is happening with you? The last time I saw you that trashed was when Blaine left!"

Wait, who was Blaine again?

"Oh this is it! This is about Blaine, right? I knew it, I fucking knew it but you wouldn't listen to me!" Jeff looked like almost proud to be right. Until he saw the look Kurt gave him. Chris was pretty sure at this point that the saying was wrong : "looks could kill". At least Kurt's. Because if the man had ever given such a look to Chris, he was practically sure he would have a hard attack or something. Apparently, Jeff didn't. Even though he had stop talking. Wise of him.

"Don't you dare say another word Jeff! Don't you dare say I said so! Because YOU FUCKING KNOW NOTHING ABOUT MY LIFE!" Yelled Kurt, shaking with anger.

"Wow, what the hell is happening here, dude?"

The voice came from behind, and Chris turned so quickly that his neck cracked. Standing in the frame of the door, was the tallest man Chris had ever seen. A regular T Rex. Well, actually he wasn't that tall, but compared to Chris, and since he was seating, he looked pretty lengthened. The weird thing was that Chris was pretty sure he had seen it from somewhere, like on some papers, but he couldn't put a name on the face. A face that was pretty confused at the moment.

"Finn, what t are you doing here?" sighed Kurt, calming down for a moment.

"I came here because I wanted to have lunch with my brother, and what I discover is a full bureau frozen in shock at the yells that are coming from your office. I swear we can hear you from the elevator!"

Oh then that guy was his brother! Weird, though Chris, they didn't look alike at all. Never mind, maybe this guy would be able to calm Kurt, because frankly Chris was ready to freak out.

"No Finn, I don't want to have lunch. Now, get out!" responded abrasively Kurt.

The said brother Finn gasped in shock. Apparently he wasn't used either to that side of Kurt. Who could be? But the thing was, that this guy was his brother so he probably wasn't gonna give up so easily. Which he didn't. He did exactly the contrary of Kurt had asked, and stepped in completely into the office, closing the door behind him, before leaning forward to face Kurt properly.

"Ok Kurt, what the fuck is going on? You seem shaken, dude!"

"Oh god, you finally grew a brain a started to noticed things! Good for you, Finn!"

"Hey Bro, it was mean…"

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE FINN, OK? I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF YOUR BIG PERSON IS OFFENDED BY MY WORDS AND YOU JUST CAN'T TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!" Kurt had apparently given up on controlling his voice. And the more he yelled, the more he was getting high pitched. It reminded Chris of that fucking chalk on the black board. Awful.

"What the fuck is up with you dude? I'm just here to have lunch with you, and you go all Lima Heights on me!"

"Don't go pretending to have lunch. I know why you are here. You want to talk about Blaine, like your little buddy Jeff, here. Well, you know what? SCREW YOU! I don't want to hear what you have to say!"

"Kurt, it's just that the guy hurt you, and we want to make sure…"

"WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE SURE FINN? BECAUSE IT LOOKS TO ME LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO MESS UP MY LIFE ONCE AGAIN. EVERY TIME I GET A TINY BIT HAPPY, YOU'RE ALL HERE TO MESS IT UP!"

" Hey, it's not fair dude! You know how much we helped you!"

"WHEN EXACTLY? WHEN YOU TOLD ME TO BREAK UP WITH JEREMY? SEE WHERE THAT GOT ME? I WAS GOOD BEFORE YOU CAME AND TRIED TO CONVINCE ME TO BREAK IT OFF! I WAS HAPPY!"

"No you were not. I know it and you know it. That dude was dangerous and you saw it by yourself!"

"JUST BECAUSE YOU MADE ME DO IT! I ALMOST LOST MY CAREER OUT OF IT AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULTS! AND YOU KNOW WHAT, I LISTENED TO YOU. I FUCKING CONCENTRATED ON MY WORK, BUT EVEN THEN YOU WERE NOT HAPPY!AND WHAT DID IT GOT ME? TO THIS FUCKING ANDREA WHO BROKE ME ONCE AGAIN! SERIOUSLY PEOPLE STOP INTERVENING IN MY LIFE! I DON'T NEED YOU. I WAS HAPPY JUST THE WAY I WAS!"

"No you're wrong!"

"I'M FUCKING RIGHT! STOP TELLING ME WHAT I SHOULD THINK AND WHAT I SHOULD DO, OK? STOP SAYING THAT I SHOULDN'T ACT LIKE A WHORE OR WHATEVER BECAUSE APPARENTLY THAT'S JUST WHO I AM!"

"what? "

"YEAH, JEFF YOU HEARD ME! I'M JUST A FUCKING MAN WHORE AND EVEN BLAINE KNOWS IT! SO REALLY I DON'T NEED YOU TO COME AND TALK TO ME ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH BLAINE BECAUSE THERE IS NO RELATIONSHIP! APPARENTLY I JUST SCREW AND GET IT OVER WITH!"

"don't say that, Kurt. You matter…"

"OH SCREW YOU FINN! DON'T GO REPEATING WORDS YOU HEARD MY FATHER SAY! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING; IT MEANS NOTHING! NO FUCKING SHIT! BECAUSE EVERYONE IN MY LIFE MADE SURE THAT I WOULD KNOW IT; I DON'T MATTER FINN! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S OK!"

"Kurt…"

"NO, NO KURT, FINN! I DON'T FUCKING MATTER SO WHY SHOULD ALL BOTHER GIVING ME YOUR STUPID ADVICES THAT JUST MAKE MY LIFE WORST? HUH? BECAUSE I SWEAR FINN, YOU DON'T HELP. BECAUSE ALL YOU EVER DO, IS FUCKING JUDGE ME! THAT'S NOT WHAT FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE SUPPOSED TO DO; THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT. THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO LISTEN TO YOU, TO HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. TO UNDERSTAND YOU! NOT TO JUMP AT YOUR TROATH EVERY FUCKING TIME YOU SAY OR DO SOMETHING!"

"it's just that we care about you Kurt…"

"WELL STOP, BECAUSE YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG! YOU'VE DONE IT WRONG ALL THOSE TIME AND YOU'RE STILL DOING IT WRONG! DID YOU ALL STOP ONE SECOND AND MAYBE, JUST MAYBE THOUGHT THAT WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH WITH BLAINE MIGHT BE AFFECTING ME? THAT I WOULD NEED SUPPORT, AND LOVE FROM MY FRIENDS? NO! ALL YOU DID, WAS YELL AT ME, AND JUDGE ME! YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE FINN! YOU JUST JUDGE! WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, I'VE ENOUGH PEOPLE FUCKING JUDGING ME! I DON'T NEED MY FRIENDS TO DO IT TOO!"

"I'm sorry…"

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF YOU'RE SORRY FINN ! SORRY DOESN'T SOLVE A THING! I'M SORRY THAT I HAD TO WELCOME BLAINE INTO MY LIFE BUT IT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT HE'S HERE! MY FUCKING HEAD IS A MESS! IT'S A WAR IN THERE. I'M SO CLOSE TO THE POINT OF BREAKING! AND YOU, CALLING YOURSELF MY FRIENDS, JUST MAKE IT WORSE! YOU'RE SCREAMING AT ME, AS IF I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH CRIES IN MY HEAD! YOU'RE JUDGING ME, AND POINTING AT ME, AS IF I WASN'T ALREADY CONDAMNED EVERY FUCKING DAY! I JUST NEEDED SOMEONE TO LISTEN. TO BE THERE AND TO HOLD ME WHILE I CRIED! BUT INSTEAD, YOU JUST FUCKING MADE ME CRY HARDER! BUT I'M DONE CRYING, I'M DONE FUCKING CARING. SO JUST STOP ALREADY TOO! I DON'T WANT TO FEEL ANYMORE, OK? I'M BETTER OFF BY MYSELF, WITHOUT FRIENDS, THAN WITH FAKE FRIENDS! I'M BETTER OF MYSELF, WITHOUT BLAINE OR ANYONE. THEY SEE ME AS FUCKING COLD HEARTED FUCKING ASSHOLE? WELL, THAT'S JUST WHO I'M GONNA BE! A FUCKING COLD MAN WHORE, WHO DOESN'T NEED ANYBODY AND DOESN'T FUCKING CARE TO BE JUDGED! BUT NOT BY MY FRIENDS! NEVER! SO JUST STOP CARING ALREADY! YOU'RE DOING EVERYTHING WRONG! "

And on that note, Kurt stormed out of the office, fuming like a mad man, leaving behind three men, well, actually a whole office, thunderstruck.

Well, that was definitely not what Chris had expected from his first day at work.

 

When he finally left the office, a few moments later, along with half the office, because really no one was in the mood for working, and the initial shock started to fade, he realized that actually it was very endearing day. Very educational also.

So, there was a Blaine in the picture apparently, and he was driving Kurt crazy. The other guys, Jeremy and Andrea, Chris had heard of, but Blaine never. Apparently it was someone from his past, before Kurt had became famous. Someone that the media never found out about. And now, Chris knew. He was in the confidence of the gods! Jeez, he loved it! But he didn't love that idea of Blaine. That guy was trouble. Just look at what he did to Kurt! No, Kurt couldn't stay with the guy because it would mess with his life and career and Chris couldn't let that happen. Later when he would have his own job and magazine, and when he would have screwed Kurt, well, he didn't care but not now. He was so close and Blaine, whoever he was, wasn't gonna mess it up for him! He had to make sure to know who this guy was and erase him from Kurt's life. It would maybe hurt Kurt, but he would get over it. And Chris would help him. And grateful, Kurt would help Chris back! It was just a genius plan! Now, all he had to do was to discover more about that Blaine dude. Well, maybe if he tipped off the media, it would be quicker. That wasn't included in his confidentially clause, was it? Perfect, just perfect. Actually, to think of it, it was really…

"Best first day at job ever!" said loudly Chris, a devious mile on his lips, as he crossed the street. Game on.

 

Just after hanging up with Quinn, Blaine had practically run out of the office, direction the airport. He couldn't believe how stupid he had been! Why the hell did he reacted so strongly last night! Why he didn't took some time to actually listen to what Kurt had to say. Instead of demanding explanations, he just got angry and yelled at him. What was wrong with him? Why had he felt so threatened? He honestly had no idea.

The only thing he knew is that Andrea made him jealous. Madly jealous. Maybe because he hadn't been part of Kurt's life for so long, and he was afraid that the man had replaced him with some freaking perfect model god. He was feeling already so unsure of himself, so unconfident that Andrea's return just made things worse. But how could he doubt one second Kurt? How could he think that the man only played with him? How could he attribute their sex incident to some kind of Kurt's dirty behavior? What a fool!

He had seen Kurt, and he had comforted him and they had talked. He had witnessed how broken the man was, and how he seemed to get better with Blaine on his side. How his whole face illuminated when Blaine walked in. And still, Blaine had doubted his love and sincerity. He had called him a whore and told him he wasn't worth anything! What the fuck was wrong with him?

He was feeling so guilty, so ashamed of himself. Quinn had finally told him the whole story, everything that Kurt wasn't able or ready to tell, and now, finally, Blaine knew. And it hurt. The truth hurt, because it was so much worse than Blaine ever imagined. Sure, Blaine had a rough 5 years, but Kurt's story was worse than anything. He didn't know how the man was still standing. Still walking, and talking. And smiling! He was smiling, and Blaine knew now, that it must have taken a mountain of efforts to put that smile on his face. To crack jokes normally. To tease Blaine. But he did it anyway, because he loved Blaine. He loved him and he made efforts to show it. And Blaine just messed it up.

The flight back was too long, and Blaine couldn't stop fidgeting on his chair, so much that the flight attendant actually came to see him and asked him if he needed anything, because he thought that Blaine was scared of flying. Well, Blaine was indeed scared but not of flying. He was scared because every minute that went by was a minute where Kurt though that Blaine hated him and considered like a whore. A minute when Kurt was full of self loathing. A minute when he could do anything drastic to stop hurting. And Blaine had a hard time just seating there in that fucking plane, waiting for the thing to land off. Obviously, he had changed his flight into a earlier one, because there was no way he would wait until 3pm to board on the damn thing. By then, he knew it would be too late. Too late for what? He didn't want to think about it. It was too scary. He just hope, that by taking the 12:00am flight, he would be there on time. To go find Kurt, and make amends. To rescue him from whatever dark place he was in. To make things right.

And every minute in the freaking plane, was an other stab straight into Blaine's heart. A minute away from Kurt.

He finally landed 45 minutes later, and Blaine was the first one out of the plane. People saw him pass by, wondering was this guy looked like he was running after his life. Because he was. Because Kurt was his life. And it was slowly fading away. he needed to catch it before it was too late. Before it would fade away completely.

He actually begged people to let him get first on the cab line, and people actually let him. They just needed to look at him to see that this man was indeed desperate to get somewhere, and he might die, if he didn't right away. Blaine didn't care one second about being rude, or cutting people off, because at this point nothing really mattered. It didn't mattered how people saw him. The only one that mattered was Kurt. Kurt's vision of him was his only concern and right now he hated him and hated himself. And that couldn't happen.

The journey on the cab from the airport to Kurt's apartment was the longest that Blaine had ever experienced. He couldn't stop asking the cab driver to go faster, or to take a shorter cut. Obviously he was pissing him off, but again the driver didn't comment, because he had caught Blaine's urgent expression. Something was clearly happening, so he just followed Blaine's instructions, speeding more than it was actually allowed. The hell with the law! The man behind him was such in despair that Franck, the driver took pity on him. After a few miles, he was even as eager to arrive at destination as his client, even though he had no freaking clue of what would happen after. But call it a sense of duty or compassion or whatever you want, but he made it his goal to make the shortest and fattest journey that New York cab drivers had ever seen. He would have if it wasn't for the immense traffic that blocked them 10 blocks from destination.

But then again, Blaine didn't hesitate. He paid the driver and decided to finish the way on foot. Franck saw him running like a mad man, as soon as he got down from the car. He just wished he would get on time to whatever he was going. He certainly deserved too, with that much dedication. Frank didn't know what he was running for, but he was pretty sure it involved a person. Well, that person was probably the luckiest alive, because Frank was pretty sure the world would be a better place if every person cared so much about other people. Hell, he would be the luckiest mother fucker alive if someone was chasing after him so ardently!

Blaine ran like he had never run before, like fire was chasing him, like he might die if he stopped. He didn't even notice the 10 blocks before finally stopping dead in front of Kurt's building, a pain on his side, and his breath caught in his throat. The doorman looked at him funny when he walked by but other than didn't make any sorts of comments. After all he had seen him pass by the previous night, angrier than ever. He just guessed that probably, Blaine was here to make amends to Mr. Hummel or something. Because the man knew everything. He had seen that guy, Mr. Hummel ex boyfriend come by last night and he had heard the gossip going around the building. A pretty fight had been witnessed and heard between those 3, the previous night. It was just probably round 2 on his way up. Nothing to throw a fit about. The doorman had witnessed stranger things happen in that building since Mr. Hummel had moved in. Stranger things including some of his relatives and friends who were just plain crazy. But he wasn't gonna complain about it. It just made his job way less boring. More gossip was on the way.

After the longest elevator ride ever, Blaine had finally made it to Kurt's door, where he actually froze. Suddenly, he no idea what to do. He had only thought about making it here the fattest but he hadn't though about what he would say once he would. And by the way, why was he in front of his apartment ? It was almost 1:30 pm, and Kurt, should have been at work. But something inside Blaine, had assured him otherwise. But it didn't really matter, if he wasn't there, then he would just go to his office. No big deal. But he should probably make sure first by knocking or something. But he couldn't. H was frozen. Come on, Blaine, you didn't run all this way, you didn't cross all this people at the cab line, you didn't change your flight just so can stare at a door! Stop being a coward and fucking knock.

"You should probably knock or something. The door won't open by itself" Blaine turned to see that one of Kurt's neighbors, was staring at him, smirking at the sign of Blaine's coward attitude.

"I should… yeah"

"By the way, would you please tell your friend, that next time he decide to move his furniture at such a late hour of the night, I'm gonna call the police. He clearly has no idea how to live in community." Commented the neighbors, before stepping in his own apartment.

What the hell was this guy talking about? Kurt had been moving furniture all night? What kind of reaction to what happened was that? Blaine was just plain confuse and it was maybe that, more than anything else, that finally made him decide to just use his key and get in. At this point, it couldn't hurt. And besides, he wasn't sure if Kurt would answer the door and let him in. Especially if he knew who it was. So he just turned the key into the lock and pushed the door. The sight that welcomed him was… terrifying.

 

The apartment was… trashed. That was the only word that Blaine could think of. Absolutely trashed. Furniture were ripped apart, and lamps were broken on the floor, paintings had been removed from their spot on the wall and were just lying there, with traces upon them, like if someone had walked over them or something. And god, there was glass absolutely everywhere! Some from the vases, some from the TV screen, that Blaine recognized.

"OH SWEET FUCKING LORD ! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN HERE?" howled Blaine in fear.

"It's quite a mess, isn't it? Just reflecting my life that's it."

Blaine's head snapped to see that Kurt was standing in front of him, arms crossed on his chest, looking in a more terrible state than he had ever seen him. But what shocked and hurt more than anything, was the expression in his eyes. It wasn't hurt, it wasn't anger. It was a mix of it all, with some despair, self loathing, shame, and a bit of disgust. In all, the worst sight ever. The way he was crossing his arms supposed that he was holding himself together as is he was afraid of collapsing at any moment. And he really was, because even if he tried to stand still, Blaine could notice that his entire body was shaking and about to give up. He wanted to run in his arms, and hold him before he would fall but he couldn't. No he couldn't because he had no right. Not after he had done, not after what he had called him. He had crushed him once again. Just like he did 5 years ago. But Blaine could see now that it was even worse than 5 years ago. Because this time, he left on purpose, and willingly. He left Kurt with an explanation and it was worse than no explanation at all. He had made the man believe that he had abandoned because of who he was. And that was the worst.

But he still didn't know what to say, and Kurt was still there, barely standing, using his last forces to not collapse. So Blaine just said the stupidest thing he could think of.

"Did you get robbed or what?"

"No I'm afraid that's all my work. I can be very fierce if I want to. I might even show you in a second if you don't get the hell out of my place." Kurt didn't yell or raise his voice, but Blaine wished he did. It would have made things easier than to hear this cold harsh and disgusted tone of his.

"Kurt, I'm not going anywhere. I can't. Not before I can tell you how sorry I am." Said Blaine, meeting Kurt's glance. He tried to communicate him how sincere and sorry he was with his eyes, and everything else he didn't know to say, but Kurt couldn't have it. He kept avoiding his looks.

"Oh you're sorry? Well, you know what? I fucking don't give a crap. So you can take your puppy eyes look elsewhere and leave me be!"

"Please Kurt, please just listen to me" begged Blaine, almost in tears.

"Why should I, when you didn't when I asked you to do the same thing? Huh? Why should I listen to you when you deliberately ignored me yesterday? When you wouldn't pause a second to hear what I had to say? When you wouldn't even give me the benefice of the doubt? Huh? So I think I have no obligation and I might just return the courtesy. Now, GET OUT!"

But Blaine wasn't going to give up so easily! Oh no! So before Kurt could even grasp what was happening, Blaine moved forward and grabbed Kurt by the arms and dragged him in the equally trashed living room. Blaine tried to make him seat on the sofa, but Kurt had finally reacted. He was trying to get out of Blaine's tight hold, screaming like if he was being mugged or something.

"Stop fighting me Kurt! You're gonna trip or fall and hurt yourself!"

"AND WHAT DO YOU CARE BLAINE? WHAT DO YOU CARE IF I FALL AND HURT OR KILL MYSELF? YOU MADE REALLY CLEAR LAST NIGHT THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME ANYMORE! DO WHY DO YOU FUCKING CARE, BLAINE?"

"BECAUSE I WAS FUCKING WRONG KURT! I WAS FUCKING WRONG! I DON'T WANT AND WON'T LEAVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I JUST FUCKING LOVE YOU! THAT'S WHY!"

"NO YOU DON'T! YOU JUST WANT TO SCREW ME! ISN'T WHAT YOU SAID LAST NIGHT? THAT I WAS A FUCKING WHORE WHO WASN'T WORTH ANYTHING? SO YOU JUST WANT TO FUCK ME ONE LAST TIME AND THEN YOU'LL LEAVE AGAIN!"

"KURT, PLEASE STOP FIGHTING ME AND LISTEN! I WAS FUCKING WRONG! I WAS JEALOUS, I WAS BLIND, I LET MY ANGER AND MY FUCKING LOW SELF ESTIME GET IN THE WAY! I GOT JALEOUS OF ANDREA, OF JEREMY AND ALL THE OTHERS!"

"wait, how do you know about Jeremy? " Kurt was so surprised that he forgot to yell and stopped to fight Blaine.

"Quinn told me. I'm sorry, Kurt."

"What did she tell you exactly?" asked Kurt, as if he was suddenly afraid of the truth.

"Everything…" confessed Blaine, head down, letting go of Kurt. He didn't know why he released him, but it didn't matter because Kurt wasn't going anywhere. Well, in fact he did move. He went to sit on the couch, head in the hands, almost whimpering. He looked devastated. He was devastated. Blaine did the only thing he could think of: he sat next to him, close but not close enough for Kurt to feel threatened.

"So this is why you're here then…" muttered Kurt, his head still hidden behind his fingers. It was like he was trying to support it so it wouldn't fall.

"Yes" breathed honestly Blaine.

"You're here because Quinn told you my poor story and now you feel guilty…"

"Wait! No, that's not it Kurt! Not at all!" protested Blaine.

"So you're not feeling guilty?" asked Kurt, finally raising his head to look at Blaine

"Guilty? More than you can ever know. But not for what you think…"

"So, you're not here because you pity me? Because you felt bad about your words and wanted to make amends, just so you can leave with your conscience in peace?"

"No, Kurt, I swear, it's not that at all!"

"BECAUSE I DON'T FUCKING NEED YOUR PITY! I DON'T WANT ANYBODY TO PITY ME! ESPECIALLY NOT YOU, BLAINE! YOU HEARD ME? I'M TELLING YOU, YOU CAN LEAVE WITH YOUR CONSCIENCE IN PEACE! YOU TRIED TO HELP ME BUT I DON'T FUCKING NEED YOUR HELP! I DON'T! SO GET OUT AND GO FUCKING LIVE YOUR LIFE! AND JUST PLEASE, PLEASE, FORGET ABOUT ME!" Kurt was screaming, but Blaine knew that it was just a defense mechanism. The truth was that Kurt was on the edge of breaking, of exploding in tears, but he was so damn proud, that he didn't want to let one single tear out with Blaine on the room. He wasn't gonna give him the satisfaction to know that Blaine had hurt him. Had touched him. He was too proud for that. But he wasn't strong enough. Not anymore.

 

Blaine understood at this point that no matter what he would say, Kurt would always take it the wrong way. There was no way of winning with words, not when Kurt was so upset. Maybe later, when he would calm down, they would talk, but definitely not now. So Blaine did the only thing he thought of. He knew it might be dangerous, it may lead to a reenactment of that night, it might back fire on him, but the hell with that! He moved forward and grabbed Kurt fiercely and crashed him against his chest.

Of course, Kurt wouldn't let go so easily. He kept trying to get out but was so emotionally and physically tired that he hadn't much strength anymore. Actually, Blaine was almost as drained as the other man, but it just felt like someone had injected him a shot a Adrenaline. He was holding more tightly than he ever thought possible and no kick, no punch, no scream of Kurt could reach him. He just kept pressing the taller man's had on his chest, and leaned forward so he could talk in his ear.

"I don't pity you Kurt. I pity myself. I pity myself because I'm a dumb stupid asshole who didn't realize what a gift you were, what a wonderful, exceptional man you became, until I lost you. I pity myself because I'm so emotionally damaged that I react always the wrong way with you. That I blame you for all the things that I should have blamed myself for. I accused you of cheating but truthfully, I was the one who cheated; I cheated with Lisa, on you, on my life, on the world. I blamed you for being cold, and heartless but I'm the cold self loathing one. I hated my life and myself for so long and I didn't even admit it. And even when you welcomed me back into your life and you took care of me, I had to go and mess it up because I just couldn't accept the fact that I was so broken. So I blamed you. For everything and all those things I just said; I'm sorry Kurt. I'm so sorry. I imposed myself on you, I leaned on you when you couldn't even lean on yourself. We were like those two Pise towers, leaning on each other, and fighting to make the other one fall first so it would ease our own fall. I'm sorry Kurt. I'm so sorry. But I don't want to lose you. I know I have a lot to make amends for but I just can't loose you. Because I'm nothing without you. You are perfect to me, with your flaws and your past. With all your mistakes and your missteps. You are perfect. You hear me? You're a hundred times the man I'll ever be. You're worth anything, everything. You're worth all the gold in the universe and all the water in the ocean. Because you're you. You're Kurt freaking Hummel and you matter! Don't ever let anyone tell you the opposite, even me! Don't ever forget that, please Kurt! Please, let me love you, let me show it to you!"

And then Blaine started singing. Because he knew that his own words were not enough. They had never been enough. But when he sang, when he took someone else's words, story to make them yours, than, only then, he was in his element. He could forget about everything and make the world forget with him. There was nothing else but the song, but the story it told, but the emotion Blaine put in the verses. It was nothing else but the truth.

_Don't leave me_

_Let's forget for all_

_Can be forgotten_

_Which is gone by already_

_Forget the time of misunderstandings_

_And the time lost_

_Finding out how_

_To forget those hours_

_Which sometimes killed_

_By blows of "why?"_

_The heart of happiness._

_Don't leave me_

_Don't leave me_

_Don't leave me_

_I will give pearls of rain_

_Come from countries where it never rains_

_I will dig up the earth even in death_

_To cover your body with gold and white light_

_I will make a domain_

_Where love shall be king_

_Where love shall be law_

_Where you shall be queen_

_Don't leave me_

_Don't leave me_

_Don't leave me_

_Don't leave me_

Kurt had started crying. He was clinging so hard at Blaine's shirt, his whole body convulsing. And he was sobbing, delivering his whole heart to Blaine. Blaine who just hold him tighter if possible and kept singing. He wasn't done. He had so much more to say.

_Don't leave me_

_I shall invent senseless words_

_Which you will understand_

_I shall tell you about those lovers_

_Who saw twice_

_Their hearts go up in flames_

_I shall tell you the story of that king_

_Dead for not having succeeded_

_In finding you._

_Don't leave me_

_Don't leave me_

_Don't leave me_

_One has often seen_

_Burst anew the fire_

_Of an old volcano_

_Believed to be spent_

_There are, it is said, scorched lands_

_Yielding more wheat_

_Than the best of April_

_And when the evening comes_

_To make the sky flare up_

_Don't the black and red wed?_

_Don't leave me_

_Don't leave me_

_Don't leave me_

_Don't leave me_

Blaine had started crying also and had a hard time chocking the words out. But the song wasn't finished. He wasn't finished. he had to say it all. Everything and more.

_Don't leave me_

_I'll weep no more_

_I'll speak no more_

_I'll hide right here_

_To look at you_

_dance and smile_

_To listen to you sing_

_And then laugh…._

_Let me become the shadow_

_Of your shadow_

_The shadow of your hand_

_The shadow of your dog, but_

_Don't leave me_

_Don't leave me_

_Don't leave me_

_Don't leave me_

 

The song had ended for quite some time already but neither of the men cared. They kept holding each other, crying, for what might have seemed an eternity to both of them. The time was suspended, the world had stopped turning, and all was left, was two men delivering their heart, their sorrow, their distress, to each other. Their love too.

Because there was no doubt that their loved each other, more than anything, more than anyone else. Blaine knew it and Kurt knew it. They were damaged good, they were in ruins, but it wasn't over. They still had each other. They would always have each other. Even after death, even in heaven or hell. They belonged together in their mind and in their heart. And no one could ever walk away, as hard as they tried sometimes.

But it wasn't healthy. Not that way, at least. They couldn't stay that way. They would have to find a new path to follow, and new beginning to start with. Because that path was consumed, that story had been used. And it just couldn't fit anymore. Because they had changed so much. Because they were two different men from what they used to be. They had grown and been altered by life and its challenges. They just couldn't pretend otherwise.

But just for now, they could maybe stay a little longer like that. Pretend a bit longer. Just for a couple of minutes, a couple of hours, or a couple of years.

Or not. Because life wasn't going to give them a rest. As much as they wanted to forget about the world, it wouldn't give the same courtesy, and maybe for the hundredth time those past few days, a ringing interrupted them. Someone was at the door, life was in motion. And no one could ignore it.

Kurt detached himself slowly from Blaine's embrace who just let him go with a sad smile, which Kurt returned, before standing up. Blaine saw him move carefully around the place, making sure not to trip on something or cut himself with glass, and he knew that he had won the battle. Oh there was still so much to fight for, but that battle, for Kurt's humanity had been won. Kurt was fighting again for his life, for his well being, and Blaine knew that he wouldn't give up on it anytime soon. He leaned back on the couch, adjusting his clothes, rubbing off his puppy eyes, but smiling. Whoever was at the door, Kurt could handle it.

He heard muffled sound coming from the vestibule and before he could even wonder who'd that be, an procession of people burst into the living room. Blaine jumped straight on the couch when he saw Mercedes, Rachel, Sam, Finn and Puck enter the room.

"Ah good, there is Blaine. Perfect!" said Rachel, rubbing her hands together.

"wow, man, you really went for it this time! The place looks like Hulk paid on a visit or something" said Puck, very much impressed. But apparently, it wasn't the first time that happened, deduced Blaine from his words. And he could pretty much guess when was the last time also.

"Ok Kurt go take a seat on the couch, and stay there" said Sam, pushing him toward the sofa. Kurt looked to say the least very confused at his friends' sudden appearance, but seated anyway like he was told. Blaine shot him a questioning look but he just shrugged. Apparently they would just have to wait and find out what the show was about.

They all got stood in a perfect line in front of two men and while Puck was doing god knows what with a computer that he had brought with him, Finn took a step forward and started to speak.

"Kurt I'm sorry for earlier. I realized after you left that I had no right to come and accuse you like that. Not only for today, but also for all those times that, like you said, I judged you without even listening to what you had to say. I'm sorry bro."

"No I'm sorry Finn." Sighed Kurt. He was feeling extremely ashamed of how he talked to Finn earlier. He had no right to say those things, even if he was angry. Because they were wrong. Because he knew how much every one of his friends had scarified for him when he was down. How long they stayed with him, through the worst times of his short life. And of course, they had been right to tell him to break up with Jeremy, to stop throwing himself around. Now he realized it. He just hoped it wasn't too late.

"I'm really sorry Finn. I shouldn't have said all those things. It was uncalled for. I was wrong. You did help me all lot; you all did" he added turning to face all his friends, even Puck who had stopped playing with the computer. "You were all here for me, and you saved me. I don't know how I can even begin to thank you for that. I owe so much to you"

"You don't have to thank us, Kurtsie." Said Mercedes, smiling tenderly at him. " And you owe us nothing. Nada. Because that's what friends are for. Support each other in good and bad."

She was looking at her friends with tears in her eyes. Seeing him so broke, so lost was tearing apart his heart. And she wanted to make it right; they all did.

"But we haven't been the best of friends lately, I'm sorry Kurt" said Rachel. "I realize that now. Ever since Blaine came back, we just kept pushing you around, almost bullying you, both, and we didn't stop a minute to think of it what it might do to you. We're sorry."

"Blaine, we 're really sorry for attacking you like that. We should have been more understanding. We should have actually listened to what you had to say" continued Sam.

Blaine was overwhelmed. He couldn't believe that they were actually making amends to him, when he was the one who had messed everything up in the first place. He didn't know what to say, how to show him how grateful he was to have such friends. So he just let his tears fall, but with a smile on his face. Maybe they would understand then.

And they did.

"I felt so bad after you left that I called Rachel and told her everything." Begun again Finn

"And after I stopped yelling at him, I realized that you were right Kurt. We didn't support you like you deserved too. So I called Mercedes and organized a urgent meeting."

"In the mean time, Quinn had called me" explained Mercedes. "She told me everything that happened because she though it was her duty to do so. And she was right. I can't believe that she actually helped you guys more than all of us united."

"It's ok, Cedes." Chocked Kurt, between his own tears.

"No, it's not baby. We have been terrible, terrible friends and we're sorry."

"And I promise dude, that from now on, it's all gonna change. I'm gonna be a true brother to you I swear" added Finn, with force.

"Thank you" managed to choke out Kurt.

"But you know these guy can't do a thing without having the need to sing about it" said Puck. He was talking for the first time since he had installed the computer, and had a strange smile on his face. The kind of smile you had when you knew a secret or what was about to happen.

"Like you don't yourself" shot back Sam who had start grinning too.

"Anyhow" interrupted Rachel, "we thought that we would sing to you, because frankly we suck at speaking."

"But we didn't want to do it alone" added Finn, smirking too.

"Not without all of your friends." Finished Sam.

Wait what? What the hell were they talking about, though Kurt. He was already overwhelmed enough by their presence and now they wanted to sing, on top of it. But what did they mean by all of his friends? Because last time he checked, the rest of the New Directions were spread all around the country and there was no way Finn would bring some of his other friends, from work or Broadway or something. So what the hell they were talking about? And what the hell Puck was doing again with that damn computer?

But suddenly Puck must have switched the sound on because a brouhaha of voice raised from the computer, and a second later, the screen was facing them, and Artie, Santana, Brittany, Quinn, Tina and Mike were all looking at him in various Skype windows. Kurt's breath got caught in his throat. Oh my god, they were all actually here, talking to him from the other side of their computer! All of his freaking friends! The new directions in complete!

 

"Oh my god, you guys!" it was Blaine who reacted the first, rubbing his eyes, as if he really didn't believe the sight in front him. A sight of all his long lost friends, actually smiling and talking to him.

"Hi there Porcelain! Hobbit!" cheered Santana loud enough to be heard among the other voice, and in the whole living room.

"Those guys mobilized us because they suck too much at the whole friendship thing that they couldn't do a single things without our help!" continued the Latina.

"Anyhow, I called everybody and explained it all, and _after_ they stopped yelling at me, they agreed to have a _skpevention_." Explained Finn

"That's a Skype intervention" Rachel thought wise to precise, reminding Kurt of an old memory which made him chuckle.

The whole room smiled, including the people on Skype, at Kurt's little happy sound.

"Are we gonna do this thing or not, because frankly I don't have all day. Just kidding Hummel" said Puck quickly, after receiving a bitchy glare from Rachel.

Kurt just smiled more broadly and so did Blaine.

"Well, without further comments, I present you the New Directions. Seat back, Listen carefully and most importantly, _enjoy"_ announced Rachel.

_Hum hum hum hum_

_Hum hum hum hum_

They all started harmonizing and Kurt recognized at once the song. Of course, they would sing it! After all, they had done the same for Finn and Quinn a long time ago. And now they were performing it for him and Blaine. It was just too.. much. His hand went to look for Blaine's and found it. He intertwined their fingers together, without looking at him, but smiled when he Blaine squeezed his hand. And right then, right at that moment, he knew that no matter what, things would be ok. Things will ever be ok.

_Sometimes in our lives_

_We all have pain_

_We all have sorrow_

_But if we are wise_

_We know that there's always tomorrow_

It wasn't one of the five who had started singing, but like so many years before, it was Artie who had debuted the song. His voice was raising loud and clear from the computer and Kurt could clearly see him sing. It was perfect, it was beautiful and it was all from him. Or so he thought, until he heard Mercedes join the man in the wheelchair.

_Lean on me!_

_When you're not strong_

_And I'll be your friend_

_I'll help you carry on_

_For it won't be long_

_'Till I'm gonna need_

_Somebody to lean on_

_Please! (please)_

_Swallow your pride (pride)_

_If I have things_

_You need to borrow_

_(For) for no one can fill_

_Those of your needs_

_That you wont let show_

Her voice was pure gold. It showed every little emotion, all the love she had to offer to her friends, all her support. She was there for them, for Kurt and for Blaine, no matter what and no matter when. But she wasn't the only one, because as she finished her verse, the whole room started singing, including the ones on Skype. And Kurt could only stare and listen, his heart full of nameless expression that overawed him totally.

_So just call (call) on me brother (hey)_

_When you need a hand (When you need a hand)_

_We all need (need) somebody to lean on!_

_(I just might have a problem)_

_I just might have a problem that you'll understand_

_We all need somebody to lean on!_

_Lean on me (hey)_

_When you're not strong (When you're not strong)_

_I'll be your friend (I'll be your friend)_

_I'll help you carry on (help you carry on)_

_For it wont be long (o it wont be long)_

_'Till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on_

Blaine had never heard the song performed with so much energy in it. It already meant so much just by itself by sung like that, he just wanted to jump up and sing with the others, with a full smile on his face. He wanted to be part of this celebration of friendship, of love and he wanted it to last forever. Just like he wanted to keep Kurt's hand with him forever. Never letting go, and just be happy. Was is too much too ask? Too much to hope for?

Apparently not because his wish seemed to realize as suddenly Mercedes grabbed him by the arm and dragged him the center of the crowd, along with Kurt, who had been pushed by Rachel. And they just waited him to let go. And so he did. He jumped, and sung his heart out and just let the song overpower him for an instant, forgetting once again about the world and everything outside this place, these people and those voices. And he sung.

_(Just lean on me) you just call on me brother (hey)_

_When you need a hand (when you need a hand)_

_We all need (need) somebody to lean on! (somebody to lean on)_

_(I just might) I just might have a problem that you'll understand_

_We all need somebody to lean on!_

_Lean on me_

_If (If)_

_There is a load! (there is a load)_

_You have to bare (you have to bare)_

_That you can't carry_

_I'm (I'm higher) right up the road_

_I'll share your load_

_If you just call me_

_Call me (I'm calling)_

_Call me (when you need a friend)_

_Call me (call me)_

_Call me (call me) (when you need a friend)_

_Call me (when you need a friend)_

_Call me (if you need a friend)_

_Call me (any time of day_

_Call me_

_It won't be long till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on, lean on, lean on_

_Lean on lean on lean on me when you need a friend_

_Lean on lean on lean on me lean on me_

_Lean on lean on lean on me_

_I'm gonna need (somebody) somebody to lean on_

_I'm gonna need somebody to lean on (somebody to lean on)_

_Yeah_

The song ended, and Blaine and Kurt found themselves surrounded by the people they loved who all reached for an enormous and remarkable hug. They must have crashed Kurt and Blaine's bones and they were pretty sure they couldn't breath any more but neither of them cared. They were happy. Painfully so. And they never felt more good. More alive. More loved or more cherished. It was perfect. The time it lasted.

 

Because quickly enough, quicker than Kurt ever wished for, they released their embrace. But the smiles didn't fade, at least. They wouldn't for a long time. They were sure of that. Because they had accumulated more love and more caring that some people experienced in a life time. And they were ok with it. Very much ok.

"I think we should leave you" said Rachel, cleaning off some tears off her face.

"Yeah us too." said Quinn from the computer.

"Best Skype session ever, thought!" cheered Brittany.

"We love you. Both of you. And we'll always be there for you, remember!" continued Tina, with Mike nodding at her side.

"Always, I'm just a phone call and wheelchair away, bros!" added Artie, grinning like a fool.

They eventually all disconnected, and the screen went black. Puck took back the computer and put under his arm, before pulling at him once again Kurt for an other bone crushing hug.

"Won't you stay for a moment? " asked Blaine, shyly.

"Nah, this is your moment. We just came to crash your little party for a while to make amends and tell you that we love you but now, that it's done, we'll are going back to minding our own business" said Sam.

"But don't forget what we said. We're here for you, always. And we mean it. And Blaine, it's as much directed to you as it is to Kurt. I hope you understand how sorry we are, but we want to make things right. I hope you'll let us." Added Rachel, looking at Blaine smiling with all sincerity.

"You already did. Thank you, really, thank you guys."

"After all, a friend is one who walks in when the others walk out. I don't know who said that, but I promise we'll make it our motto from now on" finished Rachel, hugging Blaine one last time.

But they did walk out. But only for a moment. Just so Kurt and Blaine could walk in on each other. Because like they said, it was their moment now. Their time alone to figure out everything else.

 

And as soon as the door closed behind the last of their friends, Kurt and Blaine turned to look at each and in one movement, jumped in each other's arms. There was nothing more to say or to sing about. Everything had been said for now. Just for now. Because there was still so much to talk about after, to learn and to discover. They needed a fresh start, a new beginning indeed. New bases to fund their relationship upon. But they had already the first rock. The initial one that was holding all the rest. The love. Their incommensurable love. On that, they could build anything if they needed to. It was solid, strong, and would never shatter. They just needed to find now the perfect plan to build their house upon it. Their own perfect future. It might take a lot of time. It might engender a lot of fights, they might even need to destroy it all and take it from the beginning once again, but it didn't matter. Because at some point, they would succeed. They would find a compromise, something they would both agree with and both be pleased with. They would find a new equilibrium.

It might take a lot of time, a lot of wrong turns, but they were not rushed. Oh no, they would no longer rush. They would take the time to learn more about each other's needs and past and dreams so it would be perfectly suited. One step at a time, one rock, one brick after the other. They could start one, by something fairly simple. Simple so common but at the same time so meaningful.

"Would you go on a date with me tomorrow night?" asked suddenly Blaine, still holding Kurt tenderly. The taller man leaned further so he could reach Blaine's ear and whisper back.

"I would love to."

Just like that. A fresh start, a new beginning. Building something new, one step at a time.

And they knew that their time was infinite.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT WARNING:  
> or is it a promess?   
> After that last chapter when the smut scene was so heavy it hurt, this is something completely different.  
> It's just a love scene.

"We can't."

They didn't know how long they kept holding each other, but Kurt was pretty sure it had been quite some time before Blaine spoke again or moved. He had slowly disentangled his body from Kurt's embrace, but didn't let go completely either. He kept his hands on the other man shoulders, his eyes burning with a new intensity, a new light that Kurt felt too in his core, but couldn't have been able to define for the life of him. It was a strange concept for him. Oh, he had lived it before. He had experienced it, but always against his will. He was never given the choice. He just subjected himself to it, because there was no other way. He had never tried to understand it before but now, he could see it. It was scary. It brought back some bad memories, memories he wished he could leave behind, choices he wished he had never made while they were not really his to make. It was the face of a new change, a new dawn, a new beginning, but this time it was something he would look forward to. It was something he would make sure to control, to make happen on his own terms. He would lead the way and do whatever he wished, not based on other people expectations, not because he had to, but because he wanted to.

So, Blaine's words left him bothered. He knew what he was referring to. Besides, he had just asked him to go out with him, to share this new beginning together, to learn to know each other all over again. Maybe what Blaine hadn't realized is that it was a mutual discovery. He also had to start from the beginning and figure out the new challenges life brought him. Blaine was a big part of it, of course, but if he had learned something from all that mess, it was that he shouldn't let himself be defined by someone else. Whatever Quinn might have said, he was still his own man. He had his own will power. No one, not even Blaine, would ever take him down or make him change. He would compromise, sure, but not on the most important things.

He was looking around him, at this trashed apartment, and seeing the result of being subjected to some other force. It was a force that made him do wild things, things that were not _him._ He would never lose his control or himself for anyone or anything ever again. Not even for Blaine.

Yes, he loved him. Yes, he would do anything for him, but he wouldn't let Blaine do anything to him ever again. If it worked out between the two, then it was great, but if not, at least he would have tried. What he had realized, while he was alone surrounded by the crashed furniture, is that he would never again blame himself or put himself through all the pain he had endured in the past. He had already paid a price he didn't owe. He had lost 2 years of his life for nothing at all. He would not lose more. That's it.

"What do you mean 'we can't?'" he asked eventually, a determined look on his face. Blaine must have sensed the change in him, because he was slightly taken aback by the way Kurt sounded now; so strong, so confident, so resigned, all of a sudden.

"Well, you- you can't" said Blaine, slightly nervous, as if he wasn't sure what to expect.

That was exactly what Kurt didn't want, what he was fighting against. He didn't want someone who told him what to do, a Blaine who thought that he could rule his life once again, to be the picture of what he needed. Kurt had his own needs.

He slowly took a step back, Blaine's hands falling from his shoulders, but he never broke the gaze and didn't react harshly either. Those days were gone. He would never lose his temper again without any explanation. He would always ask for answers before making assumptions. If those past few years had taught him something, it was that.

"What do you mean?" asked Kurt with piercing eyes, but a steady voice.

"I mean that you have your show tomorrow night, the night after that, and also on Saturday. Therefore, we can't go out," explained Blaine as calmly as he could.

"Oh, right, that's true. I forgot" Kurt felt silly, at once. Blaine wasn't trying to control him. He was just being pragmatic. That was maybe the difference between them. Kurt was already changing. He was making plans for a new future, plans for himself, while Blaine was making plans for the following night, for the two of them. He wasn't seeing further ahead. He had yet to realize, to change, but Kurt wouldn't push him. No more bullying. He would have to do it alone. Kurt could only help with so many things.

"Don't worry Kurt, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I know that's what you thought, but I'm not. I wouldn't dare after everything I did. Besides, I don't know you anymore. I don't know what kind of man you became. I realized that earlier."

Kurt just nodded, a small smile on his lips. At least Blaine was aware of that even if he wasn't aware that he needed himself to make some changes. Kurt realized at once that he shouldn't assume that Blaine needed to change. After all, he didn't know him anymore. He knew the broken man who had just lost everything, who was trying to cope and fight the best he could, but there was not just one side to Blaine. There was more and Kurt didn't know what it was. Maybe Blaine didn't need to change. Maybe Blaine was fine with being who he was and that had nothing to do with being married to a woman or having a job that you hated. Those things shouldn't define you. Outside of it, maybe Blaine was a wonderful man. Kurt didn't know.

"I shouldn't either but if we both don't assume, we need to learn. How are we gonna do that if we can't even go out for dinner?" Kurt wasn't sure if he meant it as a question to Blaine, or just for himself.

"I'll tell you what we'll do." Suddenly, Blaine realized what his words assumed. He bit his lower lip, but Kurt understood that his phrasing was just a habit. Blaine was apparently the one to make all the decisions, but not at home. That much at least was clear, because if he took the charge at home too, he would have been sick of it and would be eager for someone else to do the job. He was too eager to take charge, as if it was a once in a lifetime opportunity, or maybe something that he could do only on rare occasions, like at work. At home, Lisa must have been the one to lead them all.

Kurt understood so he just smirked playfully to Blaine to let him know that it was ok. Blaine was trying to suggest something, but he had chosen the wrong words. They were both walking on eggshells; it was bound to crack sometimes.

Plus, Kurt needed some advice right now.

"Or what I think we could do," Blaine corrected himself, flushed. "I think I should call Leila and see if Dianna could spend an other night with her. Then we should take some plastic bags and boxes and start cleaning this place, as much as we can at least. We can order some pizza or something, because frankly, I didn't have lunch and I'm starving. If it's ok with you, of course," he finished quickly.

"You call Leila, I'll call pizza. Eat first, clean later." Kurt smiled broadly. Before Blaine could even react, he was already taking out his phone and dialing the delivery service.

Blaine gave a soft chuckle before pulling out his own phone, but before he could press call, Kurt called him from behind.

"Huh, Blaine, what pizza would you like? You used to love Pepperoni, but I shouldn't assume that you still do and…" Kurt was rambling. Blaine couldn't help but smile. He was so cute.

"Pepperoni is fine," reassured Blaine.

"God, we suck," sighed Kurt.

"That we do," winked Blaine.

"Jeez, Blaine! You can't…" Kurt couldn't help but burst into laughter and it felt so good because at least something hadn't changed in Blaine. It was definitely a nice asset. Shit, he shouldn't think about ass while trying to order a pizza, but Blaine had always had a nice ass. Actually, those jeans were nothing but flattering on him. Also, that beard. Blaine always looked good when he didn't shave. He knew it too, the bastard. He knew exactly what his words and his looks did to Kurt. Of course he knew. That's why he couldn't help the smirk on his face. Damn you, Blaine Anderson! Focus, Hummel, focus!

"Something bothering you?" asked Blaine, smiling at how flushed Kurt was.

Truth be told, he didn't do it on purpose and really, it was Kurt who picked it up first. Otherwise, he wouldn't have noticed what he said, but he was glad that he said it now. It was not because it was absolutely endearing to see Kurt all hot and bothered after a simple innuendo after all those years, but also because it had relaxed the atmosphere. They couldn't function with all that stress and walking on eggshells and stuff. They had to be natural toward each other like they always had been. Blaine was afraid that this complicity might have been lost, but after the last words, he knew it was still there. They could still pick up each other words and twist them with a perfect ease.

"Shut up, Anderson. Really, shut up. I hate you."

"No, you love me"

"That I do," winked Kurt. "But don't let it get ahead your mind. Or your ass. Now call your daughter."

"Oh my god, Kurt. You just can't talk about ass and Dianna in the same sentence."

"You're a seriously twisted guy, Blaine. Plus, it's your problem if you can only throw it but not catch it."

"Oh, I catch alright."

"That you do," smirked Kurt before cringing. Immediately, Blaine knew what he had thought about and unfortunately, it wasn't something pleasant. The fun was over just like that. Kurt had turned away and resumed ordering the pizza. Blaine suppressed a sigh. No more innuendos, he had struck a sensitive chord, a painful memory.

Blaine didn't really concentrate on what he was telling Leila. He was far more concerned about the sudden change of events, how the light and teasing mood seemed to evaporate as soon as it started. He had been a fool thinking they could get away with it. There had been through too much hurt, too much pain between them that even sex wasn't something they could afford to think about, not after how Kurt had attacked him the other night. He knew that he was scourging himself for that. Blaine had forgiven him of course, but neither man could ever forget about it.

Their last intimate relation was an assault. He didn't know how to change that. Well, he did, but there was no way it would happen so soon. They had to talk about it, as much as they didn't want to. Kurt had to explain. Blaine had to listen then had to ease his guilt. They needed to understand what had changed between that would allow it to happen. What had changed in them? What had brought it up?

"God, it's such a mess," breathed Blaine, hanging up with Leila. He had spoken lowly, mostly to himself, but Kurt had heard him.

"What's a mess? This place, me and you, or us together?" asked Kurt, sitting down on the couch and massaging his temples.

"All of it, I guess." Blaine took a seat next to him. He knew they had to start cleaning the place, but not right now. Before erasing the carnage, they had to understand how it happened. That and because frankly, they were too hungry to do anything.

"And how can we fix it?" asked Kurt, raising his head to look around the place. He quickly gave up as if the sight hurt too much. He lowered his gaze once more, sighing.

"Well, one step at a time. We'll fix the house first. The rest, I think will fix itself. Or not. What I mean is that we should not hurry stuff. Plus, some are things we should work on separately. You have your own issues and I have mine. Unfortunately, mine are not as easy as taking a plastic bag and throwing broken pieces in it," sighed Blaine.

Kurt reached forward and put a gentle hand of the other man's hip and squeezed. He wanted to help for sure, but he didn't know how. For Kurt, it was easier. He had already been through the fight. The pieces were on the floor. He just had to pick up what he needed and throw the rest away. He had a job, two in fact. He had a place to live. He was secured in this area. He had friends, a routine. His problems were internal and truth be told, they evolved for the most part around Blaine. It's his relationship with the man that was messed up and it was how it affected him. Once he figured it out, everything would fall into place, but it was just a part of his life, on the side. He had other things to live for which were already in place. Blaine didn't.

Not only his relationship with Kurt was messed up, but the rest was too. He was fighting for his daughter, fighting with his wife. He no longer had a home, a job, or a future. His battle had just started. The pieces slowly falling with no ending in sight. How could he build something new when the old was still standing, even if it leaned to the ground?

Kurt was realizing that he would need a lot of patience to sort out his relationship with Blaine because Blaine didn't even sort out his own life, his own self. He should just pause and wait for the outcome of the battle.

He needed to be supportive, no matter what.

Blaine smiled at him, but he looked oh so tired, not because he didn't sleep the previous night or because he had taken planes forth and back in one day, but because of life in general.

"I'll help you. I will be there every step of the way, with Lisa and with everything else," said Kurt, squeezing him tight once more.

"Thank you, Kurt. I know you will, but there is some stuff I need to figure out on my own too."

Blaine sensed that nonetheless, he needed to talk about it and he knew that Kurt would listen. He took a deep breath and started to relate to Kurt the conversation he had with Dianna the other day and the demands of the little girl. He moved on to his meeting with Lisa and how awful it all went. Kurt didn't interrupt him and he was thankful for that. It was easier that way, but frankly it didn't help him see clearer into that mess. Once he finished, he raised his head to look at Kurt with pleading eyes. Kurt didn't need words to understand. They never needed words between them. A simple look and the other one would always come at the rescue, wherever, whenever.

Kurt was about to say something when suddenly the doorbell rang. Of course.

"Must be pizza. I'll go grab it," said Kurt before disappearing to the front door. Blaine stood up also to go grab some plates and napkins from the kitchen, which was kind of a challenge since Kurt had managed to destroy pretty much everything in there. He was still going through the closets and trying to avoid cutting himself with broken glass and plates when Kurt come back.

"Sorry about that. I just…" but Kurt didn't need to finish the phrase now. Maybe later they would think about it, but not now. They knew it both. It wasn't the time yet.

"It's ok," Blaine sighed. "Is there any place in this apartment that doesn't look like a tornado paid it a visit? Because you know as much as I enjoy picnicking in a battlefield…" teased Blaine to lighten the mood, because he knew that the view of the trashed apartment affected Kurt more than he was letting see.

He needed a normal place where they could talk, where Kurt could express himself without the constant reminder of what was the worst he could do and be.

"Uh… my room"

"Well, your room is it then. I didn't find plates or napkins in this mess. You wanna look or would you mind just eating straight from the box?"

"As revolting as this idea might be any other day, I think not eating on plates in the least of my hygienic problems at the moment," sighed Kurt, but he let a smile play on his lips while Blaine chuckled at his guilty look.

"Bedroom it is then. Lead the way."

"Eager much, are we?" teased Kurt, grabbing the pizza and walking past Blaine, rolling his hips slightly.

Blaine rolled hiseyes. Maybe the bedroom was a fantastic idea, even though it wasn't probably the smartest. Damn Kurt and his hips! He knew what effect it did on Blaine. Combined with that little shimmy, it was very distracting.

Distracting Blaine was actually Kurt's goal, even for a little bit, even for a bite of pizza. He could at least enjoy a bite of happiness.

 

They finally settled on the carpet, leaned against the bed, the pizza between their legs, and ate in silence. It wasn't awkward at all, just a nice break before the long much need talk they would inevitably have. Right at that moment, they just enjoyed each other, enjoyed their meal, stealing a few glances between bites and looking away when they got caught staring at each other. In some ways, they felt like teenagers on a first date. People who don't know each other very well, but still know enough to appreciate the other one's company. Not much was said, but a lot was thought about, and they probably shared the same ideas. It was way too soon for anything. Before they needed _the talk_ , they needed other dates, other ways to learn to be comfortable around each other. The teasing was fine until it was true.

They eventually finished the whole pizza, because neither of them had anything to eat since lunch the previous day. Kurt, as usual, hadn't been able to eat more than half a salad before things went crazy at work again, but he wouldn't talk about work right now. He was so ashamed of how he reacted earlier that day, but now it wasn't about his own mistakes, but Blaine's.

"Are you done?"

"I don't think I can eat the box, so yeah, I'm done," smiled Blaine.

"You probably would. You do crazy stuff all time, Blaine," teased Kurt, a spark in his eyes.

"Thank you for questioning my sanity, Kurt, but I do have limits, even though people might think the opposite. Ask Lisa. If it were up to her, I would be in an asylum right now." Blaine knew Kurt was probably trying to engage the conversation and didn't know how. He always tried to joke or find a light subject Blaine could switch on his own terms. Blaine loved him for that. He loved that he gave him the space and the time that he needed to come forward on his own terms. He wished he could stay there and tease Kurt some more and be silly, but he couldn't.

"She's the one to talk! I mean, after crashing her daughter into a car!" He really didn't mean for it to come out so harshly, because after all it was still Blaine's wife and Dianna's mom, but Kurt just couldn't stand the woman.

"She's not that bad, you know. Sure, she made mistakes, but…" sighed Blaine, dropping his head. He shouldn't be mad at Kurt after all that Lisa had done, but he couldn't be but be irritated and he didn't know why.

"I know. I'm sorry, Blaine. I shouldn't judge her like that. We all make mistakes. God knows I did, or whoever is out there. I shouldn't judge her just because of that. She did raise Dianna after all. With you that is, of course. You did live together. It mustn't have been all bad, surely". Well, Kurt knew at least. "Blaine, look at me, you're entitled to not hate her. I'd understand."

"It's just… Yeah, she did make me believe that Dianna was my daughter but at the same time, she gave her to me, you know? I will never regret raising my daughter and being a part of her life." Blaine raised his head tentatively, but all he could see was genuine understanding from Kurt. He continued, still fidgeting and fighting with words, but steadier than before now that he knew that he wasn't being judged for his thoughts. "It's just that I know I should hate her for lying to me and putting Dianna's life in danger, but god, I kind of feel like Dianna saying this, but I can't hate her totally. She did raise a beautiful little girl, and we did have some nice moments. She isn't all bad, you know?"

"Life isn't black or white, nor are the people. I learned that lesson a long time ago." Kurt nodded.

"It wasn't always easy. We were not really truthful with each other but there are some things you can't fake."

"You're entitled to feel that, Blaine. Don't feel ashamed or guilty for that. You did share her life and her bed for a long time, after all. She was the one you came home to after a long day at work. She was the one you shared your meals with. She was the one who shared your bed." At those last words, Kurt lost kind of his confidence. It was a strange concept for him, but he wouldn't talk about it. He had no right to ask. Besides, it would be too weird.

"You can ask, Kurt," said Blaine after some time, taking his hand and searching for his gaze. "We said we would be fully honest with each other."

"Yeah, well, I wasn't thinking about that… "

"Yes, you were. Yeah, it was awkward at first." Kurt really did not want to hear about it and he didn't know why Blaine would talk about it. It was twisted, it was weird, but most of all, it hurt.

"Seriously, Blaine. I don't need to know." Kurt removed his hand from Blaine's and readjusted his position on the floor.

"Yes, you do. You need to know of what it meant to me."

"Nothing. Or everything, I don't know."

"If it meant something, I wouldn't be gay anymore, would I? Or I suppose I'd at least be bi."

"Well, maybe you had another Rachel Berry revelation," mumbled Kurt. At his utter disbelief, Blaine laughed out loud and Kurt couldn't suppress the little chuckle that escaped his lips. He had no idea why he would laugh though. It was everything but funny.

"I wish I did. No, the first few times it was actually very awkward. I invented some kind of post father death depression to justify myself," admitted Blaine, flushed.

This time Kurt chuckled for real even though it wasn't supposed to be remotely funny. He was beginning to consider that this conversation would take an unexpected turn and his reactions probably would be too. He would just have to go with it.

"And how did you cure this _post death depressed situation?_ "

"What you think? A vivid imagination," chuckled Blaine.

"So, you were thinking about Johnny Depp or Ryan Gosling while having sex with Lisa? Poor her. Thank god you actually kept your mouth shut during it or that whole marriage would have ended way sooner that planned." Kurt couldn't believe he was so blunt, but apparently it didn't bother Blaine. He still had the hugest grin on his face and a spark in his eyes that did strange things to Kurt stomach.

"I wasn't thinking about Depp or Gosling or any of those guys…"

"Blaine, don't deny it. You used to have the hugest crush on Ryan Gosling. I know how a browser history works, you know." Kurt winked with a malicious grin on his lips.

"First, I don't know what browser history you're talking about, although I do remember some saved pictures on a private folder of some attractive werewolf in a field of lilac. Great manipulation skills, I might add."

"Ok, ok, I give up!" yelled Kurt, raising his hand dramatically and blushing furiously. "I retract my previous statement about anyone called Ryan or Johnny or whatever his name. You do have not any strange and unhealthy obsessions with the sexiest men on the planet."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Can we move on now?"

"I still didn't tell you who I was thinking about…"

"It's not necessary, Blaine."

Blaine didn't seem to hear him. He just took both of Kurt hands in his own. Kurt raised his head and what he saw in Blaine's eyes somehow made it very difficult for him to keep breathing. All the past teasing, the humor in Blaine's eyes had disappeared. Instead, his eyes seemed to darken and shine with so much…

…So much _what_ exactly?

" _You,_ " breathed Blaine.

"What about me?" He really did need to ask because everything seemed kind of unreal right now. He was lost in Blaine's gaze and had forgotten about the rest, even about Blaine's question. He was sure that he wouldn't have been able to remember his name if someone had asked at that moment.

"I was thinking about you. While making love to Lisa, I always thought about you." So much lust. That's what it was.

Kurt didn't react. It was just like he didn't heard what Blaine had just confessed. But Blaine knew that he did. He was just shell-shocked. Or not.

Or not.

"I did too." It's almost like he hadn't spoken out loud, but he definitely had. Kurt's expression didn't change. He was still stuck like a statue, only his lips had moved.

"You did what?" Blaine whispered back, not ever breaking his gaze.

"Think about you. At first, at least. It was the only way. If I couldn't see you, if I could never touch you again, if I could never be _that way_ with you again, I had to hold on to my memories. But I had to stop, just like you stopped, because it hurt too much, because as much as I wanted to pretend, it wasn't you. It could never compare to you. So, I stopped."

Blaine didn't answer but his pupils, oh god, his pupils. Hazel turned into black. His breath hitched in his throat. His thumbs rubbed Kurt's hands. He hadn't realized his gaze had dropped to those perfect porcelain hands, as if he wasn't sure how they got there. He wasn't sure if they were real, fitting like that so perfectly in his own. He raised his eyes, only to see that they were so much closer than before. He hadn't remember moving though. He wasn't sure Kurt had either and yet, their faces were inches apart. All he could think about was his lips, sweet lord, those lips. He couldn't stop staring at them. As if Kurt knew, he quickly passed his tongue over them to wet them, inviting, waiting.

Kurt's lips parted slowly. Hot breath washed in the small, very small gap between them.

"And yet. Yet there you are," those perfect pink lips said.

"There I am, indeed. And so are you."

"Going nowhere."

As if there was some kind of hidden signal behind those words (and there probably was), Blaine leaned in and closed the tiny gap that remained between them.

How many times did he kiss Kurt over the years? A thousand times, ten thousand times? It could have been a billion and still he would never grow tired of it. Even still, each time felt different. It felt different from all those years ago and it felt different from 2 days ago, the way those lips responded under his own. Kurt loved those little bites to mark his upper lip with. Those lips were soft and so sensual at the same time. He was kissing with some much passion and yet they remained cautious. No tongue, no open mouthed kisses. It was just like their first ever kiss and just like then, Kurt's hand came to rest on Blaine's cheek, burning like a fire on his skin. Blaine's own hand flew to that white hand, and clutched hard onto it as if he was trying to restrain himself. As if, at the same time, he wished it could be stuck there forever and wished he could remove it as if he would consummate him with too much love.

Oh, those lips were still kissing him, fiercer than before, more urgent. He responded just as strongly. The tip of Kurt's tongue suddenly came to tease his lips and Blaine couldn't help but take a deep breath, as if he would pass out. There was a sudden electricity in the air that he swore he could feel right to his toes. He could feel the current, the intensity of that kiss right in his stomach. It ached. Every single muscle of his body contracted and begged for more.

Just as Blaine was thinking about taking Kurt to the bed and releasing all that pressure, it was gone.

As fast as it came, it disappeared. Their lips parted, and somehow, Kurt's hand had stopped stroking his cheek and the distance came back.

The room was suddenly so very cold.

Blaine waited for those words that he dreaded oh so much, but knew would happen anyway. Those words everyone hates. Those words that don't explain a single thing and still they explain it all.

"We shouldn't do this." Ah, there they were.

Blaine slowly opened his eyes, only to see that Kurt was back to his previous position, leaning against the bed, yet way less comfortably than previously. His whole body was clenched as if he was restraining himself from jumping forward, from jumping Blaine.

Blaine's stomach (and maybe lower) wished he would, but his mind that had returned somehow after that performance told him that it wasn't something he should ask for.

He would never ask why. Of course he knew why. We always do. It doesn't mean that we like the answer or that we understand it.

"Sorry." Blaine took back his position against the bed, but as far away from Kurt as possible.

"There is nothing to be sorry for, Blaine. It's just that we said that we wouldn't do anything before talking, rediscovering, and learning about each other."

Blaine nodded and took a sip from his diet coke before putting it back down and turning to face Kurt. His face was suddenly serious as were his eyes. They were back to hazel, back to business.

"There is a lot to be sorry for though. I have a lot of mistakes to make up for."

"Blaine. Don't. You said it all. I understand. You have nothing more to make up for. At least, not to me that is."

"For you, maybe. What about the rest? What about Lisa? I know she has made a lot of mistakes, but I have to admit that I wasn't fair to her either. I hurt her a lot."

Kurt remained silent. He wasn't sure of what to say but Blaine understood. Yes, he was right. It must have been hard on her. As much as Kurt loathed the woman, he kind of felt bad for her on that one. It must have been pretty hard to realize that the man you lived with for the past 4 years, the man you shared your life, your bed, your everything with had actually no feelings for you or your _kind._ It must have been hard to realize it was all fake and that your whole life had been a lie for so long. Kurt knew that feeling too well.

He didn't like to think about it, because he was the winner in this situation, but he was also kind of the bad guy here. He was the man Blaine left his wife for. He should have felt bad for it, but truth be told, he didn't.

"As much as I want to think that the judge will consider her lies, he will certainly consider mine too."

"Yes, Blaine, but it has nothing to do with you being a good father for Dianna. It doesn't matter what your sexuality is. It wouldn't have changed anything to the way your raised her and you raised her pretty damn well."

"Thank you, Kurt, but so did Lisa. Besides, what if the judge is a big homophobic? What then?"

Kurt didn't respond, because he didn't need to. The answer was clear and sound. Blaine would lose it all and it was a good probability. As much as the two men wanted to believe that the world had changed, it wasn't the case everywhere and for everybody. People were still intolerant, as was the law sometimes. It wasn't just a normal case between a single gay father and the biological mother. It was a destroyed marriage with lies and robberies of identities, if you will.

"Well, we'll deal with it then. In the meantime, you have to make all the changes on your side."

"I know I do. I guess the most pressing issue is my accommodations. Lisa has a house, a home for Dianna where her life is. Thank god spring break is two days away, but what about after that? What about school? I need to figure out where to live. How can I provide a safe and steady home for my child? Otherwise, there will be no way in hell that a judge will give me parental rights. What if as a condition for shared custody, I have to stay in Boston, next to Lisa? Oh god, I haven't…" Blaine was starting to panic and had a hard time breathing. It's like he was just realizing for the first time the consequences of his choices and the case.

"Wow! Easy there!" Kurt reached forward to take his hand in reassurance. "One thing at a time."

"I'm sorry. I'm freaking out I guess. I shouldn't bother you with my own problems."

"Listen, Blaine. It's normal to freak out. You'd be crazy if you didn't. You don't bother me. We said that we would resolve them together. Although at the end, it's still your decision to make. What do you want really, Blaine? Where do you wanna live?"

"I don't know…"

"Yes, you do. Just tell me. It's ok."

"I don't want to go back to Boston. I hated it there. And… Uh… I guess… if I could, I would… I don't know…"

"Just say it, Blaine. You want to live here." It wasn't a question. It was a statement. Blaine raised his head, afraid to see accusation in Kurt's eyes, but there was nothing there but understanding and acceptance. There was also something else, something that made him speak up.

"Yes. I do. I want to stay close to you. I don't want to leave you again." Blaine bit his lip before continuing, more carefully. "I don't mean necessarily living together. I mean it would depend of you, and uh, me also, and if you want, of course, it's if you would me to. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed that…"

"Blaine, you're rambling." Kurt was smiling. "You're cute when you're rambling."

Blaine blushed a vivid red which made Kurt let out a small chuckle.

"Blaine, I love you. I just got you back in my life. Of course, I want you to stay. The only reason I haven't said it first is because I know that your daughter and your happiness should come first. But yeah, I don't want to lose you either."

The casual tone that Kurt spoke with surprised Blaine. Apparently, Kurt had been thinking seriously about it and ultimately, as much as he wanted Blaine around, he knew it was the other man's decision to make. That simple statement moved Blaine more than it was probably supposed to. It was so natural, so sweet, that he wanted to cry.

"I don't want to lose you either Kurt, not ever again." His voice was broken and he was fighting back tears while even Kurt's eyes sparkled despite the courageous smile he was trying to put on.

"You won't. I promise. Whatever happens, wherever life leads you, you won't lose me."

"Okay," breathed Blaine, because honestly it was just what he needed to hear. The rest he could wrap around, but there would never be another Kurt. "I promise too. I won't let Lisa, or anyone else, ever come between us. I'm not promising it will be perfect but I promise I'll try my best to make it."

"I don't need perfect, Blaine. I just need you and you are perfect to me, so that works for me." Kurt smiled, gently rubbing his fingers over Blaine's knuckles. It was sweet, but still something was longing in the air. There were unspoken words, unformed touches, cravings, needs, wants. There were barriers that were invisible, but yet so thick.

Were there barriers they were imposing on themselves only? Why not break them after all is said and done? Was everything said and done, really?

"Blaine," commenced Kurt, his voice suddenly unsure. Blaine must have noticed the sudden change of attitude because his eyes were full of worry as he studied Kurt's face. It was like Kurt had been hiding so much all along and he was ready to come clean. Blaine was afraid of what he might say, of what he might do. As much as he wanted to put last time's _incident_ on a sudden moment of insanity, he knew deep down that this insanity must have come from somewhere. There were some deep buried feelings that were about to surface just now and he would have to face them just as much as Kurt. He couldn't let him deal with those alone especially when he was responsible for them, for all that hurt, that pain, that anger, that distress that Kurt had buried for all those years, for that green eye monster he had created and would come back to haunt their lives if it wasn't taken down. He knew it would take a lot of time, patience, and work, but he would wait. He would work on it with Kurt. It meant a lot to him that Kurt would open up to him when he didn't open to anyone ever.

He took a deep breath before finally allowing himself to face Kurt's demons and his own.

"What is it, Kurt?"

"I said I would stick up for you, that I would stand by you. But Blaine, you've gotta know that I'm not the once confident and strong man I used to be. I'm really trying to get back to that, but it's hard. It's just really, really, hard…" Kurt was whispering by this point, as if pointing out the truth too loud would hurt more. He was already close to tears, so Blaine leaned forward and took him by the shoulder. It was just a reassuring hug, nothing too intimate, just enough support so Kurt could know that he understood and he would be there for him, all the way until the end.

"I know, Kurt. I do, but it doesn't change anything."

"It does Blaine. How can you stick by me when I can hurt you like that? I will never forgive myself for what I did to you! I'm a monster! I almost raped the only man that truly matters to me, that will ever matter to me, and there is nothing I can do to make it go away! Nothing to make it ok! What kind of man does that say I am?" Kurt had started crying but it was mostly tears of anger. His whole body was shaking so Blaine pulled him into a massive hug and didn't let go. Kurt didn't even try to reject him but he didn't do anything to return the embrace either. Blaine finally gave up on the hug after a few moments and pulled back to take Kurt's face in the palm of his hands. He tried to wipe off some of the tears but more tears kept on coming. They were heavy, bitter tears, the ones that burn your skin and mark the story of your loss upon it.

"Kurt, look at me please. I already said that I had forgiven you. Plus, I'd say we're even. When I hurt you, emotionally speaking, when I left, you gave it back to me physically speaking."

"But that's just wrong, Blaine! That's not how it's supposed to be! I'm supposed to be the better man. I'm suppose to… argh!" Kurt's voice raised in frustration.

"You're not supposed to do anything, Kurt! There is not rationality in life, in feelings, in love! We both made mistakes. We should just move on and stop arguing about the past, because it can't bring anything good!"

"But Blaine, you don't know about my past. Sure, Quinn told you bits but you don't know the whole story. You don't know about all the men, all the,"

"I don't need to." Blaine cut him off. "I don't need to know about all that happened in the past. I have a general idea and I will stick to it. You can tell me all about Broadway, all about P's Legacy, but the fuck with the other men. I don't need to know. The hell with learning everything about each other. I already know what I need to know, that you're an amazing person, that you still care, that you still love. In other words, how much you think you've changed, you're still you. Your essence is still the same and that's all I fucking care about! You hear that, Kurt? You don't need to prove yourself to me. Maybe you have demons, but don't we all? I am firm believer that loves heals everything. Call me a romantic, a silly dreamer, but I don't care! Love can heal it all. It can even heal what happened between us. Show me you're still the man I first fell in love with. Make me erase all the bad memories; make me new ones. Heal me with your fucking love."

Somewhere in the middle of this engaged tirade, Kurt had stopped crying and just kept looking at Blaine, eyes and mouth open. He hadn't seen Blaine so damn passionate in… he didn't even remember. As he spoke, a fire was burning in his eyes. His whole body seemed to talk to be aching with passion, trying to make a point. All Kurt could do was to stare, listen and wait. He didn't even have the time to grasp everything Blaine was saying, because as soon as he stopped talking, he literally attacked Kurt. Kurt just stood there, mouth agape, while lips were furiously kissing him, begging him to respond, to show that love they were talking about. It took Kurt a while to catch up. He was so damn surprised by the turn of the events that it took him 2 good minutes before finally feeling what was happening, feeling the hotness of Blaine's mouth on his own.

Once he acknowledged it, he was pretty quick to catch up. He always had been. Only this time, he knew that there was no going back. They had a point to prove, to each other and to the world, to all those people that keep saying "you can't do that." Well, they would do it. They would and the world would just have to insert it in their damn logic. They were tired of being logical, of doing things one step out a time. To hell with respecting described patterns. They would make their own and they would do whatever would please them. Screw the world.

Putting it bluntly, they would screw.

 

Only it was easier said, than done. Everything, every little movement, every little touch seemed wrong. Blaine tried to stand up and pull Kurt with him in the bed, only to stub his foot on the edge and falling head first on the covers with Kurt on top of him. It would probably have been sexier if, while trying to turn around, he hadn't kicked Kurt down with his elbow right on his temple.

"Sorry, sorry," Blaine kept repeating, cursing himself for his clumsiness.

"It's ok, Blaine. Really, see? No blood, no harm. Let's do this."

As much as they tried, it kept getting worse. It was worse than even their first time, worse than any sexual interaction any of them ever had.

Kurt was lying on top of Blaine while at the same time trying to restrain himself on his elbows, not putting too much weight on the other man. That position hurt and was very, very uncomfortable.

His legs were parted at the maximum, and while Blaine legs rested between them, they didn't even touch.

They were kissing, yes, but even that was awkward. It wasn't like before. The passion was gone. Blaine was exploring his mouth as if he was trying to learn a lesson or something. It wasn't a tongue teaching seminar, for god's sake! Kurt wouldn't dare to say anything and kept kissing him lazily. He wouldn't dare try to move to tongue kissing, because every time, he seemed to open a bit more his mouth, Blaine flinched. It was bad, very bad.

Their hands were just resting alongside their bodies and that was worse. Kurt, who was really unfocused on the kiss, started to think that he should probably do something with those hands, but he was currently using them to support himself to not fall completely on Blaine. He slightly adjusted his position, lying next to Blaine, and the way their necks were twisted to continue the kiss was, to say the least, very strange.

Blaine finally seemed to come to the same conclusion and rolled to his side, facing Kurt.

He wouldn't dare open his eyes. He wouldn't dare face Kurt properly and see in his eyes how much of a complete failure this was. He wanted this so much, but it just didn't seem to work. They no longer knew what to do. Natural reflexes had disappeared and truth be told, he hadn't been as soft as he was at this point ever. Maybe, just maybe, it proved that they were trying too hard and they shouldn't. Maybe they were just not in sync anymore. They had always made one in bed, but tonight there were 3 of them in that room; Kurt, him, and a gigantic elephant. It was the messy and awkward kind, the kind you just can't avoid.

He was about to declare forfeit when Kurt finally decided to make a move. One of his hands came to rest on Blaine's torso. Oh god, did Kurt actually pat his stomach?

He did. He fucking did.

He wasn't better himself. His own hand was somewhere traveling on Kurt's back, barely touching him actually. It wasn't even teasing at this point. It was just horrific.

Kurt couldn't believe what he was doing. He was kissing Blaine with the worst technique he never knew he possessed, because yeah, at this point, it was just technique and not even that seemed to work. Somewhere along the line, his brain had seemed to regress to 10 years ago where the touch of a fingertip is as sexy as it gets, if only his touches were sexy. He was practically rubbing Blaine stomach as if the other man had eaten something bad. Kurt, for god's sake, get your act together! As much as he kept repeating himself that, it only added to the awkwardness. All mind, no business.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity to Blaine, Kurt's hand seemed to take the road down. It moved slowly, painfully slow, to rest on top of his somewhat hard erection. All Kurt was doing was… well, he wasn't doing anything. The hand just seemed suspended there, not teasing, not actually providing any comfort. It was just resting and Blaine really, really wanted it to move. He didn't want to be too blunt, to scare Kurt, to move too quickly, so he didn't catch it.

Blaine was really getting frustrated, both at himself and at Kurt, because that kiss sucked, because he wasn't going to be sucked or anything else for that matter. It was very clear now and really, it was his own damn fault.

They couldn't stop now. He could never face Kurt and know that all the chemistry between them was gone and that they should just stick to scrabble nights, thank you. He didn't want to believe that it was all for nothing.

He detached himself from Kurt's lips that froze instantly before giving a big sigh. Well, at least they were on the same page.

Blaine sat up, sitting cross-legged on the bed, before finally opening his eyes, only to see that Kurt was now resting against the headboard, looking at his own hands as if he couldn't believe they were his own and not some stranger's.

"Uh, Kurt. Do you prefer to top or bottom?" Damn everything. They would do it and get it over with. It was the only solution. Then, Blaine could run away, move to Canada, and change his name and work in construction.

"It doesn't matter to me. Whatever you want," sighed Kurt, still not facing Blaine.

"It's the same for me, too. But I… with Lisa… forget it. What do you do usually? With uh, Andrea and Jeremy…" Jeez, stop talking now Blaine!

Kurt had raised his head slowly, eyes wide open as if he couldn't believe that Blaine would dare to ask him such a question.

"Uh, forget I asked. Never mind. We'll…"

"No. I think I should tell you. We said full honesty, didn't we?" Kurt didn't look angry though. Blaine was relieved. He thought he had screwed big time there, but maybe after all that disaster, there was nothing more he could do to make it worse. Well, at least, there was that.

"Actually, it changed a lot," said Kurt, thoughtful. He moved forward to sit on the edge of the bed, head resting on his hands.

"Yeah, that figures. Gotta try it both ways, just like we did." Blaine adjusted his position so he would face Kurt, who wasn't really looking at him but was apparently more fascinated by the carpet and the empty box on pizza.

"Not really. What I mean is that… Please just listen and don't interrupt me and don't judge before I explain myself." Kurt had suddenly turned to face Blaine, locking their gazes. What Blaine saw made him immediately regret asking the question. It wasn't really clear, but something in the blue of Kurt's eyes was telling him that the worst of the day was still to come.

"Uh, ok."

"See, when you left, when… I changed a lot. I told you earlier about all the men. What you've gotta know is that I felt weak and so I was weak in bed. I mostly just bottomed, got fucked endlessly by other guys who had all the control. I never topped because I just couldn't. It meant I would have to man up, to take some charge. I was too disgusted by myself. I thought I didn't mean anything, so I just got fucked like it."

Honestly, Blaine didn't know what to answer. He wished he could apologize some more, but he didn't. He wasn't going to apologize for how Kurt reacted, for how he had treated himself. Maybe it had been Blaine's fault but right now, he didn't feel like being sympathetic. Maybe it was the words chosen by Kurt. Maybe it was his eyes. They were hard and unforgiving. They were harsh and blunt.

"But, after those two years, after all that work, because I gotta be honest, there was no one really in those years, things changed. I just grew tired of being fucked in every sense of the word. So, I wouldn't let anyone take charge anymore. I would decide when, how, and if. I would do it at my own speed. I would take charge as the man I wanted to be."

"So, basically what you're saying is that bottoms are pussies and tops are real men, or something like that. Way to break the stereotype Hummel. I didn't think you of all people would see it that way." He didn't remember opening his mouth, but the words were there. Blaine's mind had apparently processed the information faster than Blaine could realize and it had decided that the proper reaction was anger and frustration. Well, he would have to go with it.

"That's not what I mean, Blaine." Kurt had stood up and was facing Blaine, although he looked pretty uncomfortable. His hands were threatening, showing his anxiety as they clenched on his shirt, and his ears were turning as red as a tomato.

"Well, it seemed pretty clear to me." Again, his voice was sharp and cold. Blaine felt like he was seeing himself talk and act from above. Apparently, he was very much angry.

"You said you wouldn't judge!" screamed Kurt, with a high pitch voice.

"I'm sorry then! I lied! Yes, I judge you Kurt! I judge you because I never thought you would become that man. Maybe you were already. Maybe all those times when you insisted you'd top, clearly you were just trying to prove your virility or some bullshit like that! I thought the whole point of being gay was because we were two men, equal in a fucking relationship, not a man and a pussy! If it's that for you, I should probably have stayed with Lisa. At least she has an actual pussy!" Blaine had stood also and was now yelling at Kurt, his whole body shaking with anger.

"Don't be so crude, Blaine!"

"Oh, it's my fault now? Maybe we shouldn't do this."

"Maybe we shouldn't. It wasn't a good idea anyways." Kurt agreed.

"What? Sex or us trying to patch things up?"

"Blaine, you seriously think that we should break up?" Kurt's face was so very alert now and his eyes were terrified. It was just like before. He could practically feel himself dive slowly into that crazy state he had been into for so long, that madness that started when Blaine had rejected him in the first place. He had serious abandonment issues, but not with everyone. He just couldn't imagine his life without Blaine. He had been a fool before. Of course, he needed Blaine. He was nothing without him. Nothing. He missed the most important part of his heart, of his mind. Just like you couldn't function with half a lung, he couldn't function without his better half. He was sick without him. It was seriously sick.

"Kurt, we were never together to start with! Thank god for that, because I don't recognize you anymore! You've changed so much Kurt and I just don't like the new you. You asked me to listen to you yesterday and I didn't. I made assumptions. Well, maybe I was right after all. Maybe Andrea was right." And that, that hurt more than anything to Kurt.

"Don't say that, Blaine. Please don't," begged Kurt, any ounce of dignity gone.

"Well, explain it to me then. Explain to me how the Kurt I used to know, the sweet man who thought as himself as just a silly romantic, the man who would cringe at any mention of stereotype, the man that would always try to brake boundaries, the man…"

But Kurt wasn't talking. Kurt just kept giving Blaine sad eyes and Blaine wouldn't have it. He couldn't believe he had been fooled like that. He couldn't believe what he had just heard from Kurt himself. Kurt wasn't the one to talk without choosing his words. Every word was measured and there was no doubt that it was exactly what he wanted to say. What now? If he thought things like that, maybe there was much more. Kurt probably wasn't the same person. He should have seen it before. When Kurt attacked him, he should have run away then! It was his clue. What a fool Blaine had been trying to find excuses for him when there were none. This is who Kurt was now! Nothing, not even Blaine leaving, could excuse such behavior! He was so glad he didn't sleep with him. He would have regretted it so much. He had trusted enough people in his life and been betrayed; Lisa, his parents. He wouldn't add Kurt to the list! It hurt so much, but he couldn't let himself be hurt more.

"I just don't know anymore, Kurt, because all I want right now is get up and never look back again. I just wish there was more you could say that would stop me. Deep inside of me, I feel like there is nothing that you would say who would make it better, that would make me understand and look at you the way I used, and not be disgusted and ashamed by your thoughts. Please Kurt tell me, show me, give me any reason that would be worth loosing my family, my job, my everything. Give me a reason why I should keep fighting, why I should stick up for you more. Please, just give me a reason."

"Because I love you," stated Kurt simply, as if it meant everything.

"You keep saying that and I keep saying it back, but maybe it's not true anymore. I just don't know who you _are_ right now!" Blaine started walking toward the door. He didn't know where he was going, but he just couldn't stay any second longer looking at Kurt. There was too much disappointment.

"Because I love you Blaine and that changes everything," repeated Kurt.

"What changes everything?" Blaine asked, dubiously turning back to face Kurt.

"You want a reason why you should stick around and not run away. Well, I don't have one to give you," stated Kurt, calmly.

Blaine was baffled. How dare he? Why? He just couldn't… No, it was impossible. How could Kurt, who was his everything, basically tell him that he didn't want him. Blaine's head was spinning and he had to lean on the back of the door to keep from falling on the ground. Nothing made sense. Kurt didn't make sense.

"But I do have a reason why I should stick around and not mess it up again."

"It's always about you, isn't?" replied Blaine, sour but definitely no longer angry. Why be angry at someone who doesn't give a fuck anymore?

"My reason is that I finally see the difference. It took me a long time and a lot of mistakes to see what was worth it and what was not. Blaine, I regret so much that my last mistakes had to hurt you. You say you don't want to talk about it, that you've forgiven me and that we're even, but we're not. You never meant to hurt me on purpose. Actually, you acted so I wouldn't get hurt, or at least that I would hurt less. It would have worked if I didn't have such a one track mind." Kurt laughed darkly. "But I do. And you know that it's nothing or everything for me. I don't know what measure is. It always played tricks on me but I never thought I could hurt the only person, the only thing in this world that ever mattered to me."

Kurt stopped to take a deep breath and fixed his burning eyes into Blaine's, who had somewhat stopped breathing. He knew this was it, the big confession time. Everything, their whole future would depend on Kurt's next words. It was make it or break it. It would be his choice to make. Kurt was delivering all his cards, holding nothing back. Blaine would be the judge of it. He didn't know if he could make such decision yet but he had to. Any moment now, he would have to. There was no other way.

"I say that tops are a position of power and vice versa. You don't understand how I could think like that. I don't know when I started to think like that, but I know why. I did because when you left, I decided to shut down any emotions. Like Quinn told you, like I said, sex was just sex for me. I didn't know that you could have sex without being in love because I had never tried it before, but I discovered it. And truly, when feelings are not involved, sex is just a way to assert your power and enjoy yourself. As for any kind of people, I guess, it's a game. Sex is only a game, Blaine, and either you win or you lose. That's how I saw it. And truly, all those years, it reflected my life. When I was at the lowest, when I was losing the game of life, I would make myself loose the game of sex, make myself be a loser. It was the same thing with being a winner. That's so stupid, so trivial I realize, but that's how the real world does it, Blaine. I was pretty ok with it until…" Blaine noticed that tears had started streaming upon Kurt's face and he had lost hope to stop them. "…until the day when I did that to you. I reacted the same way with you that I did with all the others. Only you're not like the others and I saw that too late. I can't believe it took me to hurt you to see my errors. I shouldn't throw myself away like that. I need more than just stupid meaningless sex, and the truth is… The truth is, well, you're it, Blaine. You're it." Kurt smiled at him, his face wet with tears, and Blaine's heart seemed to break in a hundred pieces. "You're it." repeated Kurt, his voice much stronger than before. "You're the man that showed me love, that helped me accept myself, and be true to who I am. Who I am is not a man who screws around like some cheap man whore but a man who needs feelings to live, to be. Otherwise, I'm just struggling to survive. You showed me love and somehow, I lost that when you left. I became someone else. Someone that shouldn't be loved, because he couldn't even love himself. All I did was play, viciously. But then you came back and I realized too late what I had lost. I wish you could forgive me, Blaine, but I won't blame you if you won't. The only thing I can say is that you're it for me. Your name is love. I know you think it's cheesy, so cliché, but it's true. You're the only one for me. The only one who… You are my humanity. You're the one to remind me that sex is not just sex, that it's really not about being a top or a bottom, but connecting with each other. Those positions are just words. Irrelevant, grotesque. When I'm inside you, I know that my ultimate goal is to make you feel my love and that is the ultimate privilege. When you're inside of me, oh god Blaine, I just lose myself to you. I… I wish I could give you something else, but that's all I have. I'm damaged goods, and it's not just because of you, but with you it doesn't matter. With you, I'm complete. I breath again. I am again. I just, I love you, Blaine. I wish there were words stronger, but there are not." Kurt was panting now, but he couldn't stop talking. "I love you. I find my way back with you. So yeah, if you need a reason to stay, to not bail on me, on _us,_ I really can't give it to you. I may be selfish and egocentric, but if I'm selfish because my reason is that I love you, and I just can't let go of you without letting myself go, then so be it. I'm sorry for not being able to give you anything more than just _me_ , but if you ever choose to stick around, by some miracle, I'll make sure that you'll get the best version of me. The _me-you_ , if that makes sense. That's my reason. That's the only reason there'll ever be." Kurt finished out of breath.

He was almost sobbing at this point and his vision was blurred. He couldn't say what Blaine was thinking or looking like, and he almost didn't care. He sat on the edge of the bed, putting his head between his hands, and finally, finally let go.

After all that time, he had finally said the words that truly mattered. It was like a huge weight had been relieved from his chest, but at the same time, it meant the end for him. It was the end of his battle, the end of everything. Blaine would decide his fate now. There was no going back to the man he once was. He had dropped his weapons on the ground, and either he would be killed or forgiven, and he had just to wait.

And he did. He did wait. And wait. And wait.

Blaine wasn't coming. Blaine wasn't relieving him. Blaine wasn't going to forgive him, but he wouldn't dare to look. Blaine was probably gone, repulsed. He was probably gone and Kurt was probably going to remain there, crying all the tears he could produce. After that, he would just fall asleep and wish to never wake up again. He would make himself never wake up again. There was no point.

Maybe he should have stopped caring 5 years ago. He should have. But they wouldn't let him. He had lost 5 years fighting for nothing. Who was he kidding? Himself? He couldn't live without Blaine. He wished he knew how. He really did, but living without Blaine meant merely surviving and he wasn't sure he wanted to do it anymore.

He wasn't sure of anything anymore, not sure if he wished to continue to breath, to sit and wait for something that would never….

" _You're_ my reason, Kurt." It came as a bullet that ripped apart the atmosphere. A shotgun in the silence of the night and yet it was nothing more than a whisper.

 

Kurt raised his head slowly, painfully slow. It seemed to last an eternity and yet so soon, Blaine was standing in his sight. Strangely enough, nothing had seemed to change. It's like Blaine hadn't said a word at all. He still wore that same confused expression and looked as stiff as a statue. Kurt started to think that he imagined the words, because there was no way that Blaine had actually pronounced them and yet wouldn't act on them.

He was about to lower his head again, unable to hold Blaine's frozen glance, when he heard those words again. They were louder, always louder, but this time, something happened.

Blaine seemed to regain consciousness, like he had just processed what his unconscious knew already and had made him say before he could even register it himself. Slowly, it was like Blaine was awakening from a dream.

Slowly, his eyes altered. His whole face transformed from rock to a wide range of emotions. Kurt couldn't keep track of them, but it didn't matter, as his face seemed to settle on the last one.

Honestly, he couldn't put a name on it, but Kurt's heart seemed to enter into combustion at it sight. Blaine looked a overwhelmed man, overwhelmed by confusion, regrets, pain, but mostly love. Blaine himself seemed to acknowledge those feelings as they processed on his face and finally, finally, that transformation ended. They ended and he was reborn a new man, a new Blaine, wide awake, a man who finally knew, understood. He was finally a man ready to act.

"Kurt. _You_ are my reason. I don't need another one," said Blaine again, looking right into Kurt's eyes, those eyes that always changed colors, always surprising Blaine. Blaine loved each tone, each variation of color. Right now, they were a deep blue, more blue than the bottom of the ocean, deeper than any sea. He could drown in them, spend all his life glued to that sight, and lose himself in them even if it was just for one night.

Those eyes were crying. They shouldn't have been. Nothing should have made those beautiful eyes cry. If it wasn't happiness, then it was a sacrilege. He wouldn't be the one to be responsible for such a sin, not anymore. He would make sure that those eyes would never pour another tear. He would make sure they would always glow only with happiness, be as bright as the sun. He would burn by their glow, their warmth, their desire.

Maybe, maybe those eyes were reading into his soul. As he processed those thoughts, those eyes were answering him. They grew and grew, and for one last time, their color changed. The blue seemed to fade at once and the black took its place, all black. They burned his soul, perverted his mind. He had to subject himself to those eyes; there was no other choice.

"Blaine," the eyes moaned. The lips may have spoken the words, those perfect pink lips, wet with tears. He would have to dry those lips, make that salty scent go away and replace it with his own. The lips had spoken, but the eyes said it all.

Just like that, Blaine was across the room, landing on his knees in front of Kurt, any restraint abandoned, any composure gone. He had composed enough. He had controlled himself enough for a lifetime. For the rest of his life, he would just lose himself into Kurt. He would combust under his touch, under his love, and be damned. Hell never felt so good.

Kurt didn't get the time to process what had just happened. One second, he was crying for dear life, the other second, combusting under Blaine's gaze. He wouldn't try to understand right now and surely, not for a long time, not ever maybe. He was perfectly ok with it. He had decided at some moment that he couldn't know it all, couldn't understand everything. All he needed to know was that he loved and needed Blaine, and Blaine loved and needed him too. It was enough. He understood that he would never understand at the moment Blaine kneeled in front of him. He understood that he would never understand why he need to kiss that man so badly, to feel his touch upon him, his embrace around him. He just grabbed his face, shutting his mind completely, and with his heart, with the only thing that held him together, he kissed him. When their lips connected, he knew he had been right. Why try to understand why those lips seemed to fit perfectly together, why his lips seemed to burn his own, and all the way to his soul? Why Kissing Blaine was better than kissing anyone else? Why try to explain why nothing seemed to work before and why now he wouldn't have been able to detach himself from Blaine even if his life depended on it? He would just have to die inside Blaine's mouth.

Passion. Desperation. Lust. Craving. Constant craving for something more. Blaine couldn't stop kissing those perfect lips. Kurt was going to kill him, because he would never want to let go. He loved the way Kurt's lips teased his upper lip with the tip of his tongue, just enough to drive Blaine crazy, just enough to crave for more, just enough to open his mouth and mix their breaths together, breath each other's unique scent. They mixed their tastes. Kurt tasted like regrets and hope at the same time. He would make sure he would only taste like hope from now on. His tongue explored Kurt's mouth, licking its wounds, spreading love, and Kurt gave love back. They danced together. They turned around each other, feinting the other, and connecting again. They were challenging for dominance, but in all, it was just pretense. No one would ever dominate the other again. Equal to equal, they would dance together. Their scents would mix to make one and they would breathe each other's air.

Talking about breathing, they were about to pass out. Blaine was dizzy and yet, he never felt better in his life, never healthier or stronger. He wanted it to last. He wanted Kurt to feel his strength too, so with reluctance, he pulled away slowly, and not that much really. It was just enough so he could look into Kurt's eyes and make sure he didn't take his retreat the wrong way. Kurt's eyes were smiling. Kurt's whole face was glowing. His smile was wider than Blaine had seen it in years and Blaine couldn't help but grin at him too. Their mouths were inches away, not touching, just beaming at each other. Somehow, it felt far more intimate than their previous kiss. They were saying much more with those smiles than with all their touches and kisses.

"Blaine, I love you so much. Thank you. Thank you so much," whispered Kurt, more tears falling, but the smile never left its place. He was crying from happiness. He had never cried from happiness. Blaine had made it happen. He had succeeded in transforming sorrow into joy. It's all he had ever wanted.

"Shhh." Blaine put a finger on his lips that Kurt kissed lovingly and suddenly Blaine couldn't take it anymore.

He stood up and took Kurt with him. In one swift movement, they landed on the bed. Blaine was on top, but it didn't matter really who was on top or who was under. They would give each other the same amount of love and that was the only thing that mattered.

"Kurt. I love you. I adore you. I just want you to know it," whispered Blaine in Kurt's ear, which made Kurt shiver from tip to toe. Blaine knew that Kurt had a soft spot for his ears, and he would make sure to use it, make sure to give Kurt as enough pleasure as possible.

"I do. I really do, Blaine," said, Kurt, out of breath. "But please…"

"I know, Kurt. I do. Don't worry, I'm going to take care of you," promised Blaine, blowing air in his ear and Kurt just let go.

Blaine started to lick Kurt's ear slowly, almost methodically, from the top to the end, from time to time giving an experimental lick inside of it. Kurt was shivering and moaning, his whole body arched in need. They were both quite hard at this point, and Kurt thanked the gods for wearing joggings that morning, but Blaine was still wearing jeans and his erection was pressing painfully against his pants. The sudden motion of Kurt's body made their groins rub against each other, and he nearly lost it altogether.

"Oh god, Kurt." Kurt wasn't able to form any coherent response that wasn't a mix of moans and whimpers that was setting Blaine more on edge than he already was. He lost the little composure he had left and practically attacked Kurt's neck with his mouth. He was licking, kissing, blowing air. It was messy and sloppy, but it never felt so good. Kurt's hands flew in the air, trying to find some support as if he would drown if he didn't attach himself to something. They finally landed on the back of Blaine's neck. He fingernails were digging through Blaine's skin but he didn't have a fuck to give. The pressure only added to Blaine's eagerness. He was biting Kurt's neck, leaving small bruises after each bite, licking others, and marking his man, marking his love, putting a trace on the other man's body. They were something to remind him that he was loved and cherished by no other than Blaine. Those red and purples bruises on that perfect porcelain skin were strangely beautiful. Those small drops of blood didn't came from hurt and loss, but love and lust. They were the price of happiness, of contentment.

Kurt's hands were still travelling down Blaine's spine, sending shivers down Blaine's body. He wished he could go further down but Blaine's shirt was blocking his way, so he waited for one last kiss on his jaw and then reversed the situation. In one quick movement, again surprising Blaine, he rolled around, and suddenly, it was him on top. Blaine looked at him with questioning eyes, and yet a hungry expression. Kurt just smiled teasingly, and his hands made their way down to Blaine's waist.

Blaine's breath got caught in his throat.

"K… Kurt… please…" begged the man, raising his hips to look for any friction. Kurt just kept smiling, and slowly, slowly made his way into the belt and opened it. As he was removing it from the pants, Blaine suddenly moved his hand away to grab Kurt's erection and palmed it through his pants. Kurt hissed and the belt went flying away. Next thing they heard was a something crashing down and the light reduced in the room. Well, apparently Kurt had knocked down the lamp.

"Sorry, Kurt…" murmured Blaine, but he didn't look sorry at all. He was still palming Kurt length, bringing his other hand to Kurt's hair and pulling on it.

"Don't be. It's ok." Kurt tried to get out between moans. His eyes were closed and he was trying hard to get Blaine's shirt from his pants to open the damn buttons. Another touch of Blaine's finger right on the tip of his cock made it impossible to continue and he collapsed on Blaine, looking for more friction, any kind of friction. Blaine responded by bucking his lips and they both whimpered at the feeling.

Blaine tugged his hair between his fingers, bringing Kurt's mouth to his own and their tongues mixed again in one sloppy, hot, kiss. Kurt was trying to fuck Blaine's mouth with his tongue and Blaine was happy to take it. He took Kurt's tongue between his teeth and didn't want to release it. Kurt moved his hips in response and again their groins met in a desperate movement.

"Shit, Kurt. Fuck, I'm…"

"Blaine…" moaned Kurt on top of him. He resumed at his previous task, his fingers still uncoordinated, and he couldn't get the shirt open for the life of him. He was desperate, desperate to touch more of Blaine, to feel Blaine' skin on his lips, to lick each part of his perfect body and the damn shirt wouldn't open.

Kurt looked at it, positively frustrated, and then back at Blaine, who was panting and whose eyes were burning with desire. He didn't think twice. He just pulled the shirt apart, ripping it in two, making buttons fly all around the room. He would sew it back later. Or not. Who the fuck cared? Not Blaine, at least. After a second of shock, his mouth found Kurt again and he kissed him furiously, desperately. It was more animal than anything, biting again every inch of his lips, but Kurt didn't mind. He removed the parts of fabric that still clung into Blaine's body before finally detaching himself from Blaine's lips and making his way down his jaw, leaving small kisses and bites here and there. Blaine's eyes rolled back all the way to his brain and he smacked his head down on the bed. He was breathing heavily and his hands were clenching the shirt furiously. Kurt looked up a second to this glorious sight and truly Blaine never looked so beautiful, undone under Kurt's touch. He was meeting every kiss Kurt was delivering with his flawless and perfect shaped body, moaning and breathing hard at every bite, every lick.

Kurt was now making his way down to Blaine's nipples. He licked tentatively around them, receiving a desperate sound from Blaine before taking the right one in his mouth. As if on cue, Blaine's body arched and his groin rubbed against Kurt's thigh, craving for attention. Every inch of his body craved for Kurt's touch. Blaine's mind was pulled at a hundred places at the same time, but he lost it completely when Kurt sucked the tip of his nipple before taking it whole in his mouth and playing with it with his teeth.

Kurt gave his whole attention to that nipple, before moving to the left one, proceeding exactly the same way with it. Before Kurt could get further, Blaine suddenly seemed to regain some kind of self-control and grabbed Kurt's hips to roll them again, making him on top that time.

"Blaine, what are you doing?"

"Making you feel as good as you made me feel," smiled Blaine, before taking off Kurt's shirt.

He didn't pull it off completely. As it was about to get to Kurt's head, Blaine stopped his movement and took Kurt's left nipple in his mouth. Kurt hissed under the shirt and fell back on the bed, the shirt falling back on his body, and covering Blaine's face. Something about the sight of Blaine under his shirt, doing magical things with his mouth, licking every one of his slightly shaped abs, did amazing things to Kurt's stomach. He almost came undone right there and then, but he resisted. He didn't want to be over just yet. There was much more to be done, much more to come before they would finally come.

After a few moments, Blaine emerged from under the shirt, a smirk on his face.

"Proud of your little trick, aren't you?" Kurt wanted to sound sarcastic, but it was a battle lost from the beginning. He was too desperate, too aroused, to sound anything but needy.

"I am indeed." Blaine kissed him quickly on the lips before taking his shirt off for good this time. It landed god knows where in the room but at least he hadn't destroyed something else this time. Well, not yet, at least. "But I have other tricks to show you, if you're interested," finished Blaine with a knowing smile.

"Let's see what you got," breathed Kurt.

Blaine didn't need to be told twice. Before Kurt could even register the movement, Blaine had removed his pants, his briefs following a second later. Kurt was fully exposed now, his throbbing cock fully hard, the pre-come leaking from the tip.

"Well, hello, old friend. Long time no see. It's good to have you back," stated Blaine, looking languidly at Kurt's length.

"Blaine! You're crazy. You can't say stuff like that." Kurt let out a nervous laugh. Truth be told, he was really trying to sound casual, but he never felt more anxious, and exposed in his life. He shouldn't and yet, there was no way to shake that feeling. It was Blaine, he kept repeating himself, but that was it actually. It was _Blaine_ , not some random fuck, not some cheap boyfriend. He was completely naked in front of _Blaine_ and it felt again like the very first time.

Blaine looked him in the eyes and immediately the teasing light disappeared. He saw Kurt nervousness and anxiety. He kissed him gently on the lips, lingering oh so slightly, before kissing his eyes, a soft touch for each, the tip of his nose, his cheeks and back to his lips. Kurt felt instantly better. Blaine always knew what to do. He didn't need words to make him understand. Blaine just knew what to do to make him feel safe and loved.

"God, you're beautiful. You are, Kurt. Never doubt it a second," said Blaine, with so much emotion in his eyes that Kurt wanted to cry. Instead, he smiled because that's just what Blaine did to him. He made him smile and made him happy. He made him feel strong again and confident. Their gazes seemed to connect for what seemed an eternity and no time at all. Kurt's smile progressively turned into a teasing smirk as an idea played into his head.

"Well, now that it's settled, are you gonna stay there looking at it or actually do something? You know, as they say, it's not gonna suck itself."

Whatever Blaine might have intended to respond with at first got caught in his throat, leaving him speechless. His eyes widened in surprise, at Kurt's boldness and his mouth hung open, which caused Kurt to smile broader. He knew he had won this round.

Blaine really tried to respond with something witty, anything to tease Kurt and to make him beg for his touch. Kurt knew better. He raised his hips tentatively and pressed just enough of his cock against Blaine's pressing erection to make Blaine loose all coherency. Blaine groaned and gave up at answering. Instead he looked down at the perfect white cock waiting for him to give it any attention and he forgot about Kurt's comment. He wasn't going to admit it any time soon, but he was even more desperate than Kurt to taste him, to take his perfect member in his mouth. Damn you, Kurt Hummel. Damn you and your perfect cock. As if he had spoken aloud, Kurt let out a soft giggle. Maybe he had said it aloud, maybe not. Who knew? The only thing he knew was that his cock was like a magnet pulling him to it. Without a second to lose, he gave in to the magnetic pull and took it fully in his mouth.

He wasn't sure of what was going on anymore further on top, how Kurt was reacting. The only thing that matter was his mouth on his length, tasting the unique scent of Kurt. Oh, how he had missed this taste. He tasted like coffee, like moisturizer, like he actually put some on his cock. This thought turned him on more than normally acceptable, but he didn't fucking care. He bobbed his head around the head of Kurt's penis and started sucking like his life depended on it. He was sucking around it, from time to time passing his tongue on the tip of the head. He must have done something good, because Kurt was literally losing it. His fingers found Blaine's hair and were digging painfully into his skull. He was moaning and groaning and it just made Blaine go further. He relaxed his throat, and took as much of Kurt as possible.

"BLAINE! OH MY GOD!" screamed Kurt, jerking forward before he could stop himself. Blaine had prepared himself and was grabbing Kurt's thighs with force. It would probably mark, but really, after all they had done and were still going to do, it was the least of their concern.

Blaine licked the vein on Kurt's cock from tip to the bottom, taking the time to massage his balls each one at a time.

Kurt was groaning and his fingers traced patterns on the back of Blaine's neck, scorching the skin, leaving more scars. He wasn't going to last, but he had to. As pleasant as the feeling of Blaine's mouth was on his member, he still needed more, much more, _all the way_ more.

"Blaine, stop. Please, stop"

Blaine stopped at once and looked up at Kurt, worry on his face. He immediately relaxed when he saw the blissful expression of Kurt's face. God, that man was so beautiful. Right now, even with all that sweat upon his face and his messed up hair and his mouth hanging open, trying to catch his breath, he look breathtaking. He looked like a fucking angel, an undone angel.

Blaine was turned on again but he reminded himself that Kurt has asked him to stop.

"It's just that I don't want to come yet. I want it to last some more…" explained Kurt to answer the confused expression in Blaine's eyes. " I want…"

"I want you inside of me, Kurt," interrupted Blaine, his voice slightly shaking.

"Are you sure…?" asked Kurt, his eyes widening with surprise. After the last time's _debacle,_ he had expected that Blaine would actually take the charge, but a quick look at Blaine erased that thought. Blaine wanted to give him a second chance to erase his mistake, to make him forget all about it and build new memories. He didn't need Blaine to say it. He just knew and it made his heart almost burst with love.

"I love you so much, Blaine."

"I love you too, Kurt, more than I can understand, but I'm ok with it. I just know that I want you inside of me. I want to _feel you,_ " responded Blaine with a thousand fires burning in his eyes.

"I'm gonna be gentle. I promise. I…" said Kurt, locking his eyes with Blaine. He needed to show his sincerity so Blaine would trust him. Blaine already did. He took Kurt's hand in his own, kissed each one of knuckles before kissing his palms and putting them on each side of his face. He kissed Kurt on the lips with so much love and passion that Kurt felt his entire self melt with too much love and care.

"I trust you." Blaine said simply.

Kurt nodded and slowly moved out of Blaine's way. He stood up on his knees to reach for the bottom drawer of the nightstand, bending down in front of Blaine. The sight of Kurt perfectly shaped ass in front of his eyes drove Blaine wild. Really, he wished he had more self restrain than that, but he was just a man with a gorgeous and pale ass in front of him. That could turn any man wild, right? That's what he tried to tell himself as he launched forward to Kurt's back. He should have probably thought before jerking forward like that. He should have expected that Kurt wasn't really steady on his knees with half of his body suspended in the air, out of the bed. He probably should have put a hand on the bed to steady himself, but the sight had left him mindless.

Next thing he knew, they were both on the ground, Blaine on top and landing pretty hard on the thin carpet, Kurt on his back.

They looked at each other with wide eyes, neither of them really understanding what just happened and Blaine should have asked if Kurt had been hurt or something, but after exchanging a quick glance, all the pretenses vanished and they both exploded into hysteric laughter.

"God, Blaine, what did you think you were doing?" Kurt managed to breathe out between giggles.

Blaine was laughing too hard to make any coherent sentences, but Kurt could make out the words _ass,_ and _too good_ , and really it didn't do anything good but increase the hilarity. It didn't help when Blaine seemed to realize what he said and started blushing furiously.

Really, neither of them quite knew what changed, but one second their bodies were convulsing with laughs and the next, both of their gazes were locked, a dead end expression on their faces. There was nothing remotely funny anymore, with the way Blaine was straddling Kurt's hips, the way Kurt was naked under his touch, the way his fingers were unconsciously smoothing his back. Nothing was funny at all.

"Hi there," murmured Kurt, his eyes flickering at a thousand emotions per second.

"Hi there yourself, gorgeous," Blaine responded. His voice was strong, serious, and humorless. His face was almost severe with the depth of his feelings. Kurt shivered at his tone and closed his eyes, pressing hard. It was happening now. There was no going back.

Blaine seemed to think so too and without sparing a second, he attacked Kurt's neck. His lips traced small kisses all the way down his jaw, settling on his collarbone, making Kurt moan with pleasure. It still wasn't enough. Nothing was enough between them. They would always need more, need less barriers between them.

Currently, one of those barriers was that Blaine was still wearing pants. For the life of him, he couldn't figure why he hadn't taken them off sooner, but he had to remedy it soon.

While Blaine sucked on his pale skin, Kurt's hand made their way down to Blaine's pants, where he began to open the buttons. His movements were even less coordinated than before, when all his attention was driven to those tiny licks Blaine was currently ravishing his neck with. He figured he should probably rip apart the pants also, but fortunately Blaine was as desperate as him to get out of them.

"Let me do it, Kurt," breathed Blaine in his ear, driving him crazy again. "Just take care of the rest."

Oh, right, the lube. That's what he had been looking for at first. That's why they were both currently on the hard floor. Kurt had almost forgotten about that because of Blaine's damn talented mouth. As he soon as he was reminded, his whole body arched in need and his hand flew behind him, looking blindly through the stuff in the drawer. He could only touch but not see the drawer. What he could see was Blaine removing his pants and his briefs in the same movement and that really didn't help his blind quest, because there it was. Blaine's cock. Blaine's perfect long, thick, leaking cock. It was a glorious sight. Kurt had frozen, his arm arched behind him, buried in the drawer, almost forgotten, while his eyes were scanning Blaine's body like they were X rays.

Blaine looked at his expression and pressed down his hips in response, meeting Kurt's hard throbbing cock. The friction created made them both groan in need and Kurt's body launched forward against his will, looking for more.

"Oh God, Blaine!"

"Kurt! I need you now. Please, I need you inside of me," begged Blaine, before giving another hard thrust.

Kurt retrieved his hand from the drawer, because honestly he wasn't really being successful at doing this blind, and joining it with the other, he put them to a much better use. He grabbed Blaine's ass hard, and with all the strength he could manage, he pressed the other man's body on his own. Their groins connected once again and they both cried with pleasure. They were so desperate to press against each other, but it was more than pure lust. It was like they wanted to leave as little space as possible between them, to make of their bodies one body, make of their hearts one heart. Kurt found it almost humoristic that he would think of such song at such time or think at all, for that matter. That song represented their first time together in their minds and today felt just like the first time. Only now, they had absolutely no restraint, especially not Kurt, whose fingers went to tease Blaine's hole, circling around it, teasing it.

"KURT! Now! I need you! Please FUCK ME!" cried Blaine, his hips arching to look for Kurt's fingers.

Kurt was desperate, but he hadn't forgotten his earlier promise. He wouldn't fuck Blaine, not today at least. Today it was all about love, all about gentleness and sweet caring.

"I'm not gonna fuck you, Blaine. I want to make love to you, baby," responded Kurt tenderly, kissing Blaine softly on the lips. Blaine whimpered in need, but he got it too.

"Anything, Kurt. Just do SOMETHING!" yelled Blaine once again as Kurt's finger went to tease his hole again.

Kurt decided that he couldn't wait anymore. It didn't matter that they were on the floor, that the bed could have been probably a thousand times more confortable. He was sure that Blaine didn't mind seeing how he was panting and screaming in need. They wouldn't have time for the bed now. Kurt once again rose on his elbows, gripped one of Blaine's hips and turned them around. This way, he was able to look properly into the drawer and in no time, he found the precious bottle of lube. Only the condoms were missing.

"Blaine, I don't have…"

"I don't care, Kurt. I want to feel you. Just _you. Please"._ And just like that Kurt stopped thinking altogether. He abandoned himself to what they called the other brain of men. He would rule him from now on and he would subject to all its needs.

Kurt took a large amount of lube in his hands and rubbed them together to warm it up a bit. At this sight, Blaine moaned and his hand reached forward automatically for his cock. Before he could deliver some relief to his hardening erection, Kurt slapped his hand out of the way and put his own hand instead. He gave a single thrust that sent Blaine on edge. He was painfully close and he was sure he wasn't going to last long with Kurt inside of him. Kurt gave another thrust and his head flew back only to smack down hard on the furniture. The whole thing shook and before they knew it, more damage was done. They didn't quite know what had fallen down this time, but before Blaine could look for it, or even apologize to Kurt, the man silenced him with a kiss.

"It doesn't matter, Blaine. I don't fucking care about another lamp, or any other thing," said Kurt, looking at him in the eyes. He wanted to make sure Blaine would hear his next words. He needed him to understand. "I don't care because I will start it all again. I will build something new, but not alone. We'll do it together. We'll redecorate it together. Hell, we can even sell this crappy place and get one of our own, as long as it is _ours"._

Blaine's breath got caught at Kurt's words and the intensity of his gaze. He didn't need to ask if he meant it, because just by looking into those eyes, he knew it was going to happen. They were full of hope and promises, full of love. They were his only salvation for the future. His throat burned and he couldn't help but let a few tears stream upon his face. He was insanely happy; happy to share it with Kurt, happy to share anything with that perfect man who was only _his._ He forgot about everything as he lost himself for the hundredth time that day in those lips. Tears were wetting those lips, giving them a salty taste, but it was far from being bitter or sour. He thought he would never be more happy than at this moment. That is until he felt Kurt's finger slowly, gently, push into his hole.

"Kuuurt…" he moaned against his lover lips and was met by a loving smile from Kurt. He locked his eyes into Kurt's and just let himself feel.

Kurt was proceeding slowly, feeling it too, feeling the warmth, the hotness around his finger, Blaine's perfect hole around him. He looked into those eyes and he saw only love and gratitude and it took all his restraint to not come undone here and there.

The rest was a mix of moans and groans as Kurt was slowly moving his finger in and out of Blaine's body, teasing his hole and filling it completely. After some time, he decided to add another finger. He took it slow at first, scared of hurting Blaine more than necessary, but his lover had other ideas in mind. He started fucking himself on those perfect long fingers and all of Kurt's restraint vanished by the window. He crooked his fingers.

"Oh God! KURT! There! Please, MORE!" yelled Blaine. Apparently, Kurt had found that magic spot that was making Blaine go wild of desire and pleasure. Kurt couldn't help but smile at what he could do this man with only his fingers. He just couldn't wait to be inside of him, with the feeling of his cock buried in Blaine's warm, hot ass.

He crooked his fingers once again, twice, each time touching his prostate and Blaine was practically sobbing for Kurt to get inside of him.

Kurt added a third finger quickly, thrusting in and out, before finally taking out all his fingers at ounce. Blaine whimpered at the loss, but he wouldn't be empty for long.

Kurt positioned himself in front of Blaine's entrance and with one last look into his eyes, he slowly penetrated him. Kurt's lips buried Blaine's hiss as he kissed him, trying to ease the pain away. It was messy, sloppy, and so desperate, but it didn't matter. All that was important was the amazing feeling of Blaine's tightness around Kurt's member. It was all too much.

"Blaine, god! You're so… tight… so… perfect around me" panted Kurt. Blaine only responded with a deep moan and clutched his ass further against Kurt's cock. Kurt nearly lost it and buried himself all the way inside of Blaine, then stopped moving altogether. Their eyes locked.

What seemed to pass between them in that single moment could never be described by words. Words were not strong enough to describe the feeling of being connected that way. Their hearts didn't seem strong enough to hold such love, such deep feelings. The intensity of that moment could have burned a thousand forests. The burning fire in those eyes, the glows of their faces were stronger than anything, any force, any power. That moment seemed to last forever, just the two of them alone in the world, eyes to eyes, heart to heart, body to body, soul to soul. Blaine nodded, and just like that the moment transformed and the forces broke loose.

Kurt slowly pulled almost all the way out before thrusting again all the way in. Blaine's whole body arched and he cried at the top of his lungs. Kurt bit his neck, almost to the blood, because he just couldn't stop himself. Blaine felt so good around him. He was so tight and fitted oh so perfectly around his cock. He kept thrusting in and out, in and out, losing himself to that warm perfect feeling.

"K-K-Kurt. I'm not… I'm not gonna last long," stuttered Blaine. Kurt didn't answer but he wasn't sure himself if he could hold on longer. In a final act of strength, he grabbed Blaine by his hips and repositioned his body against the nightstand.

"FUCK! Kurt! There! Please! Harder! FASTER!" screamed Blaine, his eyes rolling all the way back. With each thrust, Kurt was now hitting his prostate and Blaine was going wild. Kurt lost all control at the sight of Blaine's face and thrust harder and faster than ever before. All pretenses about making gentle love vanished into his thrusts and Kurt transformed into an animal. The last shots of adrenaline kicked into him and he slammed hard against Blaine's ass, again and again and again, receiving a deep moan each time from his lover lips. They were both screaming in pleasure at this point, but they were also deaf at any external sound. The only sound that got through to them was the continual smack of Kurt's pelvis and balls against Blaine's ass.

Kurt knew it was now only a matter of second before he would come but despite the hard contraction that groped his lower stomach, he refused to let go. He wanted to share that moment with Blaine. With one final movement, he took Blaine's hard throbbing cock in his hand and gave it a few thrusts.

"Kuurt…" moaned Blaine. "I'm gonna come…"

"Together."

With one final trust, Blaine came hard all over their pressed bodies and Kurt's hand. The sight of an orgasmic Blaine sent Kurt over the edge and he came undone right there, harder than he ever had in his life, filling Blaine's ass completely with his semen, burying a part of himself in Blaine's body forever.

He collapsed on Blaine, his last forces abandoning him, chest pressing on chest, burning skin on burning skin, his head buried on the crook of his neck where it had always fitted perfectly. He was finally complete.

 

"Gosh, so much for rediscovering each other again," breathed Kurt.

Blaine didn't seem to hear him. The man had almost lost consciousness. He just couldn't move, couldn't bare to even let know Kurt that was crushing him with his whole weight and that he couldn't breathe properly. He had never felt so good in his life, so utterly human, so loved, so cherished. He couldn't bear to detangle himself from Kurt, even though Kurt's now soft cock was hurting him. He wouldn't move. He wouldn't say a word except for…

"I love you, Kurt. I love you so much. "

"I love you too. I.. " Kurt wanted to say so much more, but it was a lost battle from the beginning again. There were really no words to express himself, so he just kissed Blaine's shoulder tenderly over and over again.

Eventually, the very uncomfortable position they were both in kicked into his brain and he used the few remaining forces he had left, he pulled out of Blaine who whimpered at the loss. He stood up to look for something to clean them both. A quick look around the room and he noticed what kind of a mess they had made. He couldn't care less now. He just figured that his feet wouldn't probably hold him far, so he just grabbed his underwear and proceeded to clean their bodies the best he could. Blaine didn't really move the whole time and if it wasn't for his chest raising and dropping, Kurt would have thought that he had fallen into a coma.

As cute as the sight was, Kurt knew he couldn't let him sleep on the floor. He shook his side slowly, trying to wake him up from his passed out state.

"Blaine, come on. I can't lift you up to bed. I need you to get up."

"Can't. Sleep," mumbled Blaine, eyes still closed. "Besides, my ass hurts."

"I'm sorry, baby, but…" Kurt started to apologize, before he got cut off by Blaine.

"My Ass hurt, it's on fire, and so is my heart, burning with desire," chanted Blaine, half asleep. Kurt burst into laughter.

"Oh my god, Blaine. You're delusional" Blaine smiled cockily, his eyes still closed. "Come here. It's really time to get you to bed, before you decide to serenade us with some impromptu performance of your own composition, may the gods have mercy on us."

"What are you talking about, Kurt?" yawned Blaine. "I am an artist. I'm gonna make songs and help people." Kurt couldn't help but chuckle at the sudden déjà-vu.

Kurt grabbed Blaine by the arm, who groaned but eventually decided to pull himself from the floor. Kurt dropped his hand and watched in amusement as Blaine tried to get on his knees and lazily crawl into bed. He was really too cute for his own good. He couldn't stop yawning and his eyes didn't seem to succeed at remaining open for more than 2 seconds at a time, but he still had the energy to sing apparently. Well, if you could qualify babbling almost incoherent words with no melody whatsoever as singing.

"You make me feel… like.. a teenage.. dreams… and… what is it again?… No regrets just love… and…"

"Sleep, Blaine. Just sleep, please". Kurt put the covers on top of them and crawled next to Blaine, resting his hand on his heart and encircling him with his arms. He never wanted to be without him again. He just wanted to sleep around him, on top of him, for eternity. Now if only Blaine would shut up…

"No regrets… just love." Blaine continued to chant with a sleepy voice.

"Blaine, please, just sleep," begged Kurt.

"But seriously, no regrets, Kurt?" Blaine's tone had changed suddenly and Kurt looked up to see that his eyes were open and looking at Kurt with uncertainty. He looked like a 5 year old kid who needed to be calmed and comforted. Kurt didn't know what brought this sudden change, but without missing beat, he answered.

"Just love" Blaine smiled and kissed the top of Kurt's head, his whole body relaxing finally into Kurt's hands. He felt Kurt smile on his chest and everything was right.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Blaine."

"Goodnight, Kurt."

"Goodnight, Blaine."

After a few moments, as Kurt was finally dozing into unconsciousness, Blaine had spoken again. Really, what was so important that he couldn't wait until later to say it? He was really, really tired, if only Blaine would shut up! He loved the man with all his heart, but seriously, he had the worst timing ever.

"Kurt?"

"Yeah?" responded Kurt, as gently as possible

"I think we did discover all right."

As if on cue, Kurt's laugh rang in the room.

And Blaine knew it would be ok.

If by some magic, he could fall asleep to such beautiful unique sound every night and wake up to those ever changing eyes, it would be ok. He could close his eyes and for once not be afraid of the future.

So he did.

 

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

He’s not really sure what had woken him up. One second, he was dreaming about scarves, types of fabrics, red pipes, and other Dalton couture features; the next, it had all vanished away letting place to some strange sensation that had overwhelmed all his body. He was hot. Yes, that was it. He was uncannily hot when most of the time, he had woken up freezing in his big single bed. The covers were pushed to the edge of the bed. His whole body was shaking and shivering, but strangest of all, he was hot too. If he had been a bit more awake, Kurt could have processed this information a bit further, but really, in his semi-conscious state, he didn’t have the presence of mind to dig further. He only knew that it felt good, very good in fact, especially in the lower body area. Right down below his stomach, it felt like heaven.

Maybe it was just another dream. Maybe he was having an inception kind of dream. Yes, Kurt Hummel had seen inception and truth to be told, he hadn’t understood a lot of it. He just went mostly for the excellent casting; talented actors, doing talented stuff, looking as talented as hell.

Talent. Why was he thinking about talent right now? His mind really wasn’t processing anything. He was really trying to keep a logical train of thought but something wasn’t really letting him concentrate. God, that damn feeling on his thighs felt good. He never knew dreams could be so powerful. Oh sure, he’d had a lot of sexual dreams over the years, not that he would confess it to anybody except for maybe some of his ex-lovers or whatever you would call your one night stands. They knew but then again, it was at his advantage. Generally, he would lie and say that his bright morning hard on was nothing more than what was left of a torrid sex dream he’d had about them. It was mostly a big fat lie because in no universe could Kurt dream about those guys. Let’s face it, when he picked them up, he was way too trashed to even remember their faces. The morning often held big surprises.

Even drunk, he knew how to choose them. It wasn’t about the face but the ass, the level of horniness, and amount of alcohol in their system. Drunken sex is always the best as long as they didn’t pass out.

Damn, he had forgotten his point again. It’s not his fault. He felt damn good, like when one of the guys felt so honored of being dreamt about that he would honor him back with a morning blowjob. The same warmth on his under belly, those shivers that enveloped his whole body, the weight on his cock, the suction was exactly the same, except way more talented. It was talented like only some people were, like only…

“Holy fucking mother of…. Blaaaaaaaine!”

As his whole body jerked out in sudden pleasure and his eyes popped out of their sockets, Kurt’s mind finally came to the inevitable conclusion his body has acknowledged quite some time ago: Blaine’s talented mouth was sucking his cock and it had never felt so good.

Surely enough, once Kurt opened his eyes, he could see the gorgeous face of Blaine buried between his legs, his perfect pink swollen lips around the head of his cock, his tongue swirling against the skin, tracing the shape of it veins, swallowing what Kurt was giving him. Finally, he saw those eyes, those once hazel turned almost black with lust eyes, looking at him, laughing at him, and loving him all at the same time. Kurt whimpered, causing Blaine to chuckle. He meant it as just a chuckle, but all Kurt could feel was the sudden vibration around his cock that made him shiver even more from head to toe and sent his hips flying in search for that wonderful, warm cavern that was Blaine’s mouth. His whole body, his mind or lack of only wanted on thing at this point: to fuck this beautiful mouth until he came hard and long, to abuse Blaine’s mouth that would just take it and let himself be fucked hard in the mouth. Oh dear, it would feel perfect. The plan was perfect.

Only it was just a plan. Somewhere, long lost in Kurt’s mind, there was a voice that kept telling him that it was a very bad plan and that the point of starting again was not to go rough on Blaine. He tried to make that thought predominant but he could only think of Blaine and his damn mouth.

He couldn’t do it, though. He couldn’t begin to thrust into Blaine’s mouth, as much as he and his whole body craved to, because a lot happened all at once. Thinking about it later on, it was really more hilarious than anything else. At the moment though, Kurt didn’t find it something to laugh about.

As soon as Kurt’s hips jerked forward, Blaine, who wasn’t expecting it and had forgotten to put his hands on Kurt’s hips due to his previous unconscious state, almost choked. Kurt’s cock reached the back of his throat and Blaine, now fully aware of his gag reflex, reacted violently. His mouth suddenly closed on Kurt’s length, his teeth piercing through the thin and over-sensitive skin, clasping hard once before releasing as suddenly. A loud noise followed; a growling so loud that he could have woken the whole building. The strangest thing was that the noise wasn’t coming from either of their mouths since one was busy profaning insanities and the other was not quite over the cock completely.

In retrospect, the noise had come after the biting and the noise was really nothing more than Blaine’s stomach begging to be fed, as if that would make it any less peculiar when they would come back to it later and think about it. When it happened, neither of them was really in the mood for analyzing any of what had happened. Kurt had reacted in the only way his body wanted him to, the only way he could. He’d just thrown a kick at Blaine, sending him flying off the bed and landing on the hard cold floor against the night stand. The other man wouldn’t blame him if he were able to talk over the profanities coming from Kurt’s mouth.

“Oh Fuck! Fuck! What the hell did you fucking do to me, Blaine? What the fucking hell went through your stupid mind? What the… Fuck, Fuuuuuck, it hurts!”

Kurt was now holding his dick, massaging it, his whole body bent between his legs, his head pounding the mattress. In any other context, it would have been incredibly kinky to see what Kurt could do with his body. In any other context, Blaine would have lost all trains of thought and simply drooled at his boyfriend’s flexibility. A lot of questions begged to be asked about this exact position, but that would have to be another time when Blaine hadn’t just bit (he still couldn’t believe it) Kurt’s cock and said man wasn’t screaming at him like he was the devil on earth. Nope, such a sight wasn’t turning on Blaine. Not at all.

If there was any chance that Blaine could be turned on, Kurt was making sure it wouldn’t last. The level of his screaming was starting to scare Blaine to be honest, not because he thought that Kurt was in immense pain, but more because he was scared of what Kurt might do to him once he recovers.

Kurt’s head raised and his eyes met Blaine’s for the first time since the “accident”. Blaine slowly stood up and backed against the wall, eyes never back on the ground. Cornered, he raised his eyes once again and it felt like time stopped for a couple of seconds. The way they looked at each other, nothing could explain it. Kurt was breathing hard and the way he looked at Blaine was like a bull ready to charge. One would think that Blaine would start apologizing or begging for forgiveness or crawling at the other man’s feet. After all that happened, he should have been more than aware of Kurt’s temper. If Kurt was anything, it was a straight up bitch.

Oh, Blaine was aware but for the life of him, he couldn’t explain his last move, or sound that is.

Time started again, 2 seconds passed, and much at Kurt’s astonishment, Blaine started laughing.

“Blaine….” Kurt wasn’t mad anymore. He was too surprised by the turn of the events to be mad. Actually, though he would never admit it even under torture, he was kind of amused himself. Thinking about it, the whole situation was so peculiar, so absurd that he wasn’t even sure it had happened. Only his aching cock and the tiny marks from Blaine’s teeth were there to remind him otherwise. Oh yeah, he was mad. Marking someone had a totally new meaning for him. He had to keep giving his bitch look to Blaine but truth to be told, it was pointless since Blaine was so hilariously gone that he had slipped on the floor and was holding his sides, in pain from laughing so hard.

“I’m… I’m sorry… so… so... so-so-sorry… K-Kurt…” Blaine tried to say between fits of laughter. Great, now he was even tearing up.

“Are you fucking serious right now, Blaine? Are you seriously laughing when you just mistook my cock for a snack?” Kurt asked incredulously.

Blaine seemed to calm down for a second, just long enough to get something out.

“No, but Kurt, I’m laughing at my own…. God, do you realize, I almost choked and then my stomach cried in hunger, and I bite your cock….?” And the man was gone again.

Only then did it hit Kurt. He understood that the horrible growl he heard was actually Blaine’s stomach begging for food and that it actually happened before Blaine had bitten him. Basically, as ridiculous as it sounded, Blaine almost gagged on Kurt’s cock but in some bizarre way, by some strange functionality in Blaine’s body, his stomach was the one to react and beg for something else to eat other than cock. Kurt wasn’t even sure that gagging and craving food were compatible like that, but he guessed that Blaine wasn’t normal.

Basically, Blaine’s stomach couldn’t refrain itself and made him dig into the only thing available, Kurt’s cock.

Once the realization sunk into Kurt’s brain, there was no restraint anymore. One second, his eyes were popping out of their sockets; the next, he was face first on the mattress, his laughter barely muffled.

It took more than 15 minutes for the two men to calm themselves again and it didn’t help that every time they looked at each other, they would go for another long fit. Eventually the laughter started to die down, albeit some giggles here and there, but neither of them had actually has something in between. Even when all there was left was big toothy smiles on their faces, neither spoke. They just kept looking at each other while Blaine raised himself from the floor and came to sit carefully on the edge of the bed and started massaging his back. Apparently, the fall had done quite some damage.

Kurt only raised a cocky eyebrow, still grinning, like he meant that Blaine had deserved it. Blaine smiled back, a little sheepishly this time, lightly blushing and lowered his head slowly, caught in the wrong.

“I have no idea what happened just now, Blaine, but let’s be clear. If it ever happens again, I will pull out your teeth one by one and I’ll make sure you’ll need a straw to feed yourself for the rest of your life.”  Kurt said finally.

Blaine raised his head but he could only see the amusement in Kurt’s eyes and without missing a beat, he nodded violently. Kurt seemed to think that was enough. He stood up from the bed, and went for the door, leaving a confused Blaine behind. As he reached it, he turned back, raising a perfect eyebrow.

“Are you coming or what? I think it’s best to feed you before that monster you call a stomach eats me whole alive next time, god forbid” He walked out.

Blaine was so astonished that he forgot for a second that he was supposed to follow him. He had expected everything from being thrown out of the apartment to being emasculated by Kurt but never in a million years, would he have expected that and only that. 

As he finally came out of his surprise and went to look for Kurt, he had only a thought in mind. Gosh, Kurt would never fail to surprise him.

He was in for a long bumpy road, roller coasters of emotions and surprises and he wanted to ride every single mother fucking one of them.

The sight that welcomed Blaine once he got out of the room could only be described in one word: epic. Or glorious, he supposed. Kurt was walking around the living room naked, his perfectly shaped butt facing Blaine, exposed in all its glory when the man would bend to pick up something from the floor since the area was pretty much still damaged. Kurt was skipping and jumping in order to not stab himself with all the glass on the floor like a fucking naked ballerina, just as gracious but so much more obscene. It was like a porn movie happening in front of Blaine’s eyes.

Suddenly, he started thinking of Lisa very strongly, trying to picture her naked in bed. He was trying to remember Finn’s mailman theory, but he could only picture the hot mailman back home in the bed with him and Kurt. Yeah, not such a good idea and apparently, he wasn’t the only one to notice.

“You can lower that flag right now, Mister. Little Blaine is not getting any for a long time.” Kurt had turned to stare at him, an evil grin on his face.

Even worse, Kurt was giving him his come hither eyes and Blaine knew that there was no way that he would ever consider having sex right now. He could still see the mark of his own teeth on Kurt’s… Damn it, Anderson, stop staring!

Kurt followed his eyes, and kept smirking as Blaine’s bothered attitude. He was actually having a lot of fun seeing Blaine try his best at controlling his now throbbing erection and failing miserably. An eye for an eye; a cock for a cock.

“That’s what you get for messing with me, Anderson,” laughed Kurt before going back to the room to put some of his clothes back on in an obscene shake of hips and ass.

Never mind what he said, that was one damn roller coaster Blaine was more than ready to get down off of.

Once Kurt came back clothed in his briefs and a long tee shirt, Blaine had finally managed to calm down. He had the plaid of the couch against his waist, and he was leaning against it, finally breathing normally.  Kurt looked at him, a questioning look on his face.

“You took care of that little job, Anderson? That was fast.”

“Well, I’ve discovered over the years that thinking about my wife’s friends in French lingerie and imitating a catwalk was the best turn off ever.”

Kurt let out a surprised giggle.

“Don’t ask.” Blaine continued quickly. “Let’s just say that since that day, I’ve never come home before calling first checking if the coast was clear”.

“I bet you did,” laughed Kurt.

He sighed then and went to kiss a surprised Blaine quickly on the cheek.

“I guess with all the drama this morning, I couldn’t give you a proper good morning kiss.”  He admitted a little sheepishly.

Blaine quickly recovered from his surprise at Kurt’s shy little gesture and he couldn’t take any more of his cuteness. He enveloped the man into a hug and dropped a small kiss in the crook of his neck.

“Good morning to you too, or should I say good night? You do realize it’s actually midnight, right?”

“I guess that’s what you get when you go to sleep in the middle of the afternoon,” sighed Kurt, dismantling himself from Blaine’s embrace. He hadn’t completely forgiven him or maybe he had and just wanted to be a bitch about it. He had only kissed him first because as much as he wanted to be mad at him, he couldn’t resist the man for too long. Blaine knew that too well. His little smile said it all.

“I believe you promised me a meal?” Blaine smirked.

“Come on, you giant monster. Let’s feed you.”

“Kurt, you should probably wear slippers or something. You might hurt yourself with all the debris.”

“No, it’s ok. I’m being careful. It actually reminds me of that scene from Mr. and Mrs. Smith. When they destroy the whole house and then have sex. It’s basically the same situation when you think about it.”

“Only I get to play Angelina Jolie.” Blaine said back with a wide smile.

Suddenly, Kurt forgot all about the food he was looking for in the fridge. He turned to look at Blaine and he was 17 again, forgetting their fight, their separation, everything. Blaine somehow had the same expression he had worn 8 years ago, only 100 times more powerful. All he could see now was not only the love he wore, but also the regrets. He had a lot to regret since then. It wasn’t about serenading a random guy at the Gap anymore. Blaine was blaming himself for so much more, nothing a dead bird could fix, and yet Kurt wasn’t seeing it this way. When he looked at Blaine like that, all those things didn’t matter, he realized. He just saw the man he loved and had always loved, no matter his flaws, no matter what had happened between them. At this precise moment, maybe so much stronger than all his previous realizations, it hit him like a ton of bricks. He would never be able to blame Blaine. Not then, not now. His flaws only made him love Blaine more and more. Why pretend be mad at him when he never really could be? Why waste time at games and shenanigans and pretending and making people hurt just for his own pleasure? It wasn’t worth it, not when Blaine was looking at him like that.

Kurt didn’t need to talk to Blaine to see that they were thinking the same thing. Not exactly the same thing, but just of the memory. When Kurt would answer, just like back then, Blaine would know that it would be ok. Nothing had changed or actually, it had changed but into something more. They had never been able to define it at that moment back then and they couldn’t now either. It was just the future and the future sounded fine.

“Deal.”

He didn’t need to look back to know that Blaine was smiling. He just knew so he kept looking for the bottle of juice. It would be fine one way or the other.

Kurt had finally managed to dig something out of the freezer and had put the macaroni and cheese into the oven for it to warm. In the meantime, they had both taken a glass of juice from the very few that were not broken and had settled themselves on the couch. Blaine changed into shorts and tee shirt snuggled on Kurt’s side. They were comfortable and waiting but mostly, they were everything but tired.

“I have a few ideas how to tire us out so we could go back to sleep,” proposed Blaine, his head resting against Kurt, who was playing lazily with his curls. Blaine loved the feeling of Kurt’s hand on his hair and it sent a shiver down his spine. He could only think again of one thing.

“Don’t even think about it Blaine. Don’t even. I’m still deeply marked and I mean that both literally and figuratively, thank you very much.”

“I’m sorry, Kurt. I really am.”

“Shh. It’s ok. I told you. I just don’t understand how that could even happen. When people gag, they actually open their mouth wide, not snap them shut,” chuckled Kurt.

“What can I say? I’m a freak of nature.” Blaine answered shyly, raising his head to look at Kurt.

Kurt let out a short laugh before quickly pecking Blaine on the noise.

“Yes, but it’s ok because you’re my freak.”

Blaine smiled widely and rested his head back on Kurt’s chest, humming contentedly just like a small kitty. Kurt couldn’t help laughing and tightening his grip around the man. God, he never wanted to leave that spot again.

“I wish I could just sleep here, if only I could sleep,” sighed Kurt.

“I’m sorry for waking you up. I thought we would… and you know be tired enough for…”

“I know, Blaine. It’s ok. We wouldn’t have slept a lot more in any case. Damn, we should have predicted it would turn out like this.”

“I don’t think we predicted a lot of what happened a few hours ago.”

“No, you’re right,” agreed Kurt.

“We didn’t have a chance to talk about it, Kurt. How do you feel about it?” Suddenly Blaine had stood straighter and was no longer in Kurt’s arms. He leaned against the arm of the couch and brought his knees to his chest. He was so much more serious than before. Kurt didn’t know what had brought this up suddenly but before he could ask or even try to answer Blaine’s question, the timer of the oven started beeping. He looked toward the kitchen, then back at Blaine, then back at the kitchen before Blaine chuckled and took him by the arm.

“It’s ok. I won’t go anywhere. Just go take out the food or it will burn. We can’t have that, can we? “

“God, no. I think that the only thing there is left to do to this place is for someone to burn it down. I’ll be right back.” Kurt hurried out to the kitchen, skipping and jumping like he was afraid Blaine might disappear if he didn’t came back quickly enough.

Blaine never would, though. He didn’t want to scare Kurt like that but he needed them to talk. He didn’t regret last night at all and he wanted to make sure Kurt didn’t either. Personally, he had never felt more alive, even more than their first time together. It was something else entirely. Their first time was perfect but it was perfect back then, when it was still new and fresh and life hadn’t made things so complicated. Yes, they had been through a lot at the time and yes, the fact that they had found each other in such an environment made it so powerful. What made last night was something else entirely. It was the fact that life had thrown so much more at them in the meantime, every challenge possible and when all was said and done, it still felt like the most right thing in the world.

Yes, it was maybe only sex but as they said, when you truly connect with someone in that pure moment of joy and pleasure, you lose your fear of death. A man in love doesn’t fear death. Blaine didn’t fear death or the future. Nothing had restrained him at that moment. Nothing else mattered. It could seem so cliché, so cheesy, but truth to be told, not a single other thought went through his mind that night except for his love for Kurt. If that wasn’t an assurance of how they were meant to be together then just condemn him now because he had no other idea how to convince the crowd.

He could shout it on the top of….. oh wait a second!

“I have a fucking genius idea!”

Maybe he had the best idea, but just to be on the same page again, let it be said again that Blaine Anderson doesn’t have the best timing. Far from it and that often hits Kurt.

Literally, hit him hard like when he hit his head against the door of the oven because Blaine had thought that the perfect moment to deliver his idea was to burst running into the kitchen and startle your lover by shouting unexpectedly while the other man had his head into the oven trying to pull out a plate of hot macaroni and cheese. Timing, Blainers, timing. It was everything in life.

Kurt seemed to agree.

“Fuck! It hurts!” Kurt shouted, massaging his head. The plate was still half out of the oven but he had forgotten completely about it. Instead he was looking at a sheepish Blaine with what he meant as his best bitch glare but once again the affect was oh so reduced by the fact that his brain seemed to have melted a bit. Damn, that thing was hot!

“I’m sorry, Kurt, I really am!” Blaine tried to apologize, blushing.

“Why? Just tell me why,” moaned Kurt in pain. Blaine went to the freezer and pulled out a pack of ice that Kurt put on his head. “Do you want to kill me? Is that it? Or do you simply enjoy torturing me slowly?”

Blaine stayed silent but threw him his famous puppy apologetic eyes and Kurt melted a little more. Damn that man! He was too cute, especially when he was like that; shy, blushing, standing awkwardly, fidgeting all over the place. How could one stay mad when he was being so cute? He made life so much more unexpected, so full of surprises.

There was never a dull moment with this one. Just like that, Kurt realized that he had missed Blaine so much. Before him and between him, his life was dull and meaningless and boring. He brought some life back with him; all the life and light Kurt had been missing all those years. That was the reason Kurt would never regret what had happened between them those few days and that night. He had never felt more alive.

Despite the pain on his skull, he smiled.

Blaine didn’t notice the smile right away because he was trying to get the rest of the plate out but once it was safely on the counter, he turned to see that Kurt was now seated and was looking at him with a loving look on his face. Blaine’s eyebrows shot up for a second at the sudden change but his whole face relaxed and he smiled back at Kurt.

“You’re impossible,” but the way Kurt said it, it just leaked of tenderness and more than a bit of teasing. “You’re like that cop in that movie, always at the wrong place at the wrong moment.”

“That’s Officer McClain and it’s in Die Hard.” Blaine responded, taking a chair next to Kurt.

“If you say so. Willis stopped being interesting once he lost all his hair.”

“I know you always love yourself a good handful of hair,” laughed Blaine, rubbing his head against Kurt’s chest.

“Oh my god. You’re a puppy, Blaine!” He patted Blaine’s hair nonetheless. Yes, he loved it, every curl of it.

Blaine let out a small yap to prove the point before shaking his head, his wild curls flying everywhere. Kurt burst into laughter. Mission accomplished.

“So, not to be annoying or anything, but forgive me for being skeptic about this genius idea of yours.”

Kurt almost immediately regretted going back to the original topic because it was like someone had switched a light switch inside Blaine, one that would make him go once again completely restless and giddy. It’s like he was dying to propose his idea to Kurt like it would win the fucking Nobel prize or something. Kurt would have really liked to have had some warning before being pulled to his feet by an over-excited Blaine and pushed straight into the living room. Blaine was on his tails after grabbing the plate and two forks.

“Blaine, just tell me what it is already!” Kurt huffed.

“You should wear some sweatpants, and… yes, a jacket. It’s kind of cold out there.” Blaine was already gone, vanished into their room to retrieve what he had just mentioned, not giving a minute for Kurt to express himself. Kurt he had a lot to say.

“BLAIIIINE! Wait a second! Out there? Where out there? Where are you taking me? I’m warning you, Mister, I’m not going anywhere on a Wednesday night at 1:30am with you! BLAAAINE, come the fuck back here!”

Blaine just took his time, not really caring about Kurt delivering his rant in the living room. When he finally emerged, he was clothed in sweat pants and a Dalton Hoodie and carrying some clothes for Kurt as well. What struck Kurt even more and shut him up for a moment was that he was dragging behind him the bed covers and some pillows.

Kurt’s mouth dropped open a second much to Blaine’s amusement before he finally pulled it together.

“Blaine, what the hell? What Genius idea is that again? Where do you think you are going with my bedding set?”

“Kurt…”

“No but seriously, do you plan to turn us into hobos and go sleep in the street in the middle of the fucking night?”

“Do you have a roof?” Of all the things Kurt had expected to come out of Blaine’s mouth, that was probably the last one on his list. He was so startled that he didn’t know what to say. He just looked at the other man, mouth open, a pretty dumb expression on his face.

Whatever Kurt might say, he could see the resemblance, for one, to his brother. It didn’t matter that Finn wasn’t his real brother, but Kurt had certainly had picked up some things from him. Not that Blaine would ever tell him that his dumb face could easily compete with Finn’s. No, he wasn’t that crazy, whatever Kurt may believe at the moment.

“Do you have a roof?” repeated Blaine, smiling after a few seconds of Kurt looking at him in a superb goldfish imitation.

Kurt didn’t talk but just moved his gaze to the ceiling and back to Blaine, his expression moving to something that Blaine could easily translate into those words: “But, my, is he stupid or what? Is he really serious?”

Blaine couldn’t help but chuckle. He quickly tried to regain his composure when he saw the look Kurt threw him. That was a known and acquired taste for Blaine. Not a sweet one, but he knew that he better talk.

“Not the roof above our heads, not the ceiling. I’m not that stupid…” but Kurt’s eyebrow begged to differ, “I mean as in a rooftop like the roof of the building.”

“Um, yeah,” answered Kurt, still totally lost. “I quite believe that every building has one and…”

Blaine finally saw the realization hit the other man.

“Wait! Wait! Do I think you are doing what you think you are doing?”

“It depends if…”

“There is no way I’m gonna go spend the night on the roof with you!” Kurt cut him off. “Do you realize it’s like minus a hundred degrees out there? We’re in April, Blaine, April! Not Indian summer!”

“That’s what the covers are for.” Blaine replied calmly.

“Blaine, why? Just tell me why? Why would go to the roof in the cold in the middle of the night?”

“Please, Kurt? Please? I promise you will love it.” Blaine gave him his famous puppy eyes and Kurt cursed himself again for never being able to resist those. He should definitely work on that. Turning his head away wasn’t enough. He could still feel Blaine’s gaze on him and as soon as he did, Blaine knew he had won. It didn’t stop Kurt from groaning a bit more.

“I just don’t see why we would go up there when we actually have a roof over our head right now.”

“Yes, but it’s a mess. Stop complaining, it will be fun! Live a little! Here, put that on and take the plate,” said Blaine, giving him the clothes. Kurt dressed himself, still cursing under his breath.

“I just don’t understand what you expect to find over there. There are not even stars to look at! We’re in New York for god’s sake! The only lights you can see at this ungodly hour are the one that shine over the low life women that work their shift in the neighborhood.”

Blaine just chuckled and grabbed all the covers, pushing a very reluctant Kurt toward the door. He was dragging his feet but Blaine knew that he had won. Kurt couldn’t say anything now that would change the events that Blaine had planned for the night. Or could he?

“Fine, the house is a mess, but not the bedroom.”

Blaine froze on the spot.

“What did you say?” he murmured, not sure if Kurt would hear him but he had. He turned slowly on his heels and looked at Blaine with what Blaine liked to call his bedroom eyes.

“I said, the bedroom is clear. We don’t even need those covers. We can leave all that here and we’ll be warm enough there. What do you think? Wanna pick up where we left off? Maybe you can even fuck me this time.” Kurt said slowly with his lowest voice, eyes deeply fucking Blaine who forgot how to swallow.

“How… how… about… the roof?” stuttered Blaine.

“No. You can fuck me here, not on the roof. Right here. In this room, against the wall if you want or over there, bent against the sofa. What you think, baby?”

To say that Blaine was breathing hard would be an understatement. It was like all of Blaine’s mind had short-circuited. It has been so long since he had seen Kurt talk like that or act so damn obscene. Actually, he had never heard him talk so dirtily ever. When they were together all those years ago, Kurt had always been a bit shy when it came to sex. Apparently, he had changed. Blaine should have figured it out last night but he was a bit distracted elsewhere. Blaine knew now. He saw it. God forgive him, but it was the best thing in this word. Kurt giving him these looks. Kurt speaking those words. Blaine just wanted to take him right here, right there, fuck him hard, and rough, and… everything Kurt had said. Everything…

… Just like Kurt said.

Kurt knew. He knew that between the two of them, Blaine had always been the hornier one, the kinkier one, the more sex driven one. He knew. Oh yes, he did. That’s why he had that stupid smirk on his lips, that jerk. He knew what kind of man Blaine was. Well, times change.

Two can certainly play at that game.

Blaine slowly started recomposing himself and as his breathing started returning to an even pace and a smile started composing on his face, he could see confusion spreading on Kurt’s face. There was doubt but mostly confusion, the confusion of a man not used to losing.

Two can play that game, Mr. Hummel.

Blaine suddenly launched into Kurt, who for a second thought that he had won. He started laughing and closed his eyes, ready to feel Blaine’s body pressed against his.

He was sure that this was it, that the rest of the night would be spent over the couch because he knew that was Blaine’s favorite position when he topped. The earlier confusion was nothing but his imagination. Blaine had that smile only because he was happy, eager to fuck him, the bastard. It’s so easy to manipulate this man, thought Kurt.

Indeed, so easy.

Blaine heard Kurt’s laugh and saw his eyes closing and he couldn’t help but feel victorious inside. Instead of launching into Kurt’s arms as the other man thought, he grabbed the plate in Kurt’s hands and turned back toward the door, opening it and rushing into the hallway. He had only a couple of seconds at most before Kurt would realize his feint, and would come running after him screaming for murder. He had to reach to elevator quickly and…

Oh, and then what exactly, Anderson? What is your genius master plan?

Damn, he should have thought this one further.

Kurt couldn’t believe what the hell just happened! Blaine had fucking screwed him over! He had fucking played with him and Kurt had let him. Kurt had fell into his trap. To be honest, Kurt had been the one who started the whole mind game but he would never admit that it was his own damn fault. Not when he would find Blaine and give him a piece of his mind. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do to him, only that a rooftop in the middle of the night opened the way to countless possibilities. Some were not that sane, but Kurt wasn’t really a sane man.

No man would be sane after having his cock chewed.

He would think of something. He always did. He grabbed the covers that Blaine had left behind and hurried outside.

“Damn you, Blaine Anderson! I hate you!” Kurt screamed after Blaine, following him into the corridor towards the elevator.

Only then did he realize that they were not alone and that his neighbor was actually in the hallway as well, probably coming back from a party since he wasn’t really walking straight, nor was the man by his side.

“Is everything ok over here?” asked the man. Kurt made a mental note in a back of his mind to ask him if he had always been gay or if he had just come out recently because frankly he was pretty sure he was the only openly gay in the building, believe it or not. It was a fact that his middle-aged neighbors liked to complain about behind his back. Well, looks like some of them were hiding in the closet too.

That could wait until tomorrow though because right now he was too busy running after Blaine who had just walked into the elevator with a victorious grin on his face.

He still took the time to shout back to the man with his neighbor.

“Rough night. Almost had my dick eaten by that jerk over there, but you know, nothing unusual in our world!”

Kurt reached the elevator and as he was about to start yelling at Blaine again and probably hit him on the head or something, they heard the voice of their neighbor’s “lover” from the other side of the corridor.

“Hey, just to be clear, I don’t do cannibalism. I didn’t sign up for that unless you wanna talk money again…”

Forget about lover.

Forget about killing each other.

Kurt looked at Blaine and a second later, they were both laughing hysterically.

The door of the elevator closed, lifting them up to the top floor, toward the rooftop and a sleepless night in Manhattan.

When the elevator’s doors opened at the 31st floor, both men were still giggling and Kurt had long forgotten about his murderous plans on the rooftop.

“Let’s just call it even, shall we?” said Blaine like he had heard Kurt’s thoughts as he stepped out of the elevator.

“3 times tonight. I feel like a beaten puppy,” groaned Kurt, a playful yet outraged expression on his face. Blaine just looked at him with a smirk and patted his arm with his free hand. 

“No. I’m the puppy. You’re the kitty.” They were now walking up the last steps toward the rooftop, Blaine leading the way and holding the plate of food while Kurt was following, groaning and pulling the bedding set behind him.

“That’s even worse. I’m supposed to be the smarter and more dignified one. I feel like a kitten forced into water.”

“Well, you do have the same outraged expression.”

“Suddenly, my plans about pushing you from the roof seem oh so legit. How about that outrage?”

Whatever Blaine planned to answer got caught in his throat as he finally pushed open the rooftop door and stepped outside. Every little thing seemed to vanish around him and nothing could reach him anymore. Not Kurt still bickering behind him, nor his pushy attempts to get Blaine out of the way so he could get through the door as well. Blaine was frozen on the spot, his eyes wide open and an astonished expression on his face. It was like a kid in front of a Christmas tree for the first time in his life, Kurt noticed when he could finally make his way out to stand next to the frozen man. He was just like a kid at Christmas looking at all the lights of the city in wonder. All of Manhattan was a sight and it was a splendid view for anyone who discovered it for the first time. There was a feeling of being lost in that gigantic island in the midst of all this organized chaos of those millions of lives trying to survive in a small land. Those lives were packed into those skyscrapers, defying the sky, defying gravity, always trying to reach higher just like their inhabitants. They tried to reach higher, reach further just like their lights. Always further, always higher.  Reach the sky. Hide the stars. Enlighten their own stars, those billboard stars, those people that had already reached the top and that everyone looked at, head raised in awe and envy. They became goals to reach, to achieve. It was the American dream in an island.

Just like that Christmas tree with the superb ornaments on the front, it had a hidden face. There was a face where all the lights were broken, the branches too weak to hold anything. There was a weak face of the city and Blaine could turn around and see it too. It was a part of the city that was enlightened too, but the light was different. People saw it differently, both people living there and people living elsewhere. They all know that the light there is different because the packed people there fear the light. They break the light. They don’t raise their heads to the faded billboards. They close their eyes and imagine something else. Just like that city, there is nothing to expect, nothing to imagine and so the lights dim slowly, slowly, and the heads raise and people come out.

Blaine could see all that; the dimmed lights and the powerful ones, the billboards and the stars, the skyscrapers and the people in them, under them, the people raising their heads to them and those who just went through, toward other horizons, toward the dimmer lights, towards what Blaine couldn’t see, and wished to never see, like so many others, the pitch black.

Just like a kid, he wished he only had to see the front face. He didn’t suspect anything else, just the polished, lightened face of the tree, of the city.

Christmas.

Manhattan.

Kurt was looking too. He really was. When Blaine turned to look at him, he saw that he wore the same look filled with wonder, the same wide eyes, that same 5-year-old-child-in-front-of-a-Christmas-tree expression, that same hope for the world, the same dreams of reaching higher and of shining brighter.

Kurt felt so lost at the same time; lost in a sea of people, of lights, lost on an island of dreams and fallen stars.

Blaine just turned his gaze toward the sky, way above the city lights and past the clouds that obscured their lives. There was nothing to see. There were no stars, just pitch black. They stars had fallen and no one had taken the time to pick them up, too absorbed in those other billboard stars, material stars.

They never raised their heads a bit higher, too sacred to see something that would make them feel any smaller, smaller than the one in a few million persons on an island, too afraid to look at something they would not comprehend, something they were sure they would never be able to reach. They just ignored those stars because they didn’t know. They put brighter lights so they would hide them if they ever raised their heads a bit too high. They would hide forget about the menace, that unknown menace.

There were those who could shine enough to stay visible. They saw them. They took the sky for what it was really. Their finitude is there, above them always. They didn’t have to raise their heads to see that it was waiting for them. Every day they could feel it drawing closer and feel it in their soul. It was there and they would never be able to avoid it.

They would never take the time to just stop a second and look at it. They would tell you that they were oh so aware of it already with just enough fear.

The rest didn’t have time, too busy to follow the shining lights, too scared to stop and see that they have no control over their lives after all, no control whatsoever.

Kurt had never stopped to look at it. Not during his time in New York, not on this shameless, pitiless island. Back then in Ohio, he looked at it. He had seen the stars as a promise for the future but not since. He was afraid to look at it and not see the stars; just the pitch-black sky, his pitch-black life, alone and lost, and with no control whatsoever over it.

Now he was looking and truth to be told, it wasn’t that scary.

Not when he had laid the covers on the floor and rested on top of them with Blaine at his side. Not when Blaine was holding his hand and pressing his side against his. Not when Blaine’s breath was soothing his own. Not when there was Blaine.

He could look now and even if he didn’t see the stars, even if he had no idea what was behind those clouds, what that dark sky meant, it was ok. It was even…

“Beautiful,” whispered Kurt.

It was the first words that either of them had said in a long time. They had stayed so long looking at the sky standing, sitting, sometimes eating a bit of the cooling dish, but their eyes never really left the sky and the surroundings. After a while, they had put the plate away and arranged the covers on the floor with the cushions all over them. Kurt had lain there, followed with Blaine, draped next to him and still not talking. They didn’t need to, really. They were too busy thinking, talking to themselves and reflecting on their lives. The Christmas feeling had long disappeared but they were not scared, not disappointed. They were just ok, at peace.

It was a first for both of them, a first time again. It was a time where all the planning, the reaching, the struggling wasn’t really important. It didn’t seem that big suddenly. It was a strange but beautiful feeling.

“Yes. Beautiful,” repeated Kurt, his voice a bit stronger. For the first time in a long time, he turned to look at Blaine, to _really_ look at Blaine. As if the other man had known it all along, he turned too and their gazes met in the middle, forgetting all about the sky just like that. It was quick but wasn’t that the point of it all? We realize that some things are out of our reach, our understanding, and focus on what we could comprehend, what we knew, what really mattered.

We could focus on _who_ really mattered, those people that you’re not afraid to look at the sky with and to share how lost really you are. Those people who understand your vulnerability and share their own, just together.

“You are beautiful,” responded Blaine, his voice not higher than a murmur.

He leaned in to kiss Kurt quickly on the lips, just a quick peck, and turned back to look at the sky.

“I missed this. Looking at the sky, like this with you, like when we were 17 in your backyard in Ohio,” remembered Blaine. “When we looked at the stars and for us, it was a promise for the future. You looked at the stars and you imagined it was New York waiting for you.”

“I remember. Who knew that New York wasn’t in the stars? That it didn’t have stars, as a matter of fact?” Both men chuckled.

“I don’t mind. Really, it’s not important that we can’t see them because I know they’re still there. And if they’re not, so what? I don’t really need them now. They might or might not be. It doesn’t change what I feel now.”

Kurt turned to look at Blaine in awe and he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, what Blaine was saying. He just couldn’t understand. Blaine was basically saying something that he had never heard anyone say; that he was living the present moment and that was it. Whatever could be, whatever would happen in the future, in the next second, whatever was, it didn’t matter. What mattered, what needed to be lived was right there, right now.

Kurt didn’t realize how much Blaine had changed until this moment and how much he had matured. It just made him fall in love all over again. He was rare, he was precious, and Kurt would be a fool to ever let him go. Kurt promised himself at this instant to work all of his life to change everything bad in him and to never screw things up again. He would get better because Blaine was better. Blaine was worth it.

“I didn’t realize…” started Kurt, suddenly standing straighter to lean his back against the wall.

Blaine was confused at the sudden change. He wasn’t sure what he had said to make Kurt look so unsure but just a quick glance at Kurt made him realize that he hadn’t screwed up everything. That was probably a first.

He went and sat next to Kurt, almost curled up at his side and asked him.

“You didn’t realize what?”

“I don’t know,” began Kurt hesitantly. He looked at Blaine, who encouraging him with his eyes to say whatever he needed to say, and so he picked up again, his voice stronger this time. “I just realize that you have grown so much, that you changed so much. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing,” he quickly added when he saw Blaine’s worried look, “I’m just saying that right now, next to you, I really feel 17.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that those 5 years apart made you stronger, made you a real man. You’re no longer a boy. You changed. For the better, just to be clear. You matured. You are deeper than before.”

“That’s what he said!”

“Oh, fuck you!” Kurt couldn’t help but laugh, poking at Blaine’s sides as he was snickering at him. “I’m actually serious right now.”

“Sorry, sorry, but it was too easy.”

“Just like you baby.”

“I thought we proved earlier that I wasn’t, as much as you want me to be.”

“Hmph.”

“I’m sorry baby, but it’s so easy to tease you, especially when you don’t have your usual wit activated. A man’s gotta take advantage of every little moment he gets.”

“Just like when you bit me? I’m pretty sure you damaged me back there. My second brain must be truly more connected to my first one than I originally thought.”

“Right baby, just keep making excuses. Truth is you just lost your bitch power and you have to deal with it.”

Kurt just looked at him, mouth open, desperately trying to say anything back, but Blaine just laughed at him, poking at his sides this time.

“You broke me, you bastard,” groaned Kurt, feigning anger but he couldn’t keep a straight face with Blaine smiling at him like that, his whole face beaming and his eyes shining. He smiled back and dropped his face, burying it in the crook of Blaine’s neck with a sigh. Blaine let out a small giggle and put his arms around the other man’s waist, pulling him closer and closing his eyes. He just breathed his smell in for a few seconds while Kurt was leaving small kisses on his neck here and there, just little pecks but enough to send shivers along Blaine’ spine. It felt good, like heaven.

All too soon, Kurt pulled back from his neck and just rested his head on his shoulder. They fitted perfectly like they always had.

“What I meant,” said Kurt after a while, “is that you’ve really grown up and that I feel like I’ve just been 18 all along, never changed since the day we moved to NY.”

“What do you mean? You have changed so much! You have started your own fashion company! You just pulled together your first Broadway show! It takes a lot of growing up to do that! You freakin’ manage dozens of people every day!”

“Yeah, maybe on a professional level and yet I’m not really sure what I’m doing.”

“But…”

“No, listen to me. I’m right.”

“You always are.”

“No, really. I’m serious Blaine. I don’t know how to explain it and I’ve never really thought about it but now that I see you, I realize that you have changed so much, grown so much and I didn’t really.” They both turned their heads to look at each other.

“I haven’t grown that much…”

“What I mean is that period with Lisa, no matter how painful it might have been, no matter what a lie you thought you were living, it forged you. It really did. You’ve grown emotionally when I didn’t. I feel like I’m the same 18 year old that I was. Truthfully, I think it’s because I’ve never really taken the time to stop and think about it. I’ve been running through life all those years. Those 5 years went by so fast. Even back then, during those 2 years when we were together, we were so busy trying to work things fast that I’ve never taken the time to just stop and think. I’ve worked, but never worked on me emotionally. It doesn’t matter that I’ve dated countless men. Well, not _dated_ , because that’s it. I didn’t date. I’m sorry to say that to you, but it’s never been about feelings, just sex. I’ve screwed countless men. Even after, when I started “dating”, I never really committed to it. I just did it. I don’t know if you understand but I just feel that I’ve never really took the time to stop and think about what it meant. I’ve never really changed how I did things. I just did them. I didn’t learn anything. I just made the same mistakes, again and again. Even in my work, I just went at it head first. Never raising to see what was above, never stopping.”

Blaine didn’t know what to say to that. He was pretty sure Kurt didn’t need an answer or a solution. He just needed someone to listen to him, and again Blaine was sure it was the first time he talked about it to anyone. It was the first time there actually was anyone he could talk to about it and it was the first time he had opened enough to not only someone else but to himself and thought about his insecurities. He had insecurities even in matters that people were sure he was rocking. His work was his pride, everything he had achieved. He wasn’t trying to reconsider everything he had done. Blaine knew he was really sharing all the fears he’d had over the years; when he thought he would never make it, when he had been hurt, cheated on, again and again and again, when there was no one to talk to, when Blaine wasn’t there, when he couldn’t come back after a hard day and just bury himself in his lover’s arms and just cry. Blaine would have let him cry, never asking him anything unless he was sure Kurt would want to talk about it. Kurt would want to. He would because Blaine had always been the only one he could talk to, even more than his dad. He was the only one he could open up to just like he was doing now.

Blaine hadn’t been here, but he was here now. He was listening now, better late than never. Listening to Kurt, Blaine realized that Kurt had feared that never.

Blaine had feared it at first, but something had changed along the way and he didn’t fear the never anymore. Suddenly, he had hope. He knew why and he knew what Kurt was talking about. He told him that.

“You know, sometimes, I used to lie down in my backyard back in Boston and look at the sky. To be honest, it used to scare the hell out of me. I was thinking about you and wondering where you were. I just felt lost, totally and completely lost. Those were the first days of my marriage with Lisa.”

“And what changed?” asked Kurt with caution. It’s like he already knew and feared the answer because it would bring back so many other concerns and questions in his life. Soon enough, there it was.

“Dianna.” Yep, Kurt knew it. “I don’t know how but having Dianna on my side, looking at the sky with me changed that. I don’t know how to explain it, but it made things ok. I wasn’t so scared anymore.”

Blaine had been talking so naturally that he hadn’t thought about he was saying exactly. He didn’t realize until he had stopped. He wanted to slap himself. He had basically just told Kurt that he hadn’t been so important anymore when he had had a daughter. Gosh, what an idiot! That’s not what he had meant, but it was too late. He was too afraid to look at Kurt now, but he had to make sure he was ok and make him understand that he had never stopped thinking about him. It’s just… what was it really?

When Blaine looked at Kurt, he didn’t know what to say anymore because even if Kurt had tears in his eyes, he was still smiling. In that strange smile, it was like he was part of a secret, like he knew what Blaine was talking about and yet he didn’t. Blaine didn’t expect that.

“I understand, Blaine. I really do.”

“That’s not what I meant. I… Kurt… you… always meant…” Blaine started to ramble but Kurt just shushed him with a quick kiss and started talking again to a flabbergasted Blaine.

“I know you always cared about me. I know, don’t worry. I know you’ve always loved me. I know.” Blaine was relieved that Kurt knew, but he didn’t understand how.

“Blaine, when I said that you’ve matured, that’s exactly what I meant. You can’t explain it but I can. Dianna. Now, I can’t explain it any better but we both know that becoming a father changed you a lot. It made you see things with different eyes, with grown up eyes and from a different angle. It’s something that I haven’t reached yet. You changed. Being a father made you something so much more and the best thing is that you don’t even realize it. But I do. Seeing you now and seeing you with your daughter just makes me love you more because that’s just you but with something more. I’m sorry if I’m not making any sense.”

“No, I understand. And thank you.”

“For what?”

“Understanding.”

“I might be biased.”

“How come?”

“Lately… I…” Kurt wasn’t sure if he wanted to share this, but one look at Blaine made all his doubts disappear. If he wasn’t going to tell Blaine, what was then point at all of having dreams? “Lately, I started thinking about it. I think perhaps I’ve realized that I needed more in my life. I guess I’ve been figuring out slowly that I haven’t changed that much or maybe not at all. In any case, I’ve been craving more. I’ve been craving paternity. I’ve been thinking about having a kid.”

If Blaine was expecting something, that was definitely not it. It hit him hard, how close Kurt really was to moving on, to starting a real life and beginning something else away from Blaine’s memory just like Blaine had done. He had never forgotten about Kurt. He still had hope somehow but Kurt had been to the point to where he had given hope, to the point where he wanted to find a partner and start a family.

It was stupid really, but Blaine couldn’t help but feel betrayed. That was really obnoxious when he himself had a family but he just didn’t think Kurt could. I mean, he had seen how Kurt was with his relationships. Use and toss. Apparently, he was wrong. What else was he wrong about then?

Kurt saw Blaine’s expression change from surprise, to anger, to hurt and he didn’t understand why. He couldn’t begin to comprehend why Blaine would react like that. What a phony he was when he had his own family! Kurt had promised himself he wouldn’t get mad anymore without getting any explanations first so he tried to breathe evenly, as hard as it was, and locked his eyes on Blaine’s.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just thought… I didn’t think you were ready to start a family.” Blaine said with caution, feeling like he was walking on eggshells or a mine field.

“Why?” Kurt’s eyes narrowed in anger but he tried to keep his voice even.

“I mean… I saw… I know… your relationships with men, and I’ve witnessed… I mean… Adam… I hadn’t… you know the feeling you were ready for a relationship… I’m sorry… but…” The longer Blaine was talking, the more he realized that Kurt wasn’t really listening to him anymore. Actually, Kurt had seemed to reach an understanding that Blaine wasn’t sure he got and he was even pretty amused. Maybe not amused, but definitely no longer angry. Blaine was so baffled that he thought he better shut up and let Kurt explain.

“Oh! I’m sorry, Blaine. You thought that… that I was ready to settle down with a man and all.”

“Well, yeah…”

“Didn’t the tale of my multiples mistakes and failed relationships teach you better?”

“But…oh!” Finally, Blaine caught on. It was almost cute to see how long it had taken him and Kurt couldn’t help a chuckle. “Oh, you want to do it alone?”

“Yes.” Kurt confirmed. “I had resigned myself to the fact that relationships were definitely not my thing and I didn’t a man in my life to do whatever I wanted. I wanted, well, still want I suppose, a kid and I should get it even if I didn’t have a man in my life. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy being a single father, gay on top of it all, but I really started to think about it. That is until you came along.”

Blaine was at loss again. He had no idea what to answer to that, how to feel about it. He knew the response that Kurt was waiting for wasn’t for him to feel guilty or anything, so what was it? Despite everything, all Blaine could feel was guilty. He felt guilty because he had promised one day they would have a kid together, a family. Now Blaine had his daughter, his no matter what a stupid DNA test said, and Kurt wanted a kid. He had even renounced having a man in his life. He just wanted to have a child. Whatever it was meant to mean, Blaine couldn’t help but feel sad, especially now that he realized what he had said earlier to Kurt when he said that Dianna had changed everything.

“I’m sorry… Kurt, I…” He wanted to say so much more, but there was nothing really to say. Kurt knew it. He wasn’t mad at him. He wasn’t anything at him. He was smiling. He was smiling a sad little smile, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears, and that was it. Blaine couldn’t do anything about it, couldn’t say anything right now.

So as usual whenever things got too heavy and there was nothing to do about it, Kurt would have the same reaction.

“I thought about artificial insemination, but if you keep doing what you’re doing and eating my cock like that, I’m not sure there will be anything left to inseminate with.”

Kurt would laugh it off.

Blaine would laugh or at least pretend to laugh.

Something had changed since those times because Blaine had moved on, had changed, and it would be harder for him to pretend. Kurt was trying to move on, to grow up, and his jokes were harder to tell.

They both knew it but they both knew that there was nothing to do about that at the time, nothing at all. Blaine still had a daughter, lost somewhere in the lights of the city. Kurt still didn’t have one but wanted one. God, did Blaine want to give it to him! He really wanted to but the timing was the worst ever. Kurt was right.

It didn’t stop him from wanting it, from want that someday soon. He would give everything to Kurt and much more.

When he lay back, looking at the sky, that’s exactly what he was thinking about and looking forward to.

Kurt was lying down too next to him, his head resting on Blaine’s heart. Blaine’s arms were encircling him as if he was trying to protect him, to soothe him, but some things can’t just be soothed.

It was a weird sensation, one that Blaine had never felt before looking at the sky. He was so rested, so confidant with Kurt draped over him in his arms, a long lost dream finally found and yet a persistent questioning. The sky was hiding some mysteries that he craved to unravel.

Just like Kurt at his side, he was a little bit afraid of the future, of what was above his head that he couldn’t reach yet and that he couldn’t see yet.

The sky looked bittersweet tonight.


	19. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

 

Cold. Hard. Sore. Somewhere in his subconscious, Kurt’s brain must have picked up those 3 words. Or, rather, those 3 sensations. He wasn’t sure what brought it on. He wasn’t even awake. Yet. But he knew already about 3 things: cold, hard, and sore. He wasn’t even sure what was hard, or cold or sore. But as he was slowly regaining some consciousness, that’s what stuck to him. And screams. Yes, definitely screams. Ass odd, as it was. He wasn’t even hearing people scream. Actually he wasn’t hearing anything yet but his brain seemed to have picked up screams. And heavy. Definitely heavy.   
Maybe he could just let all those words go and drift again to his definitely heavy sleep. But wait, it wasn’t that kind of heavy that his brain seemed to take notice of. Nope, a different kind definitely. Pressing on his chest. And the more the thought about it, the more he realized that it was actually painful. He even had a hard time breathing. And oddly enough, his back hurt. What was the relation between those 2 information, he had no idea. But his brain, or rather, his subconscious must have thought it was important enough to mention them together. Heavy breathing and back pain. Maybe he caught pneumonia. Maybe...   
He couldn’t focus suddenly. He couldn’t focus on the other words or sensations because the screams seemed to have gotten his whole focus. He wasn’t even sure he had decided that himself. But he must have, because suddenly there wasn’t anything but screaming and yelling, and… words. Yes, they were definitely words. Kurt shouldn’t have been surprised because yelling involved words but this felt just so real. He couldn’t quite place those words though. It was like a fuzzy, cloudy curtain was separating them from his brain. They were there but he couldn’t see. Or hear.   
He was about to give up. He just wanted to shut those words out of his brain, when suddenly one of them became clearer. As if he could almost see it. It started to become clearer, as much as he didn’t want to. And heavier. And colder. All those words become real sensations. Things he could feel. And he could hear. He could now place the yelling. And they were mostly yelling one single word. Over, and over again. And soon enough, his somewhat conscious state picked up with his subconscious and he heard it, loud and clear. Finally.

“SIR!”, And Kurt finally opened up his eyes.  
There he was, the screaming man, in overalls, that couldn’t keep his mouth shut and for a reason or the other, found it very important to wake up Kurt at any rate, and… yes, he was still talking, and Kurt, in his still sleepy state, didn’t seem to take in a lot of it. Why wouldn’t he just let them sleep. Them? Kurt hadn’t even registered the them, but somehow he knew there was a them involved. And it was a heavy them. Or… oh for the love of god, if the other guy could just shut up so he could focus!

“what’s going on?” Kurt finally managed to say. Or he intended to say. Because if the sudden confused look on the overall man was any indication, he probably didn’t make a lot of sense. “Who are you?” There. It was finally a phrase, not some mushy words put awkwardly together. 

“who are YOU?” answered back the man, looking suddenly furious.   
Seriously, thought Kurt, not right now. He wasn’t in the mood for playing “knock knock games or whatever. His brain thought suddenly at the next best question. 

“What are you doing here?” Because, yes, it was legit question. What the hell was doing that man in his room, and god, why was it so damn bright and…

“ME? What are You doing here?” responded immediately the man without missing a beat.   
Wow, ok, this was annoying. Why was this idiot repeating every single of his words. Maybe he was dreaming after all. Maybe it was his subconscious way to deliver him a message. Fine, either way, he would answer. 

“I live here.” Said Kurt as a matter-of-factly. 

“Stop messing with me!” Ok, the guy looked now positively furious. He should probably calm himself, or a heart attack was probably on his way. Kurt was about to tell him as much, when the other man picked up again. “Are you seriously telling me you’re living on the fucking roof?!! Fuck, I really don’t have the time to deal with crazy hobos on top of it all!”

Hobos! How dare he! Kurt was just about to deliver him with one of his infamous bitchy comebacks, and thank god he felt his wit come back from last night events, and…wait.

Last night.

Roof.

Cold. Cold floor.

Bright. Bright because there are outside.

Sour, because they had been sleeping outside on the hard cold floor. Of the damn hard roof.

And bright. Bright because it was damn morning.

And confused, angry, overall man, who was probably the janitor of the building who had just found two guys sleeping on the hard cold floor on the building roof.

Two guys. Blaine and him. Blaine who was sleeping practically on top of him, his head resting on Kurt’s chest, heavy. And that pressed on his already sore back

Oh. OH! Oh! Oh! Oh! 

OH FUCK! 

“Oh fuck!” Oh, Blaine was awake too. 

Surely, he was, since Kurt, as realization dawned upon him, stood up in a swift movement, effectively knocking out Blaine on the side, and making him hit his head on the hard floor. Oh fuck indeed, but as long as Kurt was concerned, and no severe damages were done, it was only payback for all he put him through the previous night. He could look at him all he wanted with that offended puppy-like look on his face, Kurt couldn’t care less at the moment. Because frankly, the janitor has just caught them in a very awkward and truly mortifying position, and if the look of his face could be any more clear, probably stupid too. 

“Sorry, I… we… didn’t meant to…” stammered Kurt, in a very non-bitchy way that impressed no one, “ I mean we aren’t hobos. We live here. Well I do… I am…”

“Yeah, Hummel. I know. ” groaned the janitor. Fred, suddenly remembered Kurt. “What are you doing here?”

“Hum… we were watching the stars…” yeah, he shouldn’t probably have said that. That raised eyebrow on the janitor face could have competed with one of his best. And Kurt couldn’t just have someone judge him like that. So he put the same expression on his face, and turned to Blaine. Poor, confused Blaine, who was just massaging his head, because fucking hell, it really hurt, and raised his head to see one perfect eyebrow looking down on him, and goddamnit, who the hell the hairy brushy other eyebrow was, and why was he judging him again? Why did he do again? 

The eyebrow in overall eventually sighed “Just go out of there. You’re not even supposed to be here, star seeing or not… “ 

“that’s your fault” shot him back Kurt, which Blaine could have probably agreed on, if it wasn’t for the fact that the pain is his head was dissipating letting the place to an other way, situated way below, around the area of his ass. There was no way he could feel guilty when his ass was on fire, after being fucked so hard on the floor, and then sleeping on an other hard cold floor. There was no way he could admit to Kurt that his own idea was so stupid when he could just have fucked him over the couch like Kurt had suggested it. Ok, maybe he deserved the eyebrow. The eyebrow that didn’t even look at him right now and was trying to detangle from the covers on the floor as best as he could, and keeping in the same time some kind of deaf conversation with the guy in overalls. Blaine was really paying attention, trying himself to remove his ass from this torturous floor. Maybe he should have. Maybe he should have heard when Kurt asked about the time and when the janitor, Fred, the janitor was named Fred, told him it was way past 9, in a exasperated tone.  
He should have because then he would have predicted Kurt jumping up suddenly on his feet, dragging the covers with him, and effectively sending back Blaine on the floor, ass first. Again. 

When he finally succeeded to stand back up on his feet, hissing in pain, and massaging his ass with his right hand, he faced himself with a very judgmental eyebrow in overalls, Kurt’s perfect one long gone, running toward the apartment, dragging covers and cushions, leaving behind him an echo of swear words and other lovely yells.

“Idiotas” muttered one last time the brushy eyebrow, and left him here standing dumbly, alone, before going through the door Kurt has jus disappeared through. 

It didn’t require a master in Spanish to understand what he had just said. And Blaine could only agree. And Kurt would have probably agreed to. And he probably would as soon as Blaine would gather up the courage to face him.   
He definitely wasn’t looking forward to that.   
Idiot. 

Eventually, Blaine decided on following behind Kurt, grabbing whatever was left of cushions, and dish recipients on the floor, and running back down the stairs. Actually it had more to do with the fact that he was insanely cold and uncomfortable on that rooftop, and less with the fact that he had gathered enough courage to face Kurt’s wrath. No, for that, there was nothing that could be done. And he realized how much Kurt was really pissed once he arrived on the floor hallway, and saw that a neighbor of Kurt had came out to see what the commotion was about. Things were said, to which Kurt simply answered, with a big and loud : “Oh fuck you!”, and a slamming door. Yeah, it was very bad. 

Blaine waited until the old guy stopped scoffing, and closed the door of his own apartment, to follow behind Kurt. He didn’t anyone else judging and yelling at him, this morning, thank you very much. Luckily the door hadn’t been closed, just banged very hard, and Blaine, very much like a child, he realized it, got his head through first. Ok, maybe he was being a bit tad ridiculous. But it was Kurt we were talking about, and frankly who could blame him for not wanting to open the door and find himself face to face with that perfect but dangerous eyebrow. Fortunately, the entry was clear, so Blaine got in, and closed gently the door behind him. Gently, trying to do as little noise as possible.  
Ok, he was definitely being ridiculous. He should just face the wrath right now, and move on. Try to move on. Survive at least. With as little casualties as possible. He took a deep breath and got into the living room. Kurt, surely enough, was there. 

Currently, he looked a bit preoccupied though. He was trying to kick the covers on the floor, as if they were very repulsive animals that were trying to attack him, and honestly it wasn’t doing any good. He was furious, and uncoordinated, and did I mention, furious, because with all the yelling, and kicking, and mad gestures, it only led to him falling backwards on the couch, in a very awkward mess of limbs and covers, headfirst.   
Which in retrospective could have been a great deal laugh for Blaine, but right now, he was anything but amused. He was the one who would have to help him from that mess, and face his anger, and frustration, which could only have increased more. Not a matter of laughter, definitely not. 

After a few seconds of pondering his options, Blaine finally sighed and went to help his lover. Very carefully, very slowly, with the patience that Kurt couldn’t have mastered, he detangled limbs and covers, and removed the whole bed setting from Kurt. Kurt, who regained some of his equilibrium, and at Blaine’s surprise, just sighed and turned around to seat properly on the couch, his eyes full of something that looked like, almost like, regrets and shame. Wait, what? 

“I just mad a big fool of myself, didn’t I?” asked Kurt with a sheepish smile. 

Blaine just kept looking at him, taken aback. He had expected anything but that. Everything but Kurt calming down, and being rational. He wasn’t sure what to expect anymore from that man.  
Kurt seemed to realize it though, and a light blush appeared on his cheeks and he bowed his head sheepishly. “I’m sorry I freaked you out, and yelled at you and run and…”

Suddenly, a pair of lips shushed his freak out. Blaine couldn’t hold it anymore and had kissed him. And Kurt could only shut up and respond. Not that he was reluctant at all, but he just hadn’t expected it. Maybe it was about time any of them grasped the idea to next expect anything from each other. Not in moments like that anyway.

“Well, good morning to you” whispered Blaine, against his lips. Kurt giggled in a way that never failed to cause butterflies in Blaine’s stomach.

“Good morning to you too.” Kurt kissed him again. Quickly. Sweetly. “I’m sorry about everything I…”

“Don’t” Blaine cut him, put a single finger on his lips. Kurt kissed him once, like from a habit, before looking at Blaine, those perfect eyebrows conveying all his confusion. Blaine couldn’t help but smile wider and kiss him again, this time on his noise, before finally replying.

“Don’t apologize. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have dragged us there in the first place last night.”

“I shouldn’t have lost my temper either.” Replied Kurt, still adamant about his burst out. 

“You still surprise me.” said Blaine as matter-of-factly.

“I’m sorry?” 

“I said you still surprise me. I was ready to face all the wrath of whatever Kurt Hummel could muster”, before Kurt could hide his face in his hands, Blaine took them and entangled their fingers together, and rested them on either side of his own face. Kurt couldn’t help but look at him in the eyes, and frankly what a sight. Both of them got lost in it for a few seconds, before Blaine spoke again.  
“I told you once that you always zig when I think that you’re about to zag. Well, you did it again. You still do it after all this time. I loved it back there and I love it more if possible right now. I love you.”   
He quickly caught the forming tears in Kurt’s eyes before he leaned forward and kissed him again. Not long though, but still longer than before. Still sweeter. And Kurt’s answer was stronger. It wasn’t a heated kiss but it was still passionate. Full of recognition, and memories, and something like abandon. But they couldn’t get too lost either. Because there was still a lot to do. To built. And Kurt knew it. And Blaine knew it.

Blaine broke it first but it was Kurt who spoke the first words.   
“I love you too.”   
“Good” smiled Blaine.

“Thank you”. Continued Kurt

“For what?” It was Blaine’s turn to arch those perfect triangular eyebrows. 

“For everything. For keeping me sane. For last night. For this morning. For everything, really.” 

“My pleasure. Literally it was my pleasure last night”.   
Kurt burst into laughter and Blaine couldn’t help but beam back, a bit smug even. It was ok. There were gonna be ok. All the worries about last night being a mistake that the both had, even though well hidden, vanished just like that. Sure, they would have to talk more about it, at some point. About everything really. What they are. What it means for Kurt. For Blaine. What are they gonna do about it. But not right now.   
Right now Kurt is late. He really is. But it’s Blaine who breaks their kiss first. Because he knows that Kurt still feels guilty eve if Blaine doesn’t see it that way. So he breaks the kiss. And sure enough…

“I wish I could…” start to say Kurt, fidgeting in Blaine’s arms. Because yes, somehow, they ended up in each other arms, even though Blaine couldn’t have told you when it happened. But it didn’t matter. He had to let go now. So he did. He leaned back and let Kurt free.

“I know, you’re late. I’m sorry for keeping you more”.

“Don’t.” and it’s Kurt’s turn to shush him. “Don’t ever apologize for keeping me. Never”. 

Blaine just smiles at the choice of words and kiss Kurt’s knuckles. Actually it feels like he’s chasing after them, because suddenly, it’s all about the rush again. The sweet interlude is over and Kurt is talking too fast again, and he’s moving, and running, and it’s all a blur to Blaine. 

“I’m sorry Blaine, but it’s just that I’m so fucking late. Oh my god, it’s almost 10. Damnit.” Blaine decides to sit down on the couch, moving the covers on the other side, in a pile he would surely have to take care of later, but not right now. Right now, he just looks at Kurt whose talking a mile an hour, and running around, and really, he’s not accomplishing much. 

“Kurt, calm down, baby. Breath”. And oddly enough, Kurt hears him and stop. Well, he’s not walking anymore. He’s all over the place, but he’s not moving. He even takes a quick breath and even though, he’s still stressed, a small smile appears on his face.

“Keeping me sane. That’s what I was talking about” breaths Kurt. 

Blaine just smiles. “Now, just pick up from the start. What do you have to do. And more importantly what can I help you with?”  
Ok maybe this wasn’t the best idea. Making Kurt think about all he has to do, but the man has to move on somehow.

“I need to moisturize. Oh, god, my face must look like hell right now. I haven’t even done my routine since god knows when. And shower! A shower yes! I feel so dirty. Shower is good. Maybe I should start with that before moisturizing. And clothes. Oh fuck, clothes! I need to call Leila, god only knows if anyone still works in that thing. I was awful to all of them yesterday. I need to apologize, also to her and Jeff, and… and …oh, fuck!” Kurt, too engrossed in his rambling, hadn’t seen one of the debris on the floor and had tripped over it, almost breaking his neck in the process. Fortunately, he caught himself on the side of the kitchen counter before falling down. Blaine stoop up quickly in panic to help him but he quickly realized that he wasn’t needed when Kurt started mumbling again.

“And this! I need to take care of this damn mess. Like I didn’t have enough things on my fucking mind, I need to clear this space, and probably buy new stuff, which frankly I don’t even have the money to buy, because everything I like is two damn expensive, and the company is not making enough money, and I’m gonna go broke, and I’ll end up on the streets, with long lost Broadway and designer dreams and…” 

Wow, ok, Blaine maybe was needed after all. Kurt was quickly starting to go insane, so Blaine quickly crossed the 2 feet that separated them and without a warning, caught him in his arms. Kurt tried to get free at first, but there was no way Blaine would let him go in this state. He just kept rubbing his back, and eventually, Kurt’s rambling stopped. 

“Listen to me Kurt, you’re not gonna go broke or live in the streets or whatever else you’re clearly freaking about it. You’re way to talented for that and… Actually, you’re just insane right now.”

“I know, I am, am I not? “ admitted Kurt with a nervous laugh. Blaine took him by the shoulders and pushed him back so he could face him straight in the eyes.   
“Now listen to me. Go take a shower, moisturize, and dress yourself. I’ll call Leila, no, don’t protest, I have to talk to her anyway about Dianna. I’ll call her, and tell her about planning a meeting with all your staff for making amends about whatever you think you did wrong…”

“I was awful to them, Blaine, you don’t…” sighed Kurt.

“I don’t need to know” cut him Blaine. “I know you will fix it. And I know they will forgive you. Because you’re irresistible.” Blaine smiled. Kurt let out a nervous laugh. “ and because you could convince anyone to do anything, which is so not the point. The point is that you’re perfect, and anyone that can’t see that, and resist to your charms, and your big blues eyes and that smile…”

Kurt laughed frankly this time. “I’m not sure we are on the same topic anymore, Blaine.”   
Blaine seemed to come back from whatever he was lost in Kurt’s face, and blushed deeply. 

“You’re adorable.” Another quick kiss.” But you’re right though. I should just go get ready, and I’ll think about making amends later. I’ll take you up on your offer to call Leila too.” 

“Sure.” Blaine tried to recompose himself. “And maybe I can help with the mess in here. I could maybe pick up some boxes and…”

“Don’t. I’ll call some professionals to clean this mess. But if you could just be there when they arrive. You don’t have to stay the whole time, just…”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be there. I’ll even do some grocery shopping and some basic material stuff for the kitchen since, well, it’s all practically broken.”

“You don’t have to…”

“No arguments. You told me last night that it was my home too, right?” 

Kurt’s breath caught in his throat. Yes, it was Blaine’s home too now. It was their home. How imperfect it might be. 

“I also told you that we would buy a new place together, but Blaine honestly, I’m not sure if I can afford it right now” admitted Kurt.

“It’s ok, me neither” smiled Blaine. “Kurt ,we don’t need a new place right now.”

“we actually might after the stunt I put with the neighbor earlier. Or the janitor” Kurt’s ashamed little smile got Blaine laugh at loud and hug him quickly. When he released him from his embrace, Kurt still looked like a dear caught in light. So freaking adorable. 

“We’ll worry about those two earlier. But honestly, there were pretty rude themselves.” Kurt smiled, a little, eyes still down, and a light blush on his cheeks. 

“I’ll need to buy new furniture though.” Thought Kurt. 

“We will. Together. Not expensive though. Just until we know what to do. Like Ikea stuff.”  
Blaine had been expecting Kurt’s indignant scoff but it was still comical to see how his whole face changed into a horror mask and his lips pinched together. Blaine still tried to keep his own face serious, challenging him to disagree with him. After a few seconds of this silent confrontation, Kurt’s face changed into something that could only be compared to a kitty that had just been sprinkled with water. Or a kicked puppy. His pout was actually the most adorable Blaine had ever seen, and he couldn’t help but kiss him better.  
Kurt sighed into the kiss before pulling out way to quickly for Blaine’s liking and standing back.  
“you’re cruel with me.” Accused Kurt.

Blaine only laughed. “but you love it.”

“What I’d love is a good shower. And moisturizing on my skin. And clean clothes. And fuck, is that the time already?” Kurt finally noticed the clock that had somewhat magically remained on the kitchen floor, and in a what seemed really magical to Blaine, went from kicked puppy or kitty or whatever, to a ball of stressed energy in a record time.

“Fuck, fuck I’m so late! Shit! Shit!” And before Blaine’s brain could record the movement, Kurt has disappeared through his bedroom door, and a second later, Blaine could already hear the shower being turned on. Kurt sure didn’t lost anytime once he focused on something.   
Blaine felt bad for Kurt as soon as he noticed the clock too. 9:30. Yes, he was definitely late. Especially since he had cut all afternoon yesterday, and he had his show tonight. He needed all the possible time to catch up now, and focus.   
Blaine sighed and went to seat back on the couch, after pouring to himself a glass of juice. He should probably get started on his choirs too. He should call Leila first. And check on Dianna. He missed his little girl. He hoped she wasn’t too mad at him for abandoning her like that.   
Little did he knew. 

 

No more than half an hour later, Kurt came back out from the bedroom, fully dressed, showered, and moisturized. Sure, he had to cut short his routine, but he had emergency routines for days like that. But still, Blaine never though he could be ready in such a short notice. So when he heard the door of the bedroom open, he was fully expecting Kurt to show up in a bathrobe, going on about some other thing he had forgotten to freak out about earlier. Blaine, what had been said about expecting things from Kurt Hummel? He should really grasp that because if he had any idea what he was about to face, when he raised his head, he probably have mentally prepared himself. But as Kurt came in sight, his brain just shut down. All the blood suddenly migrated way, way southern at the sigh of Kurt in black skintight jeans, and red tight shirt. He was wearing on deep grey vest on top of it, and long black velvet coat. Drop dead gorgeous. 

“If the expression on your face is any indication, and honey please close your mouth, you’re gonna catch flies, I think I did dress pretty decently.”

And suddenly Blaine remembers how to talk. “Decently???” he asks, like it was the worst insult on the planet. And right now, to Blaine, it really is. “How do you even… how can…”

“Not decent ok. Sorry for offending you then.” Kurt smiles. He’s smug. He knows what he did to Blaine and he’s smug. The bastard. Fine, game on, thinks Blaine.

“You’re ok.” His tone is not casual enough and Kurt can see right through it. But Blaine is decided. He won’t fall for it. Like, he didn’t already! But if anything, Blaine is way too stubborn. “you’re late you should be going. I took care of Leila don’t worry. She’s bringing Dianna at work, so sorry for that again” Kurt just dismiss with a non committal wave so Blaine continues, “ she had fun apparently. Anyway not the point. She’s gonna inform everybody that you want to see them in the conference room as soon as you arrive. I even reassured her that you’re not planning on firing them all.”

Kurt sighed. “I really made a mess, didn’t I. Anyway, thank you Blaine, really.” Blaine just waved back in the same way Kurt had just did, which made the brunette smile. “And I called some people to take care of the mess. They should be here in less than an hour. If you could just show them everything.”

“Already took care of it? On top of looking…” Blaine said before he could stop himself. 

“I’m a man of many talents winked Kurt, before bending forward to grab his keys on the table, which put his perfectly shaped ass merely inches away from Blaine’s face. And just like that all of his lover’s restrain vanished through the window. Really, whom was he kidding. Surely not himself. And not even Kurt. Kurt who just squealed when Blaine grabbed him by the hips and pulled him on his lap, before ravishing his face with kisses, his hands still trapped between his laps and Kurt’s ass. The best place for them to be, at the moment, to be honest. 

“oh god, you look fucking stunning Kurt” whispered Blaine into the kiss. Kurt just giggled. “I’d eat you right now. You look so fucking good. You smell so fucking good.” 

“and you, sir” said Kurt standing up, smiling at Blaine’s vain attempts to keep him glued on his laps, “smell like sex, and sweat, and city pollution. You really need a shower. And shaving wouldn’t kill you either.” 

“why are you so mean to me?” pouted Blaine.

“Call it pack back for last night. Call it tough love. Whatever suits your … oh fuck, is it really the time? Shit, I gotta go!”   
And Blaine couldn’t help but smile as Kurt started running around again, and fuck he was so adorable, fixing his outfit in the same time after Blaine had pulled him on his laps. Blaine just looked at him, look for his bag, and his keys, and yes, he assured him that he would meet him for lunch when he was done with the guys that were supposed to come, and he shouldn’t worry, he should go really he was fine, and here, here’s your phone, and It’s ok he shouldn’t worry, he’d find something to eat, now go, wait, be careful, don’t trip on that, yeah, sure, he would kiss him, now go, yes, he would be fine, he knew how the shower worked, and where the towels were, would you please stop running around in circles and worrying, and go.   
It took way 5 wholes minutes before he finally decided that Blaine would be ok, and that he hadn’t forgotten anything, and yes, he had kissed Blaine goodbye more times than necessary really, and yes, he told him that he loved him, of course he did, and finally, finally, the door closed behind tornado of expensive designer clothes and shoes.   
Blaine collapsed on the couch, feeling like he had just run a marathon because that what Kurt in full energy mode does to you. He was exhausted, finally at calm for the first time since he woke up, but despite it all, he couldn’t help but grin stupidly. 

So, that’s what living with Kurt felt like? That’s what his morning would look like from now? Running after Kurt, or with Kurt, making sure either of them didn’t forget anything, but most importantly, making sure they didn’t forget each other. Teasing, and loving, and kissing. Making coffee, and plans, and decisions, and being late, and in a rush, basically all he did all those years, but this time with Kurt. He could live with that. He could live with that routine, that madness, this rush, every damn morning, every damn day, if it meant he could share it with Kurt. Because with Kurt, it felt like home. And he was pretty ok with that.


End file.
